Risking Her Heart: A Contemporary Romance Novel

by Rochelle Katzman

  He went into the bathroom and returned seconds later with liquid soap on a cotton ball.

  “Close your eyes.”

  Livvie did as instructed and felt the cotton brush her eyelids, her cheeks, and her forehead. He was so gentle she even drifted to sleep for a quick second. Then she opened her eyes.

  “Do you need to use the bathroom before I put you under the covers? I should have asked you before.”

  She nodded, ran into the bathroom, and came out a minute later. Drake had pulled down the blanket enough for her to crawl into bed.

  She pulled off her panties, causing Drake’s eyes to darken. And then she crawled into bed fully naked.

  “Are you coming?” Livvie needed to feel his arms around her.

  “Would you like me to come in?” he whispered in her ear.

  Livvie nodded, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

  Drake took off his shoes and then walked into the bathroom. She heard the sink water go on and then stop a minute later. When Drake came out, he wasn’t wearing a shirt or pants, only his boxers. He looked hot, as usual. He placed his clothes in her closet and then walked to the other side of the bed. As his body hit the mattress, it sank down slightly. Not including last night, the last time she had experienced a man being in her bed had been over four months ago with Zach.

  “Come here.” Drake motioned for her to scoot over.

  He grabbed her so she was lying on her side, and he pressed his body against hers so they were spooning. He held her tight around her waist. It was still early, around nine o’clock, but she felt exhausted. Drake would probably rather be working. But she was grateful he wasn’t.

  He kissed her hair gently. “Go to sleep, baby.”

  Livvie shook her head. “No.”

  As exhausted as she felt, not being intimate wasn’t an option. Spilling her past wasn’t supposed to turn Drake off. She would die if that were the case. Livvie turned toward him and silently pleaded with her eyes, telling him what she needed from him.

  She watched Drake swallow hard. From the look in his eyes, she could tell he was debating what to do, but if he weren’t intimate, she would regret everything she’d said.

  Drake leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. Then he gently caressed her hair. “I think both men were fools. Zach and Liam, I mean; you can’t count Jared, since you never gave him your heart.”

  Livvie gasped, as the meaning behind his words seeped into her soul. She wasn’t the type of woman who made the first move, but she couldn’t help herself. She raised her head off the pillow and pressed her lips firmly against his. But Drake instantly pulled back.

  “You need your sleep.”

  “No. I need you,” she demanded. “I want you.”

  The look in his eyes was breaking her heart. He was indecisive.

  Holding his face, she licked her tongue along his bottom lip.

  Drake pulled back again. “Olivia,” he pleaded.

  He didn’t want to be with her tonight. Livvie understood. That was how she’d felt the first night he was here, before Zach showed up. Drake had no intention of committing to her. Having sex was prolonging the inevitable, and he didn’t want to hurt her like the others had. She respected him for that. At the same time, having confessed about Liam brought back feelings she had stuffed down. She wanted Drake to make her feel good again. For one more night, she wanted to feel him inside her. It wasn’t the healthiest decision, but she’d deal with the ramifications later. So Livvie placed her hand on his cock, over his boxer shorts, and waited.

  Finally, Drake groaned loudly and pulled her hair back. He brutally smashed his lips against her before releasing her.

  “You sure you want to fuck?”

  Livvie nodded.

  Drake looked at her for a brief second before clenching his jaw. Then he released his cock from his boxers, but instead of thrusting inside her, he rubbed the head of his dick against the outside of her soaking wet vagina.

  “Do you think you’ll forget how those men treated you if I fuck you hard enough?” Drake said through clenched teeth.

  He pulled her hair tighter as he continued torturing her with his dick. She needed him inside her now.

  “Yes,” she said softly.

  Drake pulled her hair even tighter. It hurt, but at least she could feel something other than frustration.

  “Please,” she whispered.

  Drake kept rubbing against the lips of her vagina, but every so often, he brushed his cock against her clit. It was so swollen that the lightest touch brought her closer and closer to climax. Then he pushed her on her back and resumed the torture.

  “I want you,” she practically cried. “Since the moment I stepped foot into your winery.” She panted hard. If he didn’t fuck her soon, she’d be forced to touch herself. She needed to come, and she needed to come now.

  “Look at me, Olivia,” Drake demanded.

  Livvie swallowed and then obeyed. But she reined in her emotions. She had to. Drake looked serious, not the type of look that made a woman have an orgasm. But rather the type of look that made a woman want to run.

  His cock glided against her clit and then down to her hole. Without warning, he thrust inside her, hard and deep, the way she wanted him to. The way she needed him to. Livvie moaned as he sped up the tempo. He bent her right knee, which made him go in so deep it felt as if his cock was touching her soul.

  “Is this what you wanted?” Drake said through clenched teeth.

  “Yes.” In this position, she couldn’t thrust with him. Instead, she rubbed the sweat pouring off his forehead with her fingers and then placed her fingertips into her mouth.

  Drake’s eyes became huge.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  Drake grabbed her nipple and pinched hard. Livvie screamed. The pain made her feel wild, and she welcomed the feeling. She moved her head from side to side and gripped his hair. He pushed her other leg up and then spread her knees wide. Livvie felt open and exposed in this position. Raw even. She screamed again, and then pushed her pelvis up, even though she couldn’t go that far. She kept doing it until Drake pinched her clit as hard as he had her nipple.

  An orgasm, the likes of which she’d never felt in her entire life, ripped through her body. She moaned and shook as a wave of intense chills overtook her body. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t swallow.

  Livvie hated to admit it, but she wanted to fuck him because she was terrified of losing him. Yet, she didn’t have him. The irrational part of her was hoping he’d want to stay because of their incredible sex. But she was wrong. That wasn’t how you kept a guy. And she should’ve known better by now. Apparently, it was a lesson she needed to relearn.

  She didn’t know how to apologize, so instead, as her orgasm was waning, she clenched her vagina as hard as she could. Drake groaned and then thrust hard a few more times, and then she felt his seed bathe her womb. She’d wanted to make him feel good because inside she felt awful.

  As guilt consumed her, she kept her eyes closed. Drake pulled out of her. Then he kissed her on the forehead gently, surprising her.

  “Thank you,” he whispered in her ear.

  She heard him put his boxers back on.

  To her relief, Drake didn’t leave her bed. He moved onto his side and then pulled her with him, causing her to also lie on her side. He kept his arm tight around her waist. Once again, he was spooning her.

  “Goodnight, Olivia,” he said softly.

  Still, Livvie couldn’t speak. Instead, she forced her breathing to become even. Hopefully, he’d think she’d fallen fast asleep, and he’d fall asleep with her. Tomorrow, she’d have to deal with the fact she’d begged a man to have sex with her—a man who didn’t want to commit. Way to go, Livvie. But at least she had tonight.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The next morning, Livvie awoke alone again. A sense of dread consumed her like never before. She looked at her night table to see if he had left a note as he had yesterday, but there w
asn’t one. Then she heard him speaking on his cell in the kitchen, and she sighed with relief. She didn’t know what she would do if he decided to leave her today. After she had told him about her past, it felt as if the walls around her heart had melted. She needed a day or so to build those walls back up.

  She got out of bed, brushed her teeth, ran a comb through her hair, and threw on a long pink sweatshirt that fell to the middle of her thighs. She was so excited to see Drake, she practically ran to him. And then she stopped. He was speaking on his cellphone in her kitchen, fully dressed, his suitcase sitting on the floor beside him. Wow, she must have slept soundly not to have heard him packing. And then her heart clenched. Her intuition had been right. Something was wrong.

  When Drake saw her, he immediately ended the call and walked toward her. She looked into his eyes, searching for answers. All she saw was regret.

  “Hey, beautiful.” Drake kissed her on the cheek, which was all the confirmation she needed.

  “What’s going on, Drake?”

  He smiled softly, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Mr. Birkshire called and said I’m needed at the vineyard.”

  “Of course,” Livvie whispered.

  “Don’t look so sad, my little raffle winner.” Drake grabbed a bottle of water from her fridge.

  Livvie stood there trying to find the protective walls to place around her heart again, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t the same naïve girl who had found Liam cheating, nor was she the lost woman she had been with Zach. She was a survivor. Now she had to figure out how to survive without Drake Morganthal.

  “Is that the real reason you’re leaving?”

  Drake rolled his suitcase into her living room and turned back to her, his eyes changing from warm to cold and distant.

  “I’m not Liam or Zach, but I will be if I stay here any longer.”

  “What do you mean?” She needed him to spell it out.

  He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t want a long-term relationship, and this has already become more complicated than anything I’ve had in the past.” He was shutting her out. She could feel it.

  “Please don’t leave.” Her voice grew louder.

  “I have a vineyard to run.” Drake groaned and then came over to her. He grabbed her shoulders and then dropped his hands. Remaining silent, he studied her…although it felt as if he was memorizing her. And then he bent down and kissed her on the forehead. “You deserve a man who wants to give you a real relationship. Our intimacy last night made me realize I’m no better than Liam or Zach. By staying, I’m leading you on, knowing full well I can’t give you what you want.”

  Drake looked her straight in the eye, and she let him. She wanted him to see how much his leaving was affecting her. He was going to leave, anyway, so there was no need to hide the new scars that had formed. She never should have slept with him last night, but it didn’t matter. He would have left her, eventually. It was probably better that her actions pushed things along.

  “Olivia, all I’m giving you is that look in your eye. The one my mom had. And I swore to never do that to a woman, but I’m doing it to you now—to the only woman I’ve ever cared about. I accused Zach of giving you the same look. That doesn’t feel good to me. I’m not your hero, Olivia. Next time you find a man, make sure he treats you like a queen. Never settle for less.” Drake walked back to his suitcase and rolled it to the front door, which was already open.

  His words had hurt her deeply, and she chose not to respond. She could see a limo waiting out front. If she hadn’t woken up in time and run into the kitchen, would he have even said goodbye? But she chose not to ask that question because it didn’t matter. He had made up his mind, and he was leaving…for good this time. She had no choice but to let him go.

  “Goodbye, Drake. Take care of yourself.” She swallowed hard.

  Drake had one foot out the door, and then he paused. He acknowledged her by nodding, but he never turned around. She wished she could see his face one more time. She watched Mr. Birkshire help him into the limo. Drake closed the car door without even glancing her way. But as Mr. Birkshire opened the trunk to throw in the luggage, he did. And she could see the look of compassion all the way from here. She waved to him and then watched the limo drive away. Then she slid down her door, and when she reached the floor, she sobbed, not caring if the whole world saw.

  Drake was wrong. He was worse than Liam and Zach combined. He was a coward.

  Minutes later, Livvie crawled to her living room and closed her front door with her foot. Her cellphone was ringing like crazy. With trembling fingers, she grabbed it from the coffee table. Her heart sank when she saw it wasn’t Carly. Livvie needed her friend right now more than ever. She knew there was no way it would be Drake. Instead, she saw a number she didn’t recognize. Maybe it was for a new job? She forced herself to answer even though she felt like crap.

  “This is Livvie.”

  There was a pause.

  “Hello?” She was about to hang up until she heard a male’s voice.

  “Hi, Livvie. It’s Stephan Brenson, from lunch at Morganthal Winery.”

  Livvie didn’t want to deal with another man right now, but she couldn’t be rude. “Hi, Stephan. Of course I remember you.”

  “Is this a bad time?” Stephan asked.

  Yes, it’s a really bad time. “No, it’s a perfect time. How are you?”

  “I’m great. Hey, I just wanted to know what the status is with you and Drake. I don’t mean to pry, but I’ve been in LA for a super early meeting. I have about an hour to kill before I leave for the airport, so I wanted to know if I could stop by your house, or if you want to meet me somewhere?”

  Livvie inhaled. “Okay.”

  Stephan laughed. “Okay to seeing me, or is that the status between you and Drake? I don’t want to come see you if you’re with him. I hope you understand.”

  He was a good guy. How could she turn down one of those when they were so rare?

  “I’m not with Drake.” Livvie paused. Did she want to meet Stephan somewhere in public or have him come here? Then she sighed. She was in no condition to drive. “Why don’t you come to my house?”

  “Great. Text me your address, and I’ll be there as soon as I can. Does that sound okay?”

  Livvie looked down at her pink sweatshirt. She needed to get dressed, but it wouldn’t take her long.

  “Perfect. See you soon.”

  They hung up, and she texted him her address. She quickly threw on black skinny jeans and a loose black tank top. It was the best she could do. She put on a lot of under-eye concealer, as her eyes were a mess from crying.

  Minutes later, Stephan arrived in a limo, just as Drake had done.

  “Hey, Stephan.” She forced herself to smile and give him a hug. It wasn’t easy.

  He hugged her back tightly. But these weren’t Drake’s arms. “Hi, beautiful.”

  He waved at the limo driver and then walked past her into her living room. Livvie closed the door.

  “Do you want a drink?”

  “No. Sorry, I only have ten minutes. I found out I have another quick meeting before I get on my plane.”

  Livvie was so relieved even though she shouldn’t be feeling this way. Stephan was the real deal, and Drake had proven he wasn’t. This time her smile was genuine.

  “No problem at all. Sit.” She motioned for him to sit on the couch, and she sat on the chair.

  “Since I don’t have a lot of time, I’ll cut to the chase.” Stephan took a deep breath.

  Uh-oh, thought Livvie. There was no way she could handle a serious conversation right now. She’d lose it. She gripped the arms of the chair for support. Why did her life always feel as if she was on a rollercoaster?

  “When we met, I felt a connection between us. I’d like to pursue that connection,” Stephan continued.

  Livvie’s heartbeat went wild. She wasn’t ready for this. “But you live so far away.”

  “But you come to New
York sometimes to visit your family, right? I figured you can write your novel from anywhere, and I could fly you on my private plane whenever you want. We can figure out a way to make this work.”

  She felt as if she was being strangled. Instead of answering him right away, she asked a different question. “How did you get my number?”

  “I asked Mr. Birkshire for it before I left Drake’s house. So what do you say?”

  Livvie inhaled deeply, needing some air. Her adrenaline was pumping. She had to be honest with him. There was a reason she had refused to take Stephan’s number to begin with.

  “I’m not with Drake, Stephan.” She paused to calm her nerves. “But my heart is.”

  Stephan’s face fell, and she hated herself for feeling as if she was forced to tell him all of this.

  “Well then forget it. Or forget it for now. Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it.” Stephan ran his hands through his hair. “I want you, but I want all of you. You’re all I’ve been thinking about since I met you. Your face, your smile, your beautiful body.” Stephan exhaled loudly. “You’re the type of woman I could imagine spending the rest of my life with. And I’m telling you all of this, even though you’re in love with Drake. I saw the two of you together. I saw your connection, but I also saw that we had one too. Just different.” He slapped his hands against his knees. “When your heart is free again, I’d like to explore that.”

  “I’d like that, too,” Livvie said. “Please, don’t forget me.”

  Stephan stood up to leave, so she stood, too.

  “You turned me down that day after lunch, but I thought I’d try again. I have to go, but call me when or if you’re ever over Drake Morganthal.” Stephan walked away from her and opened the door. Before he left he turned around and looked at her.

  “And Livvie, I believe Drake has real feelings for you, too. So don’t just stand there. Fight for him. Like I tried to do with you, but, unfortunately, you don’t feel for me yet what I feel for you. Your heart is preoccupied. I understand. But if he consumes your thoughts as you consume mine, then, please, do yourself a favor. Fight for him.”