Refuse to Lose (A Coach's Love Book 1)

by Alison Mello

  “Listen, dude. You can blame me all day long, but we’re not leaving. Look around, man. Look how you’re living. Do you really think that Susie would want you to live like this? Live your life blaming yourself for them being gone. You can’t bring them back.” That’s when it hits me. I need Stella. She knows what he’s feeling—she’s the only one who knows what he’s going through. “We’re going to help you through this, and soon you’ll see there’s more to life than what you’re living.”

  I walk over to Jack and Rick, who are busy in the kitchen collecting stuff. “What’s the plan?” Rick asks tying off the first trash bag.

  “I’m going to talk to Stella and see if she can help us. Her husband was murdered. If anyone knows what he’s going through it’s her.”

  “Do you think she’ll help?” Rick asks.

  “I know she will.”

  “Okay, talk to her after the fundraiser and get back to me. I’m going to spend the night and see if I can get him to sober up.

  Holy shit! Trystan is coming over and I've spent the entire day roasting in the sun at the grocery store. I need to get the hell out of here. Misty is wrapping things up with Stacey so I can fly home for my date with him. I need to shower and take care of my bits before he gets there. He says he needs my help with something, and I’m hoping after that we can spend some time alone. His simple kisses set me on fire, and the toy just isn't cutting it anymore. I need his touch, his intimacy. I know he won't be long because he's already texted me to ask about food. When I pull up to the house, I run straight to the bathroom and turn the shower on full blast, not even caring about the clothes I still have on or how hot the shower is. I take off my clothes, jump right in, and nearly die when I feel the water is still cold, but I can't stop now. I quickly begin the process of shaving, hoping I don’t nick myself seeing as I'm shaving like a lunatic. I laugh to myself because I can't believe how excited I am. I'm in and out of the shower in approximately fifteen minutes and considering I had to shave, I think that's a new world record. I run to my room with my hair wrapped in a towel, drying my body as I go. I throw on something cute and quickly dry my hair. I wouldn’t bother if I knew we were staying in, but I have no idea what this favor is so I figure I should be prepared.

  A smile spreads across my face when I hear the knock at the door letting me know Trystan is here. I hurry to the door, and when I open it he’s standing there spinning his key ring around his finger and looking so damn handsome in his snug fitting jeans, boots, and a purple polo. With a smile on his face, he looks me up and down and says, “You look amazing.”

  “You’re looking pretty fine yourself.”

  He leans in and presses his lips to mine. “I thought you were bringing food?”

  “I did,” he says, looking like he’s not sure how to tell me what he needs to say.

  “What’s wrong? Is it something to do with Ethan?”

  “Oh no, this is a personal matter. I have a friend who needs some help, but we’re having a hard time getting through to him.” He stumbles with his words. I’ve never seen him so unsure of himself. “He lost his family to a house fire accident, and he’s gone down a deep, dark drinking hole. I told you a little about him when I told you about my DUI. Now we realize we’ve babied him a little too long, and we need help bringing him back.”

  This poor man. It was awful losing Dylan, but I can’t even imagine losing DJ too. “What do you need me to do?”

  “Talk to him. Show him that you went through a similar situation and that you’re living a healthy life. He needs to see that he can move on.”

  “Let’s go.” I grab my purse and lock up the house. He opens the door to his Corvette, and I slip inside. This is the first time I’ve ridden in his pride and joy. I bite my lips to stifle my smile as he walks around to his side. “What’s so funny?”

  “I’m just noting that my son got to ride in your Corvette before I did.”

  He throws his head back in laughter. “I didn’t think that would matter to you.”

  “It doesn’t, but it’s still funny.” He pulls away from the house, but then he goes quiet. I can see he’s brewing, deep in thought.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “What are you going to say?” he asks, never taking his eyes off the road.

  “That’s a good question. I’m not really sure, but I’m sure it will come to me when we get there.” The rest of the ride is silent, not a peep from either of us.

  We pull up to the building, and he turns to me with concern etched on his handsome face. “Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” I give him a small smile and nod. “Thank you.”

  Trystan grabs the food from the trunk, and we head up. I knock on the door and a minute later a gentleman opens the door, looking completely exhausted. “How is he?” Trystan asks.

  “A mess. He’s been freaking out all day that he needs a drink. Thank you guys for coming.” Trystan and I walk in to find him rocking on the couch. This is going to take a little while. I’m not sure it was even the right time for us to come. What if he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say? I have to at least try.

  I take a seat next to him. “Hi,” I say gently.

  “Who are you?” His eyes are so lost.

  “Stella. I’m new in town.” He says nothing but keeps rocking, trying to control the jitters that have taken over from the lack of alcohol in his system. “Your friend tells me you went through the same thing I did.” He still says nothing. “I was married to a wonderful man. He was so sweet and caring. He worked hard and loved us so much. He was the type of man who would move heaven and earth for his family.” Stella looks down at her lap and then back up at Billy who’s still rocking. “Then one day there was a knock at my door and when I opened it two NYPD Officers were standing there. My husband was late coming home and not answering his cell, so when I saw them I knew it wasn’t good. Never did I expect them to tell me he was gone. Just like that—no goodbye, no I love you, no final words. Gone.” Tears stream down my face.

  He stops rocking and looks at me. “What happened?” His voice is rough.

  I let out a slow, controlled breath. “He was murdered, and you know what was really hard?” He continues to stare. “I had to tell our son. It was the worst day of my life.”

  A tear runs down his cheek. “At least you had a child to tell. I lost mine at the same time.” He goes back to looking forward and rocking.

  “Billy, I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s so hard to experience what we have, but thanks to my counselor, I was able to see that it was their time and that I needed to be strong. We need to move on.”

  “I have no one to move on for. You have your son.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  His head whips around, and his eyes narrow on mine. “You have your friends. Look at them.” I point to the three men standing in the kitchen. “They’re your family. Family isn’t always linked by blood. Family is made up of the people who are there for you at your weakest point. They carry you when you need it and are there for you when you need them. The best part is they’re there to celebrate your successes too.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’m not strong like you.”

  “You are and if you let us help, we’ll show you.”

  Burying his face in his hands, he sobs a good healthy cry. It kills me to see this man like this, but he needs to get it out. He lets out a deep breath and says, “They were my life, and they’re gone. I come home to an empty home and empty heart every night.”

  I wrap him in a hug. “I know because Dylan was mine, and now I’m starting over with Trystan. If I can do it, you can too. You just need to let your friends help you.”

  Trystan takes a seat on the other side of Billy. “Listen, I brought over some Chinese food. Let’s eat and then Rick and I are going to head out for a bit, but Jack is going to spend the night to make sure you’re good.” Billy nods. “We’ll get through this. Come on.”

  The guys have the snack bar
and this small table set up with paper plates of food. “Trystan brought your favorite, Kung Pow Chicken,” Jack encourages him, and we all get started. Unfortunately, after a few bites, Billy makes a bee-line for the bathroom. Trystan starts after him, but I grab his arm. “Give him a minute.” He nods and grabs him a bottle of water from the counter.

  When he gets back, Trystan asks, “You all right, man?”

  He nods. “I’m embarrassed and so fucking sick.”

  “Dude, don’t be embarrassed. You’ve been through a hell none of us can imagine,” Jack says

  “God, I’m so sick.” Billy rubs his head.

  “You’re very sick. Alcoholism is an illness, dude, and now you’re sick because you’re fighting it, but I’ll tell you what—you’ll feel better faster if you fight this and not give in to it,” Trystan encourages.

  He shakes his head. “You say that like it’s going to be easy.”

  “Never said that, man.” Trystan hands him the bottle of water.

  He opens it and sips it slowly. I’m hoping this stays down for him because this guy has to flush his system, and we’re all hoping to keep him out of the hospital. He continues to work on the bottle of water while we finish eating, and when we’re done we quickly clean up the mess. He thanks us for coming over and tells us he’s going to bed. He looks exhausted.

  He goes to his room and shuts the door. “Did you guys check his room?” I ask, concerned he has something stashed in there.

  “Yeah, I went through his room last night. There’s nothing in there he can either drink or hurt himself with. I don’t think he is suicidal. I think he got himself in too deep with the alcohol and now he needs help to pull himself out. I’m Rick by the way.” He puts a hand out to me. We shake, he introduces Jack, and he thanks me for coming.

  A smile spreads across my face. “I have an idea. Why don’t you guys all come over for dinner one night this week?”

  “Awesome idea. We can throw the ball around with DJ in the yard. It’ll get him out and moving,” Trystan offers.

  “Why don’t you ask him to coach with you? He used to play on your team as a kid,” Rick suggests.

  “Good idea. You mention dinner to him tomorrow,” Trystan says to Rick and then turns to me. “What night should we do dinner?”

  “How’s Wednesday? That will give him some time to get sober and be able to maybe enjoy himself.”

  We all agree, and Trystan and I head back to my place to spend some time alone.

  As soon as we’re in the car he thanks me for coming tonight. I think Billy has a long way to go, but I believe he at least heard me.

  When we pull up to my place, he hurries around to open my door like a true gentleman and then pins me to the door. “I mean it. Thank you.” He leans in and gives me a soft kiss.

  “Well, you could always take me in and show me how much you appreciate me.” I wiggle my brows.

  He chuckles. “Oh, that will be my pleasure.” He pulls me from the car and practically drags me into the house. As soon as the door is closed and locked, he slips his hands along my jaw and forces me to look into his eyes. "Can I take you to bed?" he whispers.

  "Please." He scoops me up and carries me down the hall to my tiny bedroom. He slowly slides my body down his, causing the skirt of my dress to expose my ass. His hand glides over my bare skin to the string of my thong. He tears it from my body and squeezes my cheek, pressing my body against his. He pulls the clip from my hair, wrapping it around his wrist and tugging it to the side, exposing my neck. He licks up my throbbing vein as his hand slips between my folds. I'm panting as I grind my hips, itching to create some friction.

  He nibbles on my earlobe and whispers, "I'm going to make you feel so good." He pulls his hand from between my legs and sucks his fingers into his mouth. Closing his eyes, he moans like he's just experienced the most exquisite meal on earth. "You taste heavenly." He grabs the hem of my dress and pulls it up over my head, tossing it to the floor. I suddenly feel a bit self-conscious. I look at the floor, covering as much of my body as I can with my hands, but he stops me. "Don't hide from me, you're beautiful." He pulls my hand away from my body. A blush creeps up my cheeks as he walks around me and checks me out from head to toe, his fingers skimming across my skin and sending goose bumps rampant across my body. He stops behind me, undoes the clip on my bra, and pushes the straps down my shoulders. Hugging me from behind, he cups my breasts and pinches my nipples causing me to whimper. I roll my head back onto his shoulder and arch my back pressing my breasts into his hands. He kisses down my neck to my collarbone where he nibbles slightly before he licks his way back up to my neck. "I need to taste more of you. Lay down on the bed for me."

  I climb on the bed as slowly and seductively as I can before I lay before him with my legs spread wide. I'm itching for his hands to be on my body, all shyness gone. I'm too wet and excited to worry about being shy any longer. Besides, I can tell from the bulge in his pants he truly meant what he said about thinking I'm beautiful. He picks up my foot and kisses the inside of my ankle, never breaking eye contact as he kisses up the inside of my leg. When he gets to my apex, he drops my leg and repeats the process on the other side, this time stopping at my sex. He licks and nibbles at the inside of my leg.

  "I hope you're prepared because I plan to feast on you like a starved man at an all-you-can-eat buffet." I burst into laughter, but quickly stop when I feel his tongue part my folds. A moan escapes me as I bite my lip. "You like that?" I nod, unable to say anything else. I haven't been touched at all in over two years, never mind be intimate. He continues licking my throbbing nub. It feels so good I can't help but grind my hips in rhythm with him. I pant and bite my lip, on the verge of an orgasm when he stops. My eyes fly open and I look down at him, giving him a look that screams what the hell? He smiles, kisses the inside of my leg, and starts back up again. I will get him back for that. He sucks my clit into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it. He licks me hard and fast. In a matter of minutes, I'm exploding all over him. My body quivers, and I fight to close my legs on him, but he's too strong. He continues feasting on me, not wanting to miss one drop of my release. "Trystan, please."

  He licks at his wet lips. "Please what? You want more?" He licks at me again, but I'm on sensory overload. It's been too long. I can't take anymore.

  "No, I need a break." He blows on my sensitive clit as I lay there trying to slow my breathing.

  "Are you ready for more now?" He looks up at me from between my legs.

  "More?" I question.

  He smiles. "Oh yes, more." He starts again, lapping up the juices that are now running down my ass. "I've never tasted anything so amazing." He squeezes my cheeks and licks from my ass all the way to my clit in one long swipe. The feeling of his tongue on my ass is foreign to me. Dylan and I flirted with the idea of trying anal play, but we never did it. It feels good. He licks my tight hole again and then begins fucking me with his tongue as he works my clit with his fingers. If it were possible to die from orgasm overload, I would be in trouble. I'm not going to say I haven't taken care of myself from time to time over the last two years or so, but let’s be real. This is so much more intense than any orgasm a little bullet can give you.

  "Holy shit, Trys..." My words fail me as another orgasm tears through my body, his tongue still buried deep inside me as I ride it out. "That's enough of that." I start to sit up. He sits back on his heels looking at me in total shock. I push him down onto my bed and ask him if he has any condoms.

  "My bag." He points to the bag on the floor by my closet with his chin. I run over to grab one and laugh when I find a handful.

  "Planning on getting it more than once?" I ask with my brows raised.

  "Baby, after the taste I just got, I'll never have my fill of you." I giggle as I slip the condom onto his cock and line myself up. I press my lips to his, tasting my arousal as we kiss. Something else I've never done. I always thought that was gross, but with Trystan, I can't help myself. I seat myself on
his cock and slowly roll my hips. "Damn, baby, you're so tight." He grabs my hips, pulling me down onto him as he thrusts his hips forward. It's so deep, and it feels amazing.

  "That feels so good," I moan.

  He flips me over without even pulling out. He continues pumping his cock deep inside of me, his skin glistening with sweat from the workout he's getting. Suddenly my body begins to quiver and shake as my muscles clench around his cock. "Fuck," he growls, slamming himself into me one last time. He pants, "That was amazing," letting out one last deep breath and pressing his lips to mine.

  Once we're cleaned up, we spend the remainder of the evening holding each other in bed. He’s drawing slow circles on my stomach while we discuss everyday life. “Are you good with everything that happened today?”

  I sit up and look him in the eye. “Yeah. I’m glad I got to help your friend.”

  “I don’t mean just that. I mean us.”

  I smile and press my lips to his. “I’m more than okay.” He rolls me over and begins kissing me yet again. It's the perfect end to a rather crazy day.

  "Mom, I'm home," DJ calls out as he walks through the door.

  "I'm in the kitchen." I'm making Trystan and I breakfast with a huge grin on my face. He spent the night and when we got up this morning, we had a discussion over whether he should stay or leave. DJ knows that Trystan and I are dating, but he has yet to spend the night at our house. I knew DJ was being dropped off early because Misty and Briggs have plans today.

  DJ walks into the room and stops when he sees Trystan sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, wearing lounge pants and an old t-shirt. "Hey, Coa..." He stops, unsure what to call him.

  "Good morning, DJ. You can call me Trystan off the field, remember."

  DJ puts out his hand like the gentleman I raised him to be. "Good morning, Trystan." DJ then kisses me on the cheek and says a good morning to me as well. "Smells good in here."

  "I'm finishing breakfast. Want to join us?"

  He shakes his head. "Nah, I just had pancakes at Misty's. Is there a plan for today?"