Musings of a Postmodern Vampire

by P. J. Day

  “Yeah, so what? This is no secret,” I said. “How does this relate to us?”

  “Not only is our manufacturing base long gone, but because corporate espionage is so rampant over here, and there is absolutely no copyright control whatsoever, our R&D and everyone else who is making a quick buck over here is going to disappear, too.”

  “Okay... and?”

  “Can’t you see, Jack? They don’t care. Schnell probably doesn’t care. You think once they uncover the truth behind this mess, Schnell will pack up and leave China?”

  “Probably not,” I said, giving another quick glance around our surroundings. This conversation had me a bit paranoid.

  “No one is. No one cares anymore. It’s all about the money. There is no such thing as a long-term outlook anymore. As long as they continue to make money in the now or for the next quarter, borders, national pride, fairness, democracy, art, innovation and humanity, mean nothing.”

  “I know, it sucks. But it’s the world we live in.”

  Ted slammed his cup on the table.

  “These companies... who is benefiting from these overseas arrangements? You and me, because we’re employed. So, just a few... a few people are making millions at the expense of a country’s identity. I’m risking my freedom being here, and so are you; for who... or what?”

  I sat completely still. I didn’t really know how to react to Ted’s sudden change in persona. Part of me knew that this day would come. Ted was too much of a free spirit to be locked down by the rigors and rules of a huge corporation; however, I had no idea it would ever be on these terms. He always seemed, for a lack of a better word, apolitical.

  “Fine. I can’t stop you. You are your own man. You want to leave me to fend for myself? What do I tell Alan and Rebecca... they’re looking for you, you know? We thought something terrible might have happened to you.”

  Ted was about to say something when suddenly, he leaned back in his chair. He raised an eyebrow, carefully staring at the lower half of my face.

  “What happened to your lip? It’s kinda swollen.”

  “I had this weird dream. I was chasing this kid and then I tripped and bit my lip. I woke up and there was blood in my mouth. I must have bitten it in my sleep. The whole thing felt so real.”

  Ted didn’t dwell too long on my explanation. As usual, the conversation boomeranged back to him in an instant. “Tell them I left for Los Angeles early this afternoon.”

  “You want me to tell them… what?”

  “Tell Alan and Rebecca I had an emergency or something. I don’t know... tell them the police found a dead guy in my backyard and I had to leave immediately for questioning.”

  I let out a loud laugh. A few of the patrons reared their heads at our table. Ted squirmed in his seat.

  “Hey, you’re drawing too much attention our way. Calm down,” he said.

  “Sorry, but that ain’t gonna fly. You’re really quitting, right?”

  Ted paused and didn’t look completely comfortable when I asked him if he really was resigning.

  “Yes, I’m done.”

  “So, you’re okay with leaving me behind?”

  “Jack, listen, I’m a nervous wreck. I haven’t slept in three days. I can’t do this. I am a liability. Believe me, you are better off without me right now.”

  “Fine. I’ll tell Alan and Rebecca that you quit, got cold feet, and you are returning home. Simple as that.”

  “Crap! What about all my shit in my room; it just doesn’t fly, does it?”

  Ted and I paused for half a minute or so, thinking of a better excuse than one of a man being overwhelmed by corporate pressure. Although technically true to some degree, I had to come up with something that would keep Alan and Rebecca from suspecting that Ted was still in Hong Kong for another 24 hours.

  “Tell them I went to Singapore. Tell them I went to visit Psytech out there. They are larger than Guangzhou. They would understand,” he said.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, tell them that we were about to lose the account and I left in a hurry. Just convince them that I would try to make it back to join you guys again.”

  “Sounds plausible. That should buy us some time.”

  “Good, now give me the key to your room. They’ll never suspect I’m there. Don’t let either of them into the room, okay?”

  I handed my spare key to Ted, again checking the surrounding area for funny looks or familiar faces. With Ted now officially out of the picture, I was confident that I could take control of my account again through sheer charm and business savvy, despite not being completely fluent in the client’s native tongue.

  “I’ll go to the room first. If you need to go to your room tonight, just wait a few minutes,” said Ted.

  “I’ll see you up there in about 15 minutes. I need to make a couple of phone calls,” I said.

  Ted slowly got up from the table and scouted the immediate area before heading up to my hotel room. I decided to call Alan so I could let him know that Ted was currently on a flight to Singapore. I rubbed the smudges off of my smartphone. For some reason or another, the oils that secrete at the end of my fingertips are a little thicker than what mortals exude. They tend to cake up my phone when dry. Gross, I know. To this day, I can’t find a solution. I scratched the last remaining piece of dry oil with my nail and dialed Alan’s number.

  “Alan, it’s me, Jack.” I paused, took a deep breath and exhaled. “I found Ted.”

  “Where is he?” Alan asked.

  “He is on a flight to Singapore as we speak.”

  “What?”

  “He is on his way to handle the Psytech account. They are extremely upset and are threatening to drop us. Unfortunately, they are Ted’s largest account and our territory’s third-largest client.”

  “Did you authorize Ted to do this?”

  “Nope. Proactive thing, I guess.”

  “Is he coming back?”

  “He said he would try to make it back as soon as he’s done, maybe in around 48 hours. I really don’t know.”

  I could hear Alan giving Rebecca a recap of our conversation in the background. Rebecca then gave Alan directives on what to ask me next.

  “How certain are you that Ted is going to make it back within the next 48 hours?” asked Alan.

  “Again, I’m not sure. This is a big account. I know it’s important what we’re doing here, but I can’t let an account like Psytech slip away.”

  Alan’s voice was getting more and more agitated with each ensuing answer.

  “Did you know anything about this beforehand?”

  “I knew there were some issues with Psytech, but nothing major until Ted called me right before boarding the plane.”

  “You better be telling me the truth, Jack. I hope you didn’t have all this planned and purposely kept this information from us.”

  “Why does it matter, Alan? You’re just an engineer. These are not your accounts, they’re mine,” I said, finally snapping.

  “Oh, I see. Okay then, it’s your account if it makes you feel better, Jack. You’re right. I’m just an engineer, as you say. We’ll do this without Ted. It’s no big deal,” Alan said in a patronizing tone.

  “I didn’t want to say anything to you earlier. I mean, you’re just a technician. A good one... but these are still my accounts. I don’t know what Rald may have told you, but I am pretty sure he didn’t tell you that all of a sudden, I was your subordinate. The plan will be okay if I lead.”

  Alan paused. There was an awkward silence on the phone. Then I heard Rebecca murmuring something, but it wasn’t distinguishable. Alan then continued, “We’ll just see you tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. Be ready. No more surprises, please.”

  “Nothing out of the ordinary from here on out. We have a pretty good team, as is. I’ll see you tomorrow. Tell Rebecca I said good night.”

  I quickly hung up the phone. I didn’t want to risk further power struggles. I already said my piece and that should be good enough go
ing forward.

  I knew from here on out my relationship with Alan and Rebecca was going to be rocky. However, there was no way I was going to back down and let some bossy know-it-all coup my livelihood. I had to reassert myself and reestablish corporate hierarchy. I’d play along but I would never surrender my role as head of these accounts, under any circumstances.

  In the meantime, I thought I bought Ted some time to get his act together so he could sneak out of Hong Kong and ride off into the sunset. Also, there were pressing matters at hand. I needed to call Holly and set up a date. Maybe a little dancing tonight? We’d see what the night had in store. I needed to be a good boy.

  Chapter Three

  I closed my eyelids and I felt tears running down my cheek, eventually settling at the edge of my upper lip. They tasted somewhat sweet, unlike the tears of mortals, salty and crude. I had just taken a picture of myself. I didn’t want to look tired, beat-down, and worn when I presented myself in front of Holly, so I decided to take a few pictures of myself.

  “Stupid flash!” I said loudly. Ted didn’t even flinch. He was on my bed in only his boxers and a T-shirt. The silly beret he had on at the cafe was dangling at the end of one of his big hairy toes. He was launching the beret into the air by flicking his ankle, all the while trying to make it land on his head with the showmanship and flavor of a failed French Canadian circus act.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I guess. It stings a little. I keep forgetting to turn off the flash.”

  I stared at the small camera screen, mimicking my face that was in the picture. It was an infantile attempt at a smoldering look, or who knows, maybe it did look nice. Sometimes it’s really difficult to gauge one’s attractiveness. If I consider myself good looking at all times, I risk entering a state of narcissism, with all its hang-ups and psychological pitfalls, and if I went ahead and downplayed how I felt about my physical attributes, I risked losing confidence. I’d always wondered what it was like to be human and have a myriad of mirrors in your home. What was the feeling like... waking up and looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror, first thing in the morning? Is that love handle getting larger? I need to weigh myself. I’ve gained five pounds! Time for a morning jog. Is that a zit? I need to pop this sucker before I leave the house. Wait a minute; there is a tear in my pants, my balls are literally hanging out! Thank you, mirror!

  Humans are lucky that they are able to see their reflection constantly. Before cameras, and before I left the house, I always had to give myself a pat down that would have made the TSA envious.

  After examining the picture, I noticed a little wayward strand of hair right above my right ear; I carefully put it back in place. Everything else seemed under control and presentable. I made sure I had just the right amount of stubble as well as making sure I didn’t go overboard with the hair products.

  I turned to Ted and stretched my arms out. I stood there in a submissive stance awaiting his judgment.

  “So, how do I look?”

  “You look marvelous,” he said, in his best Billy Crystal impersonation.

  “What do you think of these cufflinks? You think she’ll like them?” I flashed the underside of my wrists at Ted. I had on these monkey cufflinks with faux rubies eyes, which I had since the 60s, after finding them in an old storage unit in the Bronx; the same units I’d rummage through looking for freshly deceased bums that I could feed off of. I know, it sounds abhorrent and vile, but I had to be creative back then, just to survive. I had lost the monkey cufflinks for years, but they finally turned up at the bottom of a sock drawer I had neglected for no particular reason, as I packed for the trip.

  “Hey, those are pretty cool,” said Ted, as he got up from the bed, taking a closer look.

  “Yeah, they’re pretty neat little icebreakers, aren’t they?”

  Ted sat back down onto the bed and grabbed the remote control that was laying on top of his clothes on the comforter. “So, where you taking her?”

  I grabbed a business card out of my jacket pocket and handed it to Ted.

  “Petrus? Two Michelin stars... not bad. Why not a place with three, since most likely Schnell is paying, and three is, you know, better than two?”

  “Michelin stars have nothing to do with price, Ted.”

  “I know, don’t be silly. I know everything... test me.”

  I had to bite. Sometimes I didn’t know if Ted was being silly with raw confidence in conversations like these or if he was just being his old playful self. “Before China, Hong Kong was a protectorate of who?”

  “The French, of course. Which is why you are going to this fancy French restaurant. A little history is in order with a little fine dining, right?”

  I paused and stared at him. Was it worth a correction? Of course not.

  “Please don’t leave this room while I’m gone. Also, hands off my computer, okay? Rald mentioned that there might be some snooping going on.”

  Ted flipped on the television and pressed a couple of buttons on the remote. He stopped on a channel showing Yo Gabba Gabba, a colorful, live-action variety show aimed at children. “I wonder what this show would be like while being high.”

  “...and no drugs or alcohol,” I said, as I grabbed my wallet and my cell phone.

  “Don’t worry. I’m done with that shit. I no longer suffer from stress. I’m free. Have fun.” Ted then patted one hand on the comforter, as he lay on his side watching the television. “I expect to sleep on this bed alone tonight,” he said, while giving me an exaggerated wink.

  I gave Ted a half smile and shook my head. “I’ll see you later on tonight and you’re sleeping on the floor.”

  Ted saluted me while staring at the television as I exited the hotel room.

  While I was getting ready in my room, I had briefly called Holly and told her that I would meet her in the lobby at 8:00 and that reservations were at 8:30. I asked her if she was too tired to go out since she arrived this morning from Los Angeles. In an eager tone, she told me that she wanted to see the city and was looking forward to seeing me as well.

  I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her number.

  “Holly?” I asked.

  “Jack! I’m down by the cafe. Where are you?”

  “Just got out of the room and entering the elevator.”

  “Do you want me to hail a cab?”

  “No, it’s okay. Just wait for me; I’ll be downstairs in a minute or two. Hang tight.”

  I hung up the phone and waited for the elevator doors to open. A young couple walked up behind me. I turned around and smiled at them. They didn’t acknowledge me as they embraced, giggling, whispering who-knows-what into each other’s ear. The elevator doors opened and I walked in. The young couple, still in full embrace, stumbled in right after me, both staggering to the back of the elevator. As the doors closed, they began stormily making out. I assumed they were headed down to the lobby as well, and I didn’t feel like interrupting their moment, so I pressed the lobby button without asking. I tried not to fixate on their passionate, hormonal grappling that reflected on the elevator doors, but it was extremely difficult looking away since I saw the young man’s hand quickly torpedoing up the young girl’s short skirt. The young man then looked up at me, taking a half-second break from slurping on the young girl’s neck; I immediately looked away. Right before diving in for more helpings, he did a quick double-take at me. He immediately realized that I did not cast a reflection on the elevator doors. He stood there slack-jawed, as his lover continued to suck on his neck, oblivious to his realization. I grinned and stared at the floor numbers as they counted down. The elevator stopped and I walked out as soon as the doors opened. I looked back and gave the young man a wink and a nod. He grabbed her hand as they both walked out of the elevator shortly after I did. He said something to his girlfriend as they both stood, still in an embrace, staring at me, like they had seen a ghost for the very first time.

  I noticed her right away. Her features, which adhered to
nature’s optimal symmetric perfection, were on full display in the hotel lobby. Every man, no matter the age, fixated on her as they walked by. Some passed by focusing on her face, hoping she’d look up, others would sneak a peek while maintaining conversations with their wives and girlfriends. She was playing on her phone, probably on purpose, as she knew full well that every straight male in the vicinity was doing their best in trying to make some sort of passive connection with her majestic green eyes.

  I walked right up to her and playfully invaded her personal space by forcing some eye contact. She lifted her head and gave me a wonderfully radiant smile. Her teeth were perfectly set, as white as humanly possible without the unhealthy translucence of enamel loss.

  “Why, hello there, Jack,” she said, as she gave me a tight hug. You know those hugs you get from a girl or guy that you feel may like you a lot; that has that extra little soft oomph that reminds you how much they really, really want you.

  I wrapped my arms around her soft petite frame. She had on the same perfume she wore on our first date. It was a sharp, flowery smell, like wisteria, but more youthful and electric.

  “You look absolutely stunning,” I said, as funny little feelings made tiny pecks in my lower gut.

  “Stop making me blush, Jack.” She had her hands on my shoulders and mine were on her waist. It was a seemingly comfortable position, and one that, strangely enough, wasn’t a familiar one, considering this was only our second date. “You know how to dress up for a girl, don’t you?” she added.

  “Pffft... I’m not even trying,” I said, playing down my obsessive fashion sense. Sometimes, there are girls who don’t like it when men out-dress them. Not saying Holly is one of them; however, the topic of fashion or clothes hasn’t come up in our conversations. A little humility can’t hurt anyone.

  Holly grabbed my scarf with a couple of her fingers and gave it a slight tug. “Holland & Holland?” she asked.

  I gave her a quizzical stare. “Wait a minute... Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sir hipster when it comes to fashion, but how did you know that?”