by Megg Jensen
Her arms hung slack at her sides. “We can’t. We’ve tried. But the closer we get to the edge of the clearing, our heads hurt. It’s like a hammering that won’t stop. One woman nearly died, but we pulled her back to the center. She fell into a coma and the messenger came and took her away. We never saw her again.”
I was incredulous. I knew their reasons for keeping these people here. It all made a lot of sense. But in some ways, it was worse than a dungeon because they had no idea what they’d done wrong. Being punished for something you couldn’t remember seemed beyond cruel.
If Eloh wanted me to seek out my mother, the person whose mind is clear, then maybe she didn’t agree with what had been done here. If Johna told the truth, and Reychel was the only one who communed with Eloh, then maybe Reychel knew more than she was willing to let on. Maybe she was taking her anger at her own situation out on these people.
I glanced to the edge of the clearing. Chase’s cape billowed in the breeze as he searched for any clues that would help us understand this place better. My mother’s eyes followed mine, but there wasn’t even a spark of recognition when they passed over Chase. She couldn’t see him and she probably thought I was only looking out toward the edge she’d just told me about.
“Who are you?” she asked. Her eyes bored into mine.
I said the first thing that came to my mind.
“I’m your daughter.”
Chapter Sixteen
My mother reached out, placing her hand on my shoulder. She pulled me into her embrace, giving me a hug. In the small time I’d known her, she hadn’t shown me one bit of affection, not even when she was still pretending she cared about me. Up until the moment she kidnapped me, I believed she held herself at a distance for the same reason I did – it was too soon.
The woman before me couldn’t wait to embrace her daughter, even though she didn’t know me. Against my better judgment, my heart swelled. So few people had ever cared about me. I’d always wondered what it would have been like to have a mother who loved me instead of an adoptive mother who wanted me to disappear.
“Will you come inside with me? We can talk more. I’d really like that.” She smiled. It seemed uncharacteristic, given everything I knew about her. Maybe severing did change her root personality. Or maybe she’d turned to evil because of a bad upbringing. With her memories gone, I’d never know. I could only judge what I saw in front of me now.
I glanced toward Chase. He had stopped walking the perimeter and was now staring at me. With my mother’s arm around my shoulder, I motioned with my head toward the cottage. It was subtle, but enough so Chase understood. He raised a hand in the air, palm facing me. I nodded slightly as I looked back at my mother.
He knew where I was going. He could help me if I needed it. But looking in her eyes, so wide and innocent, I couldn’t believe for one moment that she meant me any harm. It wasn’t like before when I’d been suspicious of her from the start.
She seemed different now. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was, but I knew she wasn’t the same woman.
My mother removed her arm, guiding me with her hand on my back to the door of the cottage she’d emerged from. “Let’s sit down in here. We can talk.”
I walked in first. I would have been disappointed if I’d expected much. Two tiny beds, a crib, and a table and chairs were the only major pieces of furniture. A short three-shelf bookcase stood in the corner, a few books scattered across the shelves. A small jug and pitcher sat on the table, next to a stack of two plates.
Mags, who now went by Anne, sat on one of the beds, Trevin on her lap. Charles. I was never going to get used to these new names. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But if the severing had been successful, none of them would know their old names. I had to keep up the ruse, no matter how much I was beginning to detest it.
“Please, sit.” My mother pointed to one of the chairs at the table. I sat, scooting the chair over so I could see both my mother and Mags. “You remember, Anne, yes?”
I nodded. “Yes, and her son, Charles.” It felt so strange to call them names that didn’t belong to them.
Mags nodded and Trevin cooed, holding his arms out to me.
“Do you mind if I hold him?” I asked.
Mags nodded. “Of course. It’s fine. He seems to have taken a liking to you.”
I reached out, scooping up Trevin under his armpits, and snuggling him close to my chest. Resting my nose on his head, I took in a deep breath. The scent of baby powder mingled with the sharp pine of the forest. It was at once familiar and disconcerting. He reached up and smacked me on the lips with his palm.
“Charles!” Mags squealed. “Be nice to the girl, now.”
“It’s okay,” I said, followed by a quick giggle. “He’s just a baby.”
Trevin cooed and spit up all over my leather vest. His name may have changed, but his gastric habits certainly hadn’t.
“I am so, so sorry.” Mags reached for a cloth, then dabbed my clothes.
I took the cloth from her with my free hand. “It’s okay. Really, it is. I don’t mind.” I didn’t. In fact, I loved it. Nothing said home to me like Trevin’s spittle. If I set him down on the floor, I wondered if he’d start crawling, or pulling up on the furniture. He’d already grown and changed so much.
“She says she’s my daughter.” I glanced up at my mother. She didn’t waste any time getting to the point.
Mags’ eyes widened. “Really? This is wonderful! Do you know me?” She glanced at Trevin on my lap. “Do you know Charles? Is that why he’s so comfortable with you? He won’t let anyone other than me hold him, but you walk in here and he’s so happy to see you.”
I kissed Trevin on the head. “I do. I know all three of you.”
“Did you recognize anyone else in the village?” my mother asked. She took a seat next to me at the table.
I shook my head. “I didn’t, sorry.”
“They don’t have much to do with us,” Mags said. “One morning, I woke up and I was in this cottage with Mary. Charles was sleeping in the crib with a note attached to the side of it.”
Mags scooted to the edge of the bed, pulled a small crate from under the bed, and opened it. Inside lay a few odds and ends, but she grabbed the note and handed it to me.
You are Anne. This is your son Charles. Welcome to your new home.
“I thought perhaps Mary had written it,” Mags continued. “But she said she’d woken up in a similar way days before. We’ve been trying to figure out who we are and where we came from, but no one here knows any more than we do.”
“You will tell us, won’t you?” my mother asked. Mags looked at me, her eyes silently pleading. Trevin squiggled on my lap, as if he had an opinion too. Though by his easy acceptance of me, I believed they had done nothing to him. Why would they? He was only a baby. No one remembered anything from that young.
So I told them. I sat for an indeterminable amount of time, explaining to Mags. To spare her pain, I left out the story of Trevin’s father. If I was right, it was the reason she’d asked to be severed in the first place. I had no intention of revisiting that pain with her now. I let her believe Trevin was the former king’s son. She gasped when she realized that meant she had been a queen. Her shoulders squared and she unconsciously reached up to smooth out her hair. The woman I’d known, the woman who was my best friend, was slowly coming back to me.
When I finished, she took Trevin from my lap, holding him close to her chest. Then she stretched out her arms, looking him square in the eyes. “You have two older brothers. Daniel and Michael. We will not forget them again, will we?”
Trevin’s answer was to spit up all over his shirt. “I think that means he agrees with me,” Mags said with a laugh. “I need to feed him now, so I’ll head over to the kitchen and get something soft for him. He doesn’t have many teeth yet, but I have a feeling they’re coming soon with the way he’s been sleeping. Do you want me to bring back anything for you, Mary?” My mother shook her he
ad. Then Mags looked to me again. “I just realized, you haven’t told us your name yet.”
I hadn’t on purpose. “Not yet,” I said with a smile. Mags looked a little confused, but she shrugged her shoulders and left with Trevin.
The door closed softly behind her, leaving my mother and I alone. I glanced at her expressionless face. I tried not to shudder. Other than the day I’d stumbled upon the camp, the last time I’d seen her she had just killed Bryden. It was an accident, of course. She’d really been trying to kill me.
“I have a feeling we didn’t have the best relationship,” my mother said. Her voice chilled me, sending waves of ice through my veins.
I attempted to focus on the woman in front of me. Tried to remind myself that she wasn’t the same person who’d tried to kill me. All of that had been erased. She was starting over and I could afford her the courtesy of a second chance.
“We only met recently. You gave me up for adoption as a baby.” Where I’d been so willing to give Mags her life back, I wasn’t sure what to tell my mother. Even if she was the one who’s mind was clear, what was her role in it? I didn’t know what to do.
Panicked, I wished Chase had come in the cottage with me and stood invisible in the corner. My breath quickened as my heart pounded even harder. The magic inside me sparked to life, but I fought to keep it contained. There was no magic here and I couldn’t let her know about it.
“Your hair color is so unusual.” She reached out for my hair, wrapping one finger around a lock of it.
Out of instinct, I slapped her hand away. I didn’t want her to touch me. I stumbled up and out of the chair, knocking it over.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered.
“You act as if I killed someone you loved and you’re expecting me to do it to you.”
My jaw dropped. How could she know? How could she hit on the one thing that was true?
“I have to leave,” I said, making my way toward the door.
“Anne will miss you,” my mother said, her voice reminding me more of a snake trying to hypnotize me with its gaze than a caring mother. “Come back soon.”
With my hand shaking, I fumbled for the doorknob. It clicked and the door swung open. I was surprised to find Chase standing not far outside the door, pacing. He stopped abruptly and ran to me. I wanted to jump into his waiting arms, but I couldn’t. It would look even stranger to my mother, who peeked out the window next to the door, if I embraced the empty air.
“We’re out of here,” I whispered to him.
Chase nodded and put his hand on my back. I wanted to grab his hand and use it to calm the shaking in my hands, but I couldn’t. Not yet. Not until we were safely away from her.
We ran around the back of another building. Only when Chase was sure she couldn’t see us anymore did I open a portal directly into my chambers. Chase and I jumped through and I closed it behind me. I fell into his arms, breaking out in tears.
“What did she say to you?” Chase stroked my hair and rested his chin on top of my head. I snuggled deeper into his embrace, afraid if I let go for only a second I’d spiral out of control.
“Nothing.” I mumbled it into his chest.
Chase pulled away from me.
“Don’t,” I begged. I pushed toward him, but his strong arms held me back.
“I need to know what she said to you and I need to know it right now.” I looked up through my tears. His face was like stone, his eyes blazing with anger. “If she threatened you, I’m going back there right now to kill her.”
I looked away. “She didn’t threaten me.” My hands shook as I pushed my hair back from my face. “It was me. I was projecting things on her. Actions, emotions, words, it’s like I was expecting her to reveal that the severing hadn’t worked.”
“So you think she doesn’t remember?” Chase asked. He bowed his head, rubbing his cheeks with his hands.
He was as frustrated as I was. If I was him, I’d be mad at me right now. I’d spoiled a perfectly good opportunity to learn more from her. Instead, I choked and ran out.
“This is going to make my next visit even more difficult,” I said. My mother’s cautious face swam before my eyes, accompanied by a vivid recollection of her face the day she killed Bryden. I brushed the thoughts aside, and focused on how I would explain myself to her.
“Next visit?” Chase’s eyes remained fixed on mine. “There won’t be a next visit, Lianne. You’re done.”
I stalked over to him. Even though my head barely reached his shoulder, I was determined to dominate him. “You have no say in what I do or don’t do next.” I glared at him, my shoulders squared and my feet firm on the ground. I wouldn’t back down.
Chase waved a hand at me. “Sorry. I shouldn’t talk to you that way. You’re not mine to control.”
“I never will be. I can control myself just fine.”
The air between us thickened. The magic in my stomach crackled. I held my hands behind my back, fearing the magic would escape and singe him. It was stronger when I was angry. While I’d learned to control it, I still didn’t fully trust myself.
Chase ran his fingers through his hair, the blond strands falling into place. It was like he was constant perfection.
“I know, I know. It was a reaction, Lianne, calm down.” He glanced at my arms. I shook them out, letting him see that my hands were free of any fire. “We’re putting Elessia to rest tonight. Will you be there?”
I nodded. “Of course I will.” My mood softened immediately. I was reminded of everything that drove me. There was a war coming, and I was the only one who could end it. If I could, I’d stop it before it started. I only had to unravel the mystery Eloh had given me. Once I knew what I was supposed to do, I could act on it.
Chase placed a hand on my shoulder. He leaned in closer, as if he was about to kiss me on the cheek. If he did, would that violate his promise of not kissing me until I asked him to? Did a peck on the cheek count the same as a kiss on the lips between lovers?
“I’ll have them send dinner to you in a few hours, then I’ll pick you up. We can go together.” He whispered it all in my ear. His lips so close, but they never touched me. He was true to his word, then.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Chapter Seventeen
I sat on the bed.
I stared at the wall.
A couple of hours until dinner would arrive.
I jumped up and put my boots back on. Waiting was for people of leisure. Time was my enemy and the longer I waited, the closer I was to losing everything.
I flicked my fingers and a portal appeared in front of me. It shimmered golden, with a hint of green in the middle. If I squinted my eyes, I could almost see the other side. The cottages, the forest in the distance, my mother standing outside, alone, waiting for me to return.
As I walked through, I felt a twinge of nausea, a common side effect for people who’d never been through a portal before. But I knew deep down it wasn’t the portal. It was my fear.
Regardless of how scared I was to face my mother again, I knew I needed to do it. I had no choice. Her mind was clear. She was the one I was seeking.
I thought I heard someone call my name, but I emerged on the other side and closed the portal behind me. If someone was there, they didn’t need to follow. This was my task. I could only do it alone. Knowing Chase was nearby earlier, gave me a reason to escape. This time I was alone and I’d face it with a strong conviction.
She was severed. I wouldn’t let the past scare me again.
It was chilly in the forest and I hadn’t thought to bring a cloak. I shivered, crossing my arms across my chest. I’d seen correctly. She was standing outside the cottage, wrapped in a cape and holding a second in her arms. My mother hadn’t seen me yet. She was facing the direction I’d left in earlier.
Standing still, I watched her for a few moments, hoping to unearth some clue about her, but nothing in her firm stance or unwavering gaze shared a secret. She was as mysterious to me
as she’d been before, except without her magic she was completely harmless.
I cleared my throat. She turned toward me, her eyes even, not giving away a bit of surprise.
“I thought you’d be back. I brought this for you.” She held out the extra cape toward me. It was a motherly gesture. I felt strangely calmed and disturbed by it. Still, I took the cape and flung it over my shoulders. “Let’s walk along the perimeter. If you pull the hood up over your head, to cover that interesting hair of yours, no one will realize you’re not supposed to be here.”
I followed her quick pace toward the edge of the clearing. Chase hadn’t told me what, if anything, he’d discovered about the perimeter alarms.
“After you left, something happened,” she said. I braced myself. If a messenger had come and she or Mags told them about me, I knew I wouldn’t be here for long. They’d come for me. I’d been out of my chamber so much in the last few days that the guards no longer had the fear of Chase in them. They yelled at me if I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. If I was found here, I’d be in big trouble.
My mother glanced behind her, toward the cottages. A few people stirred outside, but none of them paid attention to us.
“I think I remembered some of my past.”
I took in a gasp. “It’s not possible.”
“Are you sure? When I saw you, it trigged something deep within me. We had a contentious relationship, didn’t we?”
I nodded, afraid of giving away too much. Contentious was putting it lightly. She’d killed the man I loved while trying to murder me. I stared into her eyes, not seeing one bit of the venom she’d always stored there. Her statement wasn’t a threat. It was simply a memory – maybe one she didn’t want to remember.
“What do you remember?”
She looked away from me, fiddling with the buttons on her cape. “Nothing specific, really. I just recall darkness and death.” She reached out and grabbed my hands. “Did I do something to hurt you?”
