Some Girls Do

by Murphy, Clodagh

  There was no response at first when she rang the doorbell, and she assumed it was because they were in the garden. The car was in the drive, so she knew they were at home. She was just pulling her mobile from her bag to let them know she was outside, when she heard the thundering of feet in the hall, and six-year-old Adam flung open the door.

  ‘Claire!’ he exclaimed, a big grin lighting up his face. ‘Yay!’

  ‘Hi, Adam.’ She bent down to hug him. It had been a good idea to come. Adam’s welcome was just what she needed.

  ‘Everyone’s in the garden,’ he said, running down the hallway ahead of her to the back of the house. ‘Claire’s here!’ he yelled, bursting outside through the kitchen door.

  Claire’s blood froze as she followed him – because when Adam had said ‘everyone’ was there, he’d meant everyone. Everyone except her. Ronan, Neil, Liz and Michelle were sitting around the garden table with the remnants of what looked like a very boozy lunch, while their children played football together on the grass. It was very much the idyllic scene she had pictured in her head – but without her.

  The children were happy to see her, Adam and Ben and their cousins Holly and Cian all rushing up to greet her enthusiastically, imploring her to join in their game and unaware of any undercurrent. But her brothers and their wives were awkward and embarrassed. When she caught Michelle making a ‘yikes’ face at Liz, she just wanted to vaporise. Damn, she thought, trying not to cry, why had she come?

  ‘Claire!’ Liz said, recovering first. ‘This is a nice surprise. Sit and have a drink.’

  ‘No, I won’t stay,’ she said, struggling to keep her voice even. ‘I was just passing and I thought I’d pop in and say hi.’

  ‘Come on,’ Ronan said, standing and pulling out a chair for her. ‘Have a drink. Were you in with Mum?’

  ‘Yes.’ She walked slowly towards the table. If she ran off now, she would look pathetic. ‘I won’t have any wine, thanks,’ she said to Liz, who was passing her a glass. ‘I have the car.’

  ‘You could have a half-glass? Or a spritzer?’

  ‘I’ll just have some mineral water,’ she said, spotting a bottle.

  Michelle poured her a glass and passed it to her.

  ‘Have you eaten?’ Liz asked, surveying the table. ‘There’s not much left but—’

  ‘I’m fine, thanks. I’m not hungry.’ She buried her face in her glass, gulping water to stop herself crying. Her throat ached. Why couldn’t they have invited her? She could have done with this today. She felt so unwanted, like an outsider in her own family.

  ‘We decided to do this at the last minute,’ Liz said, as if sensing how she felt. ‘It was such a gorgeous day. You have to strike while the iron’s hot in this country, don’t you?’

  ‘We’d have asked you if we’d planned it,’ Ronan said.

  ‘It’s fine,’ she said, dredging up a smile. The last thing she wanted was to let them see how hurt she was. ‘I was kind of busy today anyway.’

  ‘Besides, she probably wouldn’t have wanted to come,’ Michelle said to Ronan, as if Claire wasn’t there. ‘I remember when I was single, the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with a bunch of couples.’

  Jesus! Claire couldn’t believe she was playing the couples card. Was Michelle actually suggesting that she needed a date to spend time with her own family?

  ‘How is Espie?’ Michelle asked.

  ‘She’s fine – in great form.’ Claire wasn’t about to enlighten Michelle on her mother’s misdemeanours. They didn’t get on, and the whole incident would probably end up as an anecdote in Michelle’s column – spun so that it would read as yet one more example of what Michelle had to put up with as a long-suffering daughter-in-law.

  ‘God, I haven’t been in to see her at all yet,’ Neil said. ‘It’s so busy at work. I suppose we might as well wait until she’s home now,’ he said to Michelle.

  ‘Well, she’s there for two more weeks,’ Claire said.

  ‘I want to go and see Granny!’ Holly yelled, as she ran past, chasing a ball.

  ‘We’re going in tomorrow, aren’t we?’ Ronan consulted Liz, who nodded.

  ‘We should all go and give Claire a break,’ Michelle said, smiling kindly at Claire. ‘You’ve been visiting every day, haven’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, but I don’t mind.’ She wanted to tell Michelle that spending time with her mother wasn’t an irksome chore on a par with grocery shopping or doing the ironing, but she gritted her teeth and said nothing.

  ‘Well, you can have a day off tomorrow,’ Michelle said. ‘We’ll take over and you can have a nice rest.’

  Claire was relieved when the children started nagging her to play with them again, happy to let them pull her away to bounce with them on the trampoline.

  She felt weary and ground down by the time she got to Luca’s. His friendly face and sweet, welcoming smile were balm to her battered soul, and she was sorry she hadn’t come back earlier. In fact, she was sorry she’d ever left his bed that morning. Now that she was there, she was desperate for him to put his arms around her, aching for him to hold her and kiss her. The longing to feel close to someone had become almost a physical pain.

  ‘Have you eaten?’ he asked, when they got inside. ‘Do you want to—’

  She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry. Could we just …’ She nodded to the bedroom.

  ‘Get right down to it? Sure.’

  ‘It’s just I haven’t had any time with you today so …’ She would scream if he didn’t put his arms around her in the next ten seconds, but she couldn’t exactly tell him that. ‘Do you mind?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ He frowned at her in concern. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ She had forgotten how intensely Luca could look at you – like he could see right into you. She was unable to hold his gaze. ‘I just don’t want to waste any more time.’

  He continued to study her face for another minute, and she could only hope she didn’t look as close to the edge as she felt. ‘Okay, no problem,’ he said finally. Then he sauntered into the bedroom and Claire followed him.

  She expected him to pull her into his arms as soon as they went in, but to her consternation, he sat on the edge of the bed, leaving her standing by the window.

  He leaned back on his hands and gazed up at her. ‘Take your clothes off,’ he said.

  ‘What?’ she breathed, her voice barely audible.

  ‘Your clothes,’ he said, his eyes glittering. ‘Take them off.’

  She drew a breath to protest, but checked herself when she saw the implacable glint in his eyes and understood. This was a lesson. It was what she was here for, after all, wasn’t it? Blushing furiously, she grabbed her top by the hem and pulled it over her head. She willed him to close the distance between them and do the rest for her.

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Keep going,’ he said, nodding at her bra.

  Oh, shit. He wasn’t going to meet her halfway. She really couldn’t cope with this, today of all days. She felt dangerously close to tears. ‘I can’t,’ she said.

  ‘You can’t? How do you get undressed at night when I’m not there?’

  She threw him an angry look. ‘You know what I mean. I can’t just stand here and strip in cold blood while you watch.’ She sighed, hanging her head. ‘I’m shy. What’s wrong with that? Why does everyone have to be sassy and—’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with it,’ he interrupted her. ‘I happen to find it really sweet – and quite a turn-on, actually. I like shy girls.’ He grinned. ‘It’s so much fun overcoming their inhibitions.’

  ‘Well, then—’

  He sat up, eyeballing her. ‘But what I like doesn’t matter, does it? What turns me on is neither here nor there. It’s not me you’re trying to impress.’

  ‘Oh. I suppose not.’

  ‘No. So …’ He looked at her expectantly.

  Claire sighed. She would just have to get this over with – t
he quicker the better, like ripping off a plaster. It would be worth it to be wrapped in Luca’s arms again. She yanked open the button of her jeans and started hurriedly pulling down the zip as she kicked off her shoes.

  ‘Claire?’

  ‘Yes?’ She stopped.

  ‘It’s not against the clock, sweetheart.’ He leaned back again. ‘Do it slowly. And start with your bra.’

  Reluctantly she reached around and unclasped her bra. Even though she kept her gaze on the floor, she could feel his eyes burning into her.

  ‘Hey!’ he said softly. ‘Look at me.’

  She forced herself to meet his eyes, trying not to squirm as she slid the straps down her arms and pulled off her bra, fighting the urge to cover herself with her hands. His eyes dropped to her breasts, lingering there before returning to her face. ‘And try not to look like you’re being tortured.’

  She glanced away again as she felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She couldn’t let him see. But this was torture. She felt so humiliated, and he was so cold and distant. Surely being with someone like this shouldn’t feel so lonely.

  ‘You have nothing to be ashamed of,’ he was saying gently. ‘You have a beautiful body. You’re a gorgeous, sexy woman and it makes me hard just looking at you.’

  She pulled the zip of her jeans down slowly. She knew he meant to encourage her, and she tried to take in what he was saying, but she felt so out of it. She hung her head, letting her hair fall forward to hide her face as she felt a tear escape and slide down her cheek.

  ‘Claire?’

  Not thinking, she looked up instinctively at the sound of her name.

  ‘Jesus, are you crying?’ Luca was clearly horrified. In an instant he was off the bed and pulling her into his arms.

  She couldn’t help the sob that escaped her then, and could no longer hold back the tears as Luca led her to the bed and pulled her into his lap.

  ‘God, I’m so sorry,’ he said, ‘I’m such an arsehole.’ He stroked her back soothingly as she cried.

  Claire curled into him, burying her head in his neck. It was a relief to let go.

  ‘Ssh,’ Luca whispered, while his warm hand rubbed up and down her spine comfortingly.

  ‘I’m sorry, I’m being stupid,’ she said finally, brushing away her tears.

  ‘No, you’re not. I fucked up. You should have stopped me. Why didn’t you say something? I didn’t know I was upsetting you that much.’

  ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ She sniffed. ‘I just had kind of a lousy day and—’

  ‘And my prickish ways were the last straw? I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.’

  ‘No, you were right. That’s what I’m paying you for. I told you not to go easy on me.’ She gave a rueful laugh. ‘Well, that wasn’t very sexy, was it – bursting into tears in the middle of a striptease? Maybe we should start again from the top.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘I’ll try again,’ she said, pushing him away so she could get up.

  ‘No!’ His arms tightened around her. ‘Hey, we’re not turning you into a machine here. You don’t have to be up for sex all the time.’ He stroked her hair away from her face, brushed away the last of the tears. ‘I’m sure even Hugh Hefner has his days when he’s not in the mood.’

  ‘Really?’ she asked sceptically.

  ‘Okay, maybe not Hugh Hefner,’ he smiled, ‘but normal people.’

  This was the best she’d felt all day, Claire realised, all the stress and misery melting away as she laid her head on Luca’s shoulder while his hand ran soothingly over the bare skin of her back.

  ‘Um, Claire?’ he said eventually.

  ‘Mm?’

  ‘Maybe you should put your top back on.’

  ‘Oh.’ She lifted her head.

  ‘It really is making me hard looking at you,’ he said, with an apologetic wince, glancing down at her naked breasts crushed against him. ‘And I can’t not look. I’m a guy – I’m genetically programmed to look at tits if they’re on show.’

  ‘Okay.’ She scrambled off him reluctantly and crossed the room to pick up her top, putting it on with her back to him. When she turned around, he had moved and was reclining on the bed, propped up against the headboard. She faltered, unnerved at finding herself across the room from him again and wondering how she was going to get back into his arms. But he made it easy for her, holding them open wide. When she dived onto the bed, he brought her close into the warmth of his body.

  ‘Better?’ he asked, smiling at her.

  She nodded.

  ‘Do you want to tell me about your lousy day?’

  ‘Maybe later.’

  He sighed, pulling her into his side and stroking her arm. ‘We’re going to have to work on your communication skills.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You have a hard time saying what you want. You need to work on being more vocal, telling me what you need, so I don’t fuck up like I did just now.’

  ‘I told you, it’s not your fault.’

  ‘I should have picked up on the signals. I thought there was something off when you came in. But it’s not always easy to tell what you want. For instance, right now I don’t know if you want me here or if you’d rather be left alone.’

  No, I want you here,’ she said, wrapping her arms tighter around him. ‘If you don’t mind, that is.’ It suddenly occurred to her that maybe he’d like a night off. He could have easy, uncomplicated sex with a normal girl who wouldn’t freak out about taking her clothes off in front of him. ‘I mean, it’s Saturday night. You’d usually be out, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, out on the prowl,’ he said, making wolfish eyes at her.

  ‘Well, if you want to do that, I could go.’

  ‘I don’t need to go out picking up women when I’ve got you,’ he said, giving her a squeeze. ‘I told you – I like sex, I don’t want a girlfriend. This arrangement suits me just fine.’

  She smiled, nestling closer, hugely relieved that he wasn’t going to ditch her. How strange that Luca should be the first person that day not to let her down. She’d never expected him to be so nice when they’d started this – so kind.

  ‘You probably think you’re transparent, but you’re not,’ he said. ‘And you can’t always expect a guy to read your mind. You need to be able to say what you want. Like tonight, you didn’t want sex and that’s cool. But you weren’t able to communicate that to me. If I’d known, I’d never have—’

  ‘But I did.’

  ‘Did what, sweetheart?’

  ‘I did … want sex,’ she said in a small voice. ‘Just not – not like that. Before, you always—’

  ‘I took your clothes off. I initiated everything.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I thought we could move forward. But it was too soon. I shouldn’t have rushed you. You weren’t ready, and I’m sorry.’

  She sighed contentedly, revelling in the comfort of his arms around her, the warmth of his body next to hers.

  ‘So you wanted to have sex tonight?’

  ‘Yes. But I wanted you to …’

  ‘Tell me,’ he urged.

  ‘I like it when you take my clothes off,’ she murmured, looking up at him from under her lashes.

  ‘And I love doing it,’ he said with a grin. ‘So you wanted me to undress you. What else?’

  ‘I wanted you to kiss me.’

  He bent down and gave her a soft, wet kiss, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. ‘What else?’

  ‘Well … I wanted to have sex.’

  ‘How exactly?’

  She frowned at him in confusion.

  ‘Tell me what you want me to do.’

  She blushed, reaching for words that wouldn’t come. She shook her head defeatedly.

  ‘Okay,’ he said, smiling down at her, ‘You’re feeling fragile tonight, so I’m not going to make you say anything. You can just nod, okay? Or shake your head.’

  ‘Okay.’ She nodded.

  ‘Do you want me to go do
wn on you?’ he asked, his eyes on hers.

  Claire buried her face in his chest and nodded furiously.

  ‘You want me to make you come with my tongue? And my fingers?’

  She nodded again.

  ‘Anything else?’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘This.’ She reached down and put a hand over his erection.

  ‘You want me inside you?’ he asked, his voice husky.

  She lifted her head and nodded, looking at him.

  He smiled at her. ‘There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?’ He kissed her forehead. ‘And the best thing about vocalising is that it’s so rewarding.’ A warm hand slid up under her top to cup her breast as he leaned in to kiss her again. ‘Ask and you shall receive.’

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‘So, you have a sister,’ Claire said the next morning, as they lay wrapped around each other in bed. She had slept late and woken slowly, still feeling wonderfully languorous and heavy-limbed after hours of delicious sex. She was glad she could stay put and enjoy a lazy Sunday morning with Luca.

  ‘Yeah, Ali.’ Luca smiled. ‘Sorry about that. I gave her a key once after she’d been waiting outside here and some local thugs were giving her hassle. But I’ve told her to try ringing the bell first in future.’

  ‘Is she older or younger?’

  ‘Younger.’

  ‘You’re very alike,’ she said, propping her chin on his chest and looking into his sparkly brown eyes.

  ‘Only superficially,’ he said, one finger lazily stroking her arm. ‘She’s not really my sister. We’re both adopted.’

  ‘She’s from Romania too?’

  ‘Yeah. Same orphanage.’

  ‘Did you know her there?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Something flickered in his eyes. ‘She’s the reason I got adopted really.’

  She waited for him to elaborate, but he said nothing. His eyes were evasive, following his stroking finger, and his normally open face seemed shuttered. ‘How so?’ she asked.

  ‘Jacqueline wanted Ali, Ali wanted me. So she took us as a job lot.’