Text 2 Lovers

by J. D. Hollyfield

  How could he do this? His lies. He promised never to lie to me. But this is bigger than lies, it’s a secret that affects us both. He made me fall so madly in love with him and he kept such a huge secret from me. I shake my head furiously. You don’t know if this is true. That hateful woman had jealousy seeping from her evil eyes. Anyone could see that. She could be lying to me. No way could Ram be into something so horrendous. Stop being so naïve. Oh God, could he, though? My stomach contracts again at the thought. I make it out and into the heavy snow before I turn, bending over and emptying my stomach.

  Taking three big gulps of the frigid air, I allow myself just enough time for the dizziness to pass and then I am running. I slip twice before I make it to my car. It takes me three attempts before my shaking hands get the key into the ignition. I don’t even wait for the windshield to defrost before I take off.

  Child pornography.

  No.

  I don’t believe it. That’s not Ram.

  Then why did you just run?

  “No, no, no, no!” I slam my fists on the steering wheel. Why did he lie to me? After our fight, I told him no lies. He could have come out then. Told me it was all lies. But he didn’t. Because maybe he couldn’t.

  I shake my head furiously. No. This can’t be happening. This is not happening. I’m repeating myself frantically, the snow coming down thick and fast. I know I’m driving way too fast for the slick roads, but I need Andie. I need her to tell me this is all a bad dream. Trying to watch the road, I fire off a quick text letting her know I’m coming over.

  Child pornography.

  Lies.

  “Damn you, Ram!” I close my eyes tight as I scream. My car hits a patch of ice, but when I pop my eyes open, it’s too late. The car spins out of control. I attempt pressing on my brakes, but it only accelerates the tailspin. I see the snow bank ahead and with no way to avoid it, I close my eyes and brace for impact. The car slams into the snow bank, jolting my body forward. My head slams into my steering wheel, causing a wave of dizziness to rush through me. I take a few minutes to catch my breath as I look around. There’s a sharp pain coming from where my forehead hit the steering wheel and I raise my hand. Wincing as I pull back, my white glove is now red. Oh great. I pull my visor down to see a small gash in my forehead and I break down.

  I cry.

  My sobs are so powerful. I begin to choke on each attempt to suck in air. A knock on my window startles me, and I look to see an old man standing outside my car. I take in a deep breath and roll down my window.

  “Excuse me, miss, are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. Thanks.”

  “Are you sure? You’re bleeding.”

  “Yes. Have a good night.” I roll up my window and find a tissue in my center console, dabbing at my forehead. It takes me a few attempts to pull my car away from the snow bank, and then I numbly drive with more care to Andie’s. I barely remember the short drive. I jump out, almost forgetting to put the car in park, and race into her building. I dig into my purse for my keychain and locate the key I have for her place. It causes a realization to practically smack me in the face. That woman had a key.

  She had to be someone special to Ram to have a key to their place. Something he’s never offered me. My lower lip is quivering uncontrollably. The tears flowing down my cheeks are clouding my vision, making it hard to get the key into the lock. “Come on, come on…” I don’t want to break down in the hallway or be caught by any of her tenants. Finally, the key slips in and I push her door open. “Andie?” I cry out. I’m met with a deep groan, causing my vision to veer toward the couch and—

  “Oh my God!”

  “Oh, fuck.”

  Before I have a chance to cover my eyes, I take in a completely naked Roman rising from the couch. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” I shriek. Andie’s head pops up, her eyes wide with shock.

  “Oh fuck. Shit! This isn’t what it looks like!” Andie spits out.

  “What do you mean, this isn’t what—”

  Roman doesn’t get to finish. Andie pushes him off her, causing him to lose his balance. I yelp as he tries to stand, his gigantic manly parts in full view as he trips and falls backward over the side of the couch. Mortified, I turn preparing to leave.

  “Dani, no wait,” Andie calls after me. “Seriously, get dressed and get the fuck out of here,” she scolds Roman. When I turn back around, it’s just in time for him to offer Andie a scathing glare before then turning around so I don’t have to see his impressive junk anymore. His tight bare butt cheeks clench as he walks toward the bathroom.

  “Oh God.” I cover my eyes, forgetting the wound on my forehead, and wince. Pulling my hands away, I see Andie throwing on an oversized T-shirt and coming at me.

  “Holy shit, Dani. What the fuck happened?” She goes to reach for my cut, but I swat her hand away. “Who did this to you? Did Ram do this?!”

  “My brother would never lay a hand on a girl,” Roman argues, walking back, now wearing a pair of jeans, but missing his shirt.

  “Dude, no one asked you,” Andie snaps. “And why don’t you have a fucking shirt on?!”

  “Because you’re wearing it!” he yells back at her.

  She huffs, turning her attention back on me. “Honey, what happened?” Her tone is gentler, her eyes shining with concern. I try to speak, but I just start to cry.

  “I… I… w-was at Ram’s…”

  “I KNEW IT! That bastard.”

  “He wouldn’t do that.” Roman steps forward.

  They start going at it, and I step in. “Some w-w-woman… c-came over…”

  Roman stops staring down Andie, and turns to me. “Wait, what woman?” he asks. “When?”

  “S-s-she didn’t tell me her name. She was tall, mocha skin, and beautiful and…”

  “Chelsea,” Roman states. So they do know her. My heart constricts, my lungs struggling to get in air at each attempted breath.

  “She s-said some horrible t-t-things…” I can’t continue. The sobs are restricting my words.

  “What did she—”

  “Jesus, why are you still here? Get out!” Andie cuts him off.

  “You have my shirt,” he growls at her. Andie looks around until she spots his jacket. Picking it up, she tosses it at him and says, “You’re a big boy, I’m sure you won’t freeze… Sadly.” They go into an uncomfortable stare down until Andie has enough and kicks him hard in the shin.

  “JESUS, WOMAN!” Roman yells, but Andie opens the front door and pushes him out. “Take a hint, dude.” And once he’s fully outside, she slams the door in his face.

  “Seriously, I have no idea why he was here.” She shakes her head.

  “Andie, really, you don’t have to—”

  “For real, I can’t stand that guy. Fuckin’ stalker.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but I just shut it.

  “Honey, talk to me. You look horrible and that cut looks bad. What happened?”

  I don’t automatically tell her what’s happened. I fall into her arms and cry until we find ourselves both on the floor while she holds me. “Dani, you’re starting to scare me. I know you’re upset, but you need to tell me something.” I proceed to, as best I can, tell her about my night. How perfect Ram was, the tree, how in love I felt. I told her about the ornament and my plans, and then how Ram left to get eggs when the woman, Chelsea, showed up.

  “Does Ram know why you left?”

  “No, I couldn’t face him. I just left.”

  “That’s some crazy shit, girl. I would never pin Ram as a kiddie porn lover.” I start to cry again at her statement. Because neither would I. Even after, I’m still unsure. But even if I asked, how would I know he was telling the truth?

  “Oh, Dani, I’m so sorry. This is so messed up. I really don’t know what to say. It’s disgusting, but I don’t know. This bitch kinda seems, from how you described her, jealous. Do you think she was just saying it to get you to break up with Ram?”

  I lift my head off he
r shoulder, feeling disgusted with what I have to tell her. “Andie, she told me that she is with Roman now. That’s why she was there.” I hate myself for having to hurt my best friend, but she needs to know. A look of hurt, then betrayal shines bright in her eyes.

  “That fucking asshole,” she says calmly.

  “I’m sorry. But I thought, if you two were—”

  “We weren’t. Like I said…” she trails off, doing a horrible job of hiding her disappointment. I hug her again, needing the comfort of my best friend. I start to cry again because I can’t stop replaying what happened. Andie convinces me that it’s best we go to the ER and get my head checked out, and possibly stitches. I refuse at first, but the pain throbbing in my forehead tells me it is wise to do so.

  “I’ll drive this time,” she says, trying to make light of my horrible, under duress, driving skills.

  It’s Beginning To Feel A Lot Like Fuck You

  WITH THE CARTON OF EGGS tucked under my arm, I whistle as the elevator ascends to my floor. Dani was so cute earlier. Her pasty white cheeks were ruddy with color when the words dangled at the tip of her tongue. Words I knew she wanted to say. Words I craved to hear. And true to Dani, she bailed because she couldn’t quite find the words. I’m not bothered, though, because she didn’t have to say them. They were glittering in her hazel eyes. I felt them down to my toes.

  I push my key into the door and push through. Christmas music is playing a lively song and the loft smells of chocolate chip cookies. I’m dying to pull Dani into my arms and hold her while we watch a movie. Seems like whenever she’s not around, my world is empty. Her smile, her heart, her laughter—they all fill me up with a happiness I’ve never known before.

  “Honey,” I sing as I put the eggs into the fridge. “I’m home.”

  I hear a soft feminine voice from my bedroom. A chair has fallen over and I pick it up, frowning in confusion. Shopping bags are strewn all over the floor. My heart aches as a sense of foreboding settles over me.

  “Babe?” I call out. “Everything okay?”

  Again, the voice from my room.

  Stalking through the living room, I make my way toward my bedroom. The door is cracked and the room is dark inside. I feel as though my heart is going to beat out of my chest. This heavy, unsettled feeling threatens to make me sick. As soon as I push into my dark bedroom, it closes shut behind me. Then, Dani’s soft hands slide up under my leather jacket, her fingernails digging into my flesh. I let out a sigh of relief as I turn in her arms. When I bend to meet Dani’s lips, I’m met with a bare collarbone that smells hauntingly familiar. This person is taller. Bonier. Not my girlfriend.

  No.

  “What the fu—”

  “Shhh….”

  Bile rises in my throat as pieces begin to snap together. This is not Dani. This is fucking Chelsea. With a hiss of fury, I jerk from her grip and fumble for the light switch. When the light shines upon the bare brown flesh of my ex-girlfriend, I freeze.

  “Why the hell are you in my loft, Chelsea? And furthermore, where is my girlfriend?” I seethe, bending to snatch up her clothes that she discarded on the floor. I sling them at her, and then run my fingers through my hair in frustration. “What did you say to her, goddammit?”

  Chelsea sneers and begins hastily dressing. At one time, this would have been all I wanted. Maybe three or four months ago when I was at an all-time low with my depression. Had Chelsea showed up and apologized back then, I’d have taken her back in a heartbeat. I thought I loved her. Now that I have Dani, I understand that what I had with Chelsea was severe infatuation. She was beautiful and fearless and successful. Chelsea knew what she wanted out of life—me and her father’s company. But then I was no longer on that list of wants for her. I was discarded the moment she got bored.

  “Chelsea,” I growl in warning. She stuffs her feet into her heeled boots after getting dressed and points a manicured nail at me.

  “I told her about your little addiction.” Triumph gleams in her eyes.

  I’m going to be sick. “I don’t have an addiction,” I snarl, my hands fisting with the need to pummel the walls. “You set me up!”

  She shrugs her shoulders as if sending that shit to me and it getting me fired wasn’t a big deal. Any other company would have investigated further. But when your daddy is the owner, things go differently. She let them believe I was a monster…and I didn’t argue otherwise.

  “Ramsey,” she tells me, waltzing over to me as if it’s no big deal she’s potentially ruined my life again. “I simply told her what you failed to. Secrets really are a problem for you, aren’t they? You just try and hold on to them until you die. Some people hate secrets. I, for one, like them. Like our little secret…the one you hold on to still. It’s sweet. Romantic even. Shows how much you still love me.”

  “I DON’T LOVE YOU!” I roar back in frustration. “Give me my damn key and get the fuck out of my house.”

  She huffs and locates the key before slamming it down on my desk with a clang. “I didn’t come to see you. I came for your brother.”

  Sickness bubbles up inside me and rage overwhelms me. “Leave. Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend. Stay the fuck away from my brother. And for the love of God, stay the fuck away from me.”

  She glares as she storms off. Before she exits my room, she laughs. “Well, technically she’s not your girlfriend anymore. Bye, Ramsey.”

  As soon as the apartment door slams shut, I bolt from my room, digging my phone out of my pocket along the way. I knew something was off when I came back. The tipped over chair. Dani’s missing purse. Bags all over the floor. Everything seemed to be abandoned in haste. I should have listened to my gut. I’m dialing Dani as I scoop up my keys and rush out the door. It rings and rings and rings. Voicemail after voicemail, I beg for her to call me back—that it isn’t what she’s thinking.

  But I lied.

  And if I know my girl, which I do, she’s less concerned about the accusations and more concerned with the fact that I kept the entire situation from her.

  Why the fuck didn’t I just tell her why I was fired? She all but asked and I toed very delicately around the issue. Sure, I didn’t blatantly lie to her but I lied by omission. She flat out told me lying was a deal breaker for her.

  Fuck!

  I beat my fist against my steering wheel as I attempt to drive carefully through the snow while also trying to hurry. It takes twenty minutes longer than usual to get to her apartment. When I finally make it up to her unit, she’s not there. I beat on the door for a good few minutes and can even hear her cat, Marilyn Manson, meowing on the other side but nothing else.

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  I’ve missed a couple of calls from Roman but I can’t deal with him right now. I need to find Dani and explain this whole mess. I need her to forgive me. Once I’m back in the car, I head over to Andie’s. Dani and I went there once to pick her up for dinner, and I still remember the way. With each passing moment, I grow more and more frantic. I can’t lose her. Not now. Not after everything. We’re in love and I can’t let that get thrown away over such a stupid thing I did.

  Once I get to Andie’s building, I nearly fist pump the air when I see Dani’s car. I slip and slide into the building before bounding up the stairs, unable to wait for the elevator. By the time I reach her door, I’m doubled over and out of breath.

  “Andie! Is Dani here? I need to see her!” I shout as I pound the door.

  Nothing.

  Crickets.

  I beat and beat until I realize they’re not here. She had to have gone off with Andie somewhere. Jesus fuck!

  Dialing Dani’s number, I bite my fist while I wait for her to answer. So many emotions filter through me. Anger at myself. Hate toward Chelsea. Bitterness over the unfairness of it all. Loss and heartbreak over Dani.

  I’m just dialing her for the umpteenth time again when Andie calls me. I quickly answer it.

  “Let me talk to her—”

  “You listen he
re, asshole,” Andie cuts me off, her voice cold and harsh. “You lied about some pretty epic shit. Kiddie porn, Ram? Fucking really?”

  “Listen. You don’t underst—”

  “No! My friend can’t deal with you right now. If she ever wants to hear your sorry excuses, she’ll contact you. Stop bothering her. It’s over, Ram. Over.”

  “Andie, please.”

  “Just hang up.” Dani’s hiccuped sob in the background slices through me like a hot knife.

  “Andie—”

  “Goodbye, Ram.”

  Minutes. Hours maybe. Days. I’m not sure how much time has passed since I heard her voice through Andie’s phone. She was broken. I broke her. And now I don’t know how to fix us.

  My bedroom is dark and I stare up at my ceiling, still fully clothed. I can’t stop imagining scenarios of how Chelsea and Dani’s conversation went down. Each one, though, I see her crushed expression and it whittles away at my heart. If I keep obsessing over this, pretty soon, my heart will be nothing but a pile of shavings just waiting for the next breeze to blow away and scatter them.

  The front door swings open and I hear Roman stomp into the house. His tells are always the same. Heavy footsteps. Doors slamming. Keys and briefcase and whatever other shit he carries around with him getting dropped and discarded along the way. Normally, he bypasses my room to go to his. Tonight, though, he knocks on my door.

  “Ram?”

  I don’t respond.

  He pushes through the door and switches on the light. I close my eyes and clench my teeth together.

  “How you holding up, man?” he questions, his voice raw with emotion. The chair at my desk squeaks with his weight.

  I let out a resounding sigh. “I’m not. Chelsea breezed in here with the key I never knew she had made and told Dani about the kiddie porn.”

  He groans. “Yeah, I, uh, was at Andie’s when she showed up bawling her fucking eyes out. Did you tell her the kiddie porn was Chelsea trying to set you up?”

  Swallowing, I shake my head. “She won’t talk to me. Besides, I know Dani. She’s smart and wouldn’t believe that bitch for a second. But she begged me not to lie to her. I told her I had no secrets and yet I harbored that one.”