LOVING ELLIE

by Brookes, Lindsey

  She turned with a sigh. “I can’t let you do that. You have as much right, if not more than I do, to be here. And it’s not like there isn’t room for the both of us. You can take Jarrett’s old room.”

  Jarrett’s old room? Why wasn’t she sleeping in there? Had grief sent her away from his brother’s bed? From his memory? Just as it had him from Anna’s.

  “As long as you promise that my being here isn’t going to keep you from getting a good night’s sleep.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll be out like a light the moment my head hits the pillow.”

  “All the more proof you’ve been pushing yourself too hard.”

  “Will you stop treating me like I’m some fragile piece of china! I’m not.”

  The last thing he’d meant to do was upset her, but he also couldn’t help being concerned about her welfare. Not after what he’d been through with his own wife.

  “Ellie, I owe it to my brother to make certain his son makes it safely into this world. So prepare to be treated like china until that time comes.”

  “The baby isn’t due for months,” she pointed out.

  “I know,” he said, taking another drink of the coffee she’d made for him. He’d been through this pregnancy thing once before and had sworn never to put himself in that position again. Easy to do when he had no emotion left to give another woman. Now here he was caught up in another unexpected pregnancy.

  “Are you telling me you plan on staying here in Eagle Ridge until the baby’s born?” she half-stuttered, her green eyes rounding like huge emerald discs.

  She almost sounded fearful of the possibility. “Like it or not, Ellie, you need my help. And before you get started on my doing this out of pity, keep in mind that the child you’re carrying is all the family I have left in this world and I’m not about to walk out on him.”

  “Why not? You walked out on family once before.”

  Her remark hit home - hard. He looked at her with a frown. “Is that what you think? That I wanted to leave?

  “You chose to leave,” she said. “All I know is that Jarrett wanted you here, to be a part of his life, and you weren’t.”

  Jaw clenched, he pushed away from the table and stood. “To set the record straight, I didn’t have a choice. My leaving was a matter of self-preservation. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.”

  “Lucas…”

  “Let it go, Ellie,” he said icily. His gaze moved past her to the small bay window above the sink. Outside the snow was still coming down hard. “I need to get out there and get the rest of that firewood.” He carried his plate and mug to the sink. “Don’t wait up for me. You need your sleep.” He walked out without waiting for a reply.

  Lucas grabbed for his coat and hat on the way out, anger surging through him. Ellie had no idea what it had cost him to leave Eagle Ridge all those years before. To leave behind the only place he’d ever called home. A brother he loved. The only life he’d ever known. At least what was left of it after Anna and the baby had died. But he’d had no choice. There were too many painful memories there for him.

  Despite the circumstances surrounding the death of his wife and child, he couldn’t help but feel responsible. He’d gotten Anna pregnant.

  Now here he was back in Eagle Ridge, once again having to make a decision that came with very few choices. Abandon Ellie and the child she carried, or stay and face the ghosts of his past. As much as he hated opening himself up to the pain he’d left behind, he would be staying.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ellie stood at the frosted bedroom window, staring out into the predawn light. Lucas Tanner’s arrival had stirred up emotions she didn’t want to feel. Pain. Fear. Need.

  It was the needing part that scared her the most, because need was the most dangerous emotion of all to succumb to. It made people vulnerable. Could swallow a person whole if given the chance.

  My leaving back then was a matter of survival. Lucas’s words played through her mind. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.

  He couldn’t have been more wrong. She knew a great deal about survival – both mental and physical. She found herself wishing Jarrett had opened up more to her about his brother. Then again, there was a lot in her own life she hadn’t shared with anyone, not even Jarrett. So where did she get off judging Lucas the way she had? She who had always hated how people judged without having the facts had done just that. No wonder he’d been angry.

  She turned away with a troubled sigh, letting the ruffled window curtain fall back into place. It was early, but she hadn’t been able to drift back to sleep. Instead, she’d dressed and mentally prepared herself to face the remnants of the previous night’s storm as she headed out to check on the animals.

  Jarrett’s bedroom door was cracked open as it had been when she went to bed, forcing Ellie to tread lightly as she moved through the house. While she owed Lucas an apology, she wasn’t ready to face him again. Not yet.

  When she reached the doorway, she nearly slipped in the water Lucas had insisted he would clean up after bringing in the rest of the firewood.

  Grabbing a couple of paper towels from the kitchen, she cleaned up the forgotten pool of water. A chill from the wintry weather outside had settled over the house making her shiver. A glance into the darkened living room revealed the faint glow of ashes in the fireplace. No wonder the house felt so cold.

  She made her way into the room to add a couple of logs to the fire and was surprised to find no more wood had been added to the kindling box. Had Lucas decided not to stay after all?

  After adding more wood to the dying fire, Ellie made her way back through the house to the partially closed door, needing to know that her guilt had been misplaced. Poking her head inside, her gaze followed the pale glow of dawn streaking in through an opening in the curtains. The bed was empty. Made up just the way it had been since the accident. Lucas hadn’t returned. That would explain why nothing he’d said he’d see to had been done.

  Ellie gave a brittle laugh. Just when she thought she’d judged him unfairly, he had proven his true colors. Lucas Tanner wasn’t the sort of man a person could put their trust in. He was the kind of man that ran off the moment life got a little tough.

  A loud thump on the floor at his feet had Lucas shooting upright.

  A high-pitch shriek followed.

  “Ellie?” he said as he blinked away the sleep.

  “Lucas?” she gasped as she stood looking down at him. The overhead light behind her cast soft shadows across her face.

  He stretched with a yawn. “Morning.”

  “What are you doing out here?”

  Unzipping the sleeping bag, he pushed free of it, getting to his feet. “I was sleeping,” he said with a grin.

  “I gathered as much,” she said, her gloved hand flattened against her heart. “You nearly scared the daylights out of me.”

  “I could say the same thing,” he replied, his gaze dropping to the floor beside her.

  “I was going to sweep the barn before I left for work.” She bent to retrieve the fallen broom, her gaze never leaving his.

  Ellie reminded him of a winter woodland nymph with those big green eyes and hair dusted a shimmery white.

  “I see the snow hasn’t stopped.” He reached out to brush several glistening flakes from her hair.

  “Not completely,” she said softly.

  A horse whinnied somewhere in the barn.

  The intimacy of what he was doing hit him and he jerked his hand away.

  Ellie took a step back. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Would you believe I have a thing for sleeping on straw-covered floors?”

  “As opposed to a warm bed?”

  Reaching out, he took the broom from her hands. “I’ll see to the floors.”

  “Like you saw to more firewood?”

  His dark brow quirked. “It’s on the porch. I couldn’t get back into the house last night. The door was locked.”
<
br />   A frown pulled at her lips. “It wasn’t locked. The latch sticks sometimes. You have to use your shoe to whack it loose.”

  “I’m moving that to the top of my things-to-do list.”

  “Why didn’t you knock? I could’ve let you in through the back door?”

  “By the time I’d looked in on the animals and gathered up the firewood, your bedroom light was out. As tired as you were earlier, I wasn’t about to wake you up when I had a perfectly good barn to sleep in.”

  “You could have frozen to death out here.”

  He stood looking down at her, suddenly aware of how petite she really was. She couldn’t stand much more than five foot one or two in her stocking feet. He supposed her stubbornness and determination made up for her size, but she was still a woman alone. One who was biting off more than she could chew.

  The concern in her eyes had him offering a reassuring smile. “I’d like to think I’m a little tougher than that.”

  “You’re also human,” she reminded him with a frown. “People die.” Turning, she walked out of the small storage room.

  That was one thing he didn’t need reminded of. He knew all about death and dying.

  Reaching down for the sleeping bag, he shook several pieces of loose straw from its outer shell. Then he rolled the weathered bag back up and bound it with the attached straps before carrying it over to the shelf he’d gotten it from.

  Growing up, he and Jarrett had stored their camping equipment in there. Thankfully, his brother had hung onto everything or he might have frozen. As it was, the heavy-duty sleeping bag had kept the frigid temperatures at bay and his body warm.

  The subtle scent of raspberries and something lightly floral drifted past him and he knew without turning that Ellie had returned.

  “Lucas…” Her soft voice confirmed it.

  He shoved the bundle further back on the shelf and then turned to face her.

  She bit at her bottom lip as she stood in the doorway. “I owe you an apology.”

  “For what?”

  “What I said last night… I had no right.”

  “Sometimes things get said in the heat of the moment. Don’t worry about it.” He tried hard not to hold grudges. Life was too short for that. If only he could forgive himself. But that was something likely never to happen in this lifetime.

  A horse whinnied again, drawing her attention.

  “They’re hungry,” he said, moving past her.

  “I’ll help,” she called after him as he walked away.

  He stopped and turned. “Ellie…” It was a warning.

  “Save your breath, Lucas,” she said stubbornly. “I’m helping and this is one argument you aren’t going to win.”

  He sighed. “Somehow I already knew that.”

  Ellie couldn’t contain her victorious smile as she watched Lucas walk away. Long, confident strides that said a lot about the kind of man he was.

  “That’s Cash,” she called out, referring to the sleek black quarter horse he had stopped to admire. “Your brother bought him a couple of years ago.”

  He nodded. “Jarrett mentioned him in a few of his letters.” He reached up to stroke the horse’s nose. “He’s a real looker.”

  “When Jarrett wasn’t working in his office those two were virtually inseparable.”

  Reaching out, he stroked the stallion’s nose. “I can see why my brother was so taken with him.”

  Ellie stepped away and Lucas followed her through the barn where they fed two other horses, Jarrett’s mule and Flo the milk cow.

  “Why did your brother name his mule Thunder?” she asked.

  “Because he was always thundering along,” he replied with a slight quirk to his lips. “At least at mule speed.”

  His ease with the animals impressed her. Animals were good at reading people and they seemed to trust Lucas. Even Cash had taken right to him. She had to wonder if it was because Lucas had a lot of the same features Jarrett had. Or maybe it was the soothing tone of his voice when he spoke to them. That low, husky timbre had an effect on her as well.

  “Jarrett told me your father was a doctor,” she said, making conversation as they left the barn.

  Lucas nodded. “He was the local doctor here in Eagle Ridge for over thirty years.”

  She heard the pride in Lucas’s voice as he spoke of his father. “He must have been very good at–” the remainder of her words became nothing more than a shriek as she lost her footing on the icy ground beside the corral.

  His arm was there in a flash, curled about her not-so-slender waist to steady her. “Watch yourself.”

  “I’m usually more graceful than this,” she said, her face warming.

  His gaze slid down to the bulge in her coat. “I think being a little off balance is to be expected under the circumstances.”

  “I suppose so.” She glanced down with a frown. “I can’t wait until I can finally see my feet again.”

  Much to her surprise, he chuckled. “Maybe if they weren’t such tiny feet…”

  “They used to be smaller.”

  He arched a questioning brow.

  “Apparently pregnancy can cause all sorts of physical changes in a woman. Bigger feet being one of them.”

  “Well, since you can’t see them, let me assure you that your feet are the perfect size. And your boots look a lot better on you than my brother’s did.” That said, he released his hold on her and turned his attention to the corral.

  “For your information, cowboy, my boots were still drying in the kitchen last night.” She watched his hand sweep across the top rail, knocking the snow from it. “That’s why I was wearing Jarrett’s.”

  “You need to get yourself some better boots,” he tossed back over his shoulder as he moved along the fence. “Those aren’t made for trekking around in this weather.”

  He was right, but good boots weren’t cheap. Any extra cash she had was going toward paying off doctor bills. She would just have to be more careful when walking.

  “I’ll think on it,” was the only commitment she could offer.

  “Think hard.” He slipped in between the fence rails to stand inside the corral. “Don’t you have to get to work?”

  Was that a subtle hint to leave? Ellie shook her head. “Not yet. I’m up early, so I have some time to play around with.”

  “Keep in mind it’ll take longer to get into town on those roads,” he warned, his gaze dropping to her stomach. “On second thought, you aren’t driving yourself to work today.”

  “I don’t have a choice.”

  “Today you do. I’ll take you. Just give me a few minutes to finish up here.”

  As if she needed him to drive her to work. “That’s not necessary.”

  He paused in what he was doing to pin her with his gaze. “I say it is.” Then his expression softened. “Please, Ellie. Let me do this for you. For the baby.”

  The roads were bad. She glanced toward the rental Jeep parked at the edge of the drive leading to the house. Just as Jarrett’s boots were safer than her own in the snow, Lucas’s Jeep would, without argument, take to the deep snow-covered roads better than her own car. Her gaze shifted downward. She had the baby growing inside her to think of.

  “Fine,” she said with a resigned sigh. “You can run me into town. But we’re not going to make a habit of it.”

  A sound, something like a chuckle, rumbled in the air around him. But she couldn’t tell for sure as Lucas was working his way around the corral, his back to her.

  She watched as he gave each of the snow-topped rails a firm shake. Curious, she stepped up to the fence, leaning onto one of the rails his glove had wiped clean. “What are you doing?”

  “Making sure it’s sturdy.”

  She had no doubt it would be. Jarrett had put a lot of time into the upkeep of the ranch. He’d loved the place. Just as her child might have someday if things have ended up differently she thought as she ran a hand over her stomach.

  As she stood watching
him, she found herself glad he was there. That anyone was there. Other than Blaine’s morning stops to help with the animals, it had been a while since she’d had any real visitors at the ranch. Granted there had been plenty right after Jarrett’s accident. They came and went nonstop, bringing food to the ranch and offering her their condolences. And while she had always been more of a loner, she had to admit those visits had helped ease her loneliness.

  About a week after Jarrett’s memorial, when visits from neighbors and friends tapered off, she was left to deal with the unexpected loss of her closest friend all by herself.

  It was so unfair that her son would never have the chance to know his father. Jarrett had loved their child from the moment he’d found out she was pregnant. Unlike her parents had her.

  “Ellie? You okay?”

  She looked up to find Lucas standing beside her. Her hand fell away from her stomach as she met his worried frown. “Just a little tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Let’s get you back to the house to warm up before I take you into town.” He clapped his hands together, knocking the excess snow from his leather gloves. Then he slid a supportive arm around her waist.

  She looked down at his gloved hand on her waist. The gesture, though well intended, felt almost too intimate, too easy between them as he walked her back to the house.

  “So did it pass inspection?” she asked as they stepped up onto the porch.

  “Never doubted it would,” he answered with a smile. “I helped Jarrett build it. That doesn’t mean years of harsh winters couldn’t have taken their toll on it.”

  “And they haven’t?”

  “Solid as a rock.”

  “That’s a relief.” She never realized there were so many things that could nickel and dime a person to death, but she was learning fast.

  A car turned up the long, winding drive, drawing their gazes that direction.

  “It’s Blaine,” Ellie said, raising her hand in a friendly wave.

  Blaine Cooke, Eagle Ridge’s sheriff, had been Jarrett’s closest friend. Like her, he’d taken Jarrett’s death hard. Especially since he’d had to be the one to drive out to the ranch the night of the accident to deliver the devastating news to her.