Shame (Shameless)

by Nana Malone

  He knew the question was unfair. Of course she couldn't handle this. He was talking to her about guns and shooting people and driving away to save her life. There was a reason he kept this part of his life separate from her. She deserved sunshine and rainbows and happiness. And right now, all he was bringing her were shadows.

  "Rafe, what if something happens to you?"

  He swallowed hard and did the only thing he could. He lied. "Nothing is going to happen to me. Everything is going to be fine. Just do as I told you."

  Because she was his sister, she trusted him. And she finally assented. With a brusque nod, he showed her the safety on the gun, how many bullets she had in the magazine, and gave her basic instructions for shooting. Point it away from yourself. Pull the trigger. And then he was out of the car.

  He wasn’t prepared for this but he always kept a few weapons hidden in the lining of his trunk. ORUS technology was far beyond what the US military even had. That was the only thing that Rafe would miss when he was finished with this assignment. Orion and his crew of assassins might be the devil's shadow, but they had some cool as shit toys.

  He grabbed what he needed quickly. Time was running out. When he slammed the trunk shut, he spared Lucia one last glance, and then ran towards the Del Tino house.

  chapter 3

  Lucia held the gun loosely on her lap, her hand shaking slightly. She glanced out the window for the millionth time, not even sure what she was looking for. Rafe hadn’t been gone that long so he probably wouldn’t be right back and the sight of someone else approaching wouldn’t be a good thing either. The enormity of the situation hit her all at once and she squeezed her eyes shut.

  Please God, keep my brother safe.

  Bring him back to me.

  Make this all a dream.

  Perhaps she was overreacting; after all, nothing had even happened yet. But she didn’t like the feeling of sitting here all alone wondering if Rafe was doing something dangerous. So she kept up her silent praying, hoping that it would at least distract her.

  Lucia’s eyes popped open when she heard a sound in the distance. What was that? She didn’t hear anything else. Maybe she’d imagined it? She sat up on the seat and stared at the house across the street, the one that Rafe had run toward. He’d gone around the back so she could only assume he knew who lived there.

  Maybe he was on one of his security jobs and had to help a client. She knew that he helped people, kept them safe, which would explain why he’d had a gun in his car. It made her feel silly that she’d never really thought about him carrying a gun before but she supposed he would have to in order to work in security.

  It was an entirely different thing to see it up close, though. The gun in her hand felt heavy even though it wasn’t that big. Probably because it was too big for her hand. The metal felt cold and menacing, if an inanimate object was capable of projecting a feeling. She had never held any kind of weapon before and wasn’t entirely sure she could even use it if the situation arose. But what if Rafe was in trouble right now and needed her help?

  He told me to stay in the car.

  Suddenly she was irrationally angry at Rafe. How could he do this to her? Why hadn’t he at least called the police so she’d know help was on the way? As the minutes passed, each one feeling like years, her anger drained away to be replaced by terror. Because she knew her brother would never leave her alone and scared if he could help it. If he wasn’t coming back, it was because he couldn’t come back.

  Her fingers curled around the door handle. She chewed her bottom lip, trying to weigh the risks of listening versus disobeying. He’d be furious if he caught her but what if he really did need help and she was just sitting here completely useless? He’d obviously known there could be trouble otherwise why give her a gun? As overprotective as Rafe was, that would have only been done as an absolute last resort.

  Just the thought was enough to make up her mind. Rafe and Nonna were all she had left in the world and she wasn’t going to sit back idly while he might be in trouble. If she was wrong he could be mad at her later. She opened the car door but didn’t shut it, not wanting the sound to echo through the quiet street. This was a fancy neighborhood, the kinds of houses that she’d only seen in magazines. This definitely must be one of Rafe’s security jobs because she couldn’t imagine her brother having any friends with a house like this.

  She crossed the street quickly, keeping the gun under her arm so that anyone passing by wouldn’t see it. The yard was perfectly manicured and she followed a sculpted brick path that led around to the back. It opened onto a pavilion.

  A shot rang out.

  Lucia’s mind spun as she struggled to make sense of what she was seeing. A man in black had a gun. A gun! He shot at something but then his attention was diverted. Had he seen her? She shrank back but was unable to get her legs to move. Completely frozen with fear, what she saw next was the only thing in the world that could get her to move.

  Rafe.

  Her brother was saying something but worse, he was moving. In front of the gun. She screamed as his body jerked several times and then he fell. He hit the ground so hard. No. No. No. For seconds, minutes, hours, days, she couldn’t move.

  But then her vision came into focus. The man in black, he stood over her brother. Fury and horror coursed through her bones. Trembling fingers lifted the gun in her hand. She had no idea what she was doing but she pointed it at him. The kickback when she pulled the trigger shocked her, shaking off some of the cold foggy haze. And then she was running. She had to get to Rafe.

  She tried to get to him but it felt like her legs were encased in cement. When she finally reached him, he was all she saw. Her brother lying far too still. And the blood.

  So much blood on the ground beneath them. She crawled over to his prone body and put her arm over his chest.

  “Rafe! Oh my god, please wake up.”

  His skin was pale white already and she searched frantically for the wound so she could put pressure on it. But she couldn’t find the source; there was just a river of blood that she was sure would consume them both.

  The edges of her vision dimmed but she fought to hold on to the image of her brother’s face. She couldn’t leave him when he needed her. If she could only get him help in time, he could survive this. He was tough. He could survive anything.

  But the darkness won and Lucia felt herself falling, falling, falling.

  Then nothing.

  chapter 4

  Noah Blake studied Lucia DeMarco with a sidelong glance. Normally curly hair was now pin-straight and pulled back into a severe bun. She wore no makeup and her lips that were normally smiling were pinched into a tight frown.

  How had things gotten so fucked up? One moment, Rafe had been there, vibrant and loud, and bossy as fuck. The next, he was gone. His best friend, his mentor, the only father figure Noah had ever known was gone. Scratch that, more like a big brother figure. The point was, Rafe was family. And now, his sister and his grandmother were left to mourn him.

  You are mourning him, too. Noah shook off that thought. He didn't get to mourn his best friend. He had to be strong for the others. The man had saved his life countless times. Noah squared his shoulders. Now he would be looking after Rafe's family. Like he had always promised to do.

  Lucia just looked so damn frail. Like she hadn't eaten in weeks. All of this had taken a toll on her. She’d come to see him a few days ago, begging him to tell her anything about what her brother might've been doing at that house that day. She begged him and he had been powerless to tell her anything. She had no idea who Rafe was, or what he did. Let alone who Noah was, or what he did. That didn't mean that Noah didn't ache to tell her. Ache to hold her close and tell her the truth. To tell someone the truth.

  But he didn't. Because if he told her, she would never stop mourning her brother. She would want to know everything. And she wouldn't let it go. She would forever be looking for the truth, and that would get her hurt. There were no answers t
hat would satisfy her. As it was, she didn't remember much about that day.

  He’d talked to Nonna and Lucia still hadn't recovered her memories of anything that happened after Coney Island. The second half of that day was a blank page. And he could tell that it tore at her, not being able to remember. Not being able to let go.

  The priest signaled that they were about to start. Nonna and Lucia moved slowly down the aisle to the front. He let them go, but Lucia looked back at him and held out her hand.

  She wanted him with her. And the grief, the sorrow, the pain in her eyes was too much to bear. He took her hand and followed her to the pew, sitting next to her, her tiny hand encased in his. And as he looked down at their linked hands, he knew he would never let her go. Like he promised her brother, he would always look out for her because she was his family now.

  * * *

  Lucia held on tight to Noah. Anytime she let go, she felt like she was adrift on a sea, with no land in sight. Dark clouds overhead and no sunlight to guide her. Nothing but shadow and dark murky water. But with Noah, at least she had an anchor. He wouldn't let her float away.

  On her left, her grandmother sobbed quietly. Lucia couldn't cry. She had no tears left to give. All she felt was empty. And try as she might, she couldn't recall anything other than Coney Island that day.

  The last thing she remembered was eating funnel cake with her brother. The two of them laughing, and then ... Nothing. Blank page. The only clear memory she had after that point was sitting on her grandmother's couch, wrapped in blankets, as people talked about her brother being dead. Worst of all, the police said that there had been a fire. So all they had were ashes. Ashes to remember her brother by. Someone who had been so full of life.

  Her inner core rejected that whole idea. Rejected every part of it. But you can't reject it anymore. It's true. He's gone.

  She slid her gaze up at Noah, at the shadow of stubble grazing his strong jaw. Usually, when he was smiling, all she ever focused on were his dimples. And with her, he was smiling a lot. Not today though. She understood that he was grieving too. As far as she knew, he had no family of his own. Rafe had been his partner at their security firm. He’d trained Noah. Pretty much adopted him.

  Noah was in and out of their house as much as any other member of the family was. She hadn't been the only one to lose a brother.

  She squeezed his hand and whispered, "So I guess we look after each other now?"

  His gaze on hers was intense. "Yes. We look after each other now."

  first look at shameless

  I am the thing that goes bump in the night. I am a liar, a protector ... a killer ... I am Noah Blake.

  There is only one light in my darkness, one bright ray in the storm of my life. Lucia DeMarco. And I’ll do anything for her. Anything except show her who I really am: an assassin. Well, former assassin. I don’t really do that anymore ... usually.

  It would be easier if she didn’t call me names. Asshole, control freak … shameless. It would also be easier if she didn’t look at me with those trusting gray eyes. If I didn’t dream about the perfect curve of her — Never mind all that. The point is she’s digging into my world, my secrets, and it’s going to get her killed.

  But first, we have another more immediate concern. Lucia is going on a date—with someone else ...

  And I’m not allowed to kill this one.

  Noah’s Warning:

  Ladies, I know you want to see the full package. But I have to tease you first. So I’m just going to open a few buttons so you can take a peek. And while you’re at it, hold onto your panties because I like it dirty. (The Shameless series unfolds over the course of three books)

  Exclusive Excerpt of Shameless © May 2017 M. Malone and Nana Malone

  shameless ch 1

  There was nothing like the sound of New York City in the morning.

  Between the honking cars, the cursing and the never-ending rush of voices, just walking down the street was an assault to the senses. To everyone else it sounded like noise but to Lucia DeMarco it was a raw kind of symphony. It was a reminder that despite everything she’d been through, she was still here.

  She was still here and still late.

  Already she was out of breath as she hurried across the street, narrowly missing being hit by yet another cab. Unfortunately, Lucia didn’t do the delicate, charmingly breathless thing. Oh no. Sweating caused her overly curly hair to stick to her forehead like stringy noodles and she didn’t pant for air in a sexy, Marilyn Monroe kind of way, either. Instead it was more like gasping out her last breath. Her job as a fashion assistant for THE up and coming fashion line didn’t leave much time for anything unnecessary like sleeping, eating or going to the gym. She made a mental note to start taking better care of herself and filed it along with the ten thousand other things she did not have time for.

  Dodging traffic counted as a workout, right?

  Her phone vibrated in the pocket of her skirt, the early morning humidity and her sweat already making the fabric stick to her legs. She pulled it out while trying to balance the tray of coffees she held with her other arm. Her handbag, a sample from a new designer that her friend JJ had given her just last week, banged against her hip as she trotted through the crosswalk while reading her phone.

  - Where the hell are you? Adriana is losing her shit!

  Lucia groaned and walked faster. It had taken her longer than expected to get the coffee and she was cutting it way too close to being subject to one of Adriana’s famous tirades. If she’d known she’d be running across town perhaps she would have worn something other than four -inch heels. Perhaps the adorable ballet flats she’d borrowed from the sample closet just last night. However, this was the only chance she’d have to stop by the records office today so she’d have to ignore her already throbbing feet.

  When the records office in Southampton had told her they’d sent some of their archives to be held in the city, she’d assumed her research had hit a dead end. It had taken her years to piece together the information she had, and it had been a long shot anyway. After all, what did she expect? Lucia gulped down the huge knot that always rose in her throat when she thought about her brother. Rafe had been gone for six years now, and there were still days she woke up thinking she was fifteen years old again and her favorite person in the world would be in the kitchen making her pancakes.

  It was a knife to the gut every time her mind cleared and she remembered that he was gone.

  The details of that day were still not entirely clear, but she’d managed to piece together where the shooting had taken place and had used every spare moment over the past year to find out more about the owners of the property. It was a struggle to find anyone who remembered anything about it, which was strange in a town where everyone knew everyone. But her tenacity had paid off because she’d gotten a name and had looked up the deed. It had been sold multiple times since then, and the local records office had only digitized their files the prior year. Somehow, some of the files related to the property had been sent off to archives accidentally.

  Lucia looked up at the sign over the drab gray building that housed the New York State archives. Her heartbeat danced in her chest. Whatever she found out today could either shed light on the worst day of her life or lead to another dead end. The heavy glass door opened and as she tried to move out of the way, the coffee tray tilted slightly, leaving a wet, brown spot on the front of her white silk blouse. Awesome. There was no way Adriana would miss that.

  “Sorry!”

  She nodded absently as the man who’d been in such a hurry continued down the sidewalk without taking a second glance back.

  “Good day to you, too.”

  She pulled the door open and let out a sigh of relief when she saw there was no one else inside. The gods of karma were taking pity on her finally.

  “Hi, Brent. I got your message that you have something for me?”

  The man behind the counter glanced up from his computer and smiled. Avera
ge height with dark hair and a nice smile, Brent was a nice guy. Nice seemed to be the only word she could think of to describe him, actually. He’d helped her fill out an official request the last time she was there and had promised to look in the archives personally. The fact that he’d flirted with her made her feel a little guilty. Lucia had never been the bat-your-eyelashes type and she had no plans to start now. However, she was willing to take any help she could get at this point.

  “Hi, how’s your day going so far?”

  Lucia set the tray of coffee on the counter between them and hitched her bag higher on her shoulder. She gestured at the brown stain and grinned. “Amazing! As you can see.”

  He chuckled, although his eyes lingered on the swell of her breasts a bit longer than was strictly polite. Lucia cleared her throat and his eyes finally snapped back up to hers.

  “You said you found something?” she prodded.

  “I did. Sorry it took me so long. I’m not sure what happened when the files were transferred, but a bunch of files were in the wrong boxes. Though, as luck would have it, I finally found the deed of sale from the time period you asked for. I made a copy of it for you.”

  He reached under the counter and pulled out a yellow, legal-size envelope. With shaking fingers, Lucia pulled it across the counter toward her. She lifted the flap with the tip of her index finger but then closed it again. Tonight was soon enough to go down that rabbit hole.

  “So, I was wondering if, maybe, I mean you might not be into it…”

  Her phone buzzed in her pocket again and Lucia pulled it out, smiling apologetically at Brent who didn’t even notice. She glanced down at the text message from JJ. It was marked as Urgent.