James the Christmas Grouch

by Ivy Smoak

  I stepped into the used bookstore and smiled at the little bell that jingled above my head. The whole store was decorated for Christmas. I breathed in slowly. There was nothing better than the smell of books. Especially ones that had already been loved. And mixed with the smell of cinnamon in the air, I felt like I was in a Christmas dream of mine.

  "Merry Christmas!" said a cheery older woman with long gray hair almost to her waist. She bustled over to me. "Would you like a cup of tea or coffee while you browse?"

  "I would love a cup of tea." I pulled off my hat. The little store's heat was blasting.

  Her eyes grew big for a moment, but the look of surprise quickly vanished. "Very well. I'll be right back." She hurried off in the direction she had come.

  I smiled. She had clearly recognized me. But she didn't ask me questions. Or make me feel belittled. I was pretty sure this was my new favorite store. I looked at the shelves covered with books along the wall first. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the way they were organized. It looked like they were alphabetical by author's last name but then it would switch to being alphabetical by book title.

  "Here you are," the woman said and handed me a mug.

  "Thank you so much."

  "Is there anything I can help you find?" she asked.

  "Yes, actually. I'm looking for an edition of The Night Before Christmas from the late 80's. Well, I think it's probably from the late 80's. I'm not really sure. It's a blue pop-up book, but I can't remember the illustrator."

  She snapped her fingers. "I think you're in luck."

  I followed her through one of the aisles to a cart in the back of the store.

  "This just came in today," she said and lifted a large hardback book off the cart.

  There was a ribbon in the center of it, tying the two sides together. It was blue. I set my tea down and lifted the book out of her hands.

  "It's illustrated by Tom Patrick. It was a Hallmark edition that came out in 1988."

  I untied the ribbon and opened up the book. The first page had a bed pop-up with children sleeping. You could even turn the sugarplum pictures above their head. It was the most adorable interactive pop-up book I had ever seen. Really, it put every other children's book to shame. It was so intricate.

  "Do you think that's the one?" the woman asked.

  "I think it must be." A few pages looked worn, like it had been loved before. But it was still in great condition. James was going to love it. "I'll take it," I said.

  The woman smiled. "Anything else I can help you find?"

  "No, this was exactly what I needed. I can't believe this just came in today."

  "The magic of Christmas," she said with a smile. "Do you want it gift wrapped?"

  "That would be fantastic." I handed her the book and followed her to the front of the store as I sipped my tea. Even the tea was amazing. It was probably where the smell of cinnamon swirling around the shop was coming from.

  "I'm pretty sure this is my new favorite store," I said as I watched her elegantly wrap the book with a bow and everything.

  "I'm glad to hear it." She cut the ends of the bow and got change for the cash I handed her. She gave me the bag and then my change. "Merry Christmas, dear."

  I smiled. "Merry Christmas. And thank you for this. I was searching everywhere for it. This is going to mean the world to my fiancé."

  "I think your story is beautiful," the woman said right before I pushed through the exit. I stopped and turned back toward her.

  "I'm sorry, I don't mean to speak out of place. I just...I see the tabloids. And I know it's probably hard. But don't let the people who don't understand the first thing about love get you down." She gave me a kind smile. "Be grateful every day that God pushed you two together. Especially during the holidays. What a joyous time to be thankful."

  "Thank you," I said. She had made my eyes tear up. How did she know I was struggling? How did she know how badly I needed to hear that? I had the eeriest feeling that if I came back in a week the store would be gone. That I had just imagined it into existence. The most perfect little store. With the kindest old woman. It almost felt like she was me from the future. Giving myself advice.

  "Merry Christmas, dear."

  "Merry Christmas." I gave her one last smile and the bell jingled above my head as I walked back outside. Not everyone in New York was so bad. Maybe I was the Grinch. And maybe my heart had just grown two sizes today.

  ***

  I pulled the change the bookstore owner had given me out of my purse when I saw a Salvation Army Santa set up on the sidewalk outside the store. He hadn't been there when I walked in. He was ringing his bell and had such a big smile on his face. He wasn't like the other Santa impersonators I had seen collecting money for the past few weeks. He looked real. His beard didn't even seem fake. He had the rosy cheeks and everything. Although, my cheeks were probably rosy too from the cold.

  I stepped up to him and placed the change into his basket. Maybe the spirit of Christmas the shop owner had given me would spread to him next.

  "Merry Christmas," Santa said and continued to ring his bell.

  "Merry Christmas, Santa." It sounded silly saying it aloud. Santa wasn't real. He was a part of my childhood that I still held on to in my heart though. And I had never seen a more realistic impersonator.

  He rung his bell again and winked at me, like he could read my thoughts.

  I smiled and continued to walk down the sidewalk. It was fitting that he had suddenly appeared outside the store that held the most Christmas spirit. I turned around to see him once more, but he was blocked from view from all the people on the sidewalk. It was almost like he had disappeared.

  I pulled my hat down a little lower and kept walking. It took every ounce of restraint to stop myself from humming Christmas carols. This was going to be the best Christmas Eve ever. I could just feel it.

  My feet stopped in front of a department store window. There were stockings hung along a fake fireplace. I suddenly had the best idea. I pushed through the doors. There were still a few hours before James would come home. That gave me plenty of time to figure out a way to make him believe Santa was still real.

  First came the stockings. Then some of his favorite dark chocolate candy. What else did Santa always put in my stocking? I smiled to myself. I should have asked myself what my parents had put in my stocking. But today I was a believer. I grabbed a few other things and walked over to the closest checkout.

  Which just so happened to be by the lingerie section. My feet stopped on their own accord again. Head. Was Rob right? Was that all that James really wanted? I thought about last night. And how he had ended up on top of me instead of putting a star on the top of our tree. I bit my lip. It wouldn't hurt to look to see if they had anything good.

  I wandered through the section until I came to a sexy corset thing with garters in what could only be described as a sexy Mrs. Claus costume. I paused, but only for a second. If I was being Santa, I needed the outfit to go with it. I grabbed my size. I didn't have time to try it on. James would be home soon and I needed to wrap the new presents and get ready for dinner. We were going out to some fancy restaurant he said had the best Christmas Eve dinner. I wasn't sure what that meant. Christmas Eve dinner wasn't a big thing at my house. I'm pretty sure I just ate cookies the night before Christmas.

  But I wasn't going to be late. It was the one thing so far he had told me he wanted to do. Everything else was just me trying to force him to do things I did growing up. I draped the Mrs. Claus costume on top of the other things in my basket.

  Well, one thing was for sure. I definitely didn't wear anything like this on previous Christmases. New Christmas tradition - check.

  ***

  I reached behind my back to try to zipper my dress up the rest of the way. Usually I had James do it for me. But this dress was so low cut in the back that I was able to zipper it myself. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The dress was low cut in the front too. I had found the per
fect red lipstick to match the red shade of my dress. And I'm pretty sure I was wearing more mascara and eyeliner than I ever had in my life. Melissa had been sending me YouTube makeup tutorials. I had taken the hint and tried to learn a few things. I took a deep breath. James was going to love this.

  I started to hum It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas as I pulled on my stilettos. Tonight was going to be the best Christmas Eve either one of us could possibly have. I just knew it. I heard the front door open and I rushed to the stairs.

  "Merry Christmas Eve, James!" I yelled from the top.

  He appeared at the bottom of the stairs with a huge smile and an arrangement of poinsettias in red and white.

  I made my way down as quickly as my heels allowed.

  "I'm pretty sure all my Christmas dreams have already come true," he said. "You're breathtakingly beautiful." He grabbed my hand and spun me in a circle.

  I smiled up to him as he pulled me against his chest.

  "Merry Christmas Eve, baby." He ran the tip of his nose down the length of mine.

  "I'm so excited I can barely stand it," I said. "And you even bought a Christmas decoration." I lifted the flowers out of his hand. "They're beautiful."

  He didn't say anything. I turned around to see him staring at my legs.

  "Is it too short? You didn't mention the name of the restaurant so I couldn't look it up. If it's not appropriate..."

  "Penny, you look absolutely stunning. I was staring because I can't take my eyes off you."

  "You look very handsome yourself." And he did. He was wearing a dark suit with a green tie. I loved the tiny bit of Christmas spirit in his outfit.

  His phone started ringing, but he ignored it. "Ready to go?" he asked.

  "Aren't you going to answer your phone?"

  "No, I already know it's Rob." He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door.

  "And you're not answering it because...?"

  "Because I already have plans with you."

  "Oh, James, does he usually come with you to your Christmas Eve dinner? He can come if you want. I want tonight to be exactly what you want."

  "And I want to spend the evening with you. Besides, this place is supposed to have amazing food."

  I stopped in the foyer. "Haven't you eaten there before? I thought this was a thing you used to do every Christmas Eve."

  He laughed. "No. The restaurant only opened a few years ago. I just thought you'd like it."

  I didn't even know what to say. So I just blinked at him. How had I completely misread his idea for tonight? "What do you usually do on Christmas Eve?"

  "The guys do this anti-Christmas thing. It's not important."

  He did have a tradition. We were finally getting somewhere. "Rob mentioned that earlier. What is anti-Christmas?"

  "It's just what it sounds like. It's the anti-Christmas. It's hanging out with your friends instead of family. Drinking too much to prepare for the horrors of the next day."

  The horrors? Of Christmas? Was he insane? Was I engaged to a complete lunatic? I blinked again. "You do hate Christmas," I said.

  "I don't hate Christmas."

  "Then why have an anti-Christmas on Christmas Eve?"

  James shrugged. "You know Mason's relationship with his parents is strained." He didn't offer anything else.

  "And yours with your parents," I said softly.

  "Yeah."

  His favorite memory of Christmas was his father reading to him. And now he hated Christmas because his relationship with his parents wasn't good. I couldn't fix that relationship. They wouldn't even meet me. But I could take his mind off of it. Anti-Christmas seemed like the best way to do that. Besides, he had finally shared a tradition with me. I wanted to experience it with him. "Let's do anti-Christmas."

  He laughed. "Penny, we have reservations. Let's get going so that we're not late."

  "Screw the reservations. I want in on this tradition."

  "Penny, nothing about you is anti-Christmas."

  "So teach me," I said.

  "As much as I love teaching you lessons, I don't want to teach you not to have Christmas spirit."

  "Well good, because you probably can't. But if doing this anti-Christmas thing is what you usually do, I want to do it. To new traditions, right?"

  He raised his left eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

  "Absolutely."

  ***

  It turns out, I absolutely wasn't sure. The bar was dimly lit. And they weren't even playing Christmas music. What kind of place didn't play Christmas music on Christmas Eve?

  The guy at the door stamped my hand to show that I was underage. Not that I wanted to drink. I wanted to wake up on Christmas morning refreshed and ready to go super early. I was itching to run back out into the chilly winter air. And insist on going ice skating by the Rockefeller tree. Or listen to the carolers we had passed by on the way here. Or drag him to church so we could sing the songs I looked forward to every year.

  But I didn't say any of that. For the next hour or so...will it be that long?...I was going to do anti-Christmas. Bah, humbug!

  We wound our way through the other patrons until we found his friends at table in the back.

  "You came!" Rob shouted. "I told you they'd come. Pay up." He put his hand out.

  "What the hell are you doing here?" Mason groaned. "You said you were going out to dinner." He slapped a stack of way too many bills into Rob's hand.

  "Yeah, we all thought you were totally whipped," Matt added. He forked over a wad of cash to Rob.

  "Do you guys make bets on our relationship?" I asked.

  "Usually only how long it'll last," Mason said with a laugh.

  I knew he was joking. Right? I liked James' friends. But Mason still kinda gave me the creeps. He always had a look in his eyes like he was judging me. Or my body. Or something. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But just like with Rob, I was getting used to him. And Matt was always nice to me.

  I sat down in the stool that James pulled out for me and let him take my coat.

  "Ow, ow!" Rob yelled. "You really dressed up for us."

  "For him," I said and pointed over my shoulder where James was hanging up our jackets.

  "Sure," Rob whispered and leaned forward slightly. "I told the guys we're all getting lucky tonight because you're handing out blowjobs for Christmas."

  What. The. Actual. Fuck. Why was he hell-bent on embarrassing me all the time? "Rob, for the millionth time, I am not putting my mouth anywhere near your penis."

  "Well, that's good to hear," James said with a laugh as he sat down next to me. "Do you guys want another round?"

  "Absolutely," Mason said. "Let me help you grab it. What'll you have, Penny?"

  "Ginger Ale if they have it." My stomach suddenly felt upset. I needed carols. And snow. And to watch The Grinch, not be sitting with four of them.

  When they came back with the drinks I took a sip and set it down. "Okay. So now what? Do we all talk about how much we hate Christmas?"

  "No." Matt threw his hands over his ears. "We don't mention that word at all."

  "Rob just said it a few minutes ago when he mentioned blowjobs."

  "Blowjobs?" Rob said with a smile. "Who said anything about blowjobs? Are you suggesting something, Penny?"

  I rolled my eyes. "So we just sit here and don't talk about tomorrow at all? So it's just like a normal day?"

  "Exactly," Mason said. "A normal day where it's totally fine to be fighting with your parents and not be in a relationship."

  "Okay, someone's had too much to drink," Matt said and pulled away Mason's whiskey glass. "Did you seriously just imply that you wish you were dating someone?"

  Mason looked at me and James and then grabbed his glass back. "No."

  Yes, maybe it was unnerving that it always seemed like Mason was assessing me. But he was sad that he was going to be alone on Christmas. And that broke my heart. He was lonely. Is that why they were all here? Because they were single on Christmas Eve?
<
br />   "I have an idea," I said. "And please forgive me in advance because I'm about to say Christmas a bunch of times."

  Matt groaned.

  I looked over at James and he was smiling at me.

  I turned back to the group. "I think you guys should let me hijack anti-Christmas. And show you what Christmas Eve is supposed to be like. Because this," I said and gestured to the sad bar, "is not what Christmas is all about. The only thing you've got right is that we're all together. So let's stop getting drunk and go have fun out there."

  No one said anything.

  "It's Christmas Eve, guys. It only comes around once a year. We can do this the day after Christmas. Please. I promise it'll be fun." I glanced back at James.

  "I'll get our coats," he said. "You guys in?"

  "Fine," Mason said. "But I'm not singing."

  Matt pushed back his stool. "Ditto."

  Rob downed the rest of his drink. "Let's Christmas Eve the shit out of everything."

  "That's the spirit," I said. I guess.

  ***

  They weren't fans of listening to carolers. But I had kind of expected that. If it had been snowing it would have been easy to entertain them with a snow ball fight. The Christmas angels were holding back on me, though.

  "There!" I said and pointed at a cute little stand selling roasted chestnuts. "I've always wanted to try those. Have you ever?"

  James shook his head.

  "You've lived in the city growing up and never once had a roasted chestnut? Are you insane? If they had them in Wilmington I would have tried them." I stopped by the stand and ordered some for all of us.

  I popped one in my mouth. It was surprisingly sweet. Not at all nutty tasting like I was expecting.

  "It kinda tastes like a sweet potato," Rob said and then spit it out on the ground.

  I laughed. "Not a fan of sweet potatoes?"