Hideaway

by Nicole Lundrigan

  * * *

  —

  The phone was ringing a lot, and Gloria was talking and Telly was talking, and then there too many people in our house. Neighbors were coming in and out. In the kitchen, Telly was scooping coffee into mugs. Gloria was right next to him. He gave her a hug and kissed her on her hair. Gloria’s face went sort of happy. I heard a shish when he poured water over the powder. “What don’t get in their heads, hey?” he said to a policeman.

  Chicken was under the kitchen table. He was pretending he was asleep. I could tell he was tricking because he kept opening up one brown eye. And when I went out on the front porch, he followed right behind me. He was missing Rowan, even though his belly was empty and that made him Gloria’s dog.

  I sat on the top step in the spot with no nails. There was a bunch of people outside, too. It was getting dark already, but a man had papers smoothed out on the front of his car and he was shining a flashlight on them and pointing. Telly came out and started talking to him about going into the woods again. To find Rowan. When I looked where they were pointing, the trees were black and wiggling. If I was brave like Carl said I’d go into the woods, too. I’d find him and Girl, and Rowan would be right there.

  Chicken stood up and wagged his tail and blinked his eyes. Gloria was behind me. She sat down next to me.

  “Things are going to right themselves with Telly,” she said. “I just know it. He hasn’t called that woman once, you know.”

  I nodded and bit my fingernail. There was a tiny sharp piece on my tongue Gloria smacked my hand. “I know you got something in your head,” she said. She pushed in close to me and put her mouth next to my ear. “I can tell. You’re keeping things from me.”

  My hands went all tingly and my tongue got thick. Rowan made me say it. He made me swear on Telly’s future grave. I slid my hand into my pocket and squeezed my little piece of metal.

  “You think I don’t know every single thought that passes through that little noggin of yours?” Her voice was quiet and slithery. She put her hand on top of my head and bobbled it around. “Why’d you ask Telly if he went out to the bridge?”

  I swallowed all the spit and the piece of fingernail.

  “If you’re lying to Gloria, miss…” When she said miss, it had a lot of s’s.

  She was reading my mind and I tried not to think about Carl and Rowan.

  “Don’t you love your mother?” she whispered. “Don’t you love me?”

  Even though I tried hard, I couldn’t stop stuff squeaking into my brain. I was going to break my promise.

  ROWAN

  Carl cooked dinner over the fire in his frying pan. Spaghetti and meatballs from a large can. Hand digging inside his coat pocket, he pulled out a plastic bag with two dinner rolls. Marion had given them to him as we were leaving. “You need to finish it all,” he said. “Clean your plate. Then brush your, your, urh, teeth. Except the bottom one. Leave that one alone.”

  I didn’t have any trouble cleaning the plate. I shoveled food in past my swollen lip, my loose tooth, and chomped with my molars. Would have licked each drip from the plate, but Carl was following the movements of my spoon. He ate with a fork and knife. Fancy-looking silverware. Drops of liquid landed on his newly trimmed beard, but he was still a polite dinner companion. I tried my best to be the same.

  “It’s the best ever. Thanks, Carl.”

  “Thanks, Carl.” He put his plate on the ground, his cutlery side by side, fork turned downward. Then he said, “She always wanted to be a mother. She says that. Would take whatever kind she could find.”

  I knew it was the lady talking inside Carl’s head. Dot. One time I asked Carl if they’d told him their names. He said no, but that they didn’t complain when he offered suggestions.

  “She’d love anything, she would.”

  “No, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t love Gloria.” I’d already told him a lot about Gloria. A million shitty things she’d done.

  Carl nodded. “Oh yes, she would. Everyone gets stressed, urh, stressed. Signals get crossed and tangled back and they’re just wrong messages she’s reading.”

  Even though it was an odd way to explain it, I sort of understood what he meant. I thought about that for a second. But only a second.

  “What about your mother?” I asked. “How long ago did she, um, did she become a ghost?”

  I rubbed the last bit of the dinner roll through the tomato sauce and glanced at Carl. But he was mumbling, raking at his beard. Hairs came away and he twitched them loose. The strands went into the fire, and I could smell burning hair.

  “You don’t have to answer, Carl.”

  “She’s been a ghost since”—he poked the side of his head—“since I killed her, Magic Boy. Killed her.”

  My hand jerked. I dropped the soggy piece of bread.

  “I had to. She was a tracker. Urh. Sending correspondence to the government. Collecting my thoughts and letting them seep into the pipes. Even water from the shower was contaminated.”

  I swallowed. “Do—do the police know?”

  “Do—do the police know?” He peered behind him. “They try to follow me. Government sent Workers to my house with books in their hands, talking about the great power. Jelly, jelly, jellyfish on my doorstep. I could see neural wires inside of them. My mother opened the door. They wanted to sting me.”

  I put the plate on the ground. Darkness had fallen down around us, the trees and leaves coated in it.

  “They trapped me in a white room, Magic Boy. The walls were soft and went on forever. When my mother took me home I didn’t take my eyes off her. I told her I was going to kill her. She knew, urh, she knew. She cried and cried and then she said goodbye. She was selfless like that. I had no choice. I had to kill her, but”—he put his hands out in front of him and turned them over—“there is no blood on me.”

  Air shuttled in and out of the very tip of my lungs. A horsefly landed on my forearm, punctured my skin. I didn’t know how to absorb what Carl was telling me. He was rocking back and forth, talking so fast that it was a blur of syllables flooding my ears. Firelight moved over his face. Sections of his beard were thin and his skin looked raw.

  I looked at the woods. The darkness was thicker now, and yet I could still run. But which way to go? What if Carl chased me? He was enormous, and I was certainly small.

  Girl pawed at his leg and Carl stopped rocking. “She’s okay, though. My mother. She likes marigolds best of all. They grow all around her white house. Sometimes I borrow a ride, and I see her. But I don’t get close.”

  “Oh,” I whispered. I didn’t understand.

  He poked his head again. “I just killed her up here. Inside my, my, my, urh, brain. That’s the way to do it best, you know. Her heart got broken, but she wasn’t hurt.”

  “Your mother’s not dead?”

  “Did I say that?”

  “Sort of.”

  “You’re all mixed up, Magic Boy. Killing a person doesn’t have anything to do with that person being dead. I—I just didn’t trust myself.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Blew it out through my mouth. I realized what he meant. Carl’s mother was alive and well and living in a white house with marigolds. He was just talking about thoughts. Leaving home. Putting her out of his mind so he could get on with his own life. Live the way he wanted to live. Not actually murdering somebody. Exactly what I was trying to do with Gloria.

  I just didn’t trust myself.

  That last part nagged at me, but I said, “I’m sorry if I upset you, Carl.”

  “I’m sorry if I upset you, Carl,” he said back. He ran his hand over Girl’s head.

  I smiled. Carl was a good person. He was smelly and grumbly and eccentric, but he was perfectly fine on the inside.

  * * *

  —

  The ground beneath the blanket was bumpy from small stones, but I was warm and dry and my stomach was full of spaghetti and meatballs and bread. Dot told Carl I had to eat an apple, too. He d
ug one out of his backpack, shined it up, sliced it in half, and gave it to me. It was soft, tasted like a bruise, but I still ate it.

  Lying there quietly, I watched the fire dancing, smoke occasionally drifting into my eyes. Carl shaved slices of wood off a stick with a hooked blade. He was jumbling up words. “That’s when the tank got stuck. No one knew. No one knew!” He laughed out loud, and I laughed too.

  I closed my eyes. If Carl and I stayed like this I could help out, keeping our camp clean. I could learn to fish further down the creek where it was wider and deeper. I knew a good berry patch, and I knew dandelion leaves were sweet if I got them before the flowers opened. Summer was great under the bridge. But where would we go once the snow came? What about winter boots? And a jacket? I only had shorts and a grimy T-shirt. And what about school? Gloria would probably tell them I’d gone to stay with Uncle Rick, or some imaginary relative. They wouldn’t miss me. Well, maybe Mrs. Spooner might, but she’d forget soon enough.

  I had just started floating away when I heard a loud crack. My eyes jumped open. Carl heard it too. I saw his head jump back, tilt like a crow’s. I sat up. Girl sprang forward, darted toward Carl, put her paw down on top of his shoe. Ears pointed, a low snarl rolled out through her bared teeth.

  Then more noises. Strange shrill barking. Coming from deep within a stray dog’s throat. A wet strangled sound. Girl continued to snarl but didn’t bark back. And as it got closer, I realized the noises weren’t coming from a lost dog at all. They were coming from a man.

  MAISY

  Dogs were barking outside our house. They were hungry barks, but not like Chicken’s hungry barks. I saw them through the screen door. A woman was holding three leashes. They looked like the same dog that Darrell and Shar had. That dog escaped a lot, and sometimes he’d run home with a rabbit in his teeth. He’d get blood all over his chin and cheeks. Once I saw Aunt Erma rip the rabbit right out of the dog’s mouth. Then she tore off its fur and dropped it in a pot.

  Behind me, Gloria was talking to the man in the tie. She yelled at me to come over. “My daughter got something else she needs to tell you.”

  I saw Telly give the lady with the dogs one of Rowan’s T-shirts, and she pushed the T-shirt into their noses. Then I turned around and went next to Gloria. Her fingers dug into my shoulder.

  “She got something to share. About Rowan. Company he’s been keeping.”

  The tie man said, “I’m all ears.” He grabbed the flappy parts and shook them.

  I think I wanted to laugh, but it wouldn’t come out.

  “Tell the man what you told me. Exactly.”

  I coughed. My throat was all squeezed up. I had to sit on the floor because my head wanted to float away. My heart was so sad and heavy I thought it was going to fall out. I knew I was a horrible sister.

  “Is she okay?” he said to Gloria.

  “She’s good. Just dramatic.” Then she shoved me with her knee. But not hard.

  “He said Ca-Carl was nice.”

  “Who said?”

  I licked my lips. They were dry. “Rowan.”

  “Carl?” He squatted down next to me. “Maisy? Who’s Carl?”

  Gloria was frowning, shaking her head. “Tell him, miss.”

  “He lives under the bridge. A man troll. But no goats tromping over.

  Just me and Rowan.” I tried to smile. Maybe he would laugh.

  He didn’t laugh.

  “Can you please tell me a little more about this Carl fellow?”

  “Me and Rowan went to visit him. He lives there. Just him and his dog, Girl. She gets to eat the biggest parts. Rowan said that was being nice, not being dumb. He had a big coat and a fire, and the smoke went in my eyes.”

  My jawbone was hurting. Like I was chewing old gum. Rowan told Carl I was safe. “I’d trust her with my life,” he said. But he was wrong. I was a no-good blabber.

  “What bridge?” the man said. I looked close at his tie. All the moons had pieces missing. When I was little, I used to think some of the moon had fallen off, but Rowan said it was still there. I just had to look super hard. I had to look in the shadows.

  I pointed through the kitchen and out the sliding doors and into the woods.

  “Good girl,” he said. “That’s a wonderful help.” His eyes turned into rat eyes. Squished and dark. He stood up and looked at Gloria.

  “Filthy homeless beggar sleeping under the old stone bridge,” she said. “Luring in kids. Nice, he says. How can my own son be so gullible?”

  “It’s going to be okay, Mrs. Janes. We’ll find him.”

  “What was he thinking?”

  The tie man scritched his chin. “Hard to say, but could be the age, ma’am. They imagine it as an adventure. A few more hours in the woods, cold and hungry, and the charm’ll be gone.”

  He went outside then. He talked to a mustache man on the porch, and came back in. Telly followed behind him.

  “You got to be kidding me,” Telly said. “What’s this, Glow? What’s this he’s saying?”

  “Oh, Telly. I always told Rowan to be careful around those people. Out in the woods of all places. Time and time again. Sure, you said the same yourself. If you don’t got a home, you shouldn’t be allowed to wander around. Should be against the law. You can’t trust them. You too, Maisy. I told you too.”

  Her fingers patted my head. Worming through my hair all tickly.

  “I never went there,” Telly said. He looked white. “When I was out today. I came just shy of it. Reached the creek, but didn’t follow it to the bridge. I can’t believe it.” Gloria had her arm wrapped around his. “We’re going to get him back, Glow. I promise you that.”

  “I know, I know.” She was smiling a sad-smile. “I don’t know where we went wrong, but we’re a team now, Tel. You and me. We got to stick together.”

  The man with the tie nodded. “We have people on it right away. We’re familiar with the bridge. A common spot for vagrants. Especially during summer.”

  “What if he’s not there no more? What if that man took him somewhere?”

  “We’re setting up for a systematic search at the same time, ma’am. Following a grid to ensure we don’t miss a thing. We’ll be moving shortly. Your boy could have fallen and hurt himself. With the high temperatures we had today there’s risk of dehydration, so we don’t have a moment to lose. Door to door is already in progress, in case anyone’s seen him. Volunteers are here. Lot of folks offering support. You’ve got a good neighborhood, Mr. and Mrs. Janes.”

  “We really do.” Gloria sounded wavy.

  But I knew she just said a lie. A small lie. She didn’t like our neighborhood. Or our neighbors.

  There was lots more barking from outside.

  “As you can hear, we’ve got three dogs on site. But with the heavy rain, and now this wind.” He stopped.

  “What’re you doing with dogs?”

  “They smell, Glow. Pick up what we can’t.”

  “That’s right, Mr. Janes. They’ll follow your son’s trail, ma’am. His scent.

  Their handler brought them into the station for a demonstration this afternoon. When the call came in, she was happy to assist. So that’s a bit of good fortune.”

  “I’m sorry if I don’t feel fortunate today, Mr. um, Detective Aiken.”

  “Poor phrasing,” he said. “I apologize.”

  “Those dogs.” She pointed her finger out the door. “They’re sniffing around my house. Is that his trail?”

  “Standard procedure. Nothing to be worried about.”

  Gloria scritched her head. “Everything’s happening so fast.”

  “Well, if you’re right about the rainwater on your floor, your son’s been missing between twenty and twenty-four hours.”

  “Of course I’m right about the rainwater,” she said. “Telly?”

  “It’s okay, Glow. We’re all on the same page here.”

  “Absolutely,” the tie man said. “We’re doing everything we can, Mrs. Janes.”

&n
bsp; Telly let go of her. He and the man went outside. On his way, Telly held the door open for Aunt Erma to come in. She came over and hugged me. “I talked to Shar, sweetheart. She wishes she was here.” Then she hugged Gloria.

  “Erm,” Gloria said and started to cry. “He’s gone off with a beggar. A homeless beggar.”

  * * *

  —

  People kept going in and out of our house. They were making noise and moving around. Outside my bedroom window a big group of men were talking about the woods. How it was easy to get turned around. Or fall over and bang your head. Gloria came upstairs to tuck me into bed.

  “Look who I found,” she said, and she gave me Jenny the Head.

  “Where?” I said. I thought I put her next to the toaster, but I was wrong.

  “Stuck behind the cushion in the blue chair.”

  I held Jenny the Head tight. I must’ve forgot sitting in that chair. Gloria always told me my remembering was not very good. I had lots of holes and things got mixed up and moved around. “Thank you, Gloria.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

  “He’ll come back, Gloria. I just know it.” Before Gloria came in, I put the tiny bit of metal under my pillow.

  “He will,” she said. “Telly will see to that.” She bent over the top of my bed and looked out the window. “There they go. They’re starting the search. They know where to look now. You did the right thing.”

  Even though I told on Rowan, my middle didn’t hurt so bad no more.

  Then she put her hand on my forehead. “You remember, Bids. No one will ever, ever love you as good as I do.”

  She snapped out the lights and mostly black filled my room. I couldn’t see my hand or my nose or my tongue when I stuck it straight out. I thought about that morning after Rowan came home from the woods. After he stole those chocolate bars before school ended and Gloria took him for a walk with the sign. He smelled like wet dirt and smoke. I couldn’t tell what was grime and what was his skin map. He let me comb all the sand out of his hair. I even found a tick with a little dot on its back. I showed Rowan and I squished it between my fingernails. He said, “You saved me, Turtle. From a deadly disease.”