Our Rules

by Jennifer Kacey

  With his heart in his throat, he picked up the note and sank onto the edge of the bed. Before he flipped it over he already knew what was going to be on it.

  A sad face drawn in the middle of the white piece of paper.

  To anyone else, it probably wouldn’t seem like much, but to Michael it was as if someone had pulled the pin on a grenade and tossed it to him.

  Years before, when they first got together, he’d realized what a dickhead her ex was. Manipulating her emotions and making her think they were bad. Sometimes, early on, with sensitive subjects, they’d texted about them instead of talking. It had been easier for her to process, so she didn’t panic. They’d texted a lot. And sometimes when he was at work or she was out with friends he’d give her a hard time if they were apart too long and he’d send her a sad face emoji.

  Just something cute to tell her he was sad without her.

  Months after he’d started doing it, she’d texted him from the other end of the couch. She’d told him how much it ripped her up inside when he sent her a sad face. She’d asked how he would feel if she sent one to him.

  He told her he didn’t know. He hadn’t realized she’d never sent one back.

  So she’d sent one.

  Talk about horrible. He’d put his phone down and gathered her onto his lap. She’d shaken in his arms as he’d held her tight.

  They’d agreed that night to never send a sad face unless things were really, really wrong.

  He stared down at the sad face she’d left for him and his stomach turned over. Another thought struck him and his heart skipped a beat. If he’d already collared her his collar would be sitting with the note. No question.

  The need to vomit or punch a wall built inside him.

  What am I going to do?

  “Home. She had to have gone home.” Since she couldn’t reach him through his dead cell phone, he was certain that’s where she would be.

  He grabbed the flowers, tossed the key card onto the nightstand and headed out.

  * * * *

  Less than ten minutes later he pushed open the door leading into the house from the garage. He glanced back at the spot she parked in.

  The empty spot.

  With his stomach tied in knots, he called for her. “Baby?” But he knew she wouldn’t be there to answer.

  He set the flowers on the counter. Next to another note.

  Went to clear my head. Don’t wait up.

  First reaction?

  To get pissed because he normally knew where she was any hour of every day.

  Second reaction, very quickly on the heels of the first? Scared shitless because she hadn’t run from him like that in years. From them. They worked things out. Always. No running. It was one of the biggest things he’d convinced her of when they got together. Especially when their BDSM relationship had developed. They could work anything out. Together.

  He’d joked about it being a rule for years. Maybe he should have made it a real rule.

  Wiping a hand down his face, he tried to think of where she’d go. Where he could follow her.

  Then he remembered his cell.

  He yanked it out of his pocket and moved to the counter where the charger was sitting. Plugging it in, he tried to power it on, but it was so dead it wouldn’t do anything. “Dammit.” Frustration bled from his pores and he wanted to hit something.

  Racing to the bedroom, he took the stairs two at a time. He snatched the cordless phone off the nightstand and dialed Tabitha’s cell phone.

  It rang.

  Again.

  And again.

  So she could see he was calling and was ignoring him.

  He blew out a weary breath as her voicemail picked up.

  “Hi! This is Tabitha. Leave me a message and I’ll call you back. Byyeeeeee.”

  Beep.

  “Shit, Tabby. You aren’t home. I know I fucked up.” He shook his head. “I know I hurt you. Disappointed you. I’m so fucking sorry. Please come home. And don’t run. We can work this out. Believe me. Please. Come home. I love you. So much.” He didn’t want to hang up. He pulled the phone away from his ear and just stared at it. It was almost as if it was his last connection to her. To sever it seemed…horrifying.

  Brushing his thumb over the off button, he finally pushed it, unwilling to believe he wouldn’t get a chance to make things right. He tossed the phone onto the bed behind him and put his head in his hands.

  Things were much more desperate than he’d thought. He’d been unwilling to see how badly he’d been letting her down lately. And he’d knowingly been not mentioning how her eyes had been looking like they had when they’d first gotten together.

  Guarded.

  Weary.

  “Where would you go, Tabby? Who would you— Robin!” He snatched up the phone and dialed their neighbors, uncaring how late it was. He stood up to pace while it rang. He was certain Tabitha had talked to her the other night but he hoped Robin would still talk to him. He prayed she knew something to help him find her.

  “Tabitha?” Robin answered the phone and Michael already had his answer.

  “No. It’s Michael.”

  “Damn. I was hoping she took my advice and went home.”

  “She was here at some point, but she left again. Was counting on you knowing where she went so I could go get her. You don’t know where she is, do you?”

  “No. But she told me she’s safe when she called about forty minutes ago.”

  “I fucked up so bad.”

  “Yes. You did.” Robin was never one to sugarcoat anything. “She didn’t give me specifics about what happened tonight, but I already knew things were off after you missed your meetversary dinner this week. So, right now? Whatever you did? Pretty much makes me want to come over there and kick you in the nuts. I won’t. But I really want to.”

  Another punch to the gut, knowing Tabitha had talked to Robin about him fucking up lately. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Talk about letting her down in epic proportions.

  “Just answer me one question,” she demanded.

  “Ready.” Because he had nothing to lose.

  “Are you fucking around on her?”

  “Dear God, no. No! I would never do that. Ever. I haven’t been interested in another woman since we got together. The thought of putting my dick in someone else makes me want to puke.” As if he needed something else to tie his stomach in knots. “Fuck, I hope Tabitha doesn’t think I’d do something like that.”

  “She doesn’t. She told me the other night when I was there because I brought it up to her, too. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t ask the hard questions?”

  He paced some more. “I would never betray her trust like that. Ever. She’s the other half of me and mine to protect, and everything I’ve been doing lately is for us. So we can have a better life. A brighter future.”

  “Thank fuck. And I believe you. If I didn’t, I’d already be down there to remove your balls.”

  “I’m gonna fix this, Robin.”

  “I know you will.” She sounded sincere, which was more than he deserved. “And do you want to know how I know this?”

  “How?” Because he honestly didn’t know what he was going to do yet. Other than lots of praying until she got home, and a huge amount of apologies and groveling when she did.

  “Because you love her. The real kind of love. The forever kind. And she loves you the same. She’s not going to throw that away, and you won’t let her go without a fight.”

  “She’s my everything. I have no clue how I got so off-track.”

  “But you know you’re off-track. That’s half the battle. Did she text you anything about where she was going? She wouldn’t tell me on the phone.”

  “It wasn’t on the note on the counter. Don’t know yet on my phone, but I hope so. My phone completely died and wouldn’t come back on. It’s charging downstairs. Hopefully when I go back down it’ll power on. If she calls will you…” He ran out of steam before he could fin
ish because he had so much to tell Tabitha and didn’t know where to start. And he wanted to tell her in person. Not through someone else.

  “If she calls, I’ll let you know. If she wants company, I’ll get to her. I don’t think either of us really wants her alone at the moment.”

  “Thanks, Robin. A lot. I honestly wasn’t certain if you’d talk to me or not.”

  “None of us are perfect. Most of us aren’t even close. You and Tabitha belong together. You just do. It’s how I feel about Roland. If there was more love in the world it would be a better place.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.”

  “I’m gonna climb off my soapbox now. Let me know if she gets home and I’ll do what I can on my end, too.”

  “Thanks. A lot.”

  “Welcome.”

  Michael pushed the end button and headed downstairs to see if he could get his phone to work. He’d thought about doing it while he spoke to Robin but he was honestly worried of what he’d find. Something awful, or nothing at all.

  Which is worse?

  He didn’t know.

  Holding the power button, he didn’t have to wait long. It took his phone less than two seconds to blink on.

  Everything started initializing quickly.

  Several missed call notifications popped up. One from Wes and two from Tabitha. Something else he’d failed her at. He looked down at the other charger she’d bought for him to take to work. He just hadn’t done it yet. Later, he’d thought several times.

  Just doing it could have saved him hours of worry now. Too busy? He’d truly not taken it because of the piss poor excuse of being too busy? He shook his head.

  Text notifications lit up his screen. Scrolling through, there were several from clients, a couple from Wes and two from Tabitha.

  He had to lean against the counter because they knocked the wind out of him.

  The oldest? A sad face.

  But not an emoji. Not a silly yellow face with a frown.

  No.

  It was a selfie of Tabitha, tear tracks down her cheeks.

  He couldn’t think of another time she’d sent him a picture like that. And he vowed never to give her a reason to send another one.

  The second text?

  He stared at the clock.

  Twelve minutes ago. Probably sent when he was on with Robin.

  Got your message. Love you, too. Just don’t know how to feel about the rest of it right now. I’m overwhelmed. Turning off my phone. Need some space to sort some things out. I’ll let you know where I end up if I don’t come home tonight.

  That was it, and he was thankful for what she’d sent, though it made him want to dig a deep, deep hole for himself to contemplate things in.

  He quickly sent her a reply.

  Be safe. Please. That’s all I ask. I’ll be here when you’re ready to come home.

  I love you more than anything.

  He glanced at her note again.

  Yes, he would definitely be waiting up. It didn’t matter when she got in. He wouldn’t sleep until he knew she was safe. Safe in his arms. Exactly where she belonged.

  He unplugged the cable and took that upstairs with him so the phone could charge while he took a shower. And if he couldn’t calm down afterward he’d grab his keys and go look for her. She’d asked for space and he wanted to give her that, but he’d already failed her once. What if something happened to her while he wasn’t there to protect her?

  He shook his head and choked the cord in his grasp.

  What kind of husband would he be if he let that happen?

  What kind of Dom to the most precious thing in his world?

  His fault. This was his fault and he had to fix it.

  Hours spanned before him to contemplate everything he stood to lose if Tabitha left for good. He sent up another prayer to keep her safe.

  The rest of his life would start when she walked back through their door, and he had some things to put into perspective so he could be the husband she needed him to be again.

  The Dom she deserved.

  There was a saying he’d heard countless times before. You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, but he knew exactly what he had.

  Perfection.

  And he wasn’t giving up on them without a fight.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tabitha

  Tabitha stared at her phone as it powered off and the dark room she sat in closed all around her.

  A part of her felt as if she’d amputated something vital keeping her alive.

  A fundamental piece.

  A section of her heart, maybe.

  Something she needed to survive, but it hurt too bad to keep on life support.

  Never. Not once in their marriage had she consciously turned her phone off to keep from talking to Michael.

  Not once.

  She’d run before. Years ago. But she’d always kept the lines of communication open and she’d always told him where she was going. That probably didn’t constitute running away, but it was enough to give her a little while to find her balance again.

  He’d always been a lifeline to her. Her safety net.

  But now?

  She tucked her phone into her purse and set it on the receptionist’s desk in front of her.

  Graves Design and Construction.

  That was where she’d run to.

  Ironic, she thought.

  Tabitha figured it was the last place he would think to look even though he had cameras covering all angles of the building inside and out. She didn’t want to be out in the open.

  Exposed.

  Vulnerable.

  With no one to watch her back.

  Reaching up, she then gripped the back of her neck, trying to relieve the headache that had settled in hours before. Attempting to alleviate the pain seemed to be a thankless job.

  In the dark, she closed her eyes and tried to block out…everything.

  The hurt of not being important enough anymore.

  The fear of what she would have to talk about when she finally went home.

  The shame of knowing she could have avoided what had happened tonight if she’d been stronger and talked to Michael before her date.

  Rubbing her temples didn’t help. The shame crept in anyway.

  The thought of taking some ibuprofen and having some tea crossed her mind but actually walking all the way back to the kitchen seemed insurmountable.

  She had no idea how long she sat there. No clue what she really thought about. Just an endless loop of ‘what-if’s and ‘what went wrong’s.

  She kept trying to tell herself what happened wasn’t that big a deal.

  But it was.

  It just…was.

  Sitting at the desk facing the front door, she watched Robin walk up to the tinted glass wall in front of her. Her best friend cupped her hands around her eyes and leaned close to the glass. Robin cocked her head to the side. Then the other side. Searching for Tabitha.

  Tabitha sat there and closed her eyes, not hiding, but not revealing herself, either. Maybe she’d go away. Maybe she wouldn’t. Tabitha wasn’t certain which one she wanted.

  “I know you’re in there, even though I can’t see you. I saw your car.” Robin paused for a second. “You might as well let me in. You have to know I’m not leaving you here alone.”

  Hiding behind the desk indefinitely crossed her mind, but the possibility of Robin walking away, leaving her alone again, scared her more.

  She got up and trudged to the door.

  Robin backed up when she saw her, waited for her to unlock the glass door, then pulled it open.

  Locking it again fell to Robin this time. Then she pulled Tabitha into a big hug.

  Tabitha held on with her head on Robin’s shoulder and waited for the tears to come.

  Nothing.

  Nothing came.

  She’d apparently done a very thorough job of shoving her emotions down good and deep after she’d lost it in front of Wes.
r />   Broke down in front of the man who’d just fucked the shit out of her.

  Tabitha shook her head and pulled away.

  “What?” Robin asked her.

  “I cried tonight.”

  “I would think so.”

  “No.” Tabitha wiped a hand down her face and rubbed her eyes. “I cried in front of Wes. God, it was so embarrassing.”

  “Girls cry. Guys know this. He’ll survive.” Robin grabbed her hand and led her back through the offices to the kitchen, turning a few small lights on as they went. Thankfully, she’d been there at the grand opening and several other times so she knew her way around.

  Tabitha wasn’t focusing very well and wasn’t going to be much help.

  A plastic bag Tabitha hadn’t noticed when she came in hung on Robin’s arm. Robin set it on the counter and opened it up.

  “What do you have?” Tabitha asked as she took a seat at the small table against the far wall.

  “Reinforcements.”

  “What kind?”

  “The chocolate kind and the funny movie kind.”

  “You really are a great best friend, you know that?”

  “I know.” She winked at her and set out to make tea. Tea she’d brought with her. Tabitha’s favorite peppermint tea. Even her favorite brand.

  At that, Tabitha teared up.

  She piled her hands on the table and put her forehead on top. Partially to hide, partially because the top of her head was going to explode at any time.

  A few minutes later, Robin rubbed her back, and a mug tinked against the table as she set it down. “Here. Take this.”

  Tabitha lifted her head and wiped a couple of tears from her cheeks.

  A box of Kleenex sat in the middle of the table and Robin handed her ibuprofen and a small glass of water.

  “How’d you know?”

  “We both get headaches when we’re up too late. Figured yours would be doubly awful with being upset.”

  “You’re so awesome.” Tabitha took the meds and washed them down.

  “Now drink some tea and let me get some water before we chat.”