A Christmas Promise

by Thomas Kinkade

  “Yes, I will,” she promised. “But let’s not tell anyone right away, okay?”

  He tipped his head to look at her. “Are you worried something might go wrong?”

  She nodded. “I guess so. I mean, I felt so excited the first time. I didn’t even think anything bad could happen, and then when it did . . . I guess I’d rather wait a week or two until we tell everyone. Let me see what the doctor says.”

  “Sure, honey. I understand. It will just be our secret for a while.” He hugged her close and stroked her hair. “I think everything is going to be fine this time. I just have a good feeling.”

  “I do, too.” Jessica forced her voice to sound more positive than she really felt. She had her worries, but anyone who had been through a miscarriage would. Her doctor had already told her that the chances for a second pregnancy to work out were very good. She had gotten pregnant, that was the main thing.

  “I’m going to try not to worry. I’m just incredibly thankful,” she confessed.

  “I know what you mean. Now we have something to really celebrate.” He kissed her brow and held her close again. “Why don’t we decorate our tree tomorrow after church? We can put it up in the afternoon.”

  “Sure, that would be fun, but I thought you had to go into the shop tomorrow.”

  “Oh, that can wait. I’d much rather spend the day with you.”

  Jessica didn’t reply. She knew she didn’t have to. She held Sam close and felt her eyes drifting closed. She had felt so sleepy the last week or two, she probably wouldn’t have even made it through the movie.

  She was glad that Sam wanted to decorate their Christmas tree tomorrow. They had bought it that morning, but when they got it home, Sam said he wasn’t in the mood to set it up, which wasn’t like him. Sam was usually completely into Christmas, especially trimming the tree and decorating the house. This year, though, he didn’t seem nearly as interested.

  It had only been a week since Darrell had left town and Jessica knew Sam was still thinking about him, feeling the loss keenly. He hadn’t been back to the New Horizons Center all week, but that was to be expected, too, she thought. She was sure Luke would understand if Sam took a break from his volunteer work.

  Maybe now that she was pregnant, it would be easier for Sam to get past missing Darrell. If anything could put the situation into perspective, expecting their own baby had to be it, right?

  She certainly hoped so.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “THIS ONE SAYS ‘EGGNOG SET. MUSIC BOX. ELVIS SANTA.’ ” JAMES stood in the doorway to the living room, holding a cardboard box he had carried down from the attic.

  Vera walked over and peered at the label. “Those are just extras. I’ll open it later.”

  “I think it’s the last of it, then. I’ll just run up and take one more look around.” He smiled briefly at Leigh, then headed back up to the attic.

  James must have made about a hundred trips so far up from the living room to the attic. He didn’t seemed tired, though. Just the opposite, Leigh thought. His eyes were bright and his cheeks ruddy, as if he’d been outdoors, walking on the beach. He didn’t talk about his illness much, but she could see how pale and worn he looked some days. He must be getting better, she thought. Either that, or he really liked Christmas.

  “Well, let’s get started. I’ll get the lights going.” Vera stood on a stool, draping a string of lights on the branches.

  Leigh noticed her tip precariously and jumped up to help her. “Here, let me get the other end. Where do you want it?”

  “Any place that looks empty.” Huffing a bit, Vera stepped down and regarded her handiwork. “It’s a good tree, has a nice full shape. I hate a tree that’s too round or too skinny. This one is just right.”

  “Yes, it’s very pretty.” Leigh nodded and sat on the couch again, watching Vera kneel among the boxes, carefully unwrapping the ornaments.

  “Oh, here’s a beauty, my hummingbird. See, it’s even got little feathers for the wings. My granddaughter Meg gave me that one. She knows I have those feeders by the kitchen window so I can watch the birds while I’m washing the dishes.”

  Leigh smiled at the story but didn’t answer. She really wasn’t in the mood to decorate anyone’s tree but had been swept into the project by the others. She was just waiting for the right moment to make an excuse and slip off upstairs.

  Christmas didn’t mean much to her anymore. Even in this picturesque little town, where the streets and shop windows were so beautifully decorated, Leigh couldn’t muster any enthusiasm for the holiday. She didn’t have anyone to get gifts for this year. Maybe she would pick up something small for James and Vera, but she still felt so distant from it all.

  Why did people say the holidays brought out the best in everyone? It seemed to Leigh they often brought out the worst: fighting for parking spaces, snapping at sales clerks, being brainwashed by TV advertisements.

  It was the season when tensions in her disastrous marriage had always reached a pitch. That’s what she remembered most now about Christmas. How her husband would fly into his rages then try to bribe his way back into her good graces with expensive presents. Last year it had been a fur coat and diamond earrings—things she had never asked for, never really wanted. That’s what all the lights and decorations and songs on the radio reminded her of. She wished it wasn’t so but she couldn’t change it.

  Was she the only one who saw it all with such jaded eyes? Christmas was a vast marketing conspiracy, designed to get the public to spend, spend, spend. As if you could buy that fantasy feeling of warmth and belonging, of perfect family harmony and goodwill to all. Those were the golden virtues of Christmas she had learned as a child. She knew now that was all a fairy tale, as enticing to believe in as Santa Claus—and just as unreal.

  “I’m feeling a little tired. I thought I’d rest upstairs awhile.” Leigh started to leave but met James coming into the room with another box.

  “Why don’t you rest right here?” he asked. “Just sit and watch. I’m not very good at this. You can warn me if I’m hanging all the ornaments on one side.”

  “You can probably manage without me—” she began.

  “Oh, Leigh, don’t go up yet,” Vera chimed in. “You’re so good at decorating things. Just give us a little help here and there.”

  There was something in James’s eyes that made her not want to disappoint him. Besides, she couldn’t imagine Vera giving up.

  “Okay, I’ll stay for a little while.” She shrugged and sat back on the couch again. “Can I hand you the ornaments or something?”

  “That’s a good idea. We’ll make an assembly line.” Vera got up on the stool again. “Where should we start?”

  Leigh noticed an interesting-looking box and pushed the tissue paper aside. “How about these angels? They’d look good near the top.”

  “Yes, perfect. See, I knew you’d have good ideas.” James smiled at her. She could tell he was pleased that she had stayed to help.

  “I’ll get to work on the fire.” He stood at the hearth and rolled up the sleeves of his denim shirt. She watched him toss the logs into the hearth and add bits of kindling. Despite his slim build, his shoulders and arms were quite muscular, she noticed. He had mentioned that a lot of the work at the mission was hard, physical labor, which probably accounted for his build—and his taste in clothes.

  He didn’t dress like a minister or look like one—or even behave the way she thought ministers behaved, Leigh mused as she fastened hooks to Christmas balls. Sometimes she totally forgot what James did for a living, but his actions and words so often reflected his kindness and rich spirit, she never forgot for very long.

  They worked on the tree together for a while, with Vera and James hanging ornaments and Leigh directing. When Vera went into the kitchen to make popcorn, Leigh and James finished up; all the ornaments were on the tree except the treetop angel.

  James put the box with the angel aside. “I’ll save this for Vera. She might have so
me special feeling about it.”

  Vera walked in the room with a tray. “That’s all right. Let Leigh do the angel. She didn’t get to do any of the ornaments.”

  “She’ll have to get up on the stool. I don’t know.” James cast Leigh a worried look.

  Leigh got up from the couch and smoothed out her dress. For some reason she did want to place the angel on the treetop. She wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe because it was always her job when she was growing up. Even if their tree was tall, her mother would somehow manage to lift her up high enough.

  “I can do it. I’ll be all right.”

  James looked surprised at her eager reply. “Okay. Let me help you though. I’ll put the stool here.” He moved the small wooden steps closer to the tree. “Hold on to my shoulder for balance, okay?”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be very careful.” Leigh climbed up the steps, holding the angel in one hand and holding on to James’s solid shoulder with the other. The tree wasn’t too tall and she easily reached over and slipped the cloth and papier-mâché angel over the top.

  “There, how does that look? Is it straight?”

  “Just right. That angel looks just like you, Leigh, with her brown curly hair and all. Don’t you think, James?”

  “Yes, definitely.” James grinned up at her, and Leigh couldn’t quite tell if he was teasing or not.

  The phone was ringing and Vera ran off to answer it. “That’s my sister Bea,” she called over her shoulder. “This could take a while. . . .”

  Leigh was relieved to see Vera go. Some angel. If they only knew the truth about her. The compliment made her embarrassed and distracted. She couldn’t even look at James as she started down the steps.

  “Oops . . . oh, my . . .” Leigh felt herself tilt off balance, but James caught her in a strong embrace. She turned to find she had her arm around his shoulder and his face was very close to hers.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice came out in a whisper.

  “That’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.”

  His tone was hushed and husky. She knew she ought to let go of him, but she didn’t pull away. He held her gaze for a long moment, then leaned his head closer and kissed her, a deep kiss that was warm and soulful.

  Finally, he pulled his head back. He looked dazed and surprised. Leigh was sure her expression was identical. Her heart was racing and the room seemed to spin.

  They stared at each other in shock for a moment and then both quickly looked away.

  “Um . . . let me help you down. Would you like some of this hot chocolate? I think Vera has some tea here, too.”

  He sounded nervous and self-conscious and didn’t look at her as he took a mug of tea. She sat on the couch, wordlessly.

  She felt self-conscious, too. But she didn’t feel sorry he had kissed her. She hadn’t even realized it until now, but for a long time she had been wanting him to do just that.

  James sat down near her and looked up at the tree.

  “It’s been awhile since I decorated a real Christmas tree,” he said after a moment. “I guess the smell of the pine is what I like best . . . and I like sitting down and admiring it afterward.”

  Leigh had to smile. She started to relax again. “I like that part, too. What did you do at the mission? Did you decorate at all?”

  “We had an artificial tree. And we would hang decorations on a palm tree or a big bush. It’s not that I don’t enjoy Christmas there, but it’s different. This is more the kind of Christmas I grew up with.”

  His tone was wistful, she noticed with surprise. It was the first time he had ever said anything even vaguely negative about living at the mission.

  She picked up a mug of hot chocolate and sat back again. “I’m not really in the mood for the holidays this year. It just seems like an ordeal.”

  She stopped herself. She hadn’t meant to be that honest. But then James still believed she had recently lost her husband. He would assume she was talking about that.

  The sympathy in his eyes confirmed her guess. He nodded, his expression more serious. “The holidays create a lot of pressure for people. There are such high expectations to feel happy. And if you don’t, you sit around wondering, What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I feel like everyone else?”

  That was exactly the way she felt. He understood perfectly.

  “But just think of it, Leigh. This year you’re going to get an amazing gift. It’s going to change your feelings about the holidays forever. Now you can look forward to celebrating Christmas with your little girl and making happy memories for her.”

  Leigh knew what he said was true. She couldn’t dwell on the past. She had to look to the future and try to picture a good life for herself and her baby. Things seemed bleak right now, but she could get through it. She had to.

  “I guess holidays are hard for anyone who’s alone,” she allowed. “Once I have the baby, though, I won’t feel that way anymore.”

  “You’re not alone, Leigh,” James said. “There are so many people here who care about you. I know you’ve only been in Cape Light a short time and you still feel like a stranger. But believe me, you’ve won a lot of friends.”

  I am a stranger, she wanted to say. You don’t even know my real name. She met his gaze and quickly looked away.

  “Okay,” he said, “you want a list?”

  “A list?”

  “Well, there’s me and Vera, obviously. But also Matt Harding and Nancy Malloy, Molly Willoughby and her girls, and Ben and Carolyn Lewis and Rachel Anderson. Not to mention Sophie Potter and all the ladies at church who think you’re a genius with a sewing machine,” he teased. “I could probably name more. Do you want me to?”

  “You don’t have to. . . . I see what you mean.” She shook her head shyly and turned to watch the fire. She felt James’s arm around her shoulder, urging her closer, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

  They sat there quietly for a long time. Then Leigh said, “You’re number one.”

  “Number one?”

  “Number one on my list.” Leigh lifted her head slightly to look at him. “Of friends. I know I keep repeating myself, but you keep on helping me. I need to thank you for that.”

  “I already told you, I help you because I want to, because you’re important to me—” He stopped midsentence. She waited to hear what he would say next, unconsciously holding her breath. “I care about you, Leigh. I care very much.”

  “I care about you, too.” Her words were so soft, she wondered if he even heard them. But then she felt his cheek against her hair and she knew he had.

  Leigh found herself blinking back tears. It’s being pregnant that’s making me so emotional, she reminded herself. I normally don’t cry, no matter what.

  She hid her face from James, her head tucked under his chin. His softly spoken admission had made her feel so happy, so . . . secure. He hadn’t said much but it was enough, more than she deserved. She really couldn’t handle anything more than that. She had been here over a month now. Every instinct told her that soon she would have to leave or risk being found by one of Martin’s detectives. She wanted to stay at least until the baby was born, but she doubted she had that long.

  She would miss James so much. In such a short time, he had become so important to her. She had done the thing she had promised herself she wouldn’t do. She had made connections here, and it would hurt so much when she had to go.

  Could she tell James the truth about her past? Could she trust him with her secret? Part of her wished she could tell him everything right now. More than once she had imagined confiding in him and James understanding, believing her, and seeing at once that she’d never meant any harm. Sometimes, though, she pictured him angry and hurt. He would turn away, hating her.

  It was such a huge risk—not only the risk that he might not keep her secret, but the risk of losing his respect and affection, their special connection, which now seemed even more precious to her.

  She heard Vera’s footsteps approaching
from the hallway and realized James must have heard, too. Without exchanging a word, they drew apart. Like two teenagers, Leigh thought, feeling herself blush.

  “Here’s the popcorn,” Vera announced. “Sorry I took so long. Ever since Bea got that low-rate long distance, I can’t get her off the phone.”

  Vera put a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and began gathering the empty boxes. She hadn’t noticed anything between them, Leigh realized.

  James rose and went over to the hearth to tend the fire. The logs crackled and popped, and Leigh watched a shower of sparks fly up the chimney.

  Just the way she felt inside, Leigh thought. Her happiness, just as temporal and elusive.

  THEY HAD BEEN INVITED TO A CHRISTMAS PARTY AT THE NEW HORIZONS Center. It was Tuesday night, a little more than a week before Christmas. Jessica probably wouldn’t have been invited at all if not for Sam’s work there, but here she was, she thought, driving down the Beach Road on a cold, dark night, on her way to the party all alone.

  She had come home early from work and packed up the food she made the night before, a baked ham, potato salad, and a tray of chocolate chip cookies. It looked like a lot, but she was sure it wouldn’t go very far in that crowd. She remembered Darrell’s enormous boy-sized appetite the times they had taken him out, and a certain wistful sadness washed through her. The feeling no longer took her by surprise; she felt it often lately, and she knew now that Sam wasn’t the only one with unresolved feelings about the boy. It just seemed her own feelings had shown up a little too late.

  While she was packing the food, Sam had come home, saying he felt sick, probably a cold coming on. He’d been working outside all day and felt chilled and achy and already had the sniffles. But Sam usually carried on no matter what, even when he should have been in bed. Jessica hadn’t argued when he said he wanted to stay home. Everything connected with the subject of New Horizons and Darrell Lester still seemed a sensitive topic between them.

  He had helped her carry the food to the car and she’d promised to come back early. It seemed ironic to her now, as she turned up the drive to the center, that she would turn out to be the one going and Sam would stay in. But things worked out strangely sometimes, didn’t they?