Finding Erin

by America Leigh

“Focus.” Justice told me. “Did Erin have her shot this morning?” Justice asked desperately. Shot? What shot?

  “Shit. She didn’t tell you. Did she?” Justice ran her trembling fingers through her flame red hair and sighed. Faith was giving Erin CPR and constantly checking her pulse. I pulled my gaze away from Erin after registering Justice’s words.

  “Didn’t tell me what?” I cried in desperation.

  “She takes a shot every day to manage her epilepsy. She’s never had an attack though, Eddie” Justice’s voice cracked at the end of her bleak words. Erin wasn’t having a seizure though, I quickly thought. Was that a good thing or not?

  “Move” I barked, reaching down to take Erin into my arms and barrelled down the corridor to find a car or someone who could save my wife. Wife. I hadn’t even had time to process that Erin was now mine. Officially.

  As I stepped down the last step, an ambulance pulled up outside the old stone building. Where the hell did that come from?

  “Can you tell me what happened, Sir?” The paramedic asked, quickly accessing Erin’s condition. The words escaped me. I stared blankly. Justice stepped in front of me and told them how Erin suddenly collapsed and that she takes daily shots. Just at that moment, Erin’s body convulsed under my fingertips and I dropped to my knees, both psychically and mentally.

  Shit! I’m going to lose her again. No….No…. I can’t. Not again!

  “Sir. Let her go, so I can prevent any damage occurring” The paramedic said in a precise and controlled tone. I placed her as gentle as I could on the floor and became no use to anyone. Other than watch my beautiful wife convulse over and over again. Every time Erin stiffened another part of my soul was torn off.

  “What’s her name?” The paramedic asked. I heard Faith tell them her stats and all her information at warp speed. Faith was the calmest of all of us and focussed on getting Erin stabilised.

  “Erin Vance” I muttered under my breath. Three very angry pair of eyes were mentally castrating me as I spoke. I had pissed off the three most important people to Erin. Maybe, we should have considered how it would affect our friends. I needed to fix that, but I would never apologize for marring the girl of my dreams. That thought suddenly hit me. I stepped forward. “Please save her. I can’t lose her again” I pleaded.

  “We need to move her now” The paramedic barked to the people who had started to gather around us. The sirens echoed through the fog.

  “Ten ml’s of Diazepam. Stat.” The paramedic administered on route.

  Erin’s body finally slumped on the gurney after thirty minutes of seizures. I had thought it would never stop, seeing Erin’s petite frame rigid like that would be forever etched onto my mind.

  “We have her stable for now, Mr Vance” The bald paramedic sighed with relief. Her chest rose up and down, gently. “Mrs Vance is still critical” The paramedic continued with a frown.

  * * *

  I sat in Erin’s room for the three days and her eyes hadn’t opened once in the last 72 hours. I was starting to panic. The doctors tried to reassure me, that Erin was just resting from the over exertion of the seizures she had suffered. It wasn’t enough.

  We had only been married for three days and the separation was more than I could bear. I silently promised her that I would always keep her safe, that I would never let anyone take her from me ever again. No I sat idle at her bedside unable to change what fate had in-store.

  “Please come back to me baby. I’ll be a better man. I promise. I’ll tell you everything about our pasts. I just want the chance to love you. To be with you every minute of every day. To watch you flourish into the woman I had always dreamed of, and spend our future under the willow tree where I fell in love with you. I cannot take it.” I ran my hands through my messy hair and placed my head in my hands. I closed my eyes and bowed forward, wishing time to rewind.

  “Eddie. You need to go home.” He begged me. His face was etched with worry. I shook my head vehemently. “No” I told him harshly. “I can’t.”

  “I will not leave her,”

  “She has always been my responsibility Rafi. I couldn’t walk away then and I will not walk away from her now. Do I make myself clear?” I told him, turning into the tyrant that my reputation had thrived on.

  “Go” I continued, with a vengeance in my voice that I hadn’t realised I had within me. I would never leave her. I couldn’t. That vision I had of her underneath our willow tree before everything changed, encroached my mind and reminded me of the way I felt about her at the age of eighteen. Now that I was a man, the feelings I held for Erin were nothing to be trifled with.

  Chapter Eighteen.

  Erin.

  The light was blinding. I tried to move my arm to cover my eyes, but I couldn’t move. I heard whispers around me, as if they were floating above my still body. I could hear Eddie telling me to come back and never leave him. He was my entire world. I wanted to run my hands through his gorgeous brown hair has he slept on the edge of my hospital bed. I looked down at the weight on my hands.

  Eddie.

  “Eddie” I whispered. My throat felt like shards of glass had run right down the sides of my windpipe.

  “Eddie” I repeated, this time with a bit more strength. Eddie raised his head in surprise. His sleepy gaze had disappeared. “Oh God! You’re awake. Oh baby, thank god” He finished with a deep breath I saw relief on his face. I looked down at my body, accessing myself. Eddie eyed me suspiciously.

  “What are you looking at, Eddie?” I asked with a pout and fluttered my eyelashes at him. The shock on his face held recognition and something else. Surprise, maybe!

  “How you feeling?” He asked cautiously, but tentatively.

  “Good. I think. Come here. I need you to hold me” I ordered, playfully.

  Eddie’s face went has white as a sheet. Eddie stood froze to the floor. What surprised me most was that he was still stood there, not doing as I asked. He had run after me since he was ten years old, it seemed strange that he wouldn’t do as I asked now.

  “Erin?” Eddie asked hesitantly. As if he was trying to prepare himself for the effects of what he was asking.

  What did he just call me?

  “Eddie? What did you just call me?” I asked quietly, scared of what he may say in return. I was suddenly frightened by the way Eddie was looking at me. His eyes bore into me. Oh God! Eddie’s eyebrow nearly disappeared into his hairline.

  “Maggie” He asked, his voice breaking in the middle, emotion suddenly clogging my throat has I dreaded the consequences of the next thing out of Eddie’s mouth.

  I nodded my head.

  “Oh God” That did it. I felt tears run down my face. Eddie sighed as he ran his hand through his beautiful brown hair. That’s when I realised that he was different, he looked….. Different…older? I started to shake my head, but I wasn’t actually sure what I was protesting to.

  I reached out to take his hand and ran my thumb over his hand. “What’s going on, Eddie?” I asked seriously, pinning him with a look that I hoped told him I meant business.

  Eddie eyed me suspiciously and bowed his head. This was bad, whatever this was? This was really, really bad.

  “Maggie?” Eddie said again, as if he was testing out my name for the first time. Eddie’s expression was void of anything I could read. That’s when I glanced down to my left hand and saw the diamond ring on my finger, but not only that, it was sat against a solid white wedding band. I was married? But to who? Eddie saw my line of sight and gulped again and gave me a pained look. Oh god. I was married to someone else?

  “Eddie?” I asked in a silent question.

  “It’s ok” Eddie replied soothingly. He moved closer to the bed. “I need….I will have to explain a hell of a lot to you, but you need to promise me something” Eddie’s gaze held my intently. He sat beside me and grabbed my hand tightly.

  “Anything” I answered quickly. Then we were interrupted by the knock on the door and then a large group of people ente
red the room. I didn’t recognise anyone. No wait. Is that Rafi? He looks a hell of a lot different, more so than Eddie. My chest eased a little.

  “Thank god” The red head with the fullest red lips I had ever seen announced. She was gorgeous, I wonder if she could teach me some tips how to look like that. I giggled at my silly thought. She stood there fiercely. The way she looked at Eddie reminded me of when my parents fought.

  “Please don’t frighten me like that ever again” The petite blonde added whilst reaching down to give me a deep hug. Wow. This woman smelt fantastic, but who the hell was she? And the other two girls? They each stood protectively around me.

  “Faith, let her breath” The timid one finally added, keeping her emotions in check, but she was obviously effected by me being in a hospital bed. She looked down at the floor more than she looked at me.

  Who were these women? And how did they know me?

  “Guys, you need to give us a minute?” Eddie asked looking anywhere else but me, he couldn’t look me in the eyes either.

  What the hell was going on here?

  The red head shook her head in response and scooted Eddie out of the room and closed the door behind firmly him. Obviously these girls held some kind of weight with Eddie that I didn’t know about. Eddie looked furious but he made no move to stop the red head.

  “What the hell happened” The red head started pacing at the bottom of the bed. “We had to find out off Ellerson, that you were getting married, without us, not to mention, but in a freaking registry office. You are worth more than a registry office, sweetie” She finally said on a pant. She finished her rant, but I could see the unshed tears in the corner of her eyes and felt connected with her somehow. The urge to reach out and touch her overwhelmed my usual response to avoid emotion. My body obviously knew better because it hid behind my walls, well aware that I didn’t know these woman.

  “We all made a promise that we would stand side by side, together, always. You broke that promise.” The dark haired beauty admitted, bowing her head in disappointment at me. The hurt in her eyes cut deep.

  “I don’t understand?” I said, weakly.

  “Understand what?” The petite one questioned. They each looked at me curiously.

  “Who are you?” I asked. As soon as the words left my lips I regretted them, has confusion, hurt and realisation filtered through their features one by one. The feeling of dread sank deeper within my bones and made me shrink to a small part of myself. They looked at each other.

  “No” The red head’s anger bubbled towards the surface.

  “It can’t be?” another added. It wasn’t until the petite blonde searched my eyes and asked curiously. “Maggie?” I nodded again, just like I had done for Eddie only minutes before.

  “Fuck no” The red head fumed as reality sank in. I wasn’t sure exactly what she was realising, but I knew that whatever conclusion these women were coming to was monumental for them. I had a feeling that included me too.

  Tears ran down everyone’s face. I couldn’t determine what exactly I was crying for, but the girls sat in front of me were feeling the pure effects of loss. That feeling had hit me harder than I could even consider. I was in the dark, but their pain cut me deep like razor blades.

  “What do you remember, Maggie?” The dark one questioned. What a peculiar question.

  “I was in my bedroom and I heard noises downstairs. I thought it was my Mum, but then I suddenly felt cold and then black. That’s the last thing I remember.”

  “How old are you?” The red head questioned more fiercely than the other one. This one held a fire that I had never seen, I had never had many girlfriends I could trust, so I wasn’t entirely sure how girls were supposed to act around each other.

  “I’m…I’m fifteen.” I told them. The shock radiated from them, but I was still at a loss and I was still in the dark.

  “I’m losing someone else.” The blonde one cried and fell to her knees in a heartbeat. The door flew open and the doorframe was replaced with a shield of muscle and height.

  He was hot!!! Like poster boy hot!!! He looked down at her and whisked her up quickly and silently into his arms and left the room as much as he had entering it, without admission. Rafi came barrelling in. He was surprised I was awake. He was leaner and taller than I remember, but there was sombre glimmer in his eyes. He looked like… like he was ill. I held my hand out for him to sit beside me. The other girls watched us closely.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. His grey eyes were as dark as a storm, until they calmed and he relaxed.

  “How did you know?” Rafi asked on a whisper, not even denying something was up. He looked around the room, checking if anyone had heard him.

  “Your eyes. I could always tell when something was going on with you.” I stated. Rafi sat there and an ease settle over his body that I wasn’t sure if it was the familiarity of him and I or something else. The other girls in the room just sat there and watched me, as if they were waiting for something to happen.

  “Rafi” I whispered. He looked down at me. “What’s going on” I asked, directing my gaze over to the strangers in the corner. “And where’s Eddie?”

  Rafi’s face dropped and dread entered his gaze as he studied me. The door opened again, but this time it was Eddie and he was upset.

  “Everyone out!!!” Eddie shouted into the room. His voice was hard. He stood there unlike I had ever seen him before. The room emptied without another word.

  “Eddie” I began, but he held his hand up to stop me. This was not my Eddie. This man was a stranger. A swift knock resounded around the room as Eddie got up to answer the door. A doctor came in and smiled down at me. He fidgeted under Eddie’s possessive gaze.

  “You must be Maggie” The doctor addressed me gently.

  “Yes” I answered quietly, nodding my head in admission.

  “We need to run some tests Maggie and then we will discuss what will happen after that.” The doctor told me gently.

  “Wait” I said holding out my hand to stop the doctor. “Discuss what? I don’t even understand what’s happening or why I’m in this room. Running tests for what?” I asked bewildered. “Everyone is coming in here as if someone has died, I don’t understand.”

  “Don’t worry, everything will work itself out.” The doctor assured me whilst patting my hand. Eddie growled.

  The doctor nodded and smiled warmly at me and walked carefully past Eddie and left the room. There was no explanation and I was no further to being told the truth. I opened my mouth to ask Eddie something? Anything? Eddie just shook his head, anticipating my questions.

  “You need to listen to the doctor Maggie and then I will explain everything. You need to trust me on this. Ok.” Eddie told me firmly. He always protected me. I had to trust that. I nodded without hesitation. Eddie was the only person I could trust after what my parents tried to pull. That reminded me. “Where is mom and dad?” I asked, but I was met with silence once again. The tension in Eddie’s shoulders told me not to ask any more questions.

  Chapter Nineteen.

  Eddie.

  This was even worse than losing Maggie in the first place. I let myself fall for Erin. A very different version of my Maggie, but Erin crept into my heart without any warning and now fifteen year old Maggie was back and I was sat here wishing for Erin. This is fucking screwed up. I lent down and cradled my face. My heart was aching for the woman I had just vowed to stand behind, support, encourage and love always. Now I was faced with the prospect of having to find a way to love Maggie without Erin being there at all and I was finding that pill hard to swallow.

  “Fuck” I seethed through gritted teeth. “I can’t do this again.”

  “Yes, you can.” Justice’s calming voice penetrated my dire thoughts. “You will because whoever is laid in that bed, is one in the same. No matter if she answers to Maggie or Erin, you love her anyway.” Justice’s words sank in. I searched for Maggie and found Erin and that hadn’t mattered because she was a p
art of Maggie. Now I would just have to readjust and take a part of Erin instead, because Maggie was back.

  “What if Maggie can’t live with the fact that I loved and married Erin and not her?” I walked further into the room and sat.

  “Well if she doesn’t, then you fight like hell for her and you don’t take no for an answer, because Eddie.” Justice paused.

  “Yeah”

  “A love like yours and Erin’s has survived amnesia and it will survive a seizure too.” justice patted my knee and got up. She walked to the door and I heard her words before she walked over the threshold. “You don’t have a choice Eddie, she’s your wife. You don’t give up on your wife, you hear me.” Then she was gone. I hadn’t expected justice to try and comfort me. She was the one I had expected to pull me up by the balls and tell me to man the fuck up. I just had to get my head on straight.

  I pulled my phone out and searched for anything about amnesia, could someone have it and then suddenly wake up without any memories from that part of their life. After dredging through hundreds of sites, I was no nearer to anything concrete to explain what was happening to my wife. I felt useless.

  I went back to Maggie’s room to find her sleeping. Faith was sat beside her bed, watching her intently. Faith had dark red rims around her eyes, she had obviously been crying. Rhodes stood defensive behind her.

  I stared at Maggie. Since the wedding our relationship had shifted from business over to personal. We both seemed to be standing protective over the only thing that held importance. I looked down at mine and she was sleeping beautifully.

  Rhodes nodded at me.

  “Eddie.” Faith started, “What are we going to do?”

  “We carry on.” I shrugged, “There is no other choice. This is still our girl, it doesn’t matter if we call her Erin or Maggie. She’s family for all of us, we just need to remind her of that.” I told her with a smile. I could see the reservations Faith had, but just has Justice had just reminded me earlier, we had no choice. What will be, will be? “We just have to have a little faith.” I told her with a chuckle and gave a wink. Faith clasped her hands together and gave me a sincere smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You’re right”