by Quil Carter
The glass lingered on his lips before Ryan slowly drew it down. “Do you trust you, Elish?” he asked me honestly.
I smirked at him, then raised my glass. “I’m not the one who betrayed me, professor,” I replied back. I motioned for him to sit on the couch and grabbed the rest of the bottle of wine. The poor professor needed to relax tonight. I was going to treat him to as much as he wanted.
Ryan nodded. He swirled the contents of his glass, apprehension and anxiety weighing on each of his shoulders. I expected him to say more, to carry the conversation, but silence crept into the living room and there it stayed for more than a few minutes.
“You used to be so talkative,” I said. I glanced at the clock, feeling my mood plummet. “I told you not to fucking sulk.”
“And what am I supposed to say? You’re in prince-mode, Elish. Not the Elish I knew and loved talking to,” he said bitterly. “I say one wrong thing and you’ll bite off my head, unlike the nice normal Elish I first met. He I can speak to. You right now? It’s safest for me to shut up and just let you take the lead.”
I stared at him. I disliked how he was making sense. Perhaps I had, once again, been going about this the wrong way?
But I’d been nothing but nice to him since he arrived.
“Then maybe you should act normal and I won’t feel the need for this… prince-mode,” I said slowly back.
“It’s difficult to act normal when you watched a friend of yours get murdered in front of your eyes,” Ryan said. “And all the more when his head is presented to you and put on display like some sort of warning.”
My hand clenched around my wine glass. I glared at Ryan as he took another large drink. I wanted him to act a certain way tonight and he wasn’t. I didn’t want him scared, I wanted this to be a nice evening with my boyfriend and I. Having him scared of me right now was annoying. He could go back to that later when it was to my benefit, but right now I wanted him relaxed and friendly.
“I’ve invited you over for a nice evening, Ryan,” I said acidically. I glared my boyfriend down, and felt grim satisfaction when I saw those sparks of nervousness. “I don’t think it’s wise for you to throw the courtesies of a prince back in his face.”
Ryan shook his head and stared at his half-empty glass of wine. “Your logic is frightening, Elish,” he said, his tone barely hovering above a whisper. “You murder Todd right in front of me and expect a nice evening a couple days later?” The glass rose to his lips and he took another drink. “I think if someone was to crack open your brain and look inside… they would see a terror unlike anything the world has ever witnessed.” He closed his eyes and exhaled a shaking breath.
It took every ounce of my self-control not to fling my glass of wine at his head, or at the very least, smack him across his face. The way he was speaking with me was enraging, if he’d done the same to King Silas he’d be bleeding from his ears, or put in front of a pack of deacons inside of Stadium. I wanted to command the same amount of respect, and knowing I wasn’t at that place in my mental development was a bitter, jagged little pill to swallow.
Prince Elish was to always remain in control. Not just in control of the situation, but in control of the people around him.
I committed this statement to memory, and used it to quench the burning anger growing inside of me. I controlled my emotions. My emotions don’t control me. Even King Silas let his emotions control him. And when it came to Sky Fallon, he’d let those emotions slowly destroy him, one piece at a time. I would not be like him, and not only would I not be like him, but I’d continue to use his shortcomings as a way to educate myself on what not to do.
“You’ve been here for such a short amount of time… and yet this is the second time you’ve mentioned Todd,” I said. I took a drink of my wine, then my eyes flickered up to Ryan’s. “He seemed so jealous of us, professor. Tell me…” I lowered the glass, and my eyes hardened. “How many times did you fuck him?” Even saying it out loud brought smoke and embers to my tongue. I didn’t want it to be true, but yet I’d be stupid to deny what I’d known had been happening between the two of them.
“We…”
“I can hear your heartbeat, Ryan,” I said coolly. “It’s unwise to lie to me.”
Ryan swallowed again. We made eye contact for a fraction of a second before his blue eyes deflected from my own and instead focused on Squish who was sleeping out on the patio. He stared at that dog, as if watching him was the equivalent of pressing pause on the conversation, and took in a rasping breath.
“Elish…” he whispered. “Let’s… just have a good evening.”
“Answer the question,” I said back lowly. “How many times did you fuck Todd?”
Ryan put his face into his left hand and shook it. He then pursed the inner corners of his eyes with his fingers and shut them tight. “Twenty,” he said finally. “Twenty times.”
There was a high-pitched sound of breaking glass, swiftly followed by both a sharp pain in my right hand, and a rush of cold liquid that stung and burned. Ryan looked up and his face dropped, I knew he was seeing the wine glass broken in my hand, but my eyes were glued to his face.
Anger flooded me, a tidal wave that was dashing itself against the steel fort of self-control I’d been constructing around myself. Every ounce of my inner mind was being taxed as I tried to talk myself down from exploding. I had to keep calm. This was training, Elish. This was training and you had to prove you were in control. Not just of your own emotions, but of Ryan, of this situation… of my life!
I was tired of not being in control. I was tired of being the king’s golden puppet. No, I was better than Silas, better than everyone. No longer would I let them see that they hurt me.
I’m a chimera.
I have to act like it.
Even though, deep down inside, I was lunging at Ryan and stabbing him with the shattered remains of the wine glass, on my face I only smiled.
And when Ryan saw the smile he froze, and those wide eyes became all the more prominent. He was staring at me like I was crazy. If only he knew that the opposite was happening, for being in control equalled sanity for me.
“He… I found out he was doing it to get good grades…” Ryan admitted, bitterness a thin film on his tones. “He denied it, of course. And since I was a pathetic, lonely bachelor, I decided I wanted a friend and a companion more than I wanted reality. So we continued our fling until he became worried that Mario would find out.” Ryan’s eyes were glued to my hand. I hadn’t looked at it but the wet stinging was becoming stronger by the second. I knew it was bleeding, but I wasn’t going to break my gaze. “That happened during Skyday break… you came shortly after.”
“Indeed,” I said coldly back. “So even though he has a boyfriend… that possessive little maggot felt like he owned you outright? I certainly did piss him off when I dared show kindness to my new teacher.” The corner of my mouth rose in a smirk. “Well, he certainly did learn just what happens when you disrespect Elish, didn’t he?”
Ryan’s lip tightened and his eyebrows briefly knitted. This brought another wave of anger to me. I hated the despair and sadness that was showing on him. What a pathetic excuse for a human, to allow himself to be manipulated and controlled by a fifteen-year-old, and not only that… to grieve for him after.
“He was just a kid, Elish…” Ryan whispered. “Teenagers do stupid things… they make impulsive decisions. I’ve been teaching for almost two decades and I know how teenage boys’ minds work. He wasn’t a bad person… he was just a fucking kid doing what kids do.”
“The way you speak of him makes my stomach turn,” I said. I clenched the broken remains of my wine glass and felt the shards dig into my skin. “You seem to forget that he lunged at me. He attacked me when he found us in the living room, with intent to kill me most likely.”
“He was jealous. He wouldn’t have hurt you, and I would’ve stopped him if he tried,” Ryan said. “He may have had his issues but all teenagers do. I knew him fo
r a lot longer than I’ve known you… and I miss him.”
There was a knock on the door. It broke the glaring look I was giving him, but also made me turn and see the blood and wine currently drenching my hand.
“Who’s that?” Ryan asked nervously.
I clenched my hand into a fist, and enjoyed the sharp shards digging into my skin. “Dinner,” I replied. I turned from him and walked to the door, and let the two sengils in who were carrying our trays of covered food. Both of them looked shocked and alarmed at my bloodied hand, but knew better than to say anything about it.
“Your hand…” Ryan said after the sengils had left. The apartment had filled with the savoury aroma of cooked arian meat, gravy, and mashed potatoes. It was making my mouth water, and the scent of my own blood was only accentuating it. “Let me clean it before we eat.”
I glanced down at the two slices making a V-shape on my palm. I picked out the two shards of glass glinting in the recessed lighting above us. “You’re so caring now…” I said bitterly. “And yet when I was defending myself against Todd, you were pulling me away from him.” I walked past him to the dining room table, refusing to bandage my hand though it was bleeding all over the carpet. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to let it bleed. I didn’t want to dress it.
“You’re a chimera,” Ryan said. He sat down on one end of the dining room table and I on the other. “If a cat scratches a dog’s nose and the dog goes after it… would you let the cat get ripped apart by the dog because he started it? No, you wouldn’t. I knew you might kill him and I couldn’t live with myself if I stepped back and let it happen.”
“So you can live with yourself now?” I asked casually. I poured him another glass of wine and walked to his side of the table to hand it to him.
“It hasn’t been easy,” Ryan said. A look of grief came to his face; it was stained on his very being.
And it enraged me.
I hated how he spoke about Todd. And I hated how he spoke about me.
I believe I wanted a new reaction from him. Sulking grief was getting a little boring. Perhaps it was time to spice this all up a bit? Add a little excitement to this dreary, dreary evening.
“You miss him so much,” I said with a cluck of my tongue. I put my bloodied hand on his head and left a streak of shining red behind as I stroked back his gelled hair. “My poor professor without his lovely Todd.” I put an arm around him and leaned down so my face was near his ear. “What a cold bed you must sleep in now. Poor, miserable man with his heart broken in half.” I then kissed his cheek, and when he turned his head to look at me, shock still woven silk on his features, I smiled. “No need to be sad, my love,” I whispered encouragingly. “He’s closer than you think.”
I reached over to the silver cover keeping our food hot, and lifted it. A burst of steam erupted before dissipating into the air, and underneath that steam was an elegantly arranged plate of food. On the plate was an arian wellington, sliced in half so the medium raw meat was on full display, garlic mashed potatoes with a chunk of butter creating a yellow lake in the middle, broccoli with cheese melted on top, several roasted cloves of garlic, and a small white bowl of gravy on the side.
Ryan looked at the food for a second, before his eyes widened and his body visibly recoiled. He gasped, his fingers shaking as he stared down at the pink, juicy meat tucked nicely into a golden brown, flaky crust.
“Eat it all,” I growled at him. “Savour each and every fucking bite.” I kissed his cheek, so tense it was as if I was kissing stone, then turned and sat down on my end of the table. I smiled at Ryan as he stared in catatonic horror at the food in front of him, and rested my chin on my weaved-together fingers. “Bon appetite, amor.”
Ryan’s mouth trembled, but after several seconds of this all he managed was a strangled, choked cry. He put a hand to his face and inhaled a trembling breath, an anxious one that hinted to him being on the cusp of an anxiety attack. “Elish…” His eyes closed tight, then his teeth locked tight. “Why are you doing this?”
I removed the cover from my own plate and picked up my fork with my bleeding hand. “It’s going to get cold, Ryan,” I said to him. “I suggest you don’t insult the prince of Skyfall in his own home by denying his generosity. Especially when every person in Skyfall and the greywastes would kill for such a delicious meal.” I smiled pleasantly when Ryan picked up a knife with his shaking hand. “My head chef prepared it special for tonight. My first date with my lovely new boyfriend.” I sliced off my first piece of Todd Wellington and put it into my mouth. Ryan watched me with a nauseas look as I chewed the savoury meat. It tasted wonderful, perfectly seasoned and tender enough that one almost didn’t need a knife. “It’s delicious,” I said to him after I’d swallowed it. “In my family, we’re taught to clear our plates. So I’d eat it while it’s still hot. You wouldn’t want to spend the next several days sitting at this table, would you?”
Ryan’s face twisted in despair. He surprised me however. I’d figured that I would be fighting with him for the next several hours to eat his meal like a good boy, but Ryan looked to be a fast learner. He sliced off a piece of meat and pastry, slowly though, and brought it up to his lips.
I smiled when he ate it, but the small smile on my face was nothing compared to the satisfaction inside of me. He wasn’t fighting me, he was submitting and obeying me like he should. Even though this evening had started out rough, it looked like I’d successfully taken control and was now seeing the desired results in front of me.
I was getting better at this. The more people I controlled and moulded, the better I would get at this. Soon, yes soon, I would have the world clenched inside of my fist.
Silas will be proud of me too. I know I would never be able to tell him about this, he didn’t know who Ryan really was… but I would find a way to bend the truth, so I could see the pride on his face.
“I don’t know how a nice kid like you could turn into… this.” Ryan said after he’d swallowed the meat he was chewing. He picked at the mashed potatoes, moving them back and forth as if he didn’t trust that I hadn’t hidden more of Todd in there. “I wouldn’t have expected such a monster the first day I laid eyes on you.”
Of course he wouldn’t have expected it. Because I was an entirely different person then. Back then I cared too much about what those insects thought. I let them control me, control what sort of day I had, how I felt about myself. One insult from them, one glaring look and I was thrown into despair, one that I’d found it increasingly difficult to get out of. I’d been giving them the control… and now it was time for me to take it back.
Ryan enjoyed controlling that boy. Why wouldn’t he? It disgusted me that he was saying these things to me. It only showed me his true colours, that he didn’t actually like me as me, he liked what I could do for him, how I could make him feel. He was a disgusting pathetic little…
No. He was my boyfriend. He wasn’t bad. He just needed training.
I put the smile back onto my face. Ryan didn’t like this, his eyes stared at me with terrified caution, but he was silent.
“Eat quickly and we can go down to the second level and perhaps watch a movie,” I said to him, still smiling. “Silas has quite the liquor stock. Unless you want to go in a different direction and nip some of Sacario’s weed.” I laughed lightly at this and ate another bite of food. As I did I saw the confusion on Ryan’s face become all the more prominent.
He looked like he wanted to say more, but Ryan only nodded slowly. After that he went back to his food, mostly eating the potatoes and broccoli, but every few minutes his face would grey and he’d cut off another bite of that delicious blue-eyed beauty that had made the fatal mistake of crossing me.
It took him another half an hour, but eventually Ryan finished all of his food. I got up when he put his fork down, and caringly rubbed his arm “That was good, wasn’t it?”
Ryan’s shoulders rose and fell. “Y-yeah,” he whispered. “It was excellent, Elish. Thank you, and th
ank the sengil that made it too. H-he’s very talented.” I stepped back while Ryan rose to his feet. “Why… why don’t you quickly bandage that hand and I’ll get us both another glass of wine.”
“Sure,” I said happily. I could use another glass. I went to the bathroom and wrapped my hand in gauze, and when I came back, Ryan was standing awkwardly by the living room couch holding our fresh glasses.
I took the glass from him, and I held out my hand for him to take it as well. Then I led him down to the second level, the chimera cave, and we sat together on the couch. Ryan rather stiffly.
I didn’t like that at all. “Relax,” I said to him. I’d already previously planned to put on Gladiator it was a great movie, one of my favourites. “This is our first official date.”
Ryan rubbed his temple. “Elish… I understand this is difficult for you to process… but you’re kind of terrorizing me right now, and I’m very scared. I can tough this out until the end, but, hun, you can’t just tell me to relax.”
I paused and stared at him. I wasn’t happy with his candidness. I wanted this to be a nice evening. I’d already established my control and that he was going to do everything I wanted him to do. But how can I now switch this over to being something fun and relaxing?
For a moment, I stood there mulling over this puzzle. I wanted control… but through gaining that control I had scared him. In the future, I needed to control them subtly, without making them terrified of me – well, unless I wanted them to be terrified of me.
What could I do to turn this around? I couldn’t just smile at him; I’d been deliberately smiling this entire evening and that seemed to be scaring him more.
I got an idea. I grabbed a blanket from my room and dimmed the lights, then I sat down with him and put it over the two of us. I snuggled up to him. “Put your arm around me,” I said to him as calmly and nicely as I could. “Hold me like you did before.”
I felt his heart jolt underneath the blankets, followed by a shaking breath. “Okay,” he whispered. Then Ryan put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. I got as close to him as I could and I was happy to hear his heartbeat start to slow.
