Hawk

by Abigail Graham

  My frog flew wildly and fell in the water with a heavy splash. That meant I lost.

  “Try again.”

  My second try went no better than the first.

  Victor slipped behind me. His arms came up around mine and he clasped his hands around mine as my back pressed to his chest. I wasn’t thinking about the frogs. He lifted my hands and brought the hammer down. The frog went flying, too high I thought, and came down with a solid thump on the edge of one of the cups. It hung there for a moment and I thought it would slide into the water, until it rolled in. The attendant brought over a small stuffed rabbit and handed it to me.

  “Let’s do some rides,” said Victor, taking my hand.

  “Which one?”

  He pointed at the far end of the little park. There was a huge viking longboat with a dragon head on either end, swinging back and forth until it went from horizontal to just past vertical.

  “I am not riding that,” I declared.

  “Oh, come on. Look at all the people doing it. We’ll be fine.”

  Somehow, he ended up pulling me into the line with him. My heart pounded harder the closer we came to getting on. I almost ducked into the exit line when he handed over the tickets for our spots on the ride, but he gave my hand a squeeze and pulled me along with him.

  “It’s not as bad if we sit at the end,” he said.

  Like a fool, I believed him.

  A cross bar tightened over my legs, and I clung to Victor for dear life, hugging his arm and clutching my rabbit. He pulled my hat off and held it in his other hand, and the boat started to swing. It was only moving a little, building up momentum, but I knew it was a mistake. I clutched him tighter as it moved a little more with each swing, my stomach always just behind, or so it felt. When I opened my eyes next the boat began its first real swing, and the ground swept away, too far away. I screamed into his shoulder and pulled him tight, and then we reached the top. Everything went weightless. The boat swung the other way, and I felt like I was dangling inches above the ground at the other end of the swing, only to sweep backwards. Not being able to see made it worse and I jammed my face into his shoulder, hiding.

  It was exhilarating. It couldn’t have been five minutes, but it felt like we were swinging for an hour. By the time the boat stopped, I was molded against his body and panting. I walked oddly down the exit ramp. He never once let go of my hand, until he settled my hat back on my head.

  We took every adult-sized ride in the park. The spinning teacups had me screaming, the helicopter ride had me staring out at the ocean as it carried us high over the park. The only one I refused was the haunted house.

  My head still swimming from the pounding I took on the bumper cars, I walked with him down the boardwalk. We ate hotdogs on the way back to the car, and I ate a funnel cake on the way back to school. I broke off pieces and fed them to him as he drove, and shuddered in strange excitement when he lightly licked powdered sugar from my fingers. The crispy, sugar dough melted in my mouth, so sweet it made me sick, but I didn’t care.

  I was so happy, I never once noticed that we were being followed.

  Chapter Twelve

  Evelyn

  It was a Tuesday, in the afternoon, after my introductory math class ended. The work was trivial. I barely paid attention. My tutors did a masterful job of preparing me.

  My phone rang.

  “Evelyn,” my father said.

  “Hello, Father,” I said, cheerfully. “How are you?”

  “Shut up,” he growled. “Walk back to your dormitory. Now.”

  He hung up.

  I almost dropped the phone. My fingers were trembling. Victor would be over after classes to pick me up. If Father saw us together…

  He was waiting for me. I knew it. My feet moved on their own. I drifted out of the lecture hall and down the hall, then outside. Then, I saw him. He was standing on the sidewalk in front of my dormitory building. After a quick glance to either side, I rushed across the street and walked up to him, clutching books to my chest.

  “Hello, Father.” I said, warily. “I need to…”

  “Get in the car.”

  He was parked illegally in the street. I went over anyway and got in, my temples pounding as I waited for him to get in. He started driving.

  “Victor is here and you’ve been seeing him socially.”

  “He took me to the beach,” I murmured, in a very small voice.

  “To the movies, to the park. You see him almost every day.”

  “Yes.” There was no point in lying. He would know. He always knew.

  “What do you do with him?”

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel. I clutched the books harder to my chest. “I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Has he fucked you yet?”

  The question was like a slap to the face, like cold water dumped on my head.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “That… I…

  I hadn’t slept with him. Not yet, but when he spoke like that, Father was at his angriest. I tried to sink through the seat and disappear.

  “You’re coming with me.”

  “Where?”

  “Home. I’ll make arrangements for you to transfer to another school. Had I known the boy transferred here I would have taken care of it already. I’ll send someone to gather your things. We’re leaving. Now.”

  “No.”

  He slammed on the brakes and stopped the car. “What did you say?”

  “I said no,” I snapped back at him. “I like it here. I like Victor. He’s fun. I have fun with him.”

  “You’re not here to have fun.”

  “You’re not paying for this. I earned the scholarship.”

  I reached for the door. He hit the power locks. I popped the lock and he seized my arm in a vice grip, yanked me back into the seat and floored the gas, throwing me back.

  “You can’t!” I screamed, “You can’t!”

  He slapped me.

  It knocked me back in the seat. I covered my mouth. My fingers came away stained with a hint of red from my split lip. I didn’t even feel the pain.

  I let out a low whine as the tears started to flow.

  “Stop that,” he snarled. “How many times do I have to teach you to keep your emotions under control? You’re a girl. If someone sees you crying you’ll be destroyed. You have to be ice, Evelyn. Ice.”

  “I don’t want to be ice. I want to go home.”

  “We are.”

  “Not with you.”

  The steering wheel creaked under his fingers. “I will tolerate this for now. You’ll come to understand after you calm down and we have a chance to talk. After I speak with Karen and Victor leaves, you might be allowed to come back here. I can understand your wishes to stay. I’d rather you graduated from my alma mater as well, but-“

  “No. No. You are not going to take him away from me.”

  “He’s your stepbrother, Evelyn. It’s unseemly, and I already have…”

  “Have what?”

  “Nothing. Nevermind. Be quiet. It’s a long ride and I’d rather not listen to your inane chatter the entire way.”

  I was going to say something else when a white shape rocketed past his side of the car. Victor’s Firebird blasted past us and her tires shrieked as Victor wrestled the wheel around. The car bucked on its springs as he came to a stop across the road. Father slammed on the brakes again, stopping short. He turned the wheel sharply and hit the gas, trying to drive around, but Victor rolled forward, blocking his path. He leapt out of the Firebird and ran around the back, threw open the trunk and pulled out the longest, heaviest wrench I’d ever seen. It was as long as his forearm and looked like it weighed twenty pounds. To my utter shock, Jennifer was in the passenger’s seat. She got out as well, following Victor.

  “Out of the car,” he bellowed, in a voice that shook the windows.

  The wrench bobbed in his hand.

  I wasted no time. I ripped
the door lock open and spilled out, dropping my books in the process. I ran around and behind Victor. I clung to his back with my arms around him.

  Father stepped out of the car.

  “Evelyn,” he said, calmly. “Get back in the car.”

  “No,” I spat at him. “I won’t.”

  “You heard her,” said Victor. “Now kindly fuck off.”

  Father was livid. He bared his teeth, and turned redder by the second.

  Jennifer took my arm. “Come on. I’ll get your books.”

  “She’s my daughter,” Father said.

  “This is how it works,” said Victor. “You stay the fuck away from her or I have a long, detailed conversation with my mother.”

  Father’s face was a frozen mask. His bright blue eyes burned almost as brightly as my nightmare. He didn’t move.

  “Get in your car, old man, and I don’t bash your brains out.”

  I tensed, clutching Victor.

  “Don’t hurt him.”

  “Hurt him?” Father snorted. “I wouldn’t worry about that, Evelyn. Get over here. We’re leaving.”

  “No. I’m staying.”

  “You heard her,” Jennifer added. “Leave.”

  He didn’t, not until the sound of sirens rose in the distance. Then he walked over and got in the car, and nearly backed over my textbooks. He tossed my messenger bag on the ground, did a quick turn, and drove off in the opposite direction. Victor scooped up my things while Jennifer led me back to the car and crawled in the back seat. Victor got in and let out a deep breath, turned the car around and drove down a side street, back towards the college.

  “Jesus,” He said. His hands were shaking like leaves.

  “How did you know?”

  “Victor came to the room looking for you,” Jennifer said, quietly. “I told him I saw you get in the car with him and Victor freaked out. That’s your father?”

  “Yes,” I said, softly. I was starting to shake.

  “We’re going to talk to campus security,” Victor said, calmly. “I don’t want him around here.”

  Jennifer cleared her throat.

  “Can you drop me off?”

  “Yeah,” Victor said. “Listen, Martin Ross is bad news. If you see him around, call somebody. Stay with other people. You shouldn’t be involved in this at all.”

  “I couldn’t just let him drive off with her,” said Jennifer. “I should have gone outside when I saw, but…” she trailed off.

  “Thank you,” I said, turning to her.

  We let her off out front of the dorm, and Victor sat there until she was inside before he drove off.

  I buried my face in his shoulder and cried.

  “You should stay with me tonight. I have my own room.”

  I swallowed, hard. “Is that a good idea?”

  “I’m not going to pressure you to sleep with me.”

  “That’s… that’s not what I meant, I didn’t mean it like that, I…”

  “I didn’t mean it like that, either. Stay with me, Eve.”

  “Okay.”

  “Let’s get something to eat.”

  We drove out to a pizza place on the highway and ate there, split a medium with sausage and pepperoni between us. I don’t know how Victor stayed in such amazing shape, eating the way he did. I felt calmer after I had some food, but I was still rattled and felt like someone was watching me as I tucked some clothes into my smallest bag and told Jennifer she had the room to herself that night. Victor parked the car while I was inside and met me out front, and walked with me across campus to the upperclassmen’s dormitories. His room was bigger than the one I shared with Jennifer. There was an extra bed. He had it taken apart and stacked up in the closet. After I came in, he started pulling out, meaning to put it together for me.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said. My voice was calm, but my body was in turmoil. My stomach was doing backflips, my heart was pounding.

  I curled upon his bed without asking and took out a geography textbook. I had to study for class the next day.

  The words danced on the page. I suddenly didn’t care much for arid and semi-arid lands.

  Victor sat down next to me and I closed the book. Gently, he took it from my hands and set it on the other end of the bed. He put his arm around me and I leaned on him, sighing deeply.

  “Say what you want, when you’re ready.”

  I didn’t know what to say for a long time.

  When I finally blurted something out, it was just there.

  “I wish I had a mom like yours.”

  Victor was quiet. I laid down with him, curled up against his side. He didn’t press me or say anything. He just let me lay on his arm and rested his hand on my hip.

  “I want my mom,” I choked out, my voice tight with anguish.

  “It still hurts,” he said, finally. “I miss my father every day of my life. I’d give up the house and the car and everything else to have him back.”

  “I thought everyone was like me,” I said. “I thought everyone’s father was like mine. Jennifer told me about her father. He died not long ago.”

  Victor nodded.

  “He never hit her. He took her and her sister to the beach. He bought them candy and ice cream and he never hit her with a belt or burned her. She could watch TV and read whatever she wanted and she went to school.”

  It just poured out of me.

  “I don’t know how to be a person. All I know is math and history I had to memorize. I don’t know what to do or what to say about anything. I don’t…”

  I trailed off, and wept softly.

  Victor rolled onto his side to face me and took me in both arms.I wept softly in to his chest for what felt like hours.

  “This is a co-ed building. You can get cleaned up in the girl’s bathroom if you want.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t want to go anywhere. Victor gave me a washcloth and I cleaned up my face. My eyes were red and puffy and raw and my lip split when my father hit me.

  “If he ever hits you again, I swear I will kill him.”

  I tensed. “You can’t. Victor, you can’t.”

  “Just because he’s your father-“

  “They’d take you away,” I said. “I can’t lose you, too.”

  “Eve,” he murmured, embracing me from behind.

  I leaned back into him.

  “You always know how to make me feel better. Make me feel better.”

  I felt him tense up now.

  “Eve, what do you mean?”

  I turned around, feeling his arms slip around me. I chewed my bottom lip and unbuttoned the top of my shirt. Victor’s eyes went wide but he said nothing. He leaned back and I straddled him, sitting up a little, leaning on his chest with one hand while I undid the buttons with the other. I was not terribly proud of my body and my hand shook so much by the time I was halfway down that I couldn’t work the buttons. I took Victor’s hand instead and guided him.

  “Please,” I said.

  I sat up as he spread the top over my shoulders and tugged the sleeves free of my arms. I wasn’t dressed for seduction, and there was nothing sexy about the plain white t-shirt bra I was wearing, but his rough warm hands were shockingly gentle as he pulled the straps down my shoulders and reached behind me, sitting up a little, to unclasp it. My heart pounded as he pulled it away and drank me in with his eyes. His hands cupped my breasts, and he circled his thumbs lightly around my nipples. It was a hard shock, and made my legs jerk as I sucked in a breath. He sat up and pulled me to him, and kissed me and kept kissing me for what felt like hours, his hands pressed to my back. Finally he rolled onto his side, lowering me to the bed, and tugged my jeans down, took off my shoes and socks.

  The more of my skin was exposed, the faster my heart began to beat. I could barely speak by the time he was slowly drawing my panties down my thighs.

  “Oh wow,” he said.

  The hair between my legs was darker than on my head, but not much.

  “You look like
you’re made of silver,” he said.

  I didn’t think so. I thought I was pudgy in my legs and my breasts were too small and my skin too pale, a roadmap of veins all over me growing brighter as I got cold, and gooseflesh popped up all over my skin.

  “You’re cold,” he said, “Here.”

  He pulled his blankets over me, tucked them up to my neck and stood up. His shirt came off first. I pulled the blankets to my chin and watched, feeling a fluttery feeling in my stomach and heat between my legs. He turned around to undress. The wings tattooed on his back flexed as he moves. He shoved his jeans down and stepped out of them, and I stared at the heavy muscle of his ass and legs. I thought I should be scared, but I wasn’t. It was a kind of nervous excitement, a lot like that moment when I realized the boat ride was going to be a lot more intense than he told me it would be. When he turned around, I gasped. I tried not to look at his cock, but it was the first place my eyes went. I was aware of the basic facts of human reproduction but… I’d never seen a man naked before. I didn’t know it was supposed to be big like that.

  He slipped under the bed and I froze as he put his arms around me. I only relaxed when he kissed me, before he did anything else.

  “First time, isn’t it?”

  I nodded.

  “Okay,” he said.

  His hands were light on my shoulders. He turned me on my back and kissed me. I reached for him, moving my hand down his stomach, but he pulled both my wrists to my sides and continued to kiss me lightly until I closed my eyes. Then he moved lower, touching his lips to my throat in quick, warm touches.

  “Victor,” I murmured. “I can’t get pregnant.”

  “Don’t worry about that yet,” he said. “Just relax.”

  I was trembling, trying my best to relax. He settled on the bed, one arm over my stomach, and spent a very long time softly kissing my throat. He was letting me get used to him. After a while I did begin to relax, even if I was still excited. He had his eyes closed as he worked lower, his mouth and tongue on the skin over my collarbone as his hands caressed my sides. I slipped my arm around his neck and pushed him lower, and he obliged, working his way between my breasts. I never realized how sensitive the skin was there. I started to swear as he worked his mouth around the bottom of my breast from the center of my chest out, his stubbly cheeks scratching my skin, his hot breath flood over me. My nipple stiffened and I thought he would take it in his mouth, but he stopped. I opened my eyes and watched him kiss me everywhere but there, cupping my breasts in his hands.