BENT AT THE ALTAR

by Claire St. Rose

  Three weeks after being let go, and feeling as low as he ever had in his life, he received a phone call from the Chrome Kings. They wanted to talk to him about a prospect patch. He was thrilled at the opportunity, but also torn. It was one thing to move to Charleston when he had nothing, but now he had Stella. He wavered, then decided to go. If they offered the prospect patch, they could try to figure out what to do.

  He sent Stella a text telling her he was going to Charleston for an interview and he would see her the next day. He’d ridden to Charleston and after the interview, they’d offered the patch and he accepted on the spot. If he made it through the one-year probation he’d be a member of the brotherhood.

  He snaked the bike through the bends, his stomach churning as he recalled the grievous error he’d made. He had a text from Stella waiting after the interview. The store manager was going to give her a shot at taking over the bakery. The woman who was working there was leaving to assist her aging parents. He wanted her to work with the woman for the next two weeks, and if the woman who was leaving said she could handle it, the job was hers, along with a healthy increase in salary.

  He could sense the excitement in her words and he could feel the creeping despair closing around him again. Stella was on her way. She was going places and he wasn’t. She wanted to open her own bakery someday, and she deserved better than he could give her. He sat for a long time, staring at the floor, before he stepped outside and made the call.

  She’d gotten over him, just as he wanted, just as he hoped. So why was he still worrying about her? He knew the answer, though he hated to admit it to himself. It was because he’d never gotten over her.

  Riding always helped him clarify things and as he made the large circle back to Greenfield, Royal realized why he couldn’t let it go. Though he tried to deny it, even to himself, and had tried to burn out that part of himself with bimbos and booze, he hadn’t been able to do so. He still cared for her and he needed to know she was all right. He knew he was being selfish, wanting to hear the words to assuage his guilt, but he needed to hear it. Once he knew that, he thought he could finally let her go and find some peace.

  CHAPTER SEVEN Royal was hot and sweaty from his ride, so he returned to his apartment and cleaned up. As he stood in the shower, the warm water pouring over his head, he tried to decide how to proceed. He could do what he’d done in Charleston and fuck any and every woman he could talk into opening her legs while drowning himself in booze. He shook his head, knowing he couldn’t go back to that. He’d finally gotten his shit together and he was no longer the lost kid looking for something, anything, to validate him. He’d found pride, something he didn’t have then. He knew chasing pussy and being hungover all the time wouldn’t solve anything.

  The only way forward was to clear the air between them. He needed to speak his peace to get the poison out of his system, to say the words he should have said four years ago. Then he could move forward with his life as she had moved forward with hers. He hadn’t realized until he saw her again he was still haunted by how he left her. He’d been unable to let go of the guilt, to find someone new he could love. Every sexual encounter since her had been just like the one Friday night with Circe. Empty fucking. He was tired of that life. He wanted to find an old lady, someone he could care about and someone to care about him, but he couldn’t until he let go of the guilt.

  It didn’t matter to him if she forgave him or not as much as it did that she simply knew why he’d done it, and he found out she was happy and okay. The corner of his lips quirked up. He didn’t know why this had become such an obsession for him. Until now he didn’t give much of a shit what a woman thought about him so long as she let him fuck her. Maybe that’s the difference between someone you were using and someone you love. Or loved once.

  He banged the shower off. He had his plan. He would grind her down. All he wanted was to talk, and eventually she would have to talk to him, if only just to get him to go away. The easiest way was to eat dinner at the diner every night. He had to eat anyway; it might as well be there.

  ***

  “One?” the hostess at Carolina Diner asked as Gabriel stepped into the diner.

  “Yes. Stella’s section, please.”

  The hostess consulted a table map. “Right this way.”

  He followed her into a small side room and placed his menu on the table. “Stella will be right with you.”

  He picked up the menu and was looking at it when Stella arrived. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”

  He smiled at her. “I have to eat somewhere. Might as well be here. The food’s good and so is the service.”

  “That’s the only reason you’re here?”

  “You know it’s not.”

  “Why’s it so important to you that we talk?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Sure.”

  “Because seeing you made me feel guilty about how we ended.”

  “You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t worry much about your guilt.”

  “Didn’t think you would. But you asked for an honest answer, and I gave it to you. That’s all I want: to be honest with you one last time.”

  She looked at him a moment. He had certainly changed in the four years he’d been gone. Not only had gotten better looking, but he’d come into his own as a man. He had a confidence about him he never had before and, goddamnit all, he was hotter than shit because of it. “What can I get you to drink?”

  He smiled. “Sweet tea, no lemon.”

  “You ready to order or do you need a minute?”

  “Give me a minute, please.”

  She moved off and he returned his attention to the menu. When she returned with his drink, the menu was lying on the table.

  “What can I get you?”

  “Country fried steak with mashed potatoes, pinto beans and mac and cheese.”

  “Cornbread or roll?”

  “Cornbread, you know that.”

  She smiled because she did know, just like she knew about the sweet tea with no lemon, but she said nothing. “It’ll be right out.”

  “He’s back again?” Tara asked as she stepped behind the counter.

  “Yeah. He simply won’t let it drop. He said he wanted to be honest with me one last time.”

  Tara smirked. “I’d let him be honest with me. I’d let him fuck me until I honestly couldn’t walk.”

  Stella snickered and stuck the ticket on the kitchen wheel. “Why don’t you go talk to him, then?”

  “Why don’t you? Maybe he still has the hots for you.”

  “Because I don’t want to go there again. I’m so over him.”

  “Uh-huh,” Tara grunted. “Look, far be it for the divorcée to tell you how to handle your relationships, but the reason I’m divorced is we never talked. We let resentments build up between us until they exploded. If we’d been honest with each other instead of playing stupid games, Hick and I might still be married. If he wants to talk to you, I think you should let him. What’s the worst that will happen? He’ll piss you off again? But maybe you can find some actual closure over this and you can get on with your life.”

  “I’ve gotten on with my life!”

  Tara nodded knowingly. “In the year you’ve been working here, you’ve never gone on a date that I know of.”

  “Tony and I date!”

  “Oh really? When was the last time you two did anything other than fuck?”

  The question annoyed her for reasons she couldn’t explain. “I don’t have time! I work two jobs and have a little girl, you know.”

  “I work two jobs, but I still have time to occasionally go out and do something fun that doesn’t involve getting the sheets all sweaty. If that’s all you want from life, go for it, but is seems to me you are missing out on a lot.”

  Stella sighed as she propped against the wall. “It’s hard, Tara. I never seem to have enough time. If I go out, I feel guilty for leaving Katrina with her grandmother. It’s not fair to Connie
or Katrina. Besides, it seems like all the nice one’s are already taken. Anyone who is interested in a twenty-six year old single mother seems to be interested in only one thing.”

  Tara nodded. “I know it’s tough, but it’ll get easier as Katrina grows up. But you can’t live like an old maid except when you can’t take it anymore. You’re beautiful, smart and too nice for your own good. I can’t believe nobody wants you. Tony is just using you.”

  “I think it’s the other way around. I think he wants more, but I can’t give it to him.”

  “Why not? Is it because he’s older?”

  “No, that’s not it. I just don’t feel anything for him. I want to, I’ve tried to, but I just don’t. It’s why we don’t date. I feel guilty enough as it is, using him like I do.”

  “Trust me, Stella, he doesn’t mind. But you can’t go on like this forever. You need to find someone who you can feel something for.”

  She was saved from having to answer by Gabriel’s meal being served up. Tara’s right, she thought as she carried Gabriel’s plate to his table. All Tony and I do is fuck. I haven’t cared about anyone since Gabriel. Could she be right? I don’t love, or hate, him anymore, but could it be that I’m still not over him? Maybe I should talk to him and find out what he wants. It won’t change anything, but maybe that’s what I need.

  She slid the plate in front of him then topped off his drink. “Anything else?”

  “An hour of your time to talk.”

  She rolled her eyes and moved away without responding.

  He smiled at his food, idly wondering if she spat in it, then dug in. He didn’t expect her to roll over and beg him to take her out, but she hadn’t said no this time, so maybe he was making progress.

  She stopped by twice more to fill his glass, dropping the ticket the second time, but he didn’t mention talking again. She knew and he wasn’t going to press her anymore tonight.

  His meal was about twelve dollars, so he left twenty-five as a tip. He knew it was ridiculous leaving a two hundred percent tip, but for some reason it felt like the right thing to do.

  “Nuh-uh. No way,” Stella said as she walked up and slapped the two bills into his hand. “You can’t bribe me.”

  He took the two bills, then handed the five back to her. “I’m not trying to bribe you.”

  She glared at him a moment then took the bill. “It sure feels like it to me.”

  “Fine,” he said as he pocketed the twenty. “Have it your way.”

  He accepted his change, then as Stella moved off, he handed the twenty to the cashier. “See she gets this after I’m out the door, okay?”

  The cashier took the bill and smiled. “I’ll give it to her.”

  “Thanks.” He glanced at Stella picking up the dishes and wiping down the table then stepped outside.

  She carried his plate and glass to the kitchen and dumped them into the wash basin. As she stepped out of the kitchen, Eve waved her over and handed her the twenty. “He said to give this to you after he left.”

  If she didn’t accept the tip it would end up in somebody else’s pocket, so she took it. “Thanks,” she said as she turned away. She wanted to be mad at Gabriel about leaving the money, but she couldn’t. The seventy-five dollars in tips helped pay off her car that much quicker.

  The diner was empty again, and Eve and Alicia would be leaving in about fifteen minutes, at ten, leaving just her, Tara, and one cook for the final two hours.

  “You okay?” Tara asked when it was just the two of them.

  “Yeah.”

  “You don’t look okay.”

  Stella grimaced at the older woman. “I don’t know what to make of him. He’s so different than he was.”

  “How so?”

  “I don’t know, exactly. More confident, for one. Less defensive, for another. It’s almost like he’s become comfortable with who he is. He was never like that before.”

  “Those are bad things?”

  “No, I’m not saying that,” Stella said with a shake of her head. “I don’t know what he wants, or why he wants to talk to me.”

  “So why don’t you find out?”

  “To what end? What can possibly change by my talking to him?”

  Tara shrugged. “Maybe nothing, but you won’t know until you talk to him, now will you?”

  Stella stared at the older woman a moment. “No, I suppose not. I just don’t want him to hurt me again.”

  “He can’t hurt you if you don’t care for him. Do you care for him?”

  “I don’t know! I thought I was past him, but, damnit, now I’m not so sure. Why couldn’t he have stayed in Charleston?” she snapped.

  “Fate?”

  Stella spluttered. “I don’t believe in that stuff.”

  Tara shrugged again. “Call it whatever you want. If you want him out of your life, my advice is to give him what he wants and talk to him. Listen to what he has to say. If it makes you feel better, great. If not, at least you can tell him you did what he wanted and now you want him to stay away from you. Either way, you win, right?”

  Stella nodded slowly. “I suppose that’s true. What have I got to lose, right?”

  Tara grinned. “That’s the spirit. Who knows, maybe all you two need is a good grudge fuck to finish cutting the ties.”

  She stared at her a moment then burst into giggles. “I can’t believe you just said that!”

  Tara grinned. “Just go see what happens.” Her grin grew wider and more mischievous. “Later, after you break his heart, let him know I’m available to make him feel better.”

  “You’re horrible!” Stella cried, but her smile took the sting out of her words.

  “I am, I really am,” she agreed in exaggerated sadness as she slowly nodded her head. “Horny, too.”

  Stella pushed her on the shoulder with a laugh then turned away. “I’m going to close off ‘A’ and ‘B.’”

  Tara twittered as she moved to the closet for the vacuum to help Stella get the two smaller rooms cleaned up and ready for tomorrow’s breakfast rush.

  CHAPTER EIGHT Stella quietly crept up the stairs to her apartment, Katrina’s breath soft and warm on her neck as she slept with her head on her shoulder. She was such a good little girl and she deserved better than this. She eased into her apartment, closing the door silently behind her.

  Feeling guilty about how she had been treating her, she bypassed Katrina’s room, taking her into her own bedroom. She carefully placed her on the bed then soundlessly changed into her sleep shirt before she slowly crawled into the bed and snuggled in with her, Katrina’s little body warming more than her chest. She wrapped her up in her arms and held her, smiling as Katrina scooted in a little closer.

  It’s not right, Katrina growing up like this. It seems like I never see her anymore, and she’s growing up so fast. All I do is work! I see her for three hours in the morning, and that’s it. I’m missing so much of her life! It’s not fair!

  Stella could feel the tears forming as her exhaustion and frustration began to overwhelm her. She pulled her daughter in a little tighter, trying to draw on her for strength. Two more months. All I need is two more months, then my car will be paid for and I can quit the diner and I’ll be able to see her in the evenings, too.

  Lying with Katrina in the darkness, the two months seemed like eternity. She’d been working at the diner for a year already, throwing every extra nickel she could scrape up at her car to pay it off as fast as possible so she could quit her extra job. The two remaining months should be easy, but she was so tired. Tired of the thirteen-hour days, tired of having only one day a week off. Tired of bringing Katrina home in the wee hours of the morning and tired of six hours of sleep.

  She coughed out a near silent sob as she was overwhelmed with despair. If it weren’t for Grammy, she didn’t know how she would make it. She’d been the one rock like constant in her life, the person she could always depend on.

  She’d lost her paternal grandfather when she was fifteen wh
en he died of a massive heart attack. He’d stayed home from work one day, not feeling well, and when Grammy had returned from shopping, she’d found him dead.

  Three years later, she’d lost her father. He was performing a routine traffic stop one night when a drunk sideswiped his cruiser and the car he’d stopped, killing him instantly. The incident, captured on the cruiser’s dash camera, had played on the evening news.

  Her mother’s family still lived in their native Costa Rica, and Consuela Hayes had been unable to cope. Always a devout Catholic, she had retreated into her religion, seeking to understand how her husband, a good and honorable man, had been so senselessly taken from her. Stella had reacted the opposite, slowly withdrawing from the church, unable to reconcile the church’s teachings with the death of her father. Stella and Consuela’s relationship became increasingly strained and she began spending more and more time with Connie, her Grammy, as the three women struggled with their grief.