Lost In You (Swanson Court #3)

by Serena Grey

  Evans smiles. “I think I already have.”

  “Really?” Landon sounds so calm, but I can see the vein in his jaw, working furiously. “You’re a wanted man. You’re going to jail. You won’t get your hotel back, and you won’t get away with whatever you plan to do here.”

  Evans is listening quietly. “You have no idea how much I hate you, how much I’ve hated you, all these years. I loved her, and she chose you, over and over again. Ava was perfect, and you ruined her. You made her give you all the time, the attention she should have given me.”

  Landon looks confused. “Your sister…”

  “Yes…!” Evans screams. “I loved her, and you took her from me, and then you stole my hotel.” He calms, very suddenly. “Maybe I won’t get my hotel back, but then, maybe I don’t want it anymore. Maybe I won’t even get out of here, or get away with this…” he waves the gun around. “But I’m going to hurt you Landon Court. And you’re never going to forget about me.”

  I still don’t know exactly what happened next. All I remember is watching as Evans’ gun arm started to turn toward me as if in slow motion. Then Landon, moving through the air like a projectile, launching himself at Evans. The huge roar as the gun went off, and my scream as they both started to go over the balustrade, then the thud as I hit the floor and everything went black.

  THE apartment has never felt so empty and silent. Everything has been professionally cleaned, the blood on the floor in the foyer, which, along with my scattered purse had first alerted Landon that something was wrong. The blood on the balcony is gone too, as well as the horror on the sidewalk.

  I walk through the rooms, the silence bringing tears to my eyes.

  Landon!

  In his study, everything is off; the computers, the phone, no blinking lights to indicate that he’s just taken a break and will soon be back to work.

  On the desk, the picture I gave him still has pride of place beside the computer screen. I look at my face, my attempt at a sultry expression, my body under the sheet… I’d been so happy then. And now…

  Suddenly all the events of the evening of Evans attack rush into my head, and my eyes swell. I collapse on Landon’s chair, surrounded by the smooth leather as sobs wrack my body.

  Oh, Landon!

  I’m still crying when I hear a noise at the open door. I look up to see Joe is standing at the doorway.

  “Miss Foster?” He hasn’t left the apartment since we returned from the hospital.

  “Yes.” I paste a smile on my face. “Yes?”

  “The nurse. He’s leaving.”

  I nod and get up. In the hall, Gerry, the short but muscular private nurse is waiting.

  “Is he awake?” I ask.

  Gerry shakes his head. “I changed the dressing on the wound and gave him something for the pain, so he’ll be out all night. By tomorrow, I think he’ll be able to get up and walk around.”

  I smile at him, watching as Joe leads him to the foyer. Just then, my phone rings.

  “Hey,” a soft voice says. It’s Laurie. We’ve talked every day since the night of the attack, when she called while I was in the hospital, still in shock, and Landon was getting stitched up for the bullet that tore through his shoulder.

  “Hey, Laurie,” I reply softly. “How’s it going?”

  “Just checking on you. How is he?”

  “Asleep.” I swallow another set of tears. I’d been treated for my bruises and cuts, and I assured the doctors that everything else was fine, but I hadn’t counted on the mental stress, the terror that never seemed to go away.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m fine,” I say. It has become easier to tell people that, even though I only have to close my eyes to hear the sound of the gunshot, and see Landon going over the balcony.

  “Are you sure?” She sounds worried. The last thing I want is for her to cut her honeymoon short because of me.

  “We’re both alive, Laurie. That’s what matters.”

  When I end the call, Joe is standing at the entrance to the foyer.

  “Thank you,” I tell him, it’s the first thing I’ve really said to him since that day. “Thanks for saving his life.”

  He is silent, and in his face, I see genuine emotion. “I should have been here earlier.”

  I shake my head. “No, you came right on time.” Landon had pressed the emergency button on his phone as soon as he’d seen the blood in the foyer. So even while he was talking to Evans, trying to buy time, Joe had already been on his way.

  I sigh, remembering the horror of watching as Landon charged Evans. I remember screaming and losing consciousness when I heard the gunshot. The bullet had slowed Landon down, just as the recoil made Evans unsteady on his feet. That was what sent Evans over the balustrade and made it possible for Joe to grab hold of Landon just before he went over.

  Joe leaves me standing in front of the study, going back to his position in a corner of the living room. Sometimes, he joins Esmeralda in the kitchen when she comes up, but he’s always here, within hearing distance, and there’s something comforting about it.

  I make my way upstairs. In the bedroom, the curtains are drawn, leaving the room dark and silent except for the sound of Landon’s breathing as he sleeps. Going to stand beside the bed, I study his peaceful face. He is shirtless, his shoulder covered with white bandages, his hair ruffled, and his breaths slow and calm.

  I sigh softly, my heart tightening as I stroke his hair. He had taken that bullet for me, because we’d both realized, as Evans turned the gun toward me, that he was going to shoot me, just to hurt Landon. That was why Landon had launched himself at him. That was why he’d risked his own life, knowing that he could get shot, or worse, go over the balcony.

  I strip off my clothes, and when I’m wearing only my underwear, I join him in the bed, laying on my side so I can watch his beautiful face. “I love you,” I whisper.

  He doesn’t reply, of course, but in the way his breathing changes, I feel as if he can hear me.

  WHEN I wake up, Landon is watching me. My eyes flutter open to find his blue gaze locked on my face and filled with emotion – love and intense relief.

  I smile at him, leaning up on an elbow.

  “You’re awake.”

  “Yeah.” He frowns. “I feel as if I’ve been asleep for weeks.”

  “A few days on and off, to give your shoulder time to heal,” I search his face for any signs of pain. “How’re you feeling?”

  “Aching.”

  There’s a fresh jug of water on a tray on the nightstand. “Would you like some water?”

  Landon nods slowly. “Yes,” he says, then as I start to get up, he reaches out a hand to stop me. “But don’t go yet.” He sighs. “I just want to look at you.”

  My eyes fill with tears. “Landon…”

  His breath hitches and he takes my hand in his, squeezing it as my eyes water again.

  “You’re shaking.”

  I smile through my glistening eyes. “I know.”

  His eyes close.

  “Let me get you that water,” I say.

  “Wait.” I watch his throat work as he swallows. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m so sorry about Evans, for everything you went through… If only I’d listened to you after the thing with the car…” There are tears in his eyes.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I whisper. “It’s over now.”

  “It matters to me. I… God!” His throat works again. “When I saw you out there with him, I think a part of me died, of fear. I would die without you, Rachel. You are my life.”

  Now I’m crying. “I love you so much.” My voice breaks, “When I saw you start to go over, I think my heart stopped beating.”

  “You think?” He gives me a teasing grin. “You passed out.”

  I laugh through my tears. “Yeah, I did.”

  “When Joe pulled me back, and I saw you lying there, for a moment I thought I failed and that he hit you.” He shakes his head. “Joe had to pry me off yo
u.”

  “They sedated you because you kept on screaming about me.” I smile. “They couldn’t work on your wound.”

  He chuckles, and for a long moment, we lie there grinning at each other. Then I get up and fetch him the water. He drains the glass, then sighs and closes his eyes, resting his head back on the pillows.

  “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

  “No.” His eyes open, and he taps my side of the bed. “Come back.”

  I do as he says, going back to lie beside him.

  “The reason I was home early that day…” He stops and takes my hand again. “I wanted to talk to you, about San Francisco, about Ava, about the fact that I could see that I was losing you.”

  “You weren’t…”

  He shakes his head. “You were here, physically, but emotionally, you were drifting away. I could feel it, and I knew it had something to do with Ava, her stabbing, how I reacted to it...”

  “It doesn’t matter now,” I tell him. “I love you, more than anything. I don’t care about Ava now.”

  “But at the time?”

  I sigh. “I was… I don’t know what I was feeling. That she still meant too much to you. That was why you wouldn’t get Evans locked up after he tried to hit you with his car, why you were so broken up when you heard about her stabbing… She told me, more than once, that you always came back to her, and that I was only temporary. She’s known you far longer than I have, and she was so confident... I tried to ignore it, but watching you so devastated about her, it all came back.”

  He sighs. “She always came back, Rachel, after every divorce or high-profile breakup, and if I was single, which I was mostly, I let her in, because she already knew, more than anyone else, that I didn’t want permanence, at least I didn’t, before you.”

  I close my eyes. “She made me think she was the great love of your life.”

  “You’re the great love of my life,” he grins. “And I have a scar to prove it.

  I smile sadly. “You’re already joking about it. It’s going to take a while for me.”

  Landon sighs and squeezes my hand. “About Ava...” he pauses. “We dated after college. I was working here, trying to do something with the hotel. She was attending college in the city, and I knew some of her extended family. We were set up, and we hit it off because, according to her, she didn’t want anything permanent or exclusive. She said she didn’t want love. Which was perfect for me, because I had no intention of giving it and ending up like either of my parents.

  “What happened?”

  “She used to leave, come back, and then leave again. I didn’t understand it then. I thought it was fine that she wasn’t committed because it meant that I wouldn’t hurt her when I decided to walk away. I didn’t realize until recently that she was trying…”

  “To make you admit that you loved her.”

  Landon nods. “She wanted me to realize that I couldn’t do without her. Every time she abandoned me to go to Capri with some fashionable trust-fund baby, or some software billionaire, she was asking me to come after her, and every time I didn’t, she became more frustrated. She finally proposed, some leap year thing… and I said no. A week later she was married to a European racecar driver.”

  “She thinks she broke your heart,” I say.

  “She told you that. Trust me, she knows it isn’t true. When she left her husband a few years later, she asked me if I hadn’t been able to love her because I’d been too busy working to restore the Swanson Court Hotels. I told her the truth. I had no intention of ever making that kind of commitment,” he looks at me. “At the time.”

  I imagine how Ava must have felt. “Yet you got together again.”

  Landon sighs. “I thought she understood that we were just people who knew each other very well. I never stood in the way of her relationships. I never wanted to. After her last divorce, she showed up but I let her know I was no longer interested.”

  “That was before we met.”

  He nods. “I’ve thought of her only as an old friend for a few years now.”

  “She made me feel like I was just someone temporary in your life, and she was much more than that to you.” I sigh. “When she was hurt and you were so shaken… I was jealous and scared…and ashamed of my reaction. She was fighting for her life and all I could think about was losing you.”

  “You’re never losing me, Rachel.” His eyes linger on my face. “As for Ava, at the hospital, she said some things that made it clear that I had to let her know, very plainly, that we would never be more than friends again.” He’s still holding my hand, caressing my fingers with his. “You own me Rachel, every part of me. Knowing you’re mine is what keeps me going. It’s what makes it all meaningful. Before I met you, I thought I liked being alone. I took pride in not needing anyone. But I need you, and I’d give up everything just for you to never doubt that again.”

  “You don’t have to give up anything,” I reply softly. “I love you. Helplessly and completely, Landon.”

  He smiles, then his eyes close. “I’m exhausted,” he says, still smiling. “Who knew intense declarations of love could be this tiring?”

  I chuckle, then remember the one thing I still haven’t told him. “I need to tell you something,” I whisper, suddenly anxious.

  He opens his eyes again, a worried frown creeping into his face. “What is it?”

  I take a deep breath. “I’m… I’m pregnant.”

  He doesn’t reply at first, the small frown still in place on his face. Will he hate me for not telling him sooner? I swallow and continue, “I found out in Barbados, and I wanted to tell you, but when I called... I trail off. “Well, you know what happened when I called.”

  His eyes close again, but not before I see the hurt clouding their blue depths. I quickly continue. “When Evans...” I stop and close my eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how I didn’t tell you, how I’d never get a chance to.”

  “Stop…” His chest rises. “I understand how you felt, I do.” He sighs. “You know now that everything I do, work, solving the problems that have come up in the last few weeks, is so that I can get them out of the way and come home to you. Meeting with Ava, trying to find Evans, it was always about making sure he could never hurt you, because I’d rather die than let anyone hurt you.”

  Tears sting at my eyes. “I know.”

  “I hate that you felt unsure of me, and I take the blame for that. You’ll never have cause to doubt me again,” he says. “I promise. Everything I am, everything you want, I’ll give you, and if you let me, I’ll give everything I have, for you, for us, and for our child.”

  I smile through my tears. “I only want you,” I whisper.

  “All of me,” he says softly. “You already have all of me.”

  THE dinner is Landon’s idea. Two weekends after Laurie and Brett return from their honeymoon. It’s also my birthday. He reserves one of the restaurants in the Swanson Court Hotel and invites my whole family.

  “You’re glowing,” is the first thing my mother whispers to me. She looks pleased. I haven’t told her yet about the baby, but I will, soon. For now, it’s something precious, just between Landon and me.

  “Laurie is the one who’s glowing like a lightbulb,” I reply. It’s true. Brett and Laurie can hardly keep their hands off each other. They keep whispering to each other and laughing at private jokes.

  “Well, Happy Birthday,” Mom says. She has already told me that, earlier on the phone. “My little baby all grown up!” She’s smiling, her eyes bright.

  My eyes water and I embrace her, wondering if I’m feeling emotional because I’m pregnant, or because I’m so happy.

  My dad looks sad when he comes to put his arms around me. “Children grow up too fast,” is all he says, kissing the top of my head.

  Dylan is here with Kelly, his girlfriend, who finally said yes to dating him. She’s very quick to laugh, and Dylan, my video-game loving brother, can hardly take his eyes off her. The Hayes are he
re, and Aidan too, with Elizabeth. Their play has continued to be a spectacular success, and every day the rumors in the art columns gain more conviction. They haven’t announced any relationship, but seeing the two of them together, it’s hard to imagine that they’re not in love.

  The gifts pile up on one of the tables. Thoughtful things I’m sure, acquired with me in mind, by the people who love me most in the world, and Landon, who loves me the way every girl should be loved by the man she has given her heart to.

  He is devastating to look at in classic black tie, with his hair slicked back, his face free of any pressure, and suffused with happiness. He laughs with my father and uncle, teases his brother, tells my brother how lovely his girlfriend is, making both the girl in question and Dylan blush. Whenever he leaves my side, he returns in only a few minutes, his hand coming around my waist, his eyes caressing me with something that’s love, and yet so much more.

  There is a band with two singers, male and female. They take turns belting out mellow love songs while we all catch up, and everyone gets their chance to fuss over Landon again. When it’s time to eat, the waiters set up a buffet. The informality is charming. Aidan and Elizabeth are the first to start dancing. The singers start a fast show tune, and they do a lively tap-dance that leaves us all clapping.

  I see the look Landon exchanges with my dad, but I don’t think much of it. When he signals the singers and they start playing one of my favorite love songs, I still don’t get it. Landon takes my hand.

  “Will you dance with me?” he asks.

  “Of course.” I follow him, to the floor, wondering as we start to dance, why no one joins us. He pulls me close and sways to the music, with everyone watching. I lean my head on his shoulder and let the music wash over me. The music, and my happiness.

  As the last words fade away, Landon pulls away from me, and that’s when I get it. For a second, my heart actually stops beating. I watch him drop slowly to one knee. On one level, I can hear the music, getting lower, mellower. I hear a sigh, maybe from my mom, a gasp too. Yet, I’m hardly conscious of anything, but Landon, in front of me, pulling a box out of his pocket, and opening it, offering me the dazzling ring inside.