Jupiter and Her Moons (Mended Universe Book 1)

by BL Mute

  “You know I do.” She leveled her eyes with me. “Now tell me, will you go see your mom? It’s been two years, and I’m out of excuses, Jupiter.”

  I rolled my eyes. I loved Mia not only for supplying me with everything I needed to be numb and evoking pleasure from my body with her tongue, but also because she never pushed me, never made me talk about shit I didn’t want to. But over the last few months, the subject of my mom had been brought up a lot and made us fight. I guess everyone has their breaking point.

  “You know how I feel about that. I don’t want to see her. I can’t.”

  Mia took a deep breath. “You can and you will. I’m sick of playing the middleman. I gave you your time, I didn’t pry, but enough is enough. I can’t keep doing this, babe.” She dragged her hand down her face. “I do everything for you because I love you—you can do one thing for me.” She turned her back to me and went back to the stove. “Quite frankly, I’m tired of relaying shit to your mom. Just go say hi and let her see that you’re okay.”

  “No,” I said flatly.

  She turned back to me. “No?” She laughed.

  “Yes. You heard me. No.”

  She just laughed, then stormed off into our room. I hopped from the barstool and turned off the stove before following her. When I pushed open the door, I saw her pulling clothes from our closet and throwing them into a bag on the bed.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I yelled.

  She paused and looked at me. “Not this.” She motioned her hand between us.

  “What does that mean?” I crossed my arms over my chest to hold the sheet in place and leaned against the doorjamb.

  She zipped the bag. “I told you, I’m done playing the middleman. I love you; I do. But this shit is exhausting. If you can’t compromise, then I’m gone.”

  My fight or flight kicked in. If Mia left me, then my world would crumble. No more amazing sex, no more pills, no more being numb. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of having to really feel again.

  “Mia, please,” I cried.

  “Please what, Jupiter? Do you think I don’t see how you’re using me? I love you, fucking hell do I love you, but I have to draw the line! I’ve already given up so many of my dreams for you, because I love you,” she yelled.

  What she said caught me off guard. I knew exactly what she was talking about; I knew the hidden meaning, but I chose not to address it. “I’ll go see her. Will that make you happy? I’ll try to be better. I’ll do better, I swear.” I moved toward her and grabbed her waist. “Please don’t leave me.”

  “Jupiter…” She sounded so tired. A few strands had come loose from her half ponytail on top of her head, and her eyes had dark bags under them.

  I walked in front of her and pushed the stray strands away. “Please,” I begged.

  I didn’t let her reply; instead, I did the one thing I knew Mia couldn’t resist. I kissed her. I kissed through her protests, I kissed through her own tears. I kissed until she was naked and we were falling into bed. That was the only way I knew how to make up with Mia. I showed her I loved her with my body instead of my words because I wasn’t sure I even believed in my own words.

  I licked, sucked, and kissed until my lips were raw. I couldn’t let her leave me.

  After what seemed like hours, Mia laid her head on my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair and listened to her steady breathing. I had won another fight.

  “This doesn’t change anything, Jupiter,” she whispered.

  I was hoping she would forget and move on like she always did, but like I said, everyone has their breaking point. “I know,” I whispered back. “I’ll go see her later.”

  Mia raised her head from my chest and kissed me. “I need to get ready for work. I’ll leave the car with you.”

  I nodded and watched as she stood and went into the bathroom. Mia was finally slipping away from me and seeing the truth after two years, and it terrified me. I couldn’t lose her.

  After Mia left, I got into the car and drove to my mom’s house. I parked on the curb and sat in the car for a good fifteen minutes before I even got out.

  I walked to the door slowly and just stood there once I was in front of it. I wasn’t sure if I should knock or walk right in. I hadn’t been home in two years, and the way I’d left wasn’t on the best of terms. I was terrified of facing my mom and wasn’t even sure what I would say. I wasn’t sure of a lot of things, but I knew I didn’t want to be there.

  I didn’t want to deal with the questions; I didn’t want to have to give bullshit answers. I was completely content in my life with how it was and didn’t want her to try and talk me into staying home or some other bullshit.

  I took a deep breath and raised a shaky hand to knock. Before my fist could connect, the door opened and James stood there. My heart started to race, and sweat licked the back of my neck. I never expected to see him again.

  “Jupiter?” He raised a brow and stared at me like he was trying to make sure it was actually me. Over the last two years, I knew I’d changed. I’d lost some weight and changed the style of clothes I wore, but it was still me.

  I didn’t even greet him. I replaced the shock on my face with a bland look. “What are you doing here?”

  He looked over his shoulder, then back to me. “I’m here for your mom. Peyton, Chance, and I still come every year on this day. And I try to stop by to see her anytime I’m in town. We’ve all stayed pretty close.”

  “In town? You moved?” I asked.

  He nodded. “We went back to Texas about a year and a half ago. The firm my dad worked at was needing some help. They gave him a nice bonus to move back, so we did.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure why, but when I heard him explain, my heart raced even faster.

  The last time I’d seen him was at graduation, and I knew I’d said horrible things, but he said he would never give up on me. Moving hundreds of miles away seemed like giving up to me.

  “I was just leaving. Your mom is in the kitchen with your friends.” He pointed behind him into the house.

  I couldn’t formulate any words. I still thought about James from time to time, but I never thought seeing him would drag up so many memories and feelings.

  His hair was shorter, and instead of being thin, he was all muscle. He had a few tattoos on his forearms, and his eyes were still the most perfect shade of green. Seeing him made me want to fall for him all over again, but then the bad thoughts crept in.

  I was with him the night my dad died.

  The whole night came back on a rush, and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to be there or see my mom, let alone James. My heart just couldn’t handle it.

  I shook my head and ran from the porch back to the car. I shoved the key into the ignition, then threw it into gear and hit the gas. I drove to the only place I could think to go—the park.

  I pulled up and parked, then reached into the glove box. Usually Mia liked to monitor what I took, but she wasn’t there, and not knowing wouldn’t kill her. I grabbed the bag taped to the top of the glove box, then put two yellow tabs into my mouth and swallowed them dry. They scratched my throat on the way down, but I didn’t care. Soon enough I wouldn’t care about anything.

  I stepped out of the car and walked to the swings and sat down. The midday sun beat onto my back through my shirt, but it was comforting. I swayed on the swings until I felt the pills hit, then slipped off, crawled to the grass, and lay down. The grass was cool and tickled my skin. It was a nice difference from the harsh sun.

  I let the pills do their job and numb me. I closed my eyes and focused on the distant sound of birds chirping until a loud rumbling brought me back to reality. I opened my eyes and looked over and saw James climbing off his bike.

  “Jupiter,” he said softly when he approached. “Are you okay?”

  I hadn’t noticed before, but his voice was different, deeper, and his face had changed too. The small freckles that painted his cheeks were gone, and his eyes didn’t have the t
winkle they used to. “No, James, I’m not and I haven’t been for two years.”

  He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even shake his head like he used to. But then again, he wasn’t the same James. I guess more than just me had changed in those two years. He had an edge to him now, and the air around him was different. The sweet smiling boy I knew was gone, and in his place was a stone-cold brooding man.

  My mind started to wonder what he’s been doing these past two years and when this drastic change happened. I started thinking about what my life would have been like if I didn’t leave him. I started thinking about a lot of things I shouldn’t have. And then, I asked something I should have never asked.

  “Did it hurt?” I’m not sure why, but I wanted to know.

  He looked at me with no emotion. “Did what hurt?”

  “What I said, the day of graduation.”

  He chuckled and not in a playful funny way. It was more of a “are you fucking serious” way. “Of course it fucking hurt, Jupiter.”

  I nodded. I shouldn’t have cared. I spent the last two years not caring, so I didn’t know why now was any different. I stood and brushed the back of my shorts before I started to walk away.

  “I’m sorry,” he called out behind me.

  I turned and faced him. “Sorry for what?”

  “For not being what you needed.”

  I nodded again. I couldn’t think of a reply, and on top of that, I didn’t want to reply. I didn’t want to tell him he was exactly what I needed, exactly what I wanted, I just wish he wouldn’t have given up so easily. I wish he would have fought harder. I couldn’t tell him all of that because I didn’t want to be sucked back into his world. I had Mia, I had my pills, I was as happy as I could be. I didn’t want to think about him anymore or what could have been.

  I knew I was horrible and did wrong so many times, but sometimes, I just wanted people to not give up on me. To fight for me. Growing up, that’s how my dad was. I wanted that but was too afraid to ask. I wouldn’t pity myself and lay my heart on the line for anyone. I refused, so when Mia came along, and I knew she would give me all of that with asking, I took it and I used.

  I turned back around and started to walk away again. “I still stand by what I said,” he yelled behind me.

  I ignored him and got into my car. I took one last look at him through the window and caught sight of something on my windshield. I rolled down my window and pulled the paper from the wiper, then sped off, not even looking at it.

  “Damn. Usually I’m all for woman going after what that want, but that, what you just told me, is brutal. Poor Mia.” The stranger shakes her head.

  “I know. I was a horrible person. I mean, I did love her, truly I did, but not in the same way she loved me.” I shake my head at myself. “I think the only reason she even continued to use was because of me. In high school she fell off into the party phase, but she really did have dreams to do big things. She wanted to go to school and make a family. She wanted all of that with me, but I didn’t.”

  “Did you ever tell her that before she passed?” the woman asks, staring through the small sliver of armor I have left.

  “I didn’t get the chance. Everything that happened next, happened so quick. I still can’t really believe it.” I shake my head. “Everything that comes next only gets worse—are you ready for that?” I ask the stranger.

  She types something on her laptop for a minute, then turns back to me. “Okay, I’m ready.” She lets out a deep breath, and I do the same.

  The week had come and passed. When I got home from my mom’s and told Mia what happened, she didn’t have much to say. I didn’t tell her James was there only because I knew it would bring up questions I didn’t want to answer.

  The whole week she hadn’t really spoken to me other than pointless small talk, but it didn’t bother me. I preferred to be left alone with my thoughts.

  It was Friday which meant Kip was having another party. Mia didn’t want to go, but of course I did. I got dressed in a tight black skirt and red crop top, kissed her goodbye, and left.

  I had never gone to one of his parties alone, but since I knew the place well and thought I knew him well, I wasn’t worried. I pulled into the drive around nine o’clock and stepped out. Everything was already in full swing and going. Music was spilling from the open door as people drifted in and out.

  I stepped inside and started to hunt for Kip. I wanted more perc before he got too busy tangled up in some girl’s arms. Finding him was easy. Everyone seemed to flock around him since he was the one who supplied all the party favors.

  I walked up and pushed my way through the small crowd. His eyes met mine, then gawked down the entire length of my body and up again. He smiled with his ugly silver grill and pushed the girl on his lap to the floor.

  He walked to my side, ignoring everyone in his small circle, and threw his arm over my shoulder. “Well, my, my, don’t you look tasty tonight.” He leaned his head down next to mine and inhaled through his nose obnoxiously, smelling me.

  He was such a creep, but I did what Mia always said—I played nice. I smiled back at him. “Do you have what I need?” I asked, trying to sound as seductive as possible.

  “Maybe I do.” He shrugged and grabbed his dick. “Or maybe I don’t.”

  I tipped my head to the side. “I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.”

  He smiled again, but it wasn’t a sweet or playful smile. It was a smile full of mischief. He lowered his arm from my shoulder and gripped my waist. “How bad do you want it?” he whispered in my ear.

  My body shuddered and my stomach turned. “You can’t be serious,” I mumbled.

  He licked his teeth, then ran his tongue over my cheek. “So serious.”

  I tried to break out of his hold, but it was no use. He tightened his arm around me and dug his nasty bony fingers into my hip. I wanted to scream and run away; I wanted to call Mia and have her save me, but Kip wouldn’t let me go. The more I struggled, the harder he gripped.

  “I’m sick of you walking around my house with that sweet ass of yours, teasing me. Don’t act like you don’t want me too. I can see it in your eyes.” He growled in my ear as he started dragging me to the hallway.

  “I don’t want you, you sick fucking pig!” I yelled in his face. “You’re fucking delusional!”

  Some partygoers that were walking by stopped for a split second to stare, but after Kip glared at them, right into their dilated pupils, they kept moving. I was seriously alone, and no one was going to help me. I was fucking petrified.

  As we got closer to the door that led to his room, I tried to reason with him, and when that didn’t work, I threatened him. “I swear to fucking god, Kip, I will bite your dick off.”

  He laughed, then turned the knob and pushed the door open. When he dragged me through, I grabbed the doorjamb and didn’t let go, but I was weak. I was a strung-out junky with hardly any meat on my bones and no muscle to speak of.

  He ripped my hands from the jamb and threw me to the floor. “Look here, bitch, if you want any more of what I supply, you’ll do what I fucking want.”

  I glared at him and prayed the shakes vibrating through my body weren’t visible to him. “The fuck I will.” I spit in his face as he leaned down to pick me up.

  He smiled at me, then stood back to his full height. He dragged his finger down the line of spit on his cheek and pulled his hand away to examine it. He crouched back down to my height, got close to my face, then licked his finger covered with my spit.

  Bile rose in the back of my throat and threatened to explode from my mouth, but I didn’t let it. Instead, I took him by surprise and hit him as hard as I could on the side of his head. He stumbled on his bent knees before losing his balance and falling to the floor.

  “Fuck you, Kip,” I sputtered, trying to hold back my tears.

  His eyes closed and opened slowly. If he wasn’t already so brain-dead from the drugs he did, I would have thought I knocked som
ething loose.

  I leaned over his body. I wanted him to see me when I spoke. I wanted him to know I wasn’t someone to fuck with. “Ever touch me again and I promise you, I will fucking gut you.” He stared into the distance. Maybe my hit did do some damage, but I didn’t stick around to find out.

  I pushed my hand into his jeans pocket and fished out the baggy full of pills. Blue, yellow, white. There were so many. I shoved it into my top, then ran out of the room and out the door.

  I got into my car and slammed the door. My hands shook as I tried to unravel the baggy, but I finally managed. I took one of the yellow pills out, swallowed it, then shoved the rest under my seat. I was so shaken and scared, I didn’t want to go home. I wasn’t ready to face Mia and tell her what had happened.

  I leaned my head back into the seat and took a few deep breaths, hoping the pill would kick in soon, then raised it back and gripped the steering wheel. Tears were falling down my face, and my body was shaking uncontrollably. I reached over to the glove box hoping there was a napkin in there so I could dry my eyes without ruining my makeup.

  When I closed it, a crumbled-up paper on the floorboard caught my attention. I picked it up and unraveled it. Written in sloppy black ink was a number, and right under it was a name. James.

  I flipped over the paper and saw it was a flyer for some band playing in town for the week before. James seriously wrote down his number and stuck it on my windshield that day at the park, and I didn’t even know, didn’t even care.

  I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I grabbed my phone from my purse in the back seat and dialed his number.

  “Hello?” His voice was raspy.

  “James?” I squeaked out. I didn’t want him to know I had been crying, but it was a lost cause. I could hear the shakiness in my voice as it cracked.

  “Jupiter? What’s wrong?” I heard shuffling around, like he was getting out of bed or walking around somewhere. I wasn’t sure.

  “I need to see you,” I whispered, wiping my face. “I need to see you now.” I shoved the key into the ignition and started the car. James stayed quiet, but I didn’t wait. I didn’t even know where I was going or where James was. All I knew was I needed to get out of there.