I'm Your Santa

by Castell, Dianne

  Why this conversation made him hot, Levi didn’t know. But maybe just the comparison of her small female frame to his larger, stronger body was enough to remind him how well they fit together. “By at least seventy pounds.”

  As if that proved her point beyond argument, Beth said, “So I’ll use the rollaway and you can have the queen, and we’ll both be comfortable.”

  Baloney. He’d be miserable all night and he knew it.

  Beth waited for his agreement. “Okay?”

  “Fine.” Since they wouldn’t be sharing one, he didn’t want to argue about the beds. “Are you hungry? Ben was nice enough to bring us up some stuff from the kitchen. I put it in the little fridge.”

  “Ben is my hero. I’m starved.” She headed for the kitchenette. “What do we have?”

  “I’m not sure. It was all in containers.” And he’d been too anxious to see her to worry about food. Levi followed her. “It smelled good.”

  “Well whatever it is, it’s sure to be good. Ben’s cook is the best.” In short order, Beth emptied the fridge of the containers and opened them all on the miniscule counter. “Mmmm,” she purred, peeking into the first container. “Chicken salad, my favorite.” She also found croissants, pickles, fruit, and slabs of chocolate cake smothered in icing. “Manna from heaven.”

  Watching her made Levi hungry—just not for food. Beth wasn’t a big woman by any stretch, but he’d never seen her fuss about her weight or struggle with a diet as most women seemed prone to do. “I have some paper plates here. Do we have anything to drink?”

  “There’s a cola machine around the corner.” Assuming he’d go, she said, “I’ll take a Coke.”

  “You’ll owe me fifty cents.”

  Busy loading the croissants with the chicken salad, Beth laughed. “I’d rather owe you than cheat you out of it.” She winked at him. “While you’re gone, I’ll put on coffee to drink with our cake.”

  Fifteen minutes later, Beth slumped back in her seat with a hearty sigh. “Delicious. I’m stuffed.”

  “You were right.” Levi finished off his coffee. “Ben’s cook is incredible.”

  “I’ll tell Horace you said so.”

  Levi studied her relaxed pose. “It’s nice seeing you like this for a change.”

  She immediately stiffened. “What do you mean?”

  “Ever since last weekend, you’ve been so guarded around me, it’s like being with a stranger. I missed the old Beth.”

  After pushing out of her chair, she put her arms around her middle and paced across the small room. She kept her back to him. “I was trying to bring the old Beth back by pretending it hadn’t happened, and there you go, bringing it up again.”

  Levi’s temper went up a notch. “I won’t let you pretend, so forget that.”

  “Right.” Taking Levi by surprise, Beth spun around and blasted him. “You won’t let me have any space. You won’t let me deal with the changes.” She punctuated each word with another stomp closer. “And now I’m not allowed to pretend, either? Well, newsflash, Masterson. You don’t control me. I’ll pretend all I want to!” She ended that challenge on a high note.

  Levi, too, left his seat. In a metered pace, he finished closing the distance between them. “You’ve got one hell of an imagination, Beth. I know because I benefited from it for a whole weekend and a day.”

  She gasped.

  “But even your imagination isn’t good enough to pretend nothing has ever happened between us. It’s there, and we both remember it.”

  “You…” She seethed, but apparently she couldn’t think of anything to say. With visible effort, she gathered herself. One deep breath, then another.

  Fascinated, Levi watched her. Her behavior even sparked a memory, one that amused him and left him a little more controlled, too.

  He and Beth had a history; he could build on that.

  Little by little, Beth’s tensed muscles relaxed and she even smiled. Sarcastically. “I’m done talking to you, Levi.”

  Even her acerbic smiles looked beautiful to him. “Is that right?”

  “Yes. I’m going to take my shower and go to bed.” With that, she grabbed up her overnight case and stormed toward the bathroom. “I’d prefer it if you did the same.”

  “With you?”

  She almost tripped. “No.” Spine stiff, she took a few more breaths. “You may use the shower when I’m done.”

  “Thanks. I showered right before I found out that you’d skipped town. I’ll just clean up our mess and go to bed.” Maybe in bed he’d have power over his libido. Because right now, he could feel himself getting hard again.

  Maybe it was the thought of Beth naked, under the water.

  Maybe it was just being with her.

  Whatever the case might be, he needed to be a calm, rational man with her, not a lust-craved maniac with a perpetual boner.

  “Suit yourself,” Beth said, right before she closed the bathroom door.

  Right. If he did that, they’d both be on the bed, naked and entwined right now. Better that he go with a plan.

  By the time Beth came out of the bathroom, Levi was in the bed, under the covers, and ready to tackle her stubbornness.

  Other than the bathroom light slanting across the darkened floor, Beth couldn’t see a thing. “Levi?”

  “Careful, honey. Your bed is all ready for you. Do you need me to turn on a lamp?”

  “No.” Feeling like a prude, she’d put on her heavy flannel pajamas, the ones that were too big but comfy, the ones that hid every speck of skin and any curves she might possess. “I’m fine, thank you.”

  “Do you feel better now after your long shower.”

  Levi’s emphasis couldn’t be missed. But then, she had lingered in the shower for a good hour, thinking over everything the other women had said. Though they’d reassured her on many levels, it was still unsettling how Levi affected her so easily. It seemed that whenever she was alone with him, she wanted to rape him, harangue him, or flee him.

  Why couldn’t she just be herself?

  For a little while there, after she’d first come into the room, the old familiar companionship returned. Talking with Levi had always been easy. Enjoyable. Somehow…comforting.

  That insight was a little too profound, because it made Beth consider the possibility that she’d always had hidden feelings for him.

  And the possibility that she’d been oblivious to his feelings.

  “I’m fine,” Beth finally told him. “The hot water felt so good after this nasty frigid weather that I just hung in there for a while. I hope you didn’t really mind?”

  “Course not.”

  Beth could hear him shifting on the bed. She cleared her throat. “I’m pretty tired tonight. Do you think we could just talk more in the morning?”

  “Sure.”

  She found the edge of the little cot and eased down. “Thanks for clearing up our food mess.”

  “I stacked everything. Tomorrow morning the maid can grab it.”

  “That works.” The new awkwardness was crushing. A little chilled now that she’d left the steam of the bathroom, Beth tucked under the covers. “Good night, Levi.”

  At first, she didn’t think he would respond. Then he asked, “Remember that time you were upset and we talked for hours?”

  By necessity, Levi had opened her cot at the end of the queen-sized bed. The dimensions of the room didn’t allow for any other positioning, not if they hoped to be able to move around without bumping their shins.

  Beth turned her head and stared toward Levi’s voice in the darkness. “Yes.”

  “You were thinking of buying a new car because a few of Brandon’s associates had teased you about driving an older model sedan with primer on the fender.”

  “My old faithful transportation. That car got me through college.” She averted her gaze toward the ceiling. “Brandon agreed with them. He said as his fiancée, he wanted me to look classier.”

  The bed springs squeaked as Levi sat u
p. “I didn’t know that.”

  A reluctant smile tugged at her lips. “You were already lecturing me for caring about what others thought, so I saw no reason to tell you that I cared what Brandon thought, too.”

  “As I remember it, you got mad at me for lecturing you.” And then: “Brandon actually agreed with those idiots?”

  Shadows shifted with the wind outside the window. Beth went back in time, to the first and, other than recent events, only conflict she’d ever had with Levi. “I wasn’t really mad at you.”

  “No?”

  “It’s just that I knew you were right. What they thought didn’t matter, not even a little. I was too old to give in to peer pressure or to start feeling inadequate about anything as superficial as the appearance of my car.” She shifted onto her side. “And yes, Brandon agreed with them.”

  “You stayed for three and a half hours that night.” Levi’s voice was low and even, and she could hear the smile in his tone. “We ordered Chinese takeout and watched a back-to-back Jeopardy marathon.”

  Beth remembered every second of that night, but it surprised her that Levi recalled so much.

  “I suppose if you weren’t mad at me,” Levi questioned aloud, “then you must have been mad at yourself?”

  “Yup. For letting those judgmental snobs get to me.”

  Levi laughed.

  “That was almost a year ago, wasn’t it?” The winter storm stirred the air outside, sending sleet to peck gently against the window. The wind moaned and a chill pervaded the room.

  But in the dark, talking with Levi, Beth felt warm and cozy and strangely at peace. “What made you think of it?”

  “Earlier, when I made you mad. You acted the same way you did that night. You deliberately reined in your anger. It’s amazing to see. And cute.” Before she could get too riled over that, Levi said, “I’m sorry that I upset you.”

  He was such a macho guy, yet he didn’t hesitate to apologize when he felt the need. For Beth, that made him more macho than any other man she knew. “Thank you, but an apology isn’t necessary. Once again, I’m more angry at myself than you.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t be. There’s no reason.” He sat up again in the bed. “I never told Brandon about that night. Did you?”

  “No. He wouldn’t have understood.”

  Two heartbeats of silence passed before Levi asked softly, “Understood what?”

  In the dark and quiet, alone and relaxed with Levi, it never crossed Beth’s mind to give anything less than the truth. “That talking to you was easy.”

  The bed squeaked as Levi shifted around. He moved toward the foot of the bed—closer to her. Even without seeing him clearly, Beth knew he rested on his stomach with his fists beneath his chin.

  “Ever wonder why, honey?”

  His close proximity did crazy things to Beth’s libido. “No.”

  He tsked. “Your nose is going to grow with all that fibbing.”

  Beth didn’t confirm or deny that charge, but she did smile to herself.

  With the casual comfort of long acquaintance, Levi rolled to his back. Their heads were close together, but their positioning felt more easy than intimate.

  “I remember that time you got sick with a nasty chest cold. Your nose was bright red and you sneezed in the middle of every sentence.”

  Beth remembered it well, too. “Brandon had an extra long shift at the hospital, so you brought me soup.”

  “And a video.”

  “One of my favorites.” Because she’d seen him in that position many times, Beth could almost picture Levi with his arms folded behind his head, biceps bulging, chest muscles defined. As a phys-ed teacher, he stayed active and in shape, and it showed. “Brandon always refused to see it with me.”

  “I know.”

  The way he said that twisted Beth’s heart. “It surprised me that you liked it.”

  “Liked it?” Levi gave a short laugh. “I hated it. It sucked. It was too sappy and over the top emotional. Give me a good old-fashioned action flick any day.”

  “But you rented it!”

  “Yeah.” His tone softened and became every bit as sweet as the movie. “Because like the soup, I knew it was your favorite.”

  Beth held silent for several moments. Brandon hadn’t known about her favorite soup, or her favorite video.

  Was Levi that much more observant?

  “You watched it with me,” she accused.

  “I watched you watching it,” he corrected. “There’s a difference.”

  When Levi turned back onto his stomach again, Beth could not only see the glow of his eyes in the darkness, she could actually feel his gaze touching on her.

  “Back then,” he whispered, “I guess I was into masochism, because being there with you, so close when you were so untouchable, was pretty torturous.”

  In the same whisper, Beth asked, “So why did you do it?”

  “Because not being with you was worse.”

  Oh God. An invisible fist squeezed her heart, and Beth couldn’t bear it. She came to her knees on the lumpy cot mattress. “Levi?”

  He sat up to face her, only inches away. “I’m right here.”

  Beth laced her fingers together to keep from reaching for him. “Why do you want me?”

  “You’re smart.”

  That ultra-quick answer surprised a laugh out of Beth, and helped to put her need in check. “And brains turn you on?”

  “Your brains do.” He said that with a lot of gravity. “Especially when they’re mixed with a great sense of humor, and sensitivity, and a big heart.”

  Beth inhaled his scent, somehow warmer now, more potent. “So it’s not how I look?”

  Sounding darker and deeper, he asked, “How do you look, Beth?”

  “Female.”

  He fell silent for a moment. “Very female.”

  She sensed his restraint and it turned her on, making her feel powerful, seductive, and sexy.

  In near confusion, he whispered, “I always thought I preferred dark women. Rich, dark hair, chocolate brown eyes. I always thought long legs were the sexiest. And big boobs.”

  “Gee, that’s a surprise.”

  He paid no attention to her mocking interruption. “And lots of confidence.”

  “I’m confident.”

  “Maybe. Sometimes. But you’re also petite and fair skinned, and you have beautiful legs, but honey, they’re not super long.”

  Quickly passing the point of no return, Beth sighed. “I guess I’m not really overly endowed in the chest department, either.”

  Somehow, even without the aid of light, his hands found her face. They were big and warm, and oh so gentle as they touched her. “You are perfect.”

  “I am?”

  His thumbs brushed her cheekbones. “And very sexy.”

  Beth thought about that. “If you could change one thing about me, Levi, what would it be?”

  “Your worries.”

  Her heart melted. So he wouldn’t make her better endowed, sweeter, less headstrong?

  “Levi,” she chastised, because he hadn’t taken any time to think about it, to consider all the possibilities. Still, his answer touched her. “I meant physically.”

  “Weren’t you listening when I said you’re perfect? You are. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

  Beth figured she could pass for pretty, but beautiful wasn’t a word to describe her. She hesitated to speak her mind, but fair was fair—and fair was easier now, in the dark and in the quiet. “I think you look pretty perfect, too.”

  Levi said nothing.

  “And…I have thought about you.”

  A sexual charge broke the stillness of the room, splintering it like static electricity. Then Levi’s hands fell away from her. “I would love to hear more about what you thought, but I made a promise to you, and that means I need to go take a cold shower. Right now.”

  Thinking that he joked, Beth started to laugh, until she heard him leave the bed an
d she felt him move past her. “Levi!”

  “Stay put, honey. I’ll be back out in two minutes. Five if I decide I have to take care of business first, in order to keep my word.”

  Beth almost fell off the cot. She did stumble to her feet. Take care of business? Surely, Levi didn’t mean what she thought he might mean.

  Or did he? “Levi.”

  His only answer was the closing of the bathroom door. A light came from beneath the door, and then the lock clicked into place with a quiet snick.

  Staring through the dark and mostly empty room toward the bathroom, Beth stood there utterly mute.

  Seconds later, she heard the shower come on.

  In disbelief and pounding disappointment, she crawled face down onto the cot and pulled the pillow down over her head.

  She would have screamed in frustration, but she was so turned on she couldn’t draw a single deep breath. Her sisters-in-law and stepmother were right. She had to face the facts that her feelings for Levi were physical, but they were more than that, too.

  She wanted him, yes indeed.

  But because she admired him and appreciated him, and had always respected him; talking with Levi only made the physical need more acute.

  Brooke, Grace, and Sierra knew what she hadn’t wanted to accept: Levi was the guy for her. For too many years she’d missed the obvious. She’d been so blind that she’d almost married the wrong man. Brandon’s unfaithfulness had given her an opportunity to set things straight.

  Now she had to decide what to do about it.

  Four

  Levi stood beneath the spray of the icy water and called himself ten times a fool. He couldn’t touch her. He couldn’t.

  God, had he really made such an asinine promise?

  Idiot.

  Moron.

  He pictured Beth on the cot, heard again her quiet confession, and knew he’d never survive his stupid promise without taking care of business first.

  Letting his imagination go, he wrapped a hand around himself and slowly stroked. His teeth locked.

  He saw Beth’s eyes, dark with excitement. His muscles twitched.

  He remembered the bite of her nails on his shoulders when he’d given her a third climax. Tension coiled inside him.