Ask For It

by Selena Blake

  Other than that, it was entirely fictional, but she’d fallen in love with her hero. Rooted for him as he tried to turn his life back around losing the woman he’d loved. Cheered for him as he’d found his form again and fought his way back to the top of his sport.

  No. It wasn’t a silly concept. But the haunted look in Trevor’s eyes told her that something was wrong. Was he remembering his accident? He didn't jerk away from the hand she laid on his forearm, but she could tell he wanted to.

  “It’s pretty romantic,” Greg said and JJ looked across the table at him. “You know. If you like that kind of thing.”

  “I can’t wait to read it, peanut.”

  “Me too,” Mrs. Bradley added.

  Okay, enough about her and her book. Offering Trevor a quick smile she turned back to the table.

  “Who wants cake?”

  There was a quick round of “I do’s” and JJ pushed back her chair. She gathered her plate and carried it into the kitchen, aware that Cindy had followed her.

  “Are you going to submit it anywhere? How long is it?”

  “It's just over a hundred thousand words. And yes, it's being submitted.”

  “Oh my God,” Cindy said, grasping JJ's upper arms. “You didn't hire one of those query services, did you? Those things are a rip off. And editors look down on authors who use them. You could get black listed.”

  Frowning, JJ took a step back, breaking Cindy's hold. Boy she was wound up.

  “No. I have an agent.”

  Cindy's blonde brows skipped up her forehead. “You have an agent?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you're just telling me this now?”

  “Yeah,” she mumbled, rubbing a finger between her brows to ease the tension.

  “Well,” Cindy said, putting a hand on her hip. “Who is it?”

  JJ went to the cabinet by the sink and pulled out a tall stack of dessert plates. Cindy looked at her expectantly from across the kitchen island. She might as well get this over with. It's not like it was hush-hush anymore.

  “Jessica Ross.”

  “Jessica Ross?” Cindy's blonde eyebrows managed to crawl even higher. “The Jessica Ross from Ross & Company?”

  JJ knew what a coup it was but she didn't want to seem braggy about it. Cindy had let her agent go two years ago.

  JJ pulled a box of candles out of the drawer and scrounged around for a lighter.

  “That must be a hell of a book.”

  JJ shrugged, uncomfortable with the praise and unsure why. She’d worked hard on Game Play. Like every spare minute for months hard. And she was proud of the story, the characters, the message. “Jessica likes it. She said my first one had a rubbish plot.” She crinkled her nose at the memory.

  “So this is your second book?”

  Oops. “Yeah.”

  “I thought we didn’t keep secrets anymore.”

  After a particularly rough summer following college when Cindy and Baby had been secretly dating the same man…an older, married man, the four of them vowed ‘no more secrets.’

  “I just didn’t want you to feel like I was stepping on your turf. And besides, wouldn’t it have been a nice surprise if I’d gotten it published and gave everyone a copy for Christmas?” She offered her friend a sincere smile.

  “Is it erotic?”

  “No.”

  “Then how could you possibly step on my toes?” Cindy cocked her head and gave JJ the look.

  “Let’s not make a big deal of it, Cin. You know how many books don’t sell. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment.”

  Plus, she knew how Cindy was. She ate, slept, and breathed publishing. She was the President of her erotica writers organization. She wrote articles and went to conventions. And when she wasn’t writing she was plotting promotion. Several times over the last five years Thursday night Girl’s Club had turned into help-Cindy-stuff-envelope parties.

  JJ loved Cindy like the sister she never had…a bossy older sister. But she didn’t want to have to report in every Thursday night that no, she had not sold her book. All the while, they’d all be getting their hopes up on something that might never happen.

  “All right.” Cindy sighed and skirted the island to give JJ a much needed hug. “But don’t think I’m not telling Gretchen and Baby so they can grill you.”

  “Fair enough.” JJ laughed.

  With the candles on the cake, she pocketed the lighter and returned to the table. “Everyone ready to sing?” she asked and lit the candles. Greg and Ronny sucked in a giant lungful of air and their cheeks puffed out like chipmunks gorging on chestnuts. Everyone laughed.

  And then, right on cue, everyone sang Happy Birthday. Her father blew out the candles. Ronny snapped a picture with his smart phone. And JJ cut the cake, hardly able to hand the pieces out fast enough.

  She took her place next to Trevor and ate her slice in silence. Though he was making small talk with the others, and laughing at their jokes, he didn't seem quite as on as he had been earlier. Something about her book had disturbed him but she wasn’t sure what she could do to put him at ease again. As far as she knew, he'd never been married. And he never talked about why he'd left the sport he loved so much. As secrets went, his was up there with the Bermuda Triangle and Area 51.

  Maybe he was worried that she’d used him as a template. Who knew? She’d ask him about it later because she was tired of remaining mum to keep men comfortable. Doing so was against her nature. She’d never been that way with her brothers. And the only reason she’d bit her tongue around John so often was that she valued her job and more importantly, the institution that had been so vital to sports journalism for so many decades. The fact that her boss was an asshole certainly tarnished said institution…or at least the glow she got from working there.

  A cool breeze swept across the patio and JJ shivered. Trevor put his arm across the back of her chair and she leaned into him.

  “Great cake,” he said, squeezing her shoulders.

  He seemed to have come out of whatever funk had gripped him earlier. The tension she’d felt earlier had disappeared. He drew lazy patterns along her arm with his finger and once again, a feeling of rightness stole through her. Yes, this is exactly what she’d wanted her whole life. A man who got her, got along with her family, and didn’t mind getting a little muddy before dinner.

  “Glad you liked it.” Lucky for her, there was more caramel frosting in her refrigerator. If he was on his very best behavior, she might just frost him.

  “What's going through your head right now?” he murmured, leaning close.

  She smiled, hoping that her cheeks weren't pink. “Nothing.”

  He gave a soft grunt. “I don't believe it.”

  “I’ll tell you later,” she whispered, hoping she could keep the promise.

  “All righty Pop. Time to open your presents,” Greg said. JJ turned her attention over to her father and watched the festivities. Not for the first time, she wished her mom was still around to enjoy moments like this.

  It was so good to be around this table with friends and family. People she'd known for so long. People who loved her and would always be there for her. Traveling, even though she was often surrounded by truckloads of people, was lonely. Writing was also a lonely, individual profession. Not like a team sport. Or even a business project.

  About as team as she got was submitting her articles to her editor and her book to Jessica.

  As she looked around at all the people she loved most she realized her secrets were out. For better or worse. Everyone knew about her book now and Trevor was at her side. Something eased in her chest. Almost like she could really breathe again.

  And for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel alone. Rather, she felt whole. Complete. And happy.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  As Adam drove them back to her apartment, Cindy alternated between annoyed and excited. Annoyed that JJ felt like she needed to keep her book writing a secret. And excited because
she’d finally have someone close by that she trusted to critique with. Or at least brainstorm with.

  Who was she kidding? It’d be nice to talk to someone who understood that she wasn’t crazy when she casually mentioned that her characters were “talking” to her again.

  Okay, so perhaps she was a little crazy for keeping her true identity a mystery from a handsome, charming man, but as she’d suspected, Adam had found out all on his own. And it wasn’t so much a secret as protecting herself until she’d gotten to know him better.

  But JJ was a different matter. Sometimes she held things close to the vest and after almost a decade, Cindy still couldn’t figure out why. There really wasn’t a rhyme or reason but her writer-brain suspected it had to do with JJ’s childhood and her mom and the hardships they’d endured before Leigh Ann had married Mr. Fairchild.

  For as sweet and wonderful as Leigh Ann had been, taking Cindy, Baby and Gretchen under her wing as if they were her own daughters, she had some cuckoo ideas. JJ usually laughed them off but sometimes Cindy wondered if she wasn’t still trying to fit the mold her mother had cast for her.

  That’d be damn near impossible since JJ was a sports-loving-non-virgin and didn’t go to church these days.

  “What’s got those wheels churning so hard over there?” Adam asked. He trapped her hand in his and she wrapped her other hand over the back of his. His touch settled her and she relaxed into the seat.

  “Just thinking about JJ and her secrets.”

  “Why was her book a secret?”

  “Hell if I know. She knows we would have supported her. Will support her no matter what.”

  He flashed that smile that made her stomach tumble. “That’s what good friends do.”

  She nodded. “She’s not one to draw attention to herself and she has weird ideas of stepping on others toes.” Ideas that Cindy didn’t understand at all. The world was enormous, billions of potential readers to be had.

  “Because you’re a writer?”

  Cindy sighed.

  “JJ said that when she was younger her mom wanted each of her kids to try out for different sports, that way no one would outshine the other. I think Ronny played football, Thomas soccer and Greg, baseball.”

  There was a momentary silence as he turned right onto the highway onramp. “Okay, that’s a little weird.”

  “Mrs. Fairchild was a wonderful, warm woman. But damn, she had some crazy ideas sometimes. She hated confrontation and competition... I mean, she’d go to their games. In fact, I doubt she’d miss a game if she could help it. But between her kids…I don’t know. I get the feeling that she just wanted harmony.”

  He gave a short, quick laugh. “Good luck with that. Have you met those guys? I imagine there was way more ‘rowdy’ than there was ‘harmony’ while they were growing up.”

  “You said it.” She was thrilled that he was getting along so well with her friends. She’d been hanging out with the Fairchilds for years and thought of them as family. “Sometimes I think JJ’s stuck between being herself and being a junior version of her mom. That frustrates me to no end. The whole ‘quiet and demure’ thing. If that’s not who you are, that’s not who you are.” She should know…

  “JJ’s still living with her mom’s ghost,” Adam supplied, ever intuitive.

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “I think so.”

  “Do you think she realizes she’s doing it? Or is it just subconscious?”

  Cindy thought about that for several minutes, remembering the past. “Both. Back when we first met, she’d let her hair down around us, but when we’d go over to visit with the Fairchilds it was like she’d wrap herself in this shell. She wasn’t as outspoken around her mom. Which, I get. Most people can’t really talk to their moms about boys and sex.”

  “I don’t talk to my mom about boys and sex,” Adam said quickly, causing her to giggle.

  “Anyway, JJ’s good at being evasive. But I don’t even think she realizes when she does it. It’s like a mode… journalism mode, maybe?” She shrugged.

  “She asks questions.”

  “Yeah. It keeps the spotlight off of her. I think she likes things that way. Which is fine…”

  “As long as she’s not trying to hide important aspects of her life.”

  “Like with Trevor,” she said, getting agitated again.

  “She probably just wanted to see where things were going. And Trevor obviously likes his privacy.”

  Adam was right of course. Trevor, for as wonderful and easy going as he was, obviously valued his privacy. She couldn’t imagine what it’d be like to be in the spotlight so constantly. Her books made her mildly famous, but she didn’t include a picture on her website for a very good reason. People could be crazy. And petty.

  Multiply that times superstar NFL Super Bowl champion status and… she shuddered.

  His fans were probably mega crazy. And he probably had very little quiet time to himself. People always wanting something from him. Journalists wanting to know every intimate detail of his life. Pappos following him, wanting pictures. Hoping to catch him in a scandal.

  Okay, so she could imagine how rough that would be. But then she’d been born with a wild imagination.

  “So I forgive her for the Trevor thing. But two novels? And getting the best agent in New York City? If I didn’t love her so much I’d be jealous as hell.”

  Adam squeezed her hand. The reassuring gesture loosened some of the tension in her shoulders.

  Truth was she’d submitted to Jessica Ross years ago and though the agent within the company who’d read her submission had been complimentary about Cindy’s writing, she had rejected the book. It wouldn’t have been a very good fit anyway. Cindy’s style wasn’t as commercial as Ross & Company usually repped.

  “Either way, I’m totally tattling,” she said with a grin. After pulling out her phone she called Gretchen and Baby in a three-way.

  As soon as they were on the line she said “guess who wrote two novels and didn’t tell us.”

  “JJ,” Gretchen said without pause.

  “Yeah. She even has an agent shopping the second book around. Can you believe that?”

  “Kinda, yeah,” Baby said.

  “Well, anyway, who knows when she’ll pull on her big girl panties and tell you, so I’m telling you.”

  “Don’t be upset with her,” Gretchen said. “She’s probably nervous about invading your territory. You know how she is.”

  Cindy let out a frustrated laugh/sigh. “Why does everyone think she’s stepping on my toes?” She glanced down at her pretty grape colored toenail polish. Probably half a month left to keep the piggies in sandals, although she’d been known to wear flip-flops in December. Just one more reason to love Atlanta.

  “You’re always going on about the publishing industry and what idiots they are. You’re kindofa diva about it Cin. But we still love ya,” Baby said.

  “You’ve been published for years, Cin,” Gretchen added, her voice quiet and thoughtful.

  “You know she’s no good at tooting her own horn.”

  “For a year?” Cindy quirked an eyebrow at that. “We should have been getting her online more. Building her brand. Starting a website. Competition is fierce these days.”

  “And this is why she didn’t tell you. Because you’d make a big deal out of it,” Baby said.

  “Writing a book is a big deal. We should have been able to celebrate with her.”

  “I agree,” Gretchen said quickly.

  “Me too. I’m not saying it’s not. But you can be persistent and she probably just wanted some concrete news before she told you,” Baby added.

  “I wouldn’t have taken over,” Cindy denied, knowing what they were thinking. So she amended “much.”

  “Don’t bug her too much,” Baby said. “She’ll get everything done that she needs to get done…if and when someone buys her books.”

  “But she needs to start building her brand now. All those people who read her articles? I bet
they’d follow her on twitter. And maybe even Facebook. We could post a teaser chapter to get her some likes. I should read the first book. Maybe it’d be good enough to give away for—”

  “Cin…” Gretchen said, warning in her tone.

  “Send her a list of suggestions.”

  “Trust you two to gang up on me,” Cindy said, feeling a little dejected. So she was a strong personality and she cared about her friends. That didn’t make her the bad guy.

  “We’re not ganging up, Cin,” Baby said after a long pause. “It’s my week, this week. I’ll get champagne.”

  And just like that, bygones were bygones.

  “Good. We’re celebrating that book whether she wants to or not.” Cindy nodded to herself.

  Gretchen made a sound of agreement. “See you Thursday.”

  Trevor couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in his gut. Though he’d tried to keep his cool and act natural, the premise of JJ’s book had thrown him. It brought back memories of his own accident and all of the turbulent emotions of that night. Happiness, then shock, disbelief, followed by physical pain like he’d never known before.

  Not that he could tell her that. Not yet.

  He pulled into a parking space outside her building cut off the engine. That night fifteen months ago still haunted him. Sometimes he had nightmares and woke in a cold sweat.

  Shoving it all aside, he rounded the car and opened her door. This weekend was about her, being with her. Moving forward; not being stuck in the past.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked as she stood. Her pretty face was pinched with concern.

  “Yeah,” he lied. “Don’t tell anyone but I ate too much. Us tough guys aren’t supposed to admit to indigestion.”

  She grinned. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  He reached for her hand. If only she meant it…if only he was willing to trust her. To tell her everything. She had no idea how much he craved a confidant. But she was also a journalist. And as a rule, he didn’t trust people whose job it was to dig into his life and rip him to shreds.