LOVING ELLIE

by Brookes, Lindsey

  Her old mind. Victoria had the urge to laugh. Despite her advanced age and the silvery grey that now made up her once deep red hair, her aunt was as sharp as ever.

  “Aunt Myra,” she groaned in frustration, “you said Blaine didn’t live in Eagle Ridge any longer.”

  “No, honey, what I said was the boy you knew that summer was gone.”

  “Gone,” Victoria repeated. “As in no longer here.”

  “The boy you knew that summer you came to stay with us is gone.” Her aunt’s gaze drifted toward the barn where Blaine was lifting the latch on the door. “He’s now a strapping young man.”

  One she was going to have to face often now that they were going to be living in the same town. One who hated her.

  “You’re doing this for J.B.,” her aunt reminded her.

  Victoria nodded as she watched Blaine disappear inside her uncle’s barn. This wasn’t about her. She had to live with the decisions she made in her past – good or bad. Her being there now was about healing her relationship with her son and finding herself again. The self she’d lost ten years before when gave up what her own heart desired to do what she thought would be in the best interest of her unborn child.

  *

  It had taken Ellie nearly an hour to change for work. Although Lucas suspected it had more to do with her not wanting to face him than getting herself all dolled up to serve coffee. He had to admit her stalling had been a blessing. It had given him the time he needed to digest her unexpected announcement. Even more importantly, to regain control of his emotions.

  Adoption?

  When Ellie had blurted out her decision to give her child up for adoption, his gut reaction had been to follow her into the house and pound on her bedroom door, demanding to know how she could even consider such a thing. To give up the son she had created with his brother. A man she’d agreed to wed. To love and grow old with together. But Lucas had held back. Giving them both some space.

  Besides, what would he have said to her? Told her she had no right? The baby was hers, and without Jarrett there to object she had every right. No, he had to stay calm. As calm as a man could be while his gut twisted unmercifully inside him, and find some way to talk some sense into her.

  Grief made people do all sorts of crazy things. He knew that better than anyone. But Ellie giving up her son? That was beyond crazy.

  He couldn’t bring himself to look at her as they drove into town. Neither of them spoke a word, leaving tension to hang thick inside the confines of the Jeep.

  Lucas forced himself to concentrate on the slick roads, relieved Ellie hadn’t insisted on attempting the drive herself. He had enough riding his mind without adding her safety that morning to the mix.

  His grip tightened on the wheel as he turned onto the main street of town. It felt like forever since he’d been there. A lifetime ago. He pulled up in front of what used to be known when he lived there as The Coffee Bar. The sign painted across the center window at the front of the tiny shop now read - Ellie’s Place.

  Ruffled swags hung inside each of the large plate-glass windows and a vase of flowers sat centered on each of the windowsill between them. The coffee shop looked more warm and welcoming than it had before, something he attributed to the feminine touches Ellie had added to it.

  How could someone give such warmth to a place of business, yet be so cold when it came to the child they carried? What he wouldn’t give to have the child he’d lost along with his wife. How could Ellie not realize what a gift her son was?

  He turned to her, handing her the piece of paper he’d scribbled his cell phone number on before leaving the ranch. “Give me a call when you’re ready for me to come get you,” he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

  “I could have driven myself,” she muttered with that stubborn tilt of her chin, avoiding his gaze.

  “I’m sure you could have,” he said, trying to keep the anger he felt from his voice. “Thanks for humoring me.”

  “Don’t get too used to it,” she replied with as she grabbed her purse from the seat and let herself out.

  He watched her go, thankful the sidewalks had been cleared of snow since she was bound and determined to do everything on her own. Truth was he wasn’t even sure he could have brought himself to leave the jeep to walk her to the coffee shop door. That would mean having to step out into his past, something he wasn’t prepared to do just yet. Returning to the ranch again had been hard enough.

  On top of hearing Ellie’s announcement that she intended to give her son up for adoption, he had to drive through town where so many things reminded him of his life before. Stores he and Anna had shopped in together. Seeing people moving about the main street that had been to their wedding. To her funeral.

  Emotion clawed at his throat and anger surged through him at the unfairness of it all. He stepped on the gas and sped out of town.

  Forty-five minutes later he was still sitting in the Jeep, staring out over his brother’s ranch. Just as he’d expected when he booked his flight home, his past was quickly bulldozing over his emotions. The last thing he wanted was to be sucked back into that deep void he’d been caught up in before leaving Eagle Ridge all those years ago.

  Looking around, he took in the canopy of white that coated the treetops above him. Anna should be there to see the beauty the winter storm had left behind. If only she had told him the doctor had warned against having children, he’d have taken precautions. They’d had other options available. Including the very thing he was angry with Ellie for considering - adoption.

  Shame filled him. What right did he have to judge Ellie so harshly when he himself might have been raising a child whose mother had given up for adoption? But Anna had been determined to have his child. Their child. If only he had known the truth. If not adoption, they could have found a surrogate mother. Or simply accepted fate and grown old together without children. He would have been happy with any of those possibilities, but the choice hadn’t been his. Anna’s decision had cost her not only her life but that of their unborn child.

  He’d never forget the emotions that swept through him when his wife came to him with the news that he was going to be a father. Surprise. Elation. Even fear. It was all so sudden. They’d only just started trying. But each passing day he grew more and more excited. His world was perfect. Then, a month before the baby was due to arrive, that ‘perfect’ world came crashing down around him.

  Hard.

  When word got out that the pregnancy was what had caused her heart to give out, he had shouldered the blame rather than have it known Anna had lied to him. To herself.

  With a heavy sigh, he pulled out his phone and dialed Alexandre.

  “Amigo,” his friend answered.

  “Alexandre.”

  “Knowing your reason for going home, I hesitate to ask how it’s going.”

  Lucas hung his head with a heavy sigh. “Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse…”

  “Do you need a friend to stand by your side? I could be there within a day or two.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I need to handle this on my own.”

  “The offer stands should you change your mind.”

  “Thanks.” Lucas cut the engine and stepped out into the snow.

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  His friend knew him so well. “My brother was engaged.”

  “You didn’t know this?”

  He should have known. Jarrett should have told him, but he hadn’t. Lucas shook his head. “Not until I walked into my brother’s house and found his fiancée asleep on the sofa.”

  “She was surprised to wake up and find you there no doubt.”

  Lucas stepped up onto the porch. “Not as surprised as I was to discover she was pregnant.”

  “Amigo,” Alexandre said with a sympathetic sigh.

  The screen door creaked in protest as Lucas opened it. He shoved his key into the stubborn lock on the front door and gave it a sharp turn. “Ellie is e
xhausted and not thinking clear. I need to be here.”

  “Of course, you do, my friend.”

  “I’m not talking a couple of weeks,” he said with a frown as the door refused to budge. “I’m talking until the baby is born.” He gave the door a shove with his shoulder, jarring it open.

  “She needs you there,” Alex said in understanding. “Especially now.”

  No, his nephew needed him.

  “Lucas?”

  His jaw clenched at the thought of what Ellie intended to do. “She’s thinking about giving the baby up for adoption when he’s born.”

  “He?”

  “My brother’s son.” Lucas went to check the fire, adding another log.

  “I see.”

  “He’s the only blood tie I have left, Alex. I’m can’t just stand by and let her give my nephew away to strangers.”

  “She’s his mother,” Alex reminded him.

  “And I’m his uncle. If anyone other than Ellie is going to raise that child, it’s damn well going to be me.”

  *

  Ellie closed the coffee shop a few minutes early. The cold had chased everyone away as evening drew near. For weeks, she’d dreaded the thought of going home to an empty house. One that had lost the welcoming warmth that Jarrett’s being there brought about. But tonight it would be much colder if the ride to work with Lucas was any indication of how things were going to be once she got home. Unbearably icy.

  Not that she blamed Lucas for his response to her decision to give her baby up for adoption. He’d just lost his brother and now this. If Lucas hadn’t of decided to play knight in shining armor, she wouldn’t have panicked and blurted her out her intention. She didn’t want him there. And she certainly didn’t need him there.

  Reaching into her purse, she pulled out the number he’d given her when he dropped her off at work. She stared at it, not so sure she was ready to face his silent fury. It only added to the guilt she already felt.

  Her hand skimmed lightly over the swell of her stomach. Even the knowledge that she was doing what was best for her son didn’t keep the tears from her eyes. Grabbing for her phone, she dialed Lucas.

  “Hello?” came his husky reply three rings later.

  She had spent so many years not being able to count on anyone but herself it was hard to ask anyone for anything. Even for something as simple as a ride home.

  “Hello?” he repeated again.

  “Hi. It’s Ellie.”

  “Done already?”

  “I closed up a little early.”

  “Why? Is something wrong?” There was no anger in his voice, only concern.

  “No,” she replied, unsure of how to read him. He’d barely spoken two words to her on the drive in that morning, yet here he was back to Mr. Nice Guy mode. “Business was slow because of the weather which was probably a blessing in disguise. I’m really dragging today.”

  “Then it’s good you decided to shut down early. Give me a few minutes to wash up and then I’ll head into town to pick you up.”

  “You don’t have to rush,” she said, unnerved by the thought of facing him again despite the lack of hostility in his voice. “It sounds like I caught you in the middle of something.”

  “Nothing that can’t wait.”

  “Are you sure? I can stay here tonight.”

  “Your things are here at the ranch,” he reminded her. “Besides, you and I need to talk.”

  Just what she didn’t want to do. “Lucas…”

  “In person,” he added.

  “Fine.” Their ‘talk’ was going to happen sooner or later. And, unlike Lucas, she didn’t run away from her problems. She faced them head on and dealt with them as best she could. “Go ahead and finish what you were doing. There are a few things I can take care of around here while I wait.”

  “What you’ll do is rest until I get there,” he said firmly. “And, before you begin another ‘I can take care of myself’ argument, know that I can be twice as stubborn as you when it involves that child you’re carrying.”

  The one she was preparing herself mentally to give up. “Fine.”

  “I won’t be long,” he said, his voice quickly replaced by a dial tone.

  That’s what she was afraid of.

  True to his word, Lucas didn’t waste any time getting there. She watched as he pulled up along the curb in front of the coffee shop, a nervous flutter stirring in the pit of her stomach.

  The bell over the coffee shop door jingled a few moments later as Lucas stepped in from the cold. His large frame filled the doorway as gaze shifted her direction. “Glad to see you followed orders.”

  “Don’t get used to it,” she replied, sliding out of the booth seat she’d settled into.

  Removing his hat, he glanced around the room. “You fixed the place up real nice.”

  “Thanks.” Small talk. She’d feel better if he just said what was on his mind. “I’ve been remodeling for nearly a year now.”

  “A year? That’s a long time.”

  “Yeah, well, renovations don’t come cheap. I’ve done all of the interior decorating myself.”

  “I’m impressed. Maybe you should consider doing interior design professionally.”

  She snorted at the suggestion. “Thanks, but I think I’ll stick to running my coffee shop. I had a hard enough time deciding on colors and patterns for my apartment upstairs.”

  “Anything you need me to do before we go?”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “Everything’s done. I just need to grab my purse and turn off the lights.”

  Nodding, he slipped his hat back on and stepped outside to wait.

  Ellie met him outside a moment later, locking the coffee shop door behind her. She paused to raise the hood of her coat, blocking the icy wind before starting for the Jeep.

  Lucas looped his arm through hers. “Careful, the sidewalk’s starting to freeze up.”

  If it weren’t for the baby, she’d have pushed his arm away. But she wasn’t about to let her foolishness endanger her unborn child.

  “How was your day?” she asked as he walked her out to the awaiting Jeep.

  He looked away. “Hard.”

  The way they’d parted that morning had no doubt weighed heavily on his mind. There was no missing the tightly controlled emotion in his voice. But where Jarrett had been an open book with his feelings, Lucas was more of a personal diary with a sturdy lock on it. Probably better for her, all things considered. She didn’t do emotion well.

  “I’m sure being at the ranch again has brought back a lot of old memories for you,” she said empathetically.

  “It’s definitely done that.” His large hand helped to steady her as he opened the passenger door of the Jeep to settle her inside.

  “If it’s so hard, wouldn’t you want to handle Jarrett’s business and then leave this town as soon as possible?”

  “His son is my business.” That said, he closed the door and rounded the Jeep to the driver’s side.

  Lucas felt his temper rising. Ellie might not care about the child she carried, but he did. And there was no way she was going to convince him to just up and leave his nephew to be given away to complete strangers.

  He slid behind the wheel and fastened his seatbelt, dragging in a deep, calming breath before glancing Ellie’s way. Getting her riled up wasn’t going to aid him in talking her out of this crazy notion she had of giving her baby up after it was born.

  “I’m not leaving, Ellie. Not anytime soon.” He twisted about to face her, his arm slung over the back of his seat. “Look, I think we both have the same goal.”

  “Which is?” she asked suspiciously.

  “To make sure that little one you’re carrying there makes it safely into this world. I’m hoping we can put aside our differences and work together to make that happen.”

  Lucas knew she couldn’t argue his point.

  “I’m going to have enough to deal with once everyone else learns of my decision,” she said with a
tired sigh.

  “No one knows?”

  She shook her head, her expression pained. “Not yet. I hadn’t considered adoption until Jarrett died.”

  So her decision to do so was recent and done during a time of emotional stress. Hope of changing her mind back flared to life.

  “But don’t think you’re going to change my mind,” she said as if reading his own.

  Oh, he would. There was too much riding on his ability to sway her decision not to succeed. But timing was everything. He couldn’t push Ellie too hard or she’d pull away and close herself off.

  He threw the Jeep into gear and started off through town. “You were engaged to my brother and planning to be a family until the accident. Help me understand what changed. How can you even consider giving up the child you created with the man you loved?”

  Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on her coat as she worked the remaining few at the top through their holes. His question had clearly made her uncomfortable. Why?

  “I cared about Jarrett,” she replied, her gaze remaining fixed to the front of her coat. “He was the best friend I ever had, but that was all.”

  That was all? “How can you say that? You’re carrying his child. I’d say your relationship went a little beyond friendship.”

  “One night,” she confessed, finally looking up to meet his gaze.

  “I don’t understand.” He needed to.

  “Your brother and I met at the coffee shop. He used to stop by a few times a week for coffee and we’d talk. Jarrett was the first person in my life who really made me feel like I had something worthwhile to say. He actually listened. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to.”

  What sort of life had she led before coming to Eagle Ridge that made her feel that way? He held the question back. For now. “Jarrett was like that,” he acknowledge with a nod.

  “One afternoon,” she continued, “I received a letter telling me that my mother had died.”

  “Sorry about your loss.”

  “Don’t be,” she said, her voice void of emotion. “My mother chose to walk out of my life a long time ago. Just as I chose not to let the news of her passing get to me. But I wasn’t as thick-skinned as I’d hoped to be. It got to me.”