The room swam in front of her eyes. She wanted to go back to before she had ever met him. Or for this to be a nightmare. When she woke, she wanted to discover that he was whom she had thought he was—a warrior from a foreign country, but not a Northman, not one of those barbarians.
‘Impossible,’ she whispered. ‘What you ask is impossible.’
Moving more swiftly than she thought possible, Valdar reached out and pulled her into his arms. She tumbled down against his chest and lay there, breathing in his heady scent.
Her heart gave a lurch and the insidious warm curl started in her nether regions. This was where she belonged: in his arms, in the arms of the man who had risked his life for her.
‘Valdar...’ She pushed against his chest and attempted to maintain her sanity. ‘This mustn’t happen. It is not why I came here. Let me go.’
‘Hush now. We’ve talked enough. More than enough.’
He rolled her over. His lips sought hers. At the faintest touch, her mouth parted and drank from him. The banked heat which his touch ignited flared through her, burning its way through the ice surrounding her heart. All the horrible pawing from the other Northman vanished under the tender onslaught of his kiss.
She buried her hands in his hair and gave herself up to that kiss, drawing strength and solace from its healing touch.
She wanted, no, needed this man.
In his arms she felt alive instead of numb. It was as if his touch was burning away all the horribleness and destruction that the day had brought, leaving her clean and made new. Here it seemed anything was possible.
A moan escaped her throat as he buried his face in her neck.
His hand slid under her gown and up her thigh, making patterns against her skin. She squirmed next to him and the heat grew ever more intense.
His fingers played in the apex of her thighs, circling around and around her sensitive inner core.
‘Valdar.’ The word was half-plea and half-promise.
He froze. ‘If you want to stop...’
And she knew if he stopped, she’d never experience this again. She wanted it desperately. She wanted the healing balm of his touch. ‘Not that. Anything but that.’
His hands lifted her gown and exposed her burning flesh to the air. Her body bucked upwards, seeking him and her final release.
He drove deep and she wrapped her legs about him, wanting him there, inside her, filling her up and making her alive. They rocked in tandem. Each movement drove him deeper within her.
At that moment she wasn’t sure if she loved him or hated him. All she knew was that she needed him desperately and that this would be her last chance to experience this heaven on earth.
She allowed her body to tell him things that she would never dare utter in words.
Then all too soon the shuddering overtook her as he gave a great cry and lay spent against her. She put her arms about him and held him within her, trying to make the moment last as long as possible.
* * *
Much later Valdar held her in his arms and watched her softly breathing. His woman, in a way no other woman had belonged to him. He thought he’d loved her before, but now he loved her with his entirety. He could understand why Ash had sought out Kara and why she had chosen him when he had returned after all that time. It had not been about the child, but about her heart and the man who called out to her soul.
Alwynn had been correct when she accused him of holding part of himself back. Now that the shadow of his lie no longer clung to him, he could see that. And he knew that he could love her properly.
He hoped he’d done enough.
He hoped he’d shown how much he cared for her. With Alwynn, he wanted no part of his life or his body hidden. How could anyone be cursed if they loved with their whole heart? Even if it was for far too short a time. His brother had been right—the only curse was not loving enough.
‘Love me,’ he whispered. ‘Love me for a little while.’
She murmured in her sleep and he fancied it was a yes.
‘I will watch over you. Always.’
* * *
Alwynn woke in the semi-darkness, struggling to remember where she was. And then it all came flooding back.
She touched his shoulder, marvelling at how warm his skin was. And at how much this man still meant to her. She ran a hand down his back and encountered the bandage.
Her reasons for being there came flooding back. She was shocked that she’d forgotten even for a breath. She pushed against his chest and he rolled off her.
‘This has to stop. This has to have been the last time. No more, Valdar, no more.’
He gathered her face between his hands. ‘We are good together, Alwynn. You and I. We belong together. Wherever that together is.’
Her heart lurched. ‘Impossible. And this was nothing but the meeting of two bodies. Don’t try to change things.’
His eyes darkened. ‘Never call what we just shared nothing. For me, it was something important. It is the centre of my life.’
‘You must understand. It can’t be. There are laws here against Northmen. All Northmen.’
‘But do you care for me?’
‘How I feel doesn’t matter.’ The huge hollow opened in her stomach. In his arms, she wanted to believe again in his goodness. ‘Your life is in danger. It is what I came to tell you. You must go. We can’t be together.’
‘There will be a way,’ he whispered against her lips. ‘We belong together. You must believe that. I will find a way. I will always find a way.’
She attempted to wriggle away from him. ‘We need to speak sensibly and I can’t do that if we are like this.’
He ran a finger down her face and a flame of desire shot through her. ‘I will be good. I promise. But I need you here where I can touch you.’
Her heart lurched. He knew how to play her body like a harp. Even now, despite everything they had shared, he was still trying to manipulate the situation. It pained her that he could.
‘Valdar. No.’
He released her with a sigh.
She moved away from him and straightened her gown. Once she had it arranged correctly, she turned around.
‘I’ve sent word to the king. He had to be informed that Northmen attacked us. I can’t hide what happened. I can’t pretend that it was outlaws or whatever else you might want to call them. The whole truth will emerge and the king will order your death.’
His mouth became a thin line. ‘I understand. What else could you do?’
‘When Lord Edwin returns, I mean to tell him the truth about what happened and the part I inadvertently played. I’m through with half-truths and lies.’
Valdar shook his head. ‘That would be foolish. It would put you into danger. Say nothing.’
She pulled her shoulders back. ‘It is the right thing to do.’
‘What is the penalty for knowingly helping a Northman?’
‘Forfeiture of the estate and, in extreme cases, death,’ she said in a defiant voice.
‘You are innocent. You thought I was from somewhere else.’
‘Did I?’ She pushed her hair back from her forehead. She had been so eager to believe he was anything but a Northman. But she had had doubts and she had refused to listen to them, allowing lust to blind her. She was guilty. ‘Lord Edwin had issued an order. Any stranger from the sea was to be killed. I went against that order to save your life.’
‘Rescuing a lone man? What harm could I have done? I was washed up on your shore in a storm. So what if I was born in a foreign land, in a country you had never heard of and one whose people held no grudge against you? What did I do except escape from a certain death? How are you responsible for Girmir’s actions? How am I?’
‘I don’t know.’ She wrapped her arms about her waist. ‘Once I did, but since I’ve known you, many things have changed.’
‘What if I had been a Frankish prince?’ he continued on, relentless in his attack. ‘Would your king risk war with the Franks simply because
some nobleman declared all strangers must die?’
‘I’m not sure what you are saying.’
‘Rescuing me was the right thing. And my country is not at war with yours, even though it lies to the north. You should not be punished for saving me.’
She studied the knots in the table, rather than turning back to him. She had turned it over and over in her mind and she didn’t have an answer. ‘But my tenants deserve a better protector than me.’
He put his arms about her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. ‘The person who serves them best is you. You saved them from the Northmen.’
‘Lord Edwin will think otherwise.’
‘It depends on what the king says, not Lord Edwin.’
‘But you understand why we can never be alone again.’ She plucked at her gown. Everyone would be sure to guess where she had been and what she had been doing. ‘It is important. From now on, what happened today is a barrier between us.’
He hung his head. ‘I would defend you to my dying breath.’
‘Our people are enemies, Valdar. Enemies.’
‘Are we enemies, Alwynn?’
‘We are certainly not friends.’
‘Lovers.’
‘That is in the past.’
He went over to her, magnificent in his nakedness. ‘It will never be over between us as long as I have breath in my body.’
He raised her chin so she was forced to stare into his deep gaze. ‘Tell me now, sweetling. Tell me that there can be nothing between us.’
‘There can’t be.’ She broke her chin away. ‘Trying to force me won’t make it any better.’
‘Then what was today? A sweet goodbye?’
‘Autumn is coming. We both have other lives.’ The words tasted bitter in her mouth. The foulest of lies, but if she was going to save his life, he had to feel free.
She pressed her palm to his cheek and knew every touch would live in her memory. One day when she was old, she would get her memories out and lay them along in a pile. It was the best she could hope for.
‘Where will you go?’ he asked softly.
‘A convent will take me.’ She tried for a smile. ‘Hopefully they will let me work in the garden. I like to feel the sun on my face.’
‘And Merri?’ he asked softly. ‘Are you going to condemn her as well?’
‘I know what I am fighting for! I can’t lose everything.’
‘Why are you so afraid?’
‘Fear has nothing to do with it.’ She left the hut and went straight for Gode’s garden.
Already the garden seemed a lost and lonely place. Recent rain had battered the flowers and they were now mud splattered and overgrown.
Alwynn wrapped her arms about her middle and allowed the tears to flow down her cheeks.
She heard Valdar call her name.
‘Leave me be. If that is the last thing you do, leave me be.’
He came slowly into the garden. His cheeks were pale, but his eyes were resolute. Her heart turned over. Love for him surged through her. ‘Alwynn, I will go, but first you must tell me one thing—do you love me?’
Alwynn regarded the planes of his beloved face. Once she’d have been tempted to lie and protect herself. But now she had to tell him and then maybe he’d understand why he had to go. She could not have his death weighing on her conscience.
‘Yes, Valdar, I do love you, but that doesn’t change a thing. I know what the reality is. And my future has no place for you.’
He crossed over to her and drew her into his arms. ‘Hush. It changes everything.’
She put a hand on his cheek. ‘If you love me, you’d leave. I can live knowing you are alive and well somewhere, that you look up at the same stars at night.’
He placed his hands on her shoulders. ‘What are you saying? Having just found you, how could I do that?’
She gave a soft laugh. ‘You will never lose me, Valdar. You are imprinted on my heart. As long as you are still breathing on this earth, I will be content. I have the memories, you see. Before, I had no idea of what it was like to be cherished and now I know. We might not have tomorrow, but we had yesterday and that is something.’
‘Alwynn...’ He enfolded his arms about her. ‘What am I going to do about you?’
She laid her cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. She knew it would be the last time she would be able to do it. Then she looked up into his face and memorised it. The memory would have to sustain her through a lifetime.
‘If you care even a little bit about me, Valdar, you will do this one thing. You will go and save your life. You will forget you ever knew me.’
Chapter Fourteen
‘Are you truly leaving? Giving up?’ Merri’s voice rang out. ‘Valdar, I know you are in the hut.’
Valdar finished buckling on his sword. It had been more than a day and Alwynn had not returned. She loved him, but she had said goodbye. He’d stayed, hoping that she might change her mind. But she had not.
Somehow he had to make sure that she knew he’d come to her aid, no matter what. The ache inside him was far more than it had ever been. And he knew what he’d shared with Alwynn was a once-in-a-lifetime love. There would be no other woman for him, no one could measure up.
‘Little point in me staying, Lady Merri,’ he said, coming out into the warm autumn sunshine. ‘Your stepmother has plans which don’t include me. And my plans don’t include her.’
‘My stepmother feels guilty that the Northmen attack happened. From where I sit, she has nothing to feel guilty about.’ Merri’s face took on an earnest expression. ‘It is not as if she encouraged it, and you saved the village. You saved everyone. I don’t see how you can be a Northman. You build things up, you don’t burn them down. It is a man’s actions that count, not what gods he worships.’
‘You have a way with words, Little One, but others will see it in another way.’ He looked over her shoulder towards the trees which hid Alwynn’s hall from view. ‘When you are older you will understand.’
‘My stepmother says that as well. I’m getting older and I still don’t understand.’
‘If I had an answer to that...I’d rule the world.’
‘Is she going to lose everything?’ Merri asked.
‘I’ve no idea,’ Valdar replied honestly.
Merri considered his words. ‘I wouldn’t mind losing everything. It frightened me the first time, but now I figure that perhaps I was born under an unlucky star.’
Valdar ruffled her hair. ‘You’ve been lucky for me.’
‘There isn’t a guard, you know,’ Merri whispered. ‘Alwynn told me that this morning. Everyone still thinks you are a brave hero and wounded to the point of death. A blood infection.’
‘What?’ He stared at Merri. Alwynn had done more than enough.
‘My stepmother hasn’t told anyone about your...your heritage. She wants you safe and away from here.’
‘How do you know?’
Merri rolled her eyes. ‘She wears your ring on a chain about her neck. I saw it gleaming this morning. And twice she has looked out to see if the smoke still rises from the cottage.’
Valdar hated that his heart leapt. ‘If she needs to, she can send for me. She can send word north and ask for Valdar Nerison of Raumerike.’
‘You are going, then? You are not going to fight for her?’
Valdar stared at the young girl. ‘I can fight everyone but your stepmother. I can’t fight her. She holds my heart.’
‘You had better take Purebright. He’s not much of a horse for a warrior, but he is steadfast and true.’
‘He is your pony.’
‘That’s why I want you to have him. So you will have something to remember us by.’
Valdar nodded, unable to speak. He regarded Merri for a long time. He wondered if he should tell her what he had planned. He put his hands on her shoulders.
‘You tell her that as long as she wears that ring, she will never be alone. Can you do that
for me?’
Merri nodded.
‘Good girl.’
‘You’re not really going to go.’
‘I love her. Once I know she will survive, I will heed her wish.’
‘If you marry my stepmother, will that make you my father?’
‘You are getting ahead of yourself.’
‘A girl has to have dreams.’
‘A warrior as well.’
Once he knew Alwynn was going to keep her lands and her life, he’d leave. But right now, he had to make sure she didn’t need his help. And the best way to do that was to make her think he had gone.
He used to long for someone to remember him, to tell his life story, but now he knew love was about far more. And he knew he’d love Alwynn with his dying breath and that it was not a curse, but a privilege. He could at last understand why Kara had waited. For Alwynn, he could wait for ten times seven years.
* * *
‘Stepmother!’ Merri came running up to Alwynn where she sat, pretending to tablet weave. ‘Stepmother! Why did you do it?’
‘Do what?’ Alwynn put down the shuttle and concentrated on her stepdaughter.
‘Send Valdar away.’
Alwynn let out a breath. Her entire being felt encased in ice. The world grew a little darker. She put her hand on her stomach.
Earlier, her insides had clenched and she knew her monthly time had come as well. She wished she wasn’t barren. It would have been good to have a child, Valdar’s child. She hadn’t dared even hope and now all he would ever be was a memory. She pushed the thought from her brain. Some unknown dream child was of much less importance than Valdar’s safety.
She concentrated on the weaving and knew her threads were hopelessly muddled. ‘So he has gone before the king arrives. Good.’
‘I wanted him to take Purebright, but he refused.’
‘He knew how much Purebright loves you. Purebright would be unhappy to leave you.’
Summer of the Viking Page 21
