BEYOND ALL REASON

by Judith Duncan

  His profile taut with strain, Tanner continued to sketch shapes in the margins, the large plaster bandage on his hand standing out against the darkness of his skin, something almost defensive in the set of his shoulders. Her pulse frantic in her throat, Kate hugged herself, waiting for him to say something. When the silence stretched on, realization finally filtered through; there wasn't going to be a response. Rejection in words would have been bad enough, but rejection by silence was even worse, and she turned, feeling like a fool. God, how could she have been so stupid?

  But before she had time to reach the first stair, a strong, callused hand gripped her wrist. She tried to pull free, but he held her fast, his voice gruff and unsteady when he whispered, "Don't, Katie. Don't."

  A single sob broke from her, and he pulled her around, gathering her up in an embrace so strong, so tight, that Kate felt almost lost in it. His hand rough against her face, he tucked her head against him, then molded her tightly against him, as if trying to warm her. Kate shivered, so many sensations breaking loose inside her that she could barely handle them all. But what finally unhinged her was the way he tucked back her hair, then pressed his face against hers. It was the tenderest of touches and did unbearable things to her heart, and Kate abruptly turned her face into the curve of his neck, sliding her arms around him.

  "Ah, Katie," he whispered hoarsely against her hair. "What am I going to do with you?" He smoothed back her hair with his thumb, then brushed his mouth against her temple. And that one single, gentle caress devastated her, and she caught him by the back of his neck and turned her face against his. There was an instant, just an instant, when he went absolutely still; then he inhaled sharply and lifted her face, covering her mouth in a hot, starving kiss.

  It was like being touched by a high-voltage wire, and Kate made a low sound, succumbing to the urgency clamoring in her, her mouth going slack beneath his, desperate for the taste of him. His fingers tangling in her hair, Tanner shifted his hold and dragged her up against him. A frenzied weakness pumped through her when she felt him against her thigh. Another low sound was driven from her, and Tanner spread his hand wide against the back of her head, increasing the pressure of his mouth as the kiss turned wet and urgent, as though some grinding need had broken loose. Feeling as if she were drowning in the fever he created in her, Kate clung to him, yielding up everything – everything – the searching, hungry heat of his mouth electrifying her, the feel of his hand against her face destroying her. God, she was drowning, drowning…

  A violent shudder coursed through him, and Tanner tore his mouth away, his breathing harsh and labored in the silent room. His arm around her hips, he dragged her higher, crushing her against him, and Kate sobbed out his name when she felt the hard, thick ridge of flesh against her. Frantic to feel him pressed intimately against her, she wrapped her legs around him and pulled herself flush against his hardness. Tanner shuddered, his arms convulsing around her. Roughly grasping the back of her head, he angled her face and took her mouth in another wild, plundering kiss, and Kate surrendered everything to his hot, searching mouth. As if driven by an out-of-control need, he rocked his hips against her, and Kate clutched his shoulders, the feel of him rubbing against her blinding her with desire. Sobbing incoherently against his devouring mouth, she lifted herself against him, counterstroking along the length of him, trying to relieve his need – and hers.

  He jerked against her, his fingers snagging in her hair as he roughly tore his mouth away and jammed her head against his neck. His breathing harsh and labored, he folded her even tighter in his embrace, locking one arm around her hips. He dragged in a deep, ragged breath of air, then slid his hand up the back of her neck as he tucked his face against hers. "Come upstairs with me," he whispered hoarsely, brushing her jaw with an unsteady kiss.

  Not knowing if she could bear to let go of him, she clung to him even harder, her voice breaking when she answered. "Oh, yes."

  Shifting the angle of her head, he kissed her on the mouth, his chest expanding raggedly when he dragged his mouth away. He stroked her back, then nestled her head against him and spoke, his voice gruff and unsteady and thick with desire. "Get the light as we go by." Then, adjusting his hold, he cradled her close and started toward the stairs. Feeling as if she were on the verge of splintering, she hit the light switch when Tanner paused. Darkness enveloped the stairwell, hiding them, keeping their intimacy from view, and Tanner pressed a rough kiss against her temple, then started up the stairs. Overloaded with sensation, Kate tightened her arms around him and closed her eyes, her breath catching as she opened her mouth against the soft skin of his neck, desperate for the taste of him. A tremor coursed through him, and he stopped, grasping her by the back of the neck and forcing her head into the angle of his shoulder. He didn't move for a moment, his breathing ragged, then he started climbing again, his body trembling against hers.

  At the top of the stairs they turned and entered his room. Once inside, he shouldered the door shut behind him. The instant it clicked shut, he caught her head and covered her mouth in a kiss that made her sob, made her move against the hardness of him, made her crazy with wanting. Cupping her buttocks, he twisted his pelvis against her; then slid his hand up her naked back, dragging her housecoat higher as he slid his hand between them, cupping the fullness of her breast. Making a low, incoherent sound deep in his throat, he fingered the hardened nipple, then plundered her mouth with his tongue, and Kate clutched at him, a jolt of sensation driving her deeper and deeper into the heat of urgency. Stroking his tongue with hers, she moved against him, desperate for the feel of him, silently begging for more.

  His hand holding her face, Tanner widened his mouth against hers, and Kate shuddered as he carried her across the room, the movement of his thighs and hips making her ride hard against him. Crushing her against him with one arm, he carried her down onto the bed, and Kate cried out against his mouth as his full weight settled between her thighs.

  Lifting her hips to accommodate him, he began thrusting against her, his mouth hungry and wild, and Kate clutched at him with her legs, frantic for the tormenting, assuaging rhythm, frantic for the feel of his hardness against her, frantic for the feel of him deep inside her. She couldn't stand the swelling, throbbing heaviness in her. She couldn't stand the barrier of clothes that separated them. She couldn't stand the torment of being denied the final consummation. Dragging her mouth away, she drew up her knees and arched beneath him. "Please, Tanner," she sobbed desperately. "Please."

  A violent tremor coursed through him, and he abruptly turned his face into her hair, his whole body rigid with a shattering tension. He made a rough sound and dragged one arm from beneath her. Roughly pressing her face against his neck, he eased his weight to one side and cupped her heat, his fingers sliding into her as he began stroking her. Realization about what he intended penetrated the frenzied fog in her mind, and she grabbed his hand away, crying out from the agony of separation. "Please, Tanner," she pleaded desperately. "Please"

  Dragging his hand free from her hold, he caught her along the jaw and pressed her head tight against him, then answered, his voice so ragged, so tormented, so strained that she could barely hear him for the thundering in her ears. "I can't, Katie. I can't. I have nothing here to protect you."

  Destitute, desperate and needing him so much she couldn't bear it, she fumbled for the buckle on his belt. Right then nothing mattered – nothing but having him inside her. Nothing but the final, explosive, rendering, pulsing culmination. Clawing at the fabric of his jeans, she arched against him, sobbing with desperation and need. "Oh, please. Please."

  With an agonized groan, he clutched her head, turning her face toward a fierce, wild, hot kiss, then he shifted, and she went a little crazy when she felt him reach down to free himself. When she felt the long hard thickness of him against her, she ground her mouth against his and lifted her hips to meet his thrust, impaling herself on rigid flesh. Buried deep inside her, he rocked against her, and Kate lost all co
ntact with reality as the sensations inside her started to gather and gather, pulling into one hot, pulsating center. He moved again and again, and the sensations converged, and she cried out and arched stiffly against him, the explosion rocketing her off into a splintering release. But before the first contraction finished shuddering through her, he clutched at her, a low tormented groan ripped from him as he jerked free of her, his own release spurting wetly, hotly against her thigh. Fierce spasms continued to convulse through her body, and she clung to him, sobbing, incoherent and shredded with pleasure.

  Fighting for breath, she cradled his head against the curve of her neck, a fierce, almost frantic protectiveness welling up in her. God, but she loved him. So much. So very much. And at that instant, she was sure the only thing that was holding her together was the savage strength of his arms.

  It took a long time for her to come down, for the storm of emotion to ease, but when she could at last collect her senses, she hugged him and stroked his hair, profoundly moved by the care he had taken with her, knowing the pleasure he had forfeited to give her what protection he could. Closing her eyes against the sting of tears and an unbearable constriction in her throat, she continued to stroke his head, needing to give comfort, so full of feeling for him that she could barely stand it. God, but she loved him – beyond all reason, she loved him.

  Tanner stirred in her arms, and she lifted her head and found his mouth, kissing him with infinite gentleness and care. Brushing the hair back from her temple with his thumb, he released an uneven sigh and kissed her back, his mouth warm and moist and gently, gently searching.

  He exhaled raggedly, then tucked her face against the curve of his shoulder. Kate rubbed the back of his neck, wishing he was naked against her. Tanner tightened his hold on her, his chest expanding as he took a deep, unsteady breath. Fingering the soft silk of his hair, she kissed his temple, a nearly unbearable tenderness filling her chest. "You didn't have to do that," she whispered unevenly against his cheek. "It would have been okay."

  Bracing his weight on one arm, he lifted his head, his touch leaving her breathless as he kissed the corner of her mouth. "I couldn't take that kind of chance," he said, his tone husky and intimate. "Not with you."

  Fighting against the tears clogging her throat, she parted her lips and kissed him, the caress gentle and searching. Inhaling unevenly, Tanner slid his arms around her in a warm, enveloping embrace, deepening the kiss as she smoothed her hand up the center of his back.

  It was as though he couldn't get enough of that soft, caressing intimacy, and it was a long time later when he reluctantly eased away. Brushing her hair back with his knuckles, he lifted her chin and gave her another light kiss, then released his breath in an unsteady sigh. "Come to bed with me, Katie," he whispered gruffly.

  Sensing how exposed he was feeling right then, and knowing how much he was risking with that one single request, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She didn't know why, but the huskiness in his request made her want to cry. Fighting against the surge of emotion, and praying she wasn't making a mistake as far as the boys were concerned, she whispered her answer against his mouth. "Yes, I'll stay."

  Sliding his hand up the back of her head, he deepened the kiss, molding her against him with the weight of his body. Finally he eased away and gave her one final kiss, then rolled free. His profile outlined by the faint illumination coming from the yard light outside, she watched him shed his clothes, longing to caress the muscled length of his back. Leaving on his briefs, he turned back to her, lifting her into a sitting position as he stripped her short housecoat off over her head. Cupping her jaw, he kissed her, then whispered unevenly against her mouth, "I need to hold you like this." Overwhelmed by emotion, Kate turned into his embrace, and Tanner drew her down with him as he stretched out, his kiss intensifying when her naked breasts grazed his chest. Slipping his hand up her hip and across her back, he separated his legs and settled her between his thighs, and Kate's breath caught at the feel of his nearly naked body molded fully against hers. Raking her hair back, Tanner drew back from the kiss, then firmly nestled her head again in the curve of his shoulder. "Go to sleep, Kate," he whispered gruffly.

  Kate closed her eyes, loving the feel of his arms around her, loving him, feeling safe and secure for the first time in a very long time.

  * * *

  The room was still dark, but early-morning sounds were filtering in when Kate awoke and rolled onto her back, a sweet lethargy pulling at her. Then recollection took shape, and she came wide-awake. Her heart suddenly hammering with alarm, she twisted her head, discovering that the space beside her was empty, the blinds drawn and the clock on the dresser confirming her fear. Late. God, it was after eight. She never slept in, and now the boys would be up. Horrified that they might find her in Tanner's bed, she threw back the covers, her insides giving a funny little lurch when she realized she was naked. Closing her eyes, she drew up her knees and pulled the sheet around her, memories swarming in and making her go weak inside. She locked her arms around her legs and rested her forehead on her upraised knees, the flurry in her chest leaving her light-headed. Lord, but it had been unbelievable. But what made her pulse labor was recalling how she had wakened in the middle of the night and found Tanner curled around her back, his arm securing her against him, holding her in the shelter of his body.

  Finally the flurry eased, and Kate awkwardly got out of bed, feeling as if one stray thought could bring her to her knees. She didn't dare think about last night. And she didn't dare think about facing Tanner.

  By the time she had a quick sponge bath and was dressed, she felt a little more collected, but her nerve faltered when she reached the bottom of the stairs and heard a deep male voice coming from the kitchen. Closing her eyes, she hauled in a shaky breath, trying to override the renewed frenzy in her chest. This was not going to be easy.

  Bracing herself for that first confrontation, she squared her shoulders and entered the kitchen, a bright smile plastered on her face. "Good morning."

  Mark was nowhere in sight, but Scotty was hunched over a bowl of cereal, playing with a plastic toy that had obviously come out of the cereal box. He finished powering the bright green dinosaur through some spilled sugar, so intent on his sound effects that he pretty much ignored her. "Hi, Mom."

  Knee-weakeningly aware of the large male form leaning against the counter, she rubbed her hands against her thighs, then looked at him, a funny catch in her voice when she acknowledged him. "Good morning."

  His arms folded across his chest, a coffee mug in one hand, he watched her, his eyes dark and intent, his expression unsmiling. A fluttery weakness pumped through her, and it was all she could do to keep from tipping her head back and closing her eyes, letting those sensations wash over her with an arousing fullness, letting herself get lost in them. Letting herself want him, want him.

  He stared at her across the room, the muscles in his jaw tightening; then he turned and dumped his coffee down the drain, setting the empty cup in the sink. He turned to face her, his expression taut as he motioned toward the utility room. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

  Rattled by the feelings swamping her, she followed him into the utility room, so aware of him and what they had shared the night before that she felt physically disconnected. As soon as she entered, he shut the door and rested his weight against it. Feeling raw and exposed, she looked up at him, feeling as if every nerve in her body were stretched to the limit. Avoiding her gaze, he brushed her cheek with his thumb, then carefully looped a strand of hair behind her ear. His touch set off a new wave of weakness, and she closed her eyes, struggling against the throbbing thickness that made her heart pound and her lungs refuse to function. Overwhelmed by sensation, she turned her face into his hand, and Tanner inhaled sharply and cupped the back of her neck. Murmuring her name, he drew her into his arms and covered her mouth in a kiss that set off a frenzy of sensation inside her. A sudden, frantic, mutual need seemed to travel from one to
the other, and she clung to him, opening her mouth beneath his. Gripping her by the back of the head, he widened his stance, pulling her between his thighs and hard against his groin, and a low sound was dragged from deep inside her when she felt him hard and fully aroused against her.

  Want escalated into an incoherent need, a need to feel him pressed against her, and she locked her arms around his neck, desperately pulling herself higher, tighter, against him. Widening his stance even more, Tanner shifted his hold on her back and dragged her up, resealing his hot, hungry mouth against hers in a kiss that seemed to ravage her very soul. A kiss that was fueled by loneliness, by need, by a fever of want.

  It went on and on until Kate was nearly senseless, and the only thing that kept her grounded was the fierce pressure of his arms. As if realizing that she was beyond recovery, Tanner twisted her against one thigh and shifted his hold. Tightening his arm around her torso, he slid his hand under the waistband of her slacks and beneath the elastic of her panties, absorbing her cry as he touched her where she so desperately needed to be touched. Kate clutched at him, her body going rigid, and he jammed her face against his neck as she involuntarily arched against the stroking pressure of his fingers. An explosion detonated inside her, and a chain of convulsions ripped through her as she came apart in his arms. Cupping her hard, Tanner hugged her against him, his arm supporting her back, his hand splayed wide in her hair.

  Unable to speak, Kate sobbed his name against his neck, and dragging his hand free of her clothing, he wrapped her up in a powerful, enveloping embrace. Cuddling her tightly against him, he tucked his head against hers and began stroking her back. Kate tried to shift her position to absorb more of her own weight, but he tightened his hold on her, his voice strained when he whispered against her temple. "Don't. Just let me hold you."