Let Me Be the One

by Christa Maurice

  “Always?” He buried himself inside her. She was hot and rich. Her mouth closed over his, stealing his breath. She would always forgive him.

  Always.

  * * * *

  Suzi clutched Logan’s hand as they walked up the stairs and across the lawn to the studio. Greg trailed behind them like some kind of warped honor guard. According to Logan, Greg had done his fair share of defaming her the previous night, and she hadn’t decided yet how to cope with that. The kitchen door opened, and Jason and Brian walked out, followed by the sound of a screaming baby. Jason was on the phone, but gave her a bright smile. “No, I understand. It’s just, Cassie needs a break, and her mom and dad were up with her all night, too.”

  Brian changed direction and headed for them. “You’re still here,” he said. His blue eyes were brighter than she’d ever seen and his fingers were tapping out a nervous rhythm on his jeans leg. Ordinary Levi’s, Buckcherry T-shirt. No showing off in his wardrobe, but the way the fabric stretched across his body drew her eyes.

  He couldn’t possibly have been that concerned about her and Logan’s fight last night. She was just the girlfriend of the guitarist in an up-and-coming band. Unless he was as nice as she’d assumed from his press.

  “Yes.”

  Jason hung up his phone and joined them.

  “You looked mad last night,” Brian said. “We thought you might catch the first flight out.”

  Suzi glanced at Logan. He’d been certain about that, too, but she still had no idea where he thought she was going to go. After they’d had sex, they’d gone back to the cabin, walking through the woods to avoid being seen. Then they’d spent all night clinging to one another. “No. Is something wrong?”

  “Andi’s sick again, and she’s keeping Cassie up.”

  “Maybe I can help.” Hopefully. Suzi crossed her fingers behind her back. “I’m good with babies.” She’d been trying to find a way to chat with Cassie since she’d arrived but hadn’t found the opportunity. Logan kept telling her not to worry about it. Cassie was in her hometown with her baby. She was busy. The one time Suzi had said hello, Cassie had been strapping Andi into a baby seat on her way out.

  “Can’t hurt to try,” Jason said. “She’s in the kitchen.”

  “I’ll tag along,” Brian said.

  “You will?” Jason took a step backward. “I mean, have at it. More power to ya.”

  Logan kissed her cheek. “Have fun, babe.”

  Suzi headed to the house with Brian trailing behind her while the others headed toward the studio. As she reached up to knock at the door, Brian leaned around her and opened it. Cass sat at the table with her head in her hands listening to Andi wail. She glanced up as the door opened.

  “I’m sorry. This is not a good time,” Cass said. “I have my hands full.”

  “I came to see if I could help.” Suzi stepped inside the door and stopped. Brian crowded behind her, causing an awkward flutter in her belly. Either he was following her or he wanted to spend more time with the unhappy baby.

  “Unless you have some kind of magic spell to put babies to sleep, I doubt you can do anything.”

  Suzi walked over to the high chair and studied the baby. Andi was red faced and sweaty from crying. “Jason said she’d been sick.”

  “She was over it before we flew out here, but now her sleep schedule is screwed up again from the time change, and she hates to sleep, anyway.” Cass sat with her chin resting in her palm. Brian had taken a seat opposite the high chair and sat with his long legs stretched out in front of him and his arms folded.

  A challenge. One she had a fifty percent chance of losing. She never should have put herself in this position. She unstrapped the baby and checked her diaper. Clean.

  “I just changed her,” Cass said.

  “I figured, but it never hurts to check the obvious, right?” Suzi set Andi on the floor in the hopes that she just wanted to be free range. That worked some of the time. Andi waddled around the room, still crying, but not stopping anywhere. Poor kid looked like she was lost at the county fair. Suzi picked her up and walked around the room humming tonelessly. Andi started to scream louder. Suzi turned her around so she could see her mother. That reduced the screaming, but didn’t stop it.

  “Maybe I should just take her.” Cassie started to stand.

  “Let me try one more thing.” Suzi pondered. She had a couple more tricks. Which one had the best chance of working? After sitting at the table with Andi on her knee facing her mother, Suzi leaned back on the chair and rested Andi against her. Andi reduced to sniffling.

  “She’s been inconsolable for days.” Cass rubbed her hand through her red curls. “The only time she stops crying is when she’s asleep. I don’t know how Jason sleeps through it.”

  “Practice,” Brian said. He still had no good reason to be here. Putting fussy babies to sleep was a neat trick, but it couldn’t be that interesting. Not when there was music being made fifty feet away.

  Andi’s sniffles subsided to the occasional hitch in breathing.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to talk to you,” Cassie said. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ve just been very busy.”

  “I understand.” Suzi brushed Andi’s dark hair off her face.

  “I’ve read all your books. I can’t believe how many you’ve published, in what? Two years? That’s amazing.”

  “Most of them are novellas. It doesn’t take nearly as long to write and edit a thirty thousand word manuscript as it does a ninety thousand word book.”

  “I guess not. You pack a lot of action into a little space, though. I always feel like I’ve read a full-length novel when I finish one of yours. Are you going to write any real books?”

  Suzi blew her bangs off her forehead. Someday, she was going to get over being asked that question. Her books were real. They were just electronic. “I have an agent talking to traditional publishers about print rights.”

  “How interesting. I’d never heard of you until this last Christmas when Brian gave me an e-reader with all your books on it.”

  All? Suzi stole a glance at Brian, but he was wearing a poker face. “Are you enjoying the e-reader?”

  “It’s handy. A lot easier to lug around airports. I know Maureen is never without hers.”

  “Maureen?”

  “Bear’s wife. Oh my God, I think she’s asleep.”

  Andi had begun to loll forward. Suzi adjusted her grip to keep hold of the baby who was now intent on slithering out of her grasp.

  “Do you want me to take her? You look hot.” Cass didn’t hold out her hands and sounded a little resigned to taking the child. Suzi didn’t blame her. Holding the baby was like hanging out in an oven, and poor Cass had already been roasting for a couple of days.

  “Let’s give her a minute to set hard.” Suzi snuck a peek at Brian. He was watching her hold the baby with a blank expression that gave her no clue as to why he was hanging around. Logan said he’d been trying to talk to her. He might have decided this was his chance.

  “Set hard?” Cass asked.

  “That’s what we used to say at the day care when we were trying to put a kid to sleep or they wouldn’t wake up after naptime.”

  “I didn’t realize you worked at a day care.”

  She grinned. “It’s not exactly something I have in my bio on my website.”

  “No, I guess not.” Cass put her elbows on the table and rested her face in her hands. “I’m so tired.”

  “It’s hard when they don’t want to sleep.” Suzi cuddled Andi close. It had been a long time since she’d had a baby in her arms. She hadn’t realized how much she missed it. “At the day care, they always said I had the sleep touch. They would put me in the infant room at naptime to put out the ones who didn’t want to sleep. Then I had a couple of hours to sit and plot stories while the babies slept.”

  Cassie’s head slipped sideways. Her eyes were closed and her breathing deep an
d even.

  “She’s asleep,” Suzi said to Brian.

  “I know. I’m impressed. That kid hasn’t slept for more than ten minutes at a time for weeks.”

  “I mean Cass.”

  Brian leaned forward to get a good look at Cassie. “Wow, you do have the sleep touch.”

  “I guess we should have moved to the living room.” Suzi studied Cass. She was going to wake up with an incredible crick in her neck.

  “No problem.” Brian shook Cassie’s shoulder. Suzi cringed. She hadn’t intended for him to wake Cassie up. The poor woman obviously needed her sleep. “Come on, Cassie, let’s change venue.”

  “What?” Cass asked. “Were you saying something?”

  “Why don’t we go to the living room?” Suzi said before Brian could speak. “Then we can lay the baby down for a real nap.”

  “Good idea. I can’t believe you got her to sleep.” Cass stood up and swayed for a second. Brian stood behind her with his hands out as if he expected to have to catch her. Cass didn’t even notice as she wove drunkenly toward the door.

  Suzi had seen the living room through the window, but she’d never been inside. They had the same lush burgundy furniture here as they did at their house in LA, but the floors here were hardwood. The fireplace looked about the same, too. In the middle of the floor was a huge woven rug with a coffee table in the center, and to the left of the fireplace, a playpen where Suzi carried Andi. The baby was now deep asleep and lolled like a rag doll when Suzi laid her down.

  Cass sat down on the couch. “Do you have any books coming out soon?” She yawned. “Excuse me.”

  “I have another one coming out next month.” Suzi moved away from the baby reluctantly. Comfortable house, husband, baby. Was she even on that track? She’d never talked to Logan about kids. He was happy to provide the house, but marriage? Kids? He’d been anxious about leaving his shot glass collection behind when he came out here.

  “What’s it about?” Brian had settled into a chair near the floor to ceiling windows. His eyes were bright as he waited for her answer.

  The last time she did a reading at a bookstore she’d been in less of a spotlight. “It’s about a woman accused of murdering her boyfriends.”

  “That sounds interesting.”

  Interesting? It sounded awful, but this was why her publisher had a marketing team to make up hookier blurbs than she could. “It was fun to write.”

  “Logan said something about you writing a romance now,” Brian said.

  “When my editor read this one that’s coming out, she said I should try romance, so I decided to give it a shot. It’s different.”

  “How?” Brian shifted to the edge of his seat and leaned forward.

  Suzi struggled to sum up the months of research she’d done on the new genre in a few pithy statements, but had about as much luck doing that as she’d had summing up her next release. “The focus is different. It’s the same as the difference between the music you play and disco.”

  He nodded.

  Suzi glanced at Cass. The other woman was asleep again, slumped sideways in the corner of the couch. No rescue from that direction. Being alone with Brian was giving her the shivers. Years of admiring his pictures collided with the awareness that he smelled heavenly, like leather and clove. The two-dimensional image becoming a three-dimensional man. That golden glint she’d noticed in his hair way back in LA was still there in the bright West Virginia sun. “You don’t have to hang around here if you’ve got work to do.” Suzi had yet to figure out what they did in the studio, but it seemed to take a lot of time and required the services of two grown men beyond the band. They went in first thing in the morning, had lunch delivered from town, and emerged at dusk, which at this time of year was getting later and later.

  “They’re fine without me.” Brian was still sitting forward on his chair, studying her like a bug under glass.

  “Well, do you want something to drink?” She stood. “I could use a glass of water.”

  He followed her to the kitchen, and she wondered if he expected her to steal the silver. “I liked the way you used the flowers in This Lifetime,” he announced from the door.

  “What?”

  “The flowers in This Lifetime. Harold kept crushing flowers all through the book. It was like he was crushing Isabelle.”

  Suzi stared at him, amazed. That wasn’t the observation of someone who just liked her stories. That was something a true fan would notice. “Thanks. Hardly anybody ever spots the symbolism.”

  Brian flushed. “It took me a couple of reads to get it, too. I’m sorry about last night. We had no right to ask prying questions like that.”

  Last night? Ugh. “It’s all right. I guess I should have assumed there would be some locker room talk. After all, I am Randy Mirandy.” Suzi clenched her teeth against her gag response to that nickname. She’d been enduring it for months, and it didn’t seem to be going away. At least Sexy Suzi hadn’t caught on. “So what do you guys do in the studio all day?”

  “Record stuff, and then rerecord it, and then fight about which version was better.”

  “Fun.”

  “It’s harder than it sounds. You know everything rides on making the right choices, and after a while, you aren’t sure what that is.” He started tracing a figure eight on the counter with the tip of his finger, watching his handiwork as if it meant something. Something bad. Suzi wanted to hug him and tell him it would be okay, which would be weird.

  “Sounds a lot like editing,” she said instead. “What is it you do at the studio?”

  “Right now? Hang out. Not working on anything.” Brian sat down at the table.

  “Is that all you do? Just hang out with Jason?”

  “No, not normally. There’s just something going on now.” Brian shrugged.

  Suzi licked her lips as she filled a glass of water for him. He hardly talked to her, but he’d given her entire backlist to at least two people for Christmas, questioned Logan about her, and read her books enough to see the symbolism. “Savitar’s recording. Do you think they’re that good?”

  He glanced at her. “They’re good. Producing is Jason’s thing. Mostly, I was hoping you’d be with them.” The corner of his mouth curled. “Couldn’t pass up the opportunity to meet my favorite writer.”

  “I’m honored.” She set the glass on the table before she dropped it. Logan had not been lying when he said they liked her. That thought was going to take a little time to process. “But why are you here? Why aren’t you at home with your family? Don’t you want to spend time with your wife and kids?”

  “You’ve met my wife. Would you want to spend time with her?”

  Suzi studied his profile. His mouth had thinned and hardened at the mention of Bonnie. Poor guy. She needed to get to know him well enough that she could hug him and tell him it would be okay. Or make it okay herself.

  Whoa. She had a boyfriend. A couple of months living with a musician and she was turning into a groupie, throwing herself at the nearest rock star. Suzi shivered. “I don’t know. I only met her the one time.”

  “Trust me. She’s like that all the time.”

  “Oh.” Charity was right. Brian and his wife were splitting up. “I’m sorry you’re having trouble.”

  He shrugged. “My own fault.”

  “What about your kids?”

  “Tess is in school all day and Bub is in school in the morning and with the sitter in the afternoon. When I’m home, I see them for an hour or so every day. That’s it. Not much of a family, is it?”

  “Why don’t you spend more time with them?”

  “What would I do with them? Bring them around to hang out with the guys in the band? Besides, it would just confuse them. Kids need routine, and they have one. It’s better not to screw it up.”

  Suzi considered saying something about child development and routines, but decided she wasn’t on solid enough ground with Brian to start criticizing
his parenting or his relationship with his bitchy wife. At least now she knew his press was right. He was a nice guy. “So I guess I’m not taking you away from anything important.”

  “Not at all. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the kids when they come to visit in two weeks. Cassie’s mother has been checking out stuff for them in town and at the campground, but they aren’t going to want to do that all the time. I thought about taking them to Disney for a week just to eat some time. That would be more fun for them than sitting around here. You’re the child-rearing genius. What do you think?”

  “About taking them to Disney? They’re six and four now, right?” Suzi bit her lip. She shouldn’t know that. Only a stalker would know off hand how old his children were, but Brian didn’t seem at all fazed.

  “Yes.”

  “Then Disney would be good.” Suzi sat down across the table from him. “But there’s got to be lots for them to do here, too. I’m sure they’ll want to spend time with you. Your wife isn’t coming?”

  “No. West Virginia is too boring for her.”

  That was exactly what Charity had announced before she went back to LA. Boring. “Maybe we can take them for hikes, or we could go out to Dolly Sods.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s a local mountain top. The pictures I found online were beautiful, and it used to be a bombing range during World War Two. Lots of places for them to climb. I can find out how to get there from here if you like.”

  Brian smiled. “That would be great.”

  Chapter 7

  Present

  Brian sifted through the pile of scrap paper he’d been making notes on. As a system, it sucked. “Doesn’t it seem a little strange that you haven’t heard from her at all?”

  “No,” the woman on the other end of the line said. “I don’t hear from her for months at a time. She doesn’t have anything in the editing cycle right now. No releases coming. I figured she was having a personal thing, and I was leaving her alone.”

  “So, it’s not unusual?” What kind of friends were these who didn’t worry when Suzi went off the map for a month?