Risking Her Heart: A Contemporary Romance Novel

by Rochelle Katzman

  “No. He’s my ex for a reason.”

  “Are you sure? Because he may be able to give you exactly what you need.”

  “I’m sure,” she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek. She wanted Drake so badly. But he was offering her nothing, which was pretty much the same story with Zach.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Livvie must have dozed off because she awoke to pounding on her door. She felt Drake immediately get out of bed.

  Then she heard Zach screaming at the top of his lungs. “Livvie! Livvie! I know you’re in there.”

  Drake ran to the door naked.

  “Drake, put on some clothes.”

  He ignored her and opened the door. This was Livvie’s biggest nightmare come true, and to make matters worse, she saw her neighbor’s light come on. How embarrassing.

  “Get in here, Zach,” Drake said sternly.

  She cringed, as she threw her blanket around her and ran into the living room to join them.

  “What the fuck, Liv?” Zach could barely stand.

  Drake grabbed Zach by his collar. Zach wouldn’t fight Drake, but Drake would definitely fight him.

  “Drake, stop. We’re adults.”

  Drake turned toward Livvie with a look that could kill. “Leave us alone. This is between me and your ex.”

  “No. You’re wrong. It’s between me and Zach.”

  “Dude, you’re naked. Can you stop touching me, please?” Zach asked.

  If Livvie hadn’t been so worried, she would have laughed. This was getting worse by the second.

  “And by the way, Mr. Naked, she’s not my ex. She’s just fucking you to get back at me for fucking around on her,” Zach said, sounding all cocky.

  Livvie’s eyes widened. “Zach, stop. Both of you.”

  Drake released Zach. “Is that true, Olivia?”

  She swallowed and looked Drake in the eye.

  “No, I swear it isn’t,” she said softly.

  “Is that what you were thinking when we were together at my vineyard?”

  “No.”

  “And what about the boy you were making out with tonight?”

  “Liv, you get around,” Zach chimed in.

  “I did that to make you mad.”

  “Hello? Did everyone forget about me?” Zach said, visibly swaying.

  Livvie turned to Zach. “Zach, we’re through. You were right, and I was wrong.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Drake grab her throw blanket that was over the arm of her couch, and he placed it around him. Inside, she sighed with relief.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Zach asked.

  “Can we refrain from cursing? You were right. At the beginning of our relationship, you told me you had no intention of having a monogamous relationship.”

  “Were they the exact words I used?”

  Livvie rolled her eyes. “I’m being serious. Even though you may be too drunk tomorrow to remember this.”

  “I may have been drinking, but I’m not drunk.” Zach swayed on his feet again.

  Feeling uneasy, she turned toward Drake, who was leaning against her living room wall with his arms crossed. This was getting awkward. But she had no choice. She needed to handle this like an adult.

  She took a deep breath. “You told me you didn’t want a monogamous relationship and that you didn’t even believe in them, and I want those things. I thought maybe I was special. That maybe you’d want to be that way with me.”

  Zach leaned against the arm of the couch to steady himself. “There was a moment, Liv, when I thought I did, too. I thought that with you I could be in a normal relationship. I was even hopeful. I love you. But I’m not in love with you in the way you want me to be.”

  Tears welled up in her eyes. Zach telling her he wasn’t in love with her was one thing, but it was another having Drake witness her humiliation.

  “Then why have you called me over and over again? Why did you come here last night, wanting to be with me?”

  “Stop the questions,” Zach said sternly.

  Dick, she thought.

  “You fucked another man, and I wasn’t done with you.” Zach paused. “So then I wanted you because you became a challenge. And you hadn’t been a challenge the entire year we dated. If I told you I was working late, you were cool with it, even though I always lied. If I had to cut a dinner short, you were cool with it. If I cancelled a date, you were cool with it.”

  “I get the idea,” Livvie said. She had come to those same conclusions herself. She’d lost herself.

  “And then when you moved on from me and didn’t tell me where you were, you became exciting.” Zach cleared his throat. “But then when I figured out that you’d fucked Drake Morganthal, the challenge was gone. Because of all men to fuck, he was the one man who would hurt you worse than I ever could, so then you became pitiful to me.”

  Livvie was trying desperately not to cry, but his words were slicing through her. She wasn’t pitiful. She’d resisted Drake until she’d gotten to know him better. Drake had issues, but he wasn’t an asshole. Zach was an asshole.

  “Enough, Zach.” Drake was going to punch Zach.

  She knew it in her gut. She had to put an end to this.

  “Then why are you here?” she asked.

  “Because you and Drakey boy are all over the Internet. Look.” Zach swayed up to her and showed her his phone.

  “Oh, no.” She had thought things couldn’t get any worse, but seeing herself thrown over Drake’s shoulders was much worse.

  “And there’s a video of you guys.” He grabbed the phone out of Livvie’s trembling hands and scrolled to find it.

  Drake walked over and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She was still hurt and angry with him. But right now, feeling comforted was more important than hanging on to her anger.

  “We’re all over the Internet.” When she turned toward Drake, she couldn’t help the tear that ran down her cheek.

  “Fuck,” Drake said when Zach showed him the picture.

  “He cursed, too, Liv,” Zach said.

  “Shut up, Zach.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. If I had a video and pictures like that all over the Internet, I’d curse, too.”

  Livvie ignored him and watched Drake run into her bedroom.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  He returned with his cellphone and started dialing. “I’m taking care of this.” Then he stopped dialing. “Olivia, everything will be okay. I want you to know this.”

  Livvie nodded while swallowing back the tears. Everything wouldn’t be okay…not between them, anyway. But she knew he would take care of the current situation. He was a powerful man, after all.

  “Mr. Birkshire, there has been trouble. I want you to call Seth at the PR firm, and tell him we need to do damage control. I don’t care about me, but I don’t want this to harm Olivia. She has been harmed enough.”

  Livvie stood there, too stunned to speak. Drake spoke for another few minutes, and then he hung up. He looked briefly at Livvie and then at Zach.

  “Why did you feel the need to show her these?”

  “Because no matter what, we’re friends.”

  “I think you wanted to show her these yourself, so you could see her reaction. Because that’s what sociopaths do.”

  “Drake, it’s okay. I would have seen them sooner or later.”

  “But that’s not the point.” Drake grabbed Zach by the collar again and threw him against the wall.

  Livvie was too tired to stop him.

  “You never fell in love with her because you’re not enough of a man. And you could never remain monogamous for the same reason. She’s extraordinary, asshole. You can only handle weak women.”

  Zach laughed right in Drake’s face. “And you’re any different?”

  Drake paused, and Livvie felt as if her heart was beating out of her chest.

  “I am different. Because I’d make sure that the look in her eyes right now woul
d never happen because of me. I’d make sure that no matter how weak I am, I’d tell her how brave and strong she is. And every moment I’m with her, I would celebrate her, not show her pictures to add to the scars around her heart.”

  Drake tightened his grip around Zach, but Livvie couldn’t speak. Drake wouldn’t hurt Zack because her ex wasn’t worth it.

  But he pushed him against the wall once and then twice.

  “If I ever find out you were anywhere near Olivia, I’ll personally come after you. If I ever find out you did anything malicious with those pictures and videos, I’ll come after you. If I ever find out you did anything at all to hurt her, I’ll come after you. I have enough money and power to crush you, and let me tell you, I’ll definitely use it.”

  “Okay, man, chill.”

  Drake let go, and Zach practically fell to the floor. He swayed a little and then tried to focus on Livvie, but he was looking everywhere but at her.

  “Have a nice life, Liv.”

  She nodded, only because she felt the need to acknowledge him, and also because this would be the last time she saw him. Drake would make sure of that, but so would she.

  Drake opened the front door, and Zach left.

  Livvie didn’t know what to do or say, but she was feeling dizzy. She leaned against the wall for support and then slid down and placed her face in her hands. This had to be one of her worst nights, ever. She sighed with relief when she heard Drake close the front door.

  “What time is it?” she whispered.

  “A little after two in the morning.”

  “He came here at the same time last night.” Her face remained in her hands. “Did you sleep a little at least?” She wasn’t ready to look at Drake.

  “Olivia, it’s okay.” Drake kneeled on the floor beside her.

  He grabbed her and held her in his arms and started rocking her back and forth. She moved closer into his arms and said nothing, as there was nothing left to say. She needed this. He wasn’t better than Zach because he wouldn’t commit to her, but as a man, there was no comparison. Drake was the most honorable and loving man she knew. And she loved him. So much, it hurt. He was wrong about what he had said earlier to Zach. But she clung to him anyway, because he was a good man. And because she had fallen in love with him in less than seven days.

  Her hands dropped from her face, and she was only inches away from his mouth, so she gently kissed him, and he gently kissed her back. Once. Twice. And then he leaned his forehead against hers.

  “Olivia, are you sure you want this?”

  She nodded against his forehead, not wanting to speak. She needed him. He was warm, comforting, and he was here. He wasn’t offering her a tomorrow, but she needed him now. When their lips met again, it wasn’t gentle. Passion stored deep inside her that she never felt free enough to let out was pouring out in waves. And Drake met her passion with his. They kissed as if they couldn’t get enough of each other. Their lips connected over and over again, their tongues becoming one. Livvie inhaled through her nose, barely able to breathe, but when she did, she was breathing Drake’s air.

  He released her lips and kissed her forehead, her nose, and her cheeks. He licked inside her ears, and then he grabbed the blanket around his waist and placed it on her living room floor.

  “Lie down.” He doubled the blanket over so it became a pillow for her head, and she lay down. In one quick motion, he removed the blanket she’d wrapped around her. And then he looked at her. Really looked at her. She licked her lips as he leaned by her side and touched her face as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, as if he was in love with her. And then he glided his hand around her neck and in between her breasts, over her heart. He laid his full hand there and kept it there. A sensation unlike any she had ever experienced consumed her. Her heart had calmed and was infused with love. Her breath caught in her throat. Drake smiled down at her and then moved his hand down her stomach, over her pubic bone, and swept it down to her vagina, causing her to moan.

  Then exactly what he did to her heart, he did to her pussy. He placed his whole hand there and stilled. Her vagina muscles clenched under him, but a feeling of warmth consumed her. And then he moved his hand by rubbing his fingers up and down her pussy, grazing her clit and then thrusting inside her and grazing her clit once again.

  Livvie looked into his brilliant eyes and grabbed his face as his fingers danced inside her. She touched his face in a way that echoed how she felt toward him. She ran her hands through his hair and scraped his scalp. Then he leaned down and kissed her, as a prince would kiss a princess in a fairy tale. His fingers were doing their magic, and she was close to coming, but she needed for him to come with her, inside her. So she stopped the fairy tale kiss, and he nodded. Without words, he stopped touching her and leaned over her instead. They locked eyes, and then in one swift motion he thrust inside her. She could have bent her knees. She could have thrust her pelvis up, but she didn’t. Instead, she pushed her legs closer together, as if her legs and vagina were hugging his penis exactly where she wanted it to be. Where she needed it to be.

  Drake groaned, thrusting deeper. Pulled all the way out and then went all the way back in. He did that over and over until Livvie could barely think, which was fine by her. Then he pushed up slightly and hit the spot that pushed her over the edge. Her vagina pulsed, and her muscles clenched hard, and then unclenched and clenched again. Orgasmic chills graced her entire body, and she was lifted into another realm. A higher realm. A more peaceful realm, where only love existed and where there was no pain. And then she felt Drake come. His wet sperm was taking over her womb and she loved that feeling.

  Drake fell on top of her. He moved her hair away from her eyes and kissed her on her nose.

  “There are no words,” he whispered.

  “I know,” she whispered back.

  Drake pulled out of her, and the loss was overwhelming. But then he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom. Carefully, he laid her down on the bed and then ran into her bathroom and wet some washcloths. He cleaned himself and then gently washed her vagina.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  He threw the washcloths on the bathroom floor, grabbed her blanket, and then climbed into bed. After putting the blanket around them, he wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close, forcing her to lie on her side. He threw his leg over hers and spooned her, his arms tight around her.

  She couldn’t believe how affectionate he was being. And how much love she was feeling. She desperately wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t. As minutes turned to hours and she heard his breathing become even, she still wanted to tell him, but she didn’t have the courage. Or maybe she was afraid he wouldn’t say it back? Even though they had incredible sex, it hadn’t changed the fact that Drake didn’t want a committed relationship. It hurt like hell, but it was the truth. She would get over Zach not being in love with her, but she wished Drake were different. And then after another hour or so, she joined Drake in sleep.

  Chapter Twenty

  When Livvie woke up, she was alone. At first, a rush of panic came over her, but then she felt relieved. She needed time to think and process everything that was going on in her life. She stretched and yawned loudly for no other reason than she could. The feeling of exhaustion consumed her, but it felt more emotional than physical. Through barely open eyes she glanced at her clock. And then she glanced again. It was eleven o’clock! The last time she had slept that late was when she was a kid at her parents’ house.

  She also saw a glass of water on the night table, along with two more ibuprofens. Livvie laughed. Drake had thought she would wake up with a huge hangover, but she hadn’t been that drunk last night. And what she was feeling was more of an emotional hangover. They were similar and yet so different.

  Drake had also left her a note against the glass. Why hadn’t she heard him leaving? The feeling of panic set in again. But her bathroom door was open, and she could see his stuff on her vanity. She exhale
d with relief. He hadn’t left her yet. So she sat up in bed, grabbed the note, and kissed it. And then she began reading.

  Olivia,

  I have to meet Mr. Birkshire early, and then we are going to Seth’s. Need to do a lot more damage control than I thought. I don’t want you to worry about it though. I want you to write. All day, Olivia. Stay out of your head, and stop thinking so much.

  Love,

  Drake

  P.S. I would have much rather woken up to you and your gorgeous, naked body.

  Her heart practically melted. Livvie sighed. She missed him terribly. And she had no idea when he would be leaving for good. They had to be missing him at his winery, as well.

  But there was no point in feeling sorry for herself. Drake was right; she would feel much better if she wrote. He knew her so well and yet refused to give her what she ultimately wanted. Him.

  Hours later, she sat at her kitchen table, writing ferociously. At first, she had struggled to write. Zach’s words had really hurt her. He loved her, but he was never in love with her. A part of her understood that how he felt had nothing to do with her. He was a man who was never faithful to one woman, and when he lost interest in one, he would go to the next. But a part of her wanted to know what she had done wrong. Maybe that was just her ego talking. Besides, she loved Zach, but she wasn’t in love with him, either. The only reason she had dated him to begin with was because she was attracted to him, and he had a good sense of humor. He made her laugh. And after what happened with Liam, she had really needed to laugh. And he was right that she’d been okay with him walking all over her.

  Livvie heard her door opening, and she jumped up.

  “Who is it?” she yelled, gripping the edge of her kitchen table. No one had a key to her house except her, unless…

  Drake walked into the kitchen, holding a large bag of food.

  “Hey, beautiful. You okay? You look as white as a ghost.” He placed the bag on her counter and started to unload the food.

  “How did you get a key?” She hated that he had one. Playing house with a man who didn’t want to commit felt as if she was she was living in an illusion. She wasn’t living in an illusion. She understood the situation very well.