Refuse to Lose (A Coach's Love Book 1)

by Alison Mello

  "You're welcome. Do you like how the garden is coming along?"

  He nods. "I think this is so cool. I just wish we had more."

  "More how?" I ask him, not sure where he's going with this.

  He shrugs. "I don't know. I know we can't actually have him in our yard, but you know, like a piece of him with us. Does that sound stupid?"

  "Not at all, kid, but you do have a piece of him with you. He's in your heart, and he watches over you every single day."

  DJ looks at me. "You think so, Mom?"

  "Absolutely, but I'll tell you what. I have some things in the closet of Dad’s. I'll grab something to put in the garden."

  "You do?"

  I nod. "I brought a few things with us. I felt like it was a way to keep him with us, and it made me feel safe when we were in the car together."

  "Wow. I didn't know."

  I nod. "I truly believe he led us here so we would meet Trystan and have a good life here."

  DJ says nothing more, but continues to eat his lunch. I think he's really thinking about what I said. I want him to know that it's okay to move on and that there's nothing wrong with us living a happy life. It took me a while to get to this point, and I don't want him to feel bad for making memories with Trystan.

  DJ finishes his lunch and asks Trystan, "What's next?"

  "Well, we have to figure out where the flag and rock will go and then we can put the plants around it. Once the plants are down, we can put the edging up and mulch.

  "We have a lot left to do."

  Trystan laughs, "Nah the plants are small, that part will be a lot easier. Come on, I'll show you."

  I take all the lunch stuff into the house and then go to my room to figure out what we can put into the garden. I'm going through the box, very indecisive about what to give up of his. I don't want to pick something too big because they will have to dig a big hole to get it into the ground. I finally decide to pull his badge from its lanyard and give him that. It's small and will fit under the rock. I meet them in the garden with the card in my pocket. The three of us decide what plants will go where, and when we're done I pull it from my pocket. "Here." I hand it to DJ.

  A huge smile spreads across his face. "This is perfect, Mom."

  "I'm glad you're happy with it." We bury the card and begin the process of putting the plants into the ground. We explain to DJ that the Iris will grow back again next year and it's a taller plant so we want to put them closest to the tree. We place the rock in front of the Iris and then put the lower plants around it. We got stuff that will look nice but won't grow out of control because we don't want to worry about the rock getting hidden by plants that take over the garden. There's a nice mix of color, and I think it's coming out really nice.

  It's really hot, but we're making amazing progress. "We need to put the stone edging up," Trystan tells DJ.

  He grabs some of them and carries as many as he can over. It takes him a few trips but he brings them to Trystan and he places them down, lining the edge of the garden. When DJ brings him the last stone, he starts to pick up the bags of mulch.

  "DJ, give me a minute and I'll help you." Trystan jumps up from the ground. I grab a bag, DJ grabs one, and Trystan grabs two. "Put your gloves back on, DJ," Trystan instructs him. DJ does as he’s told while Trystan opens the bag and starts sprinkling mulch down. "DJ, use your hands to spread it all around the plants. Make sure you get it underneath them too.” He does a great job of making sure it gets everywhere. When they're done, Trystan steps back and gives DJ and I a minute to observe their hard work.

  "You did a good job, buddy. Daddy would be proud."

  "Would be?Daddy is proud of us." He corrects me.

  A tear runs down my cheek. "You better believe it, buddy." I run my fingers through his sweaty hair.

  "We need one more thing," he says, staring at the garden.

  "What's that?"

  "A light."

  I chuckle. "You're right. Let's go get them and we can place a few in the garden, and then I want you to shower."

  He runs off to the garage, and I hurry off behind him. I know where they are, but I'm not sure he does. It was one of the things Fred left in there that he said we could use if needed. He had them in the front of the house at one point, but when the guy came to mow the lawn he was breaking them, so I pulled them out. They'll be perfect for this. I hand four of them to DJ, and we go back to the garden to place them along the edge. I hope there's enough sunlight left to charge them for tonight. I’m hoping he’ll at least be able to see it lit anyway.

  Trystan puts his arm around me as I stare at their work. "Do you think he's happy?"

  "Dylan or DJ?" I ask.

  "Both."

  "Yeah, I think they're both happy."

  He kisses me on the head. "Good.”

  I look up at him. “Are you still heading out with the guys tonight?”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  “Yeah, it will give me some time with DJ alone after an emotional day.”

  “Okay, then I’m going to go shower. I shouldn’t be home too late.” He heads into the house to shower and get ready. The guys are headed to Billy’s to have some pizza and hang out. They’ve been trying to make sure he stays on a good path, and that means no more hanging in bars. Trystan has mentioned the guys taking a Saturday to go shooting, but Rachael isn’t a fan of Jack firing guns, so they’ve pushed that off for a little bit.

  DJ comes into the living room. “Mom, can we watch a movie?”

  “Sure, Trystan is heading out to hang with the guys at Billy’s, so I figured we could order some Chinese food to be delivered.”

  “Okay. I just want chicken wings.”

  I roll my eyes. “There’s a shocker.”

  He laughs, “I like what I like, Mom.”

  I chuckle. “And I wouldn’t change you for the world.”

  “I’ll see you a little later, sugar.” Trystan kisses me goodbye and tells DJ to have a good night.

  About halfway through the movie, DJ passes out on the couch, and I’m not surprised. He worked so hard outside today that he wiped himself out, but it was nice to have a little time alone with him.

  He’s getting too big for me to pick up but I try, despite my efforts, to keep him asleep, he wakes up. That’s probably for the best because I like walking upright. He walks himself off to bed while I shut the movie off.

  “Good night, buddy.” I kiss him on the head. “I love you.”

  “Good night, Mom. I love you too.” He snuggles into his blankets and instantly starts to fall asleep again. I close his door slightly and make my way to my room to change into something more comfortable. Once I’m changed, I climb into bed with my bottle of water and the remote for the TV. I’ve always struggled with the house being in complete silence and it’s worse now that I’ve had Trystan around, but I settle on Law & Order. Adjusting the pillows, I get comfortable to watch TV while I wait for my man to come home. I hope he’s having fun, and I can’t wait to hear how Billy is doing.

  My phone chirps by my bed, letting me know that I have a text.

  Trystan: I’ll be home in a little bit.

  Stella: Good, DJ is out like a light ;-)

  Hopefully, he gets what my winky face means.

  Trystan: Maybe I’ll be home sooner rather than later.

  I laugh. Yup, he gets it. I put my phone down and that’s when I think I hear something. I mute the TV and sure enough, there’s a rustling at the door. I hear it fly open, slamming into the wall, and silently pray that it didn’t wake DJ. With my hands shaking, I reach over to the safe Trystan installed. Placing my fingers in their correct spots, it opens and I grab the nine slamming the magazine into place. I slowly make my way to the living room where I can see a shadow trashing my home.

  “Freeze.” I point the gun at the human. The person turns around revealing that it’s Sophia. “What the hell are you doing in my home?” I aim my gun at her. I’m shaking, showing I’m not really ready for
this situation, but damn it, she will not hurt my boy. “I thought you left.”

  She shakes her head. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave him.” Tears run down her cheek as she looks at the framed picture of the three of us. “I love him. He was my man.”

  “Was.” I’m getting braver.

  “I need him back,” she yells at me.

  “Sophia, please stay calm.”

  “Fuck you.” She pulls a knife from the pocket of the black jacket she’s wearing. She points it at me. Her hand is shaking as bad as mine was.

  “So what’s your plan? Break into my home, scare me off?”

  She laughs, “You think I didn’t know that Trystan left. I’ve been watching waiting for the right moment. He’s not here to protect you.”

  “Do you really think hurting me is going to make him run back into your arms?”

  “Stop talking!” she screams. This chick has legit lost it and I’m not sure what to do at this point, but it’s clear she hasn’t thought this through. I really don’t want to shoot her, and I hope she doesn’t give me a reason to. She points the knife at me. “You ruined it. I was about to make my move toward Trystan and apologize for my mistake, but you had to come along.” She steps closer, waving the knife around. “Drop the gun.” She steps closer.

  “Not gonna happen. You need to back up.”

  She laughs, “I’m in charge here.”

  “Sophia, I have a gun aimed at you, and Trystan taught me to shoot.”

  She begins to cry again. “I begged him to take me shooting and he wouldn’t, why?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t know and I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two, but this isn’t the way to fix it. You’re acting all crazy.”

  I hear sirens coming. I look out the window and it gives her the chance to charge me, but I’m quicker than she is. I let off one shot, hitting her in the shoulder. She drops as Trystan comes running through the door with the police right behind him. I’m panting and a tear runs down my cheek. “She gave me no choice,” I whisper to him. He gently wraps his arms around me and lowers the gun.

  “It’s okay, sugar.”

  The police call for an ambulance as they tend to Sophia, who is lying on my living room floor with blood running down her shoulder. “Trystan, look what she did to me,” she groans out in pain. “She shot me.”

  “Get her out of my house!” I shout.

  The stretcher comes in, and they lift her onto it. “I love you, Trystan,” she shouts as they’re wheeling her away.

  “How did you know?”

  “Me.” DJ comes into the room, knowing it’s now safe.

  “I heard what was happening. I called 911 and then called Trystan.”

  “My brave boy.” I run over and wrap him in my arms. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “I wanted to protect you, Mom, but there was no way for me to sneak up behind her. I had my bat in my hand and was about to run at her when you shot her.” I squeeze him tight. “Is she going to die?” DJ asks me.

  “Thanks to your mom’s amazing aim, she will probably be fine, physically anyway. It seems she’s mentally lost it, and I’m sure she will end up in some state facility after she is released from the hospital.” Trystan wraps his arms around both of us. “Sugar, the police need your gun for evidence.”

  “Am I in trouble?”

  He shakes his head at me. “No, it was justified. You’ll be fine.” The officer takes the gun from my hand, puts the safety on, and bags it.

  “Why don’t we head to my place for the night?” Trystan offers. “The police are going to need to finish up here, and we will need someone to come in to clean the place up.”

  I nod my agreement and head to my room to pack a bag while Trystan helps DJ gather his stuff. I sit on my bed for just a second to gather myself. A lot has happened tonight, and I’m so mentally torn. We thought Sophia was moving on and she surprised me, breaking into my home, but I’m proud of myself because I defended my son. I chuckle to myself, I refuse to lose.

  It's the final game of the season, and I'm a nervous wreck as is DJ. He's come a long way this year, but today we go up against the undefeated team in the league, and it's an away game. It would be amazing to beat them on their home field, but from what I've heard this team is amazing. They've been playing together for years now, so they have their rhythm down.

  "Where's DJ?" Stella asks me.

  "Look." I point to the garden.

  "Is he okay?"

  "Not sure. He's been out there for a few minutes now. I was trying to give him some space."

  "Will you come out with me?" Stella asks.

  "Of course." I open the back door for her to step through and follow her out.

  "Are you okay, buddy?" she asks him.

  He shrugs. "Yeah, I like having this here though. It gives me a spot to come and talk to Dad." My poor kid got my emotional side, and sometimes I love it and sometimes I feel bad. He wipes the tear that rolls down his cheek. "I miss him and wish he could be here today."

  "He is, bud." She puts her arm around him. "I have something for you, and although I'm not ready to let you wear it all the time, I think it would be nice for you to wear it today. At least until you have to take it off." She pulls a gold chain from the box and places it around his neck. "As you know, this was Dad's. I’ve had it aside for you because he always wanted you to have it." She fights back the emotion as he looks down at it.

  "Tuck it into your shirt, and if no one says anything just leave it on," I tell him. "Don't play with it or they will make you take it off."

  His eyes well with emotion as he tucks the gold chain bearing a cross into his shirt. "Thanks, Mom."

  "You're welcome. Are you ready now?"

  He sniffles and nods. "Yeah, let’s do this."

  We pull up to the field, and we're all in awe as we step out of the truck and begin our walk over. The park is gorgeous. It's extremely clean, the lawn is immaculate, and there are beautiful sponsor banners lining the fields. "Can you believe this place?" Misty scares the shit out of us as she steps up behind us.

  "Really, Misty."

  She laughs, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

  "Yes she did," Briggs jokes.

  Mason fist bumps DJ. "You ready?"

  He shrugs. "As ready as I'll ever be."

  "Listen, you two, don't go stressing yourselves over this game. The team has made it to the playoffs, so yes a win would be really fun, but you don't need the win to move on. Just enjoy yourselves," I remind them and point to the field with a huge C on it. "That's our field. Let's get over there."

  Some of the team is here, and they're all standing around waiting for everyone else. The boys are talking as they're checking out the other team. Their uniforms are even mint, but uniforms and a nice field don't make a team.

  It's finally our turn to take the field. The boys hustle out with their heads held high. The mom squad is out there cheering as they do every week, and I have no doubt it makes these boys feel like a million dollars. "Okay, gather around, boys." I wait for them to make a tight circle around me. "I want to tell you all the same things I told DJ and Mason. This game means nothing to us. We go to the playoffs, win or lose. I want you to go out there and show everyone what an amazing team we are but have fun."

  "But, Coach, they're undefeated," Ethan adds.

  "They are and yes, you fight to the end, but if they beat us it's no skin off our back. Got it?"

  "Yes, Coach."

  "What did you say?" I shout.

  "Yes, Coach," they scream.

  "That's what I'm talking about. Now get out there and warm up." Billy, Vincent, and Briggs get them going in the field while I hang their bats and put the lineup on the wall.

  "Trystan Shepherd." I look to see who's calling me, but it takes me a minute to realize I know the umpire.

  "Hey, Justin. How are you?"

  "I'm good. I didn't know you were coaching." He shakes my hand.

  "Yeah, my g
irlfriend’s son is the pitcher." He looks over at DJ.

  "Kid has an arm."

  I smile proudly. "He sure does. Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

  "What's that?"

  “I may shoot myself in the foot for saying this, but his dad passed away and he's wearing his necklace for good luck. Turn a blind eye for me. He's struggling with his dad not being here."

  "No worries. It's not going to hurt a pitcher to have it on. Make sure it stays tucked. If it comes out, I have to make him take it off."

  "Thanks, man." We shake hands and I walk over to introduce myself to the other coaches who appear to be a bit cocky, but I push the thought out of my head and hope I'm wrong.

  "Hi, I'm Trystan."

  "Hi, I'm Luke. I hear your team is our toughest competition this year."

  I shrug. "We're just here to have some fun."

  "Sure you are. We all know that both our teams are in the playoffs."

  "Yeah and we all know they're only about eleven-years-old. Good luck today." I walk away shaking my head. I hate that I was right. All this guy cares about is winning.

  I call the boys into the dugout once again and have them get ready to line up in their batting order. Noah's first, and he strikes out. This pitcher is good. It's going to take a little to get them used to his pitching. Our second batter strikes out, and now Ethan is up. He steps up to the plate and swings at the first pitch thrown down the plate, but misses. The pitcher is already getting cocky, but Ethan smiles and shakes it off. The next pitch he throws is a beauty and Ethan connects with it, sending it flying into the outfield. The kid tries to rush over to catch it but misses. Ethan makes it to second base and the boys cheer him on. DJ is up next. He looks nervous, but he steps up, digs his feet in, and gets ready. He watches the first pitch go by, and it's a ball. The pitcher shakes his head, disappointed with the call. He takes a deep breath and throws the next pitch. DJ connects, sending a ground ball up the field between first and second. The second baseman dives for it but misses.