So Wrong, So Right

by Brenda Ford

  “Not Benjamin, no.” Oh. I guess I can stop worrying then, right? “James.”

  James. It takes me a couple of moments to process this. His name doesn’t quite fit in with the conversation that we are having here. “James?” I demand. “But what the hell has James written a book about?”

  “Education. Based on his work done for his post grad. What he’s written is actually surprisingly good.”

  I practically bend double in shock. I don’t know how to take this at all. It clearly shows that James isn’t the person I left behind because I don’t ever remember him talking about writing. Although maybe I didn’t know him at all. We did discuss a future and tell one another that we were in love, but in reality, it was only a relationship of a few months. Plus, look at the secrets I have kept from him…

  “I didn’t know that he would write a book. I didn’t know he had it in him.”

  “Well, I guess he does.” She shrugs her shoulders and stares at me sympathetically. “I don’t know how you are feeling about him these days, but he isn’t a bad guy. He’s actually a really good guy.”

  “So, you are on his side now?” I bite back automatically, and I don’t really know why.

  “I didn’t know there were sides. I don’t quite understand why he doesn’t know that he’s a father.”

  My blood runs ice cold. “You didn’t tell him, did you? Because I haven’t decided what to do yet.”

  “Of course, I didn’t tell him, that isn’t my job to… but I think it might be yours.”

  God, she’s right. It is my job to tell him, but how can I do that? How do I blurt out that intense life changing information which is guaranteed to make him hate me more than he already does? It feels impossible. At least it does until I glance down at baby Sierra who is half him and I realize that it doesn’t matter how he feels about me. It just matters that she has had a chance to get to know him.

  “I will,” I tell Annie much more confidently than I actually feel. “I’ll find a way.”

  “Well, if you want me to help you, I will. I know that it isn’t going to be easy…”

  I don’t know if she can fully understand though because what she shares with Alex is always straight forward and easy. High school sweethearts who have become love’s young dream. Not like me and James who were sort of step siblings and now kind of enemies… urgh, what luck I have.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  James

  “Wow, it really feels empty here,” I say as I walk through the house, which is now Dad’s alone. “She finally took all of her stuff, huh? That must have been pretty awkward for you. Did you argue?”

  “I waited out of the way while Mary sent in movers,” Dad replies wearily. This whole mess has really worn him down, it’s so sad to see. I’m frightened that it might lead him to another heart attack. Since he took on less stress at work, his health has been better, but this could tip him over the edge. “So, we didn’t have to see one another. I’m just glad that she finally has her own apartment and she isn’t hanging about in a hotel as if we are on a break, not divorced. As if I would ever take her back after she slept with my staff members.”

  We both know that Mary must have cheated on him more than the one time that he caught her, but there isn’t much point in obsessing over that now. It’s dead and done, dragging it up will only cause unnecessary pain.

  “She was alone?” I ask cautiously. “I mean, aside from the movers of course. She wasn’t with anyone?”

  “Why? What have you heard?” Dad practically jumps down my throat. “Is she with someone new?”

  “Er, I don’t know anything about that.” Probably, but that’s beside the point. “I was more talking about friends… or you know, family members. She could be with family members, couldn’t she?”

  “She doesn’t really have any family, does she? Mary has pushed everyone away over time.”

  “She has a daughter.” God, I feel like an idiot for even bringing this up, but hinting isn’t working, and I need my answers. “I heard that Rue was back in town, that’s all and I was wondering if you have seen them.”

  Dad furrows his eyebrows at me. “You are joking, aren’t you? This isn’t some sort of prank because I can’t deal with that. You absolutely can’t be thinking about Rue again after all this time? After all the trouble?”

  “I thought you liked Rue,” I shoot back a little pathetically. “I didn’t know that you had an issue with her.”

  “I only met her briefly and she caused all kind of havoc, didn’t she? Do you not remember all the drama?”

  “That was Mary. Please tell me that you recall that much.” I don’t want to get annoyed, but he’s pushing all of the wrong buttons here. “Rue didn’t start any of the arguments, she did nothing wrong.”

  “Please, for the love of God, tell me you aren’t thinking of going back there. I just got that family out of my life. I’m not up for bringing them back in. Don’t go anywhere near Rue. She will just fool you like Mary did me. I can’t deal with another expensive divorce because of them money grabbing…”

  “Dad, I was just asking you if she’s in town. God, I’m not planning to marry anyone. Are you joking?”

  “You don’t think I know you, but I do. I know that look on your face and it worries me.” His hands rest on his hips. “I don’t think that you should go anywhere near this girl, I’m serious. Whether she is like her mother or not, it doesn’t matter, does it? She’s connected to Mary which is going to be a problem forever.”

  I get what my father is saying to me, but I can’t see it exactly how he does. I don’t think seeing Rue and getting the answers from her and closure I need is a bad thing… but that might just be me being desperate to have that story all wrapped up in a full fucking circle. The last two years of loose ends have been hard.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever, Dad.” I make a big effort of rolling my eyes, so I really don’t seem bothered. “I was only asking if she’s here anyway, I didn’t say that I wanted to see her. I’m glad that you got rid of Mary. I tried to tell you a million and one times that she wasn’t good for you, so I’m happy you listened…”

  “I know, I know. You don’t need to keep rubbing the ‘I told you so’ in my face.”

  We joke and tease each other for a little while longer, but to be honest being back in this house and talking about Rue is bringing back all kinds of memories. The happy ones where things were amazing between us. When we would sneak around and find snatched exciting moments together, kissing and making love whenever and wherever we could. Back before it all became a fight against the rest of the world when it became less about me and her and more about the big battle that we needed to win… which now that I’m thinking about it might have contributed to what pushed her away. It wasn’t the same after Mary and Dad found out about us.

  I wrap my arms around myself, hugging my body as if it’s her again and I have my forehead rested on hers while she strokes my back and looks at me like I am the love of her life. I miss that so much it hurts.

  I think about all of the messages that I have in my phone from women who want to hang out with me, but that I have been ignoring and it’s so obvious why. They aren’t her. No one is her. Now I just have to hope that Annie follows through on what she promised me, and she somehow manages to arrange it so that me and Rue can talk. I don’t know what I will say to her, what I want from her, but I don’t want nothing. I will have to keep the meeting a secret from my dad at first since he’s so against it, but one more secret won’t hurt…

  “You do know what you want from me,” Rue rasps in a very sexy voice as she strolls through my apartment towards me, looking like a fucking sex goddess from where I’m sitting. Every part of me sets alight. “Why are you still pretending to myself that you don’t want me? Ook at you, you are drooling.”

  She doesn’t sound exactly like the girl I remember, more like a porn star, which only reinforces what I already kinda know… that this is a dream. Not that it makes it any les
s thrilling for me.

  “But you can’t have me,” she continues as she slides her hands down her body. That stunning body of hers which has suddenly become completely naked aside from the bright red lacy thong barely covering her whispers of public hair. “Because I am the only one who can have me these days. Didn’t you know?”

  She bits down seductively on her bottom lip as her fingers work their way in to her under wear. My cock strains against my trousers but I can’t seem to move at all. I’m basically pinned to the couch with my hands cuffed away from me so all I can do is watch the torturous show unfold in front of me.

  “Oh God,” she groans as her fingers plunge into herself. I can almost feel her wet heat in the air. Her desire is so thick and full of lust that it hits the back of my throat. I want to replace her fingers with mine, to taste her, to have her tight pussy wrapped around me. “Oh, I have missed this, James. I saved it. I saved myself for you.”

  Fuck, those words are too much. They free me from my prison, and I leap up to hold her. But before my fingers can even graze over her silky flushed skin, she takes my cock in her hand first. Yep, all of a sudden, I’m completely naked as well. Nude and under her spell. My eyes fix on hers and I see the passion dancing in her gaze as she strokes her hand up and down my length, causing me to stiff up in pleasure. It’s building up inside of me, preparing me to explode and erupt like a volcano. I want to halt the process really because I want to savor every moment of this wonderful moment, whether it’s reality or a dream, but I have no power over myself.

  “I have missed you too,” I whisper. “There hasn’t ever been anyone quite like you in my life.”

  I slide my eyes closed, almost as an out of control reaction, and by the time I pop them open only a split second later, Rue is on her knees and I am fucking her mouth, hitting the back of her throat hard. But Rue is on fire and she can handle all of me. She looks like she is really enjoying me buried deep within her.

  “I’m going to come,” I warn her as my hips buck harder and faster. “Everywhere.”

  “There is only one place I want you to do that,” she replies, her words vibrating right the way down to my base. “I want you inside of me. I want to feel you. I need you, James, I can’t stop myself.”

  I yank her to her feet in an instant, needing that as well, and my lips find her nipples. I suck and lick hard, my head spinning as I do. It’s been so long since it was more than just sex, since I actually felt a connection. Now, I can feel it so hard that I might burst into tears. I can barely keep it inside. This is emotional.

  By the time my cock finds her entrance, I can feel her pulsing with need. A part of me just wants to hold this woman, to tell her that I don’t think I have stopped loving her even after everything she did to me, but the animalistic primal side of me is fiercer and more needy. It takes over me, making sure that I can’t say a damn thing, and I plunge deep inside of her. Rue’s soaking hot walls fit me like a glove, reminding me that we are supposed to be together, that we would still be together if it wasn’t for everyone else.

  Shit, am I crying? I don’t know, my face feels a bit wet though, which is weird because my emotion hasn’t stopped us from thrusting hard against one another, the sound of our bodies slapping together echoing through the room. Nor has it stopped the hot bliss from circling through my veins.

  “You are mine.” It doesn’t help me when Rue continues to make this statement loudly in my ear. “You are mine and you always have been. You know that, James Roberts, so I don’t know why you keep trying to escape.”

  Much as I want to tell her that I haven’t ever tried to escape her, I can’t get a damn word out when her body starts shuddering violently. The orgasm is creeping through her at the same time as it’s coming for me, and whether this sensation is only happening in my mind or in reality, it’s so intense that I can’t focus on anything else. Just me and her. Me and Rue Nelson, the woman for me, ‘the one’.

  “Don’t leave me again,” I beg to dream Rue as we reach our peak hard together, losing ourselves to the rushing, washing pleasure that swallows me up and swirls me through heaven, before erupting like a damn volcano everywhere, making a real mess of everything. “Don’t ever go, please.”

  But she’s becoming slippery already, hard for me to hold on to, I’m losing her before I can even tell her that I love her. She’s going, just like she always does, and I am about to be alone once more.

  Story of my life.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Rue

  “Are you sure that you’re going to be okay, Mom?” I ask cautiously for what feels like the millionth time. “You will get in touch with me if Sierra needs me, won’t you? I don’t like leaving her like this.”

  “Rue, will you just go?” she laughs at me. “Sierra is asleep, and that child never wakes up when she’s down. You have certainly done a lot of things right with her.” Wow, a compliment. An actual nice comment from my mother, letting me know that I have done well. I didn’t think I would ever see the day. That just shows how far me and her have come in our relationship. These words nearly bring a tear to my eye. “I will call you if anything happens at all. But you have had a stressful week getting me all set up here. Go out and have fun.”

  I’m also shocked by the softness in her face as she looks at me. It really does feel like this time around things are different. Me and her are finally on the right wavelength and things are improving. I’m over the moon to finally have something to build upon when it comes to me and her. This is all very positive.

  “Thank you, Mom. I do appreciate this a lot. I’m just going to check on Sierra one last time.”

  She tries to stop me, but I know I’m going up anyway because this is really hard for me. I have left Sierra with Dad and Kira a couple of times, but this is something new. I’m just doing it because Annie was so insistent that I need a night out with her, and I can’t help but agree. I think we need some girl time. All parents need a moment to be an adult anyway. That’s what I have to keep telling myself, so I don’t fall apart.

  While Sierra sleeps, I see James in her more than any other time. She has the same peaceful look that he does. Now, being in the same country as him, that’s difficult to see that side of her and not consider Annie’s words. I suppose I do owe James the truth, he didn’t really do anything wrong and he did always insist that he wanted a baby with me, but it’s just so freaking terrifying. I’m much too scared to get those words out.

  “I love you, baby girl,” I whisper to her, so quietly that I definitely won’t wake her up. “I love you a lot. I hope you know that. You are one hundred percent the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even if you were a surprise.” I chuckle to myself, trying to stop the emotion from getting to me. I have spent a long time getting my make up right, the last thing that I want to do is ruin it now. “I love you so much and I will make you proud. Somehow.” I suck in a deep breath. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I will.”

  I can feel that I’m about to change my mind and stay in after all, so I take a step back and I smooth down my tight black dress once more. I don’t know if I am totally confident in this outfit, it’s a little more revealing than something I would normally wear, but Annie leant it to me, insisting that it would look good, and Mom agreed.

  “Okay, I am going,” I tell myself more than anyone else, and I force myself to turn and leave. “I am.”

  “Is she okay?” Mom asks with a calm smile as I reach the living room. “Sleeping like a little angel?”

  “She sure is.” I glance at my watch. “Oh, I better go because I’m going to be late.”

  “Have fun, don’t worry about being as late as you want. I won’t wait up for you.” I choose to ignore the twinkle in her eye. “And of course, I will let you know right away if I need you.”

  I lean in and kiss Mom on the cheek, something that I never thought I would do, and I wave goodbye to her as I leave. In a way, this shock visit back to America has been really g
ood for me, it’s helped me to let go of all the tension and resentment from the past, it’s made me see that my bad relationship with Mom was her fault, but my attitude held a little bit of blame as well. However, despite all of that, we have managed to get passed it.

  The cold air whips around me, making me fold my arms tightly around my body. I feel even more awkward in this dress now. Jeans and a tee shirt would have suited me better, but I refuse to go back inside. Plus, I know for sure that Annie would go mad. She told me that this is her last time to get dressed up before she’s too pregnant to fit in to her clothes, so I owe it to her. Thinking of it like that makes it much easier.

  “Rue!” Soon, I find my friend in a dress that makes mine look quite conservative actually. At least I no longer feel ridiculous and overdressed. “Rue, look at you. You look fantastic.” She pulls me in for a hug. “Thanks for coming out. I have been looking forward to this night all day long so I’m glad you’re here.”

  She takes my hand and pulls me inside the nearest cocktail bar. There, she orders herself a non alcoholic fruit concoction, and ignores my request for the same thing to get me one filled with booze.

  “What are you doing?” I giggle. “I need to stay sober with you, you know.”

  “Oh, I know you have your baby to get back to, but you can have one.” She shoots me a cheeky wink. “You need to loosen up a bit. I haven’t ever seen anyone quite as tense as you in my life.”

  She’s exaggerating, I know that she is, but the alcohol does slide easily down my throat. Maybe a little too easily. I’m all up for having a good time, but I do have responsibilities and I need to remember that.

  “So, how has your day been?” I ask as we find a seat at a little table in the corner of the room. “Busy?”

  “Always busy. Always.” Is it me or can she not meet my eyes? It leaves me wondering if she has seen James about his book some more. Not that I’m interested. Nor do I want her to speak about him. “Glad to chill out.”