by Megg Jensen
I fought back the tears, forcing them to keep hidden. “You killed the man I wanted to marry.” I took a deep breath. “He died saving me from you.”
Her arms encircled my body before I could protest. My adoptive mother had never hugged me, never once shown this kind of compassion. Maybe it was something that even bordered on love. If my mother’s personality had changed with severing, then maybe she could feel the instinctive love of parent for child.
My heart pounded. I wanted to hurt her, pay her back for all the grief and sadness I felt. I wanted her to know how it felt to be given up for adoption, raised by people who hated me, ridiculed by everyone in the town, never loved for who I was. If she knew what it felt like to sift through lies, to finally find love, then have it torn away before it was ever given a chance to blossom into something beautiful, then maybe she’d be qualified to offer me the comfort I needed.
Instead, her arms, the arms of my biological mother, was all I needed to rip the hurt from my body, tie it up, and throw it into the abyss. I melted into her embrace, allowing myself to be emotionally naked. Silent tears streamed down my face as I burrowed into her shoulder, soaking her cape.
“I’m so sorry, my sweet, sweet daughter. If that’s what I was like before, I’m glad I can’t remember. I don’t want to be that woman anymore.”
I’d never allowed myself to dream too much about my biological family. As a child I was told I was a spoil of war, a gift from my people to their victors. Even though it turned out it was all a lie, and I’d been placed there as a secret weapon for an eventual invasion by my people, I didn’t care much about my biological family. I figured if it was so easy for them to give me up, then I didn’t want anything to do with them anyway.
Yet deep down, locked away in a part of my heart I rarely accessed, I wanted exactly this. A mother who would hold me while I cried. A mother who cared about me. A few short months ago, she tried to steal my magic and kill me. Now she cradled me as if I were the baby she gave up all those years ago.
I was ashamed to admit I liked it. Craved it, even.
The past sixteen years stripped away, until I felt like a tiny baby, needing only its mother. My heart opened up, grew a thousand sizes. All of those walls I’d built crashed to the ground, leaving nothing but hope rising from the dust.
“I’m getting you wet,” I said between gasps.
“It’s okay, Lianne. I’m your mother, I don’t mind.” Then she kissed my forehead.
My stomach plummeted. How many people grew up with kisses from their mother? Not me. It was my first.
“Now why don’t you tell me more about what happened between us?” Her voice soothed me. My eyes stung with salty tears. I nodded. She pulled me down to a lush patch of grass. We sat facing each other, as I spilled the story of everything from my birth through Bryden’s death. I told her about her other daughter, my twin sister, Sebrina.
When I told her how she’d kidnapped me, the sadness in her eyes was palpable. Her hands shook as I described the transfer of my magic into her. When I choked out Bryden’s death, I wasn’t the only one with a tear-stained face any longer.
“I can understand now why they did that to me, that severing. I almost wish I was still living in ignorance.” She brushed her hair out of her face, tucking it back into the hood of the cape.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you everything in such detail.”
My mother grabbed my hands, cradling them in hers. “Yes, Lianne, you should have. I’m glad you did. Now I can be the best mother to you. I can make up for all of it. I don’t know how, but I can try.”
I glanced up at the sky, the sun had already dipped below the top of the trees. I scrambled to my feet. “I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I have somewhere else I need to be.” I couldn’t miss Elessia’s funeral. I had promised Chase I would be there and I refused to disappoint him. “Go back to Mags and Trevin. I’ll find a way to free the three of you from here.”
She put her hand on my arm. “Take me with you now.”
I shook my head. “No. I want to get all three of you at once, but I need to have a plan. I don’t think it will be as simple as just leaving. You’ll need a place to live and I don’t have that for you yet. I will arrange everything. Besides, you have everything you need here.”
“I don’t have you, my sweet daughter.” She squeezed my arm. My heart swelled again.
“I promise I’ll be back for you,” I said. “Just give me a day or two to figure it all out.”
My mother nodded, gave me one more hug, and then headed back to her cottage. The others had retired long ago, there was no one around to see me open a portal. I flicked my fingers, bringing the sparkling portal to life. I stepped through, eager to get ready for Elessia’s funeral. Afterward I would tell Chase everything. He would help me find a way to protect Mags, Trevin, and my mother. Once they were free, we could finally figure out how she could help me with Wren’s dire prediction.
Chapter Eighteen
I slipped the silk dress over my head, shimmying it over my waist. It was the most expensive gown I’d ever worn. It was a fitting tribute to Elessia, who’d risked everything for Chase and I. She deserved the finest at her funeral for what she’d sacrificed. It was one small thing I could do to honor her.
Running a brush through my silver curls, I wondered who’d ordered the dress to be left in my room. Was it Chase? Or Reychel? I’d thank them both, just to be sure. After a quick splash of water to my face, I slipped on the matching silk slippers. I took a glance in the mirror. I tried not to think about how much better I would have looked with my red hair, instead of this mess of grievous silver.
A knock at the door interrupted the first vain thoughts I’d had in months. I opened it to find Chase on the other side, dressed in his finest doublet. A tentative smile crossed his face.
“This wasn’t how I pictured us on our first night out together.” His eyes looked me up and down. “The clothes are right, but the event is wrong.” He held out a hand to me. “You look beautiful.”
A blush crossed my face. “Thank you, but like you said, this isn’t the time.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You look different. It’s not just the dress. It’s something else.”
A smile broke out on my face, so hard I thought my cheeks might crack. I was still high from my meeting with my mother. This entire week had been one of healing. I hadn’t felt so good for so long my whole life.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
Chase’s eyebrow lifted. “Really? What is it?”
I felt my stomach flip at his gaze. If my mother could finally be a real mother, then maybe there would be a place in my heart for Chase too. Miracles were known to happen, but so many at once was unfathomable. Yet not unwelcome.
“I’ll tell you later tonight. We need to honor Elessia’s life first,” I said. With a pang of sadness, I realized I still had more sorrow to slog through before I could concentrate on all of the happiness.
Chase nodded, taking my hand in his. “You’re right. Are you ready?”
I squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. He opened a portal and we stepped through together.
The cemetery stood in stark contrast to my day. The darkness permeated it so deeply, I couldn’t imagine sunlight ever gracing the tombstones. Laid out in neat rows, they stood like soldiers protecting the dead who lay below the ground.
A deep hole had already been dug for Elessia. At my request, she would be laid to rest next to Bryden. I slipped my hand out of Chase’s and tiptoed around to Bryden’s tombstone.
I hadn’t been out to visit it. Chase had offered many times to bring me, but I knew Bryden was gone. Only his shell remained behind. I ran my fingers along the cold stone. I traced the outline of his chiseled name. A cold shiver ran through my body. If I could just see him once more, tell him how much I loved him, everything would be complete. We didn’t have enough time.
All of it was taken away
too soon by the woman who’d held me today while I cried. I never would have predicted that months ago. As far as I knew, Chase hadn’t had a vision about it either. I was walking blind.
A small hand on my back startled me. I looked over my shoulder at Wren. Her blond hair had been combed until it shined in the moonlight like a star shower in the deep of night.
“He loves you,” she whispered.
I nodded. Back to this game again. “Yes, I know.” I wanted to give her mind a little peace on the topic. She’d been so insistent the other day. I kneeled down next to her.
She leaned over and whispered into my ear, “Come with me.” Her hand slipped into mine. She tugged me away from Bryden’s marker.
“I can’t,” I said. “Not now, sweetie. I’m here to celebrate Elessia’s life before we put her to rest. Maybe we can play later, okay?” I patted her silky hair.
She shook her head. “Soon.”
“Yes, soon,” I promised.
She wandered to her waiting father. He eyed me curiously as he scooped her up in his arms. Wren snuggled her sweet head into his shoulder, just as I’d done with my mother earlier. Love between a parent and a child amazed me. It was finally my turn to experience it.
I kissed my fingertips, and then laid them on Bryden’s name. He was gone. I could finally let go.
My eyes fell on the ground as Chase’s boots landed next to me. He held his hand down. I took it, letting him pull me up to standing.
“Xaxier says we’re about to start,” he said. We walked carefully around the graves to Elessia’s. I looked at her stone, so close to Bryden’s, and smiled. Neither of them would ever be alone again. Chase squeezed my hand, reminding me that I wouldn’t be alone either. I had him. I had Sebrina and now my mother and Mags. It was possible I could live, even happily.
A few other people gathered around the grave. Reychel and Mark stood back, off to the side. The stable master and his daughter were behind them, tending to the horses Reychel and Mark had ridden to the cemetery. Chase had told me earlier that since Reychel lost her gift she’d preferred to travel on horseback rather than portals. Using one with Chase had been the first time in a long time, only done because of the immediacy of the situation.
“Not many here had the pleasure of knowing Elessia,” Xaxier said, “but we owe her a great debt. When the Malborn abducted Chase, she was assigned to watch him. Not only did she grow to care about him, but she later served as a spy for him before her death. She served us all by helping someone we love keep us safe. There is no greater achievement in life.” Xaxier paused. “Chase, would you like to say a few words?”
I squeezed his hand twice, and then let go. He smiled at me and took his place in front of everyone.
“Elessia was a special woman. When I was a kid, a pompous kid, I might add, she tolerated me. Barely.” Chase flashed one of his bright smiles, letting us know it was okay to laugh. “Over the years, though, we grew close. She always stood by her people, never wavering that their vision of life was the right one. She said that someone had to be the winner, and why not the Malborn?”
An eerie silence fell over the small group.
Chase cleared his throat, and then continued. “After Elessia met Lianne, she realized that maybe everything I’d been telling her all those years was true. She’d seen the pictures, heard my rantings in my sleep deep in the night, but never thought any of it could be real. Meeting Lianne changed her. If my visions were true, then maybe everything I’d been telling her about her people was true too.
“Elessia decided to spy on a few of their leaders and report back to me. She made this choice on her own. I never asked her to put her life in danger. Sadly, she learned that I was right.” He paused, choked up. “She lost her life because of it.”
My heart pounded and I felt slightly dizzy. Chase hadn’t told me any of this until now. I didn’t know how integral my presence had been to her death. I knew it deep in my heart that she made her own choices.
But my soul cried out for her life. She risked everything because of me. The scent of moonflower permeated the air, its light fragrance tickling my sensitive eyes. I was so weary from all the crying I did earlier with my mother, I couldn’t stomach the thought of one more tear cascading down my cheek.
My chest burned, as if something was ripping me apart from the inside. It couldn’t be more grief. I’d put it to rest not moments before. With a sad resignation, I realized I hadn’t tucked it away as soundly as I had believed. The gut-wrenching pain snaked its way back into my body and soul, reminding me that most of the death and loss could directly be attributed to me.
Chase had finished speaking about Elessia, but I didn’t even noticed until he rejoined my side. Xaxier and three men lowered Elessia’s coffin into the hole in the ground next to Bryden. Maybe they could name this section of the cemetery after me. The first two buried here were dead because of me.
Chase took my hand again, but I left mine limp in his grasp. I wanted nothing more than to run away, escape this place. Out of respect for Elessia, and for Chase, I held my ground. Chase grabbed a handful of dirt, tossing it on top of Elessia’s coffin. I tossed the flowers I held in my hand.
We turned and walked away slowly, letting Xaxier and his men complete their job. Chase’s parents mounted their horses, trotting back toward the castle without even a wave at us. The stable master flicked his fingers, opening a portal. He and Wren walked through, the portal closing not long after.
“He’s got magic?” I asked, surprised.
Chase flicked his fingers, opening his own portal. “He’s gifted. I told you before, the people here aren’t slaves. They can work wherever they choose. Horses are his love, other than his daughter, of course. His wife died in childbirth. Anyway, he wanted to work in the stables and is now the stable master.”
“That’s incredible.” There was so much I needed to learn about Chase’s land. In mine, magic was outlawed. Anyone who wasn’t royalty was a slave. Some were free, but their freedom came at a price, living under the thumb of the Fithian ruler. That changed when the Dalagans conquered the Fithians. I could only hope they’d learned to work together after the failed Malborn invasion.
“You wanted to tell me something tonight?” Chase put his hand under my chin, tilting it upward so I was looking him in the eyes. His eyes twinkled under the light of the moon. Just a few short minutes ago, I’d been so happy to tell him about my mother and our reunion. But after seeing the reality of what my choices wrought, I couldn’t feel the euphoria anymore. It was still down there, somewhere, but when I told him about my mother, I wanted it to be a happy occasion.
“Not tonight.”
His eyes fell, but he seemed to understand. “It’s probably for the best. Tonight belongs to Elessia.”
“And Bryden,” I whispered. I ran both hands through my hair. “I feel horrible for not coming to his burial. It’s as if I finally have the chance to make up for that tonight.”
Chase fingered a lock of my hair. “He loved you. He would have understood. Bryden didn’t want you to think of him as a dead body in the ground. He would have wanted to live on in your heart.”
“He does.” I laid my palm on my chest. My heart beat strongly, reminding me I was alive with every thump. “I think I want to be alone here for a few minutes.”
“I understand.” Chase held out his arms. I fell into them, returning his gentle embrace. Our hearts beat in sync. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”
I nodded and smiled, gesturing toward his portal. Then I turned and headed closer to the gravesite. Xaxier and his men were cleaning up their tools, placing them in a wheelbarrow. He opened a portal. His men filed through, one by one, the last one taking the wheelbarrow with him.
“Can I have a quick second with you, Lianne?” Xaxier asked. I smiled a bit at him. I knew he wasn’t evil, that he’d only been pretending to be while setting up my mother, but his dark hair and even darker eyes still gave me a fright.
“Of course.
”
“I’m so sorry for everything. If I could have told you ahead of time, I would have. But if your mother would have suspected something was amiss, Chase might not have gotten there in time to help you.” He glanced quickly toward Bryden’s tombstone.
“Sometimes no matter what we do, someone pays the price,” I said. “I understand you did what you thought was right.”
“Your mother is a very dangerous woman,” he said.
“Was.”
“I don’t know. It’s hard for me to believe someone so twisted can change so quickly.” He shifted from foot to foot, no longer looking me in the eye.
“They severed her. I’m sure she’s changed.”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to believe it. Chase’s mother was severed, and she’s essentially still the same woman.”
“She remembers everything. It’s different.”
Xaxier shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, does it? She’s been taken care of and she won’t bother any of us again. It’s for the best, Lianne.”
I nodded to appease him. I knew it wasn’t for the best. She’d changed. I’d prove that to all of them.
“You okay here by yourself?” he asked. I nodded. Xaxier patted me on the back and walked through the portal.
It closed behind him, leaving me alone in the dark cemetery. I walked over to Bryden’s tombstone again. Sitting on the ground in front of it, I laid my cheek on the rough, cold stone.
“I miss you.” I sighed, wrapping my arms around my body for extra warmth against the cool breeze. “You always knew the right thing to do.”
Silence enveloped me, reminding me how alone I was.
“I didn’t want you to die and some days I’m not sure how to live without you. I’m trying my best to move on, to leave us in the past. But part of me knows if you were here, everything would be simpler. I could feel your arms around me, your lips on mine.”
I thought back to the last time we’d made love. I had thought I’d never be with another man. Now I faced an uncertain future.
