Becoming Faith

by Joy Eileen

  He had been working so hard lately, I missed just being near him. My body was already protesting the sparse amount of time we had and it was just the beginning.

  “I’m heading to the studio. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” I asked Amy.

  The boys weren’t the only ones working night and day. Amy didn’t stray from her computer on the days the boys were at the studio. Her new work ethic made me feeling lazy, and I busted out my laptop more often.

  Fear and pride were my constant companions as I began to put the finishing touches on the third Hope and Skull story. D helped me research self-publishing, and I had been welcomed in the indie community.

  Kill was ecstatic I was nearing the publishing stage of my writing adventure. I had a sinking suspicion he was more excited than I was.

  “No, I’m swamped with work. Jet said something about skinny dipping tonight when everyone goes to bed,” Amy answered, moving her eyes away from her computer screen for a split second.

  “Thanks for the warning.” I laughed as I walked away.

  “You know you’re curious,” she yelled.

  “Shit, you guessed my secret.”

  “Thanks, Gunther.”

  “No problem, Faith. Tell your boys I’m here when they’re ready to go back to the house.”

  “I will,” I tossed over my shoulder before opening the heavy door to the record studio.

  I reread the text Kill had sent me on how to find them. Unsure if they were recording, I stepped quietly through the halls, not wanting to distract them if they were.

  Lissa sat on a small brown leather couch pushed in the corner. She didn’t see me at first because she was on her phone. I didn’t make a move to greet her.

  It was just like in the movies. Dirk was at a control panel with what seemed like thousands of knobs, buttons, and slidey thingies. He held his hand on a button as he talked to the boys.

  Kill noticed me first and gave me a wink. Dirk looked behind him to see who the boys were waving at.

  “Faith, I’m so glad you decided to come in.” Dirk wore close to the same thing as the day we first met him. Always the rocker.

  He stood up and hugged me. Lissa didn’t move from her spot.

  “The boys wanted to try a song with me. I hope that’s okay. And if you don’t like it, or think it won’t work, please talk them out of using it,” I pleaded.

  Kill came into the room, stopping him from responding.

  “Hey, Slick.” His warm lips landed on my neck, causing heat to thicken my blood.

  God, I missed him.

  Every part of me craved him, and the slightest hint could bring me to my knees. His arms wrapped around me, knowing exactly what he did to me.

  “We’re all ready for you. Van, Jet, and D laid down the tracks. All we need to do now is add our vocals.”

  “Really?” I asked, surprised how prepared they were.

  “Yes, we need to get the album together soon. It’s getting very close to the final date,” Lissa spoke up from her spot on the couch.

  My eyes squinted. I tried to telepathically blow her head up, or at least give her a giant pimple.

  Dirk explained the recording process to me months ago when we went to lunch with the band. Five to six months was normal timeframe, and the boys were working tirelessly to finish. Lissa’s bitchy remark wasn’t needed.

  “We’re very aware of the deadline, Lissa,” Kill replied, squeezing me tighter.

  “The album will be done. We already have more than enough songs in the can. We could finish it today if we wanted. There’s a dynamic missing that I want to try and capture before I stamp it done. Faith’s what we’re missing. I’m sure of it. When we finish this song, the album will be right where it needs to be. I haven’t disappointed the label yet, and I don’t plan on doing it now,” Dirk replied, his laid back attitude removed with the frost in his words.

  “I wasn’t questioning your talent, Dirk. I was just reminding Kill the JackholeS are being promoted by the label with the hopes they’re going to be their next big band. This album could be the launch point of something magical. I don’t want them to let feelings of loyalty blur their judgment on how the album will sound.”

  “Lissa, I’m the one who wanted Faith on this album. Don’t worry. I understand where loyalty fits in this business.” Dirk turned back to us, dismissing Lissa. “Faith, if you’re ready, get in the booth, and we’ll do a couple of warm-ups.”

  “All right.” I refused to shy away and hide in the corner.

  The boys wanted me to sing this song, and I was going to. Lissa could pout in the corner all she wanted. This wasn’t about her.

  Kill helped set the heavy headphones on my head. He smiled his half smile, which I hadn’t seen as much as I liked to. His dimples winked at me on his scruffy cheek and I had to remind myself how to stand up.

  “You look sexy with those on,” he told me, putting his own set on before kissing my nose.

  We ran through our normal warm-up exercises. Kill smiled at me the whole time. His scent was overwhelming in the tiny room.

  “All right, we’re going to run through the song,” Dirk’s voice came through the headphones.

  We nodded, and the instrumentals for “Gotta have Faith” started playing. I threw my head back, almost losing my balance from the heavy headphones. Kill winked at me and started singing the song he sang every time the band summoned me to the stage. Tears prickled my eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was from laughing or something else entirely.

  “Sorry, Slick, I had to, tradition and all,” Kill said, reaching for my hand to kiss the top of it.

  “I loved it,” I responded.

  “I love you.”

  “Okay, you two. Are you ready?” Dirk asked, pulling me back to reality.

  The song filtered into my ears, and an instant smile hit my face. I felt like we were transported back to the garage. It was surreal how far we’d grown from the first time I’d sung this song, to now.

  The lyrics flew out of my mouth. They had a life of their own, something that always happened when I sang Kill’s lyrics. Kill and I gravitated toward each other. Just like old times. His hands found my waist, and we fell into our own world, the words threading us together. When the song ended, I was pressed against Kill, more in love with him than I thought possible.

  Singing with the band may not have been my dream, but I forgot the feelings Kill stirred inside of me when we sang together. There could be a sold out arena, or a scattered amount of people watching us, when we sang together, Kill had a way of creating a bubble where only the two of us existed.

  Before I admitted my feelings to him and stopped fighting what was happening between us, singing was the only time when nothing stood in the middle of us. When we sang, there was only room for emotions. Raw, pure, and perfect.

  “That was fantastic,” Dirk screamed through the headphones.

  I didn’t pull away from Kill, and he didn’t release his hold.

  “Let’s run through it one more time, but I think we got it. This is exactly what the album needed.”

  The song started again, and I sank further into Kill, molding our bodies together as we let the lyrics out into the universe. Adrenaline coursed through me, his gaze holding mine. When the song faded away, Kill threw his headphones off, gripping my face and pushing mine off in the process. Our lips collided. My hands locked around his neck, holding him in place.

  The kiss was frantic and demanding. His tongue thrust inside my mouth, mimicking what he wanted to do with other parts of his body. If we were alone. I stood up on my tiptoes, taking his need and upping it with mine.

  “Knock it off. You two are giving me a boner,” Jet interrupted us.

  Kill took his lips from mine and glared at him.

  “Sorry to cockblock you, but the windows were fogging up and we couldn’t see.”

  Kill picked the headphones up and placed them where they belonged. When secure, he grabbed my hand and led me out of th
e room.

  “You were fantastic, by the way. The singing wasn’t so bad either. Hubba-hubba.”

  I smacked Jet on the back of the head, unable to stop the laugh bubbling out. Leave it to Jet.

  Van and D surrounded me when we entered the control room.

  “That was it. That song was what we were missing.” D shocked me when he hugged me.

  “Sis, that was amazing. The album’s going to fucking rock with that song on it.” Van hugged me after D let me go.

  “Let’s go do a playback, and then we can figure out what else we need to do to tweak it. Faith, that was perfect. I hope I have the pleasure of working with you again on their next album.” Dirk smiled.

  “Do you want to listen to the playback?” Kill asked, putting his arm over my shoulder.

  “I think I’m going to sit down. You go listen. I’ll be right here.” When I spotted the Lissa free couch, my mind knew that was where my butt was going to perch. I needed a moment to get my fried system back in check.

  “It shouldn’t be more than an hour,” Dirk assured me.

  Kill kissed my cheek, and I heated almost immediately at the contact. “I’ll be right back, Slick.”

  When the room cleared, I plopped down on the couch, sucking in a deep breath and closing my eyes. As I relaxed, I heard the door open. Lissa caught me with a shrewd glare, sitting next to me.

  “The boys went to listen to the playback and finalize the changes.”

  “I’m impressed by you.”

  The tone in her voice made it clear she wasn’t giving me a compliment. My shoulders bunched under my ears, and I yelled at myself for not going with the boys.

  “How so?”

  “You know just as well as I do the JackholeS are going to be huge. Your timing’s impeccable. You were able to latch onto them, right before they launched into stardom. Pretty soon your life’s going to be set. It’s the dream we all have.”

  “You’re right about one thing. They are going to be huge. That’s the only thing you were right about. I wouldn’t care if they were famous or dirt poor. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I feel sorry for you.”

  Lissa laughed, her red slicked lips pulling back in an ugly smile. “I don’t believe you. You have an angle. I just haven’t figured it out yet, but I will. My job’s to protect this band. Don’t think for one second I won’t find out why you’re using them.”

  I stood up. My whole body shook with anger. My fingernails bit into my palm, while I fought the urge to punch her in her smug face. I’d always stayed away from violence. It had been too much of a regular occurrence in my life, but this woman. This woman was bringing something dark out in me.

  “Don’t get me wrong. I understand using people to get what you want. If your motives don’t hurt the band, I won’t stop you. I’m here to get mine too.”

  “You’re a sad person,” I told her, leaning down so our noses were inches apart. “Don’t forget those boys are my family. I will protect them. Not for personal gain, but because they’re mine. Don’t fuck with my family,” I hissed before straightening up.

  “Well played. I almost believed you care,” she responded.

  “Faith, it’s perfect. This album is going to be fucking amazing,” Jet cried, barging into the room, ending our conversation.

  “To the JackholeS,” I screamed, thrusting my hands in the air with my back toward Lissa.

  Everyone started cheering. I ran to Kill and kissed him, pushing Lissa and her pathetic life out of my mind. It didn’t matter what she thought anyway.

  “Let’s get our dinner to-go,” I whispered in his ear.

  “I was just going to suggest that,” he answered. “See you guys tomorrow. I have to go make sure I take care of our star,” he said, bringing up our earlier conversation.

  Lissa’s eyebrow rose. I turned my head away instead of giving her any sort of reaction.

  The boys piled into the van with Gunther. Kill and I jumped into a taxi. With hot food on our laps we made our way back to the house. The boys and Amy were in the living area scarfing down food. Now that the Cockfights no longer lived with us, we had free range of the house.

  “How did you beat us home?” I asked.

  “Amy ordered the food and paid for it on the ride. It was ready as soon as we got there,” Jet explained.

  “Come eat with us,” D said, waving us over with his fork.

  “Not tonight. I haven’t spent enough time with my girl lately. Love you guys, but I’ve spent way too much time with you in a little room.”

  I hesitated, torn between spending time with the boys and having alone time with Kill.

  “Go on, sis. We’ll hang out later,” Van said, seeing my indecision.

  “Faith, we’re just kidding. Amy and I are going to go swimming later. I suggest everyone stay away from the pool. Go spend time with your man,” Jet said, giving his two cents.

  “I love you guys. I’m so proud of you,” I told them as Kill tugged on my arm to get me moving.

  “Are you sure it’s okay that we aren’t down there? I mean, shouldn’t you guys be celebrating?”

  My vagina screamed at me to shut up, but I felt guilty.

  “Slick, it has been a long couple of months. The single’s going to drop tomorrow, and the schedule Lissa has us on is intense. We have radio shows and television interviews all the way up until we leave for tour. It’s fine.”

  Kill ran his hands under my shirt, bunching it up. I raised my arms so he could lift it all the way off. When he unhooked my bra, I gave him a questioning look.

  “Did I forget to tell you it’s naked dinner?” His eyes roamed over my bare stomach, stopping on my freed breasts.

  “That sounds perfect,” I told him, pulling my jeans off.

  Kill sprang into actions, removing his clothes in record time. He handed me the food and went to strip the comforter off the bed, walking over to the couch in front of the fireplace.

  “My lady.” He bowed, clicking the on button, making the fire burst to life.

  “So manly,” I whispered as he clicked another button to dim the lights.

  We snuggled together, eating Chinese food while the fire roared and the lights of the LA skyline twinkled in front of us.

  Chapter 9

  “Rise and shine,” Jet screamed, banging on our door.

  “I’m going to murder him,” Kill mumbled, his hand cupping my breast, his tongue circling it.

  “We have a radio interview in thirty minutes. Lissa’s already here. Hurry up. Get dressed before I sic Amy on her. That chick pisses me off.”

  The desperation in Jet’s voice was evident. Lissa bugged all of us, but she really grated on his nerves. He retaliated by being even more crude when she was around.

  “Come on, Killer. Your band needs you.”

  “But I need you,” he whimpered, his tongue continuing its path down my stomach.

  “You had me. You had me three times last night.”

  “Are you complaining?” He smirked, circling my belly button.

  “Never.”

  Kill sighed, his forehead resting on my stomach. “This isn’t even as bad as it’s going to get.”

  My heart clenched at the truth in his words. “I know, but we’ve been through worse. If our only problem is we don’t have enough time together, then I’m going to have to say we’re doing pretty damn well.”

  “You forgot about the crazy ex lurking about.”

  “He’s still somewhere on the other side of the state. Let’s not borrow trouble.”

  “When did you become the levelheaded one?” Kill asked, kissing me on the nose.

  “I have no idea, but I would appreciate it if you took the title back.”

  Kill laughed, pulling me to him. “Let’s sneak in a quickie.”

  When we made our way to the kitchen table, Lissa shoved a paper in Kill’s hand. “Thank you for joining us. These are the topics the radio station wants to go over. We want this to sound as normal as possib
le, but this will give you an idea of what you’re in for.”

  “Isn’t she pleasant?” Jet murmured, coming to stand next to us. “Thanks for hurrying. I couldn’t handle her much longer,” he whispered so only we could hear him.

  “Gunther’s waiting outside. It’s time to go.” Lissa clapped her hands like she was wrangling a bunch of preschoolers on a field trip.

  Van’s hand clamped over Jet’s shoulder when Lissa went to the front door. “Don’t give her a hard time today.”

  Jet stared at Van’s back as he walked away. “It’s like he doesn’t even know me.”

  D grabbed his notebook, his eyes scanning the paper Lissa must have handed out to all of them. “This is it.”

  The enthusiasm pouring off D was infectious. Jet grabbed Amy’s hand, and with a renewed sense of happiness, we climbed into the van.

  Kill played with my fingers on the drive. “Turn it up,” Kill yelled, startling us.

  I was confused until my brain and ears connected, letting me know what I was listening to.

  “Holy shit, that’s us,” Van screamed, leaning over the seat so he could see the radio screen.

  “We’re on the radio,” Jet hollered out the window.

  I sat there in shock as the JackholeS, my JackholeS, rocked the speakers while the boys sang along to themselves.

  Amy grabbed her phone and recorded the whole thing.

  “Oh my God, that was the coolest thing I’ve ever fucking heard,” I said after the song ended, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

  “I knew our single dropped today, but...I don’t even know what to say.” Kill beamed next to me.

  Gunther pulled up to the back of the radio station. Lissa popped out of her car. We sat together in the van, not moving, all of us trying to come to terms with what had just happened.

  “Are you coming? Your public awaits,” Lissa said, pulling the door of the van open. Her smile almost seemed genuine.

  The boys were shuffled into the radio station. Introductions were made to the DJ who would be interviewing them. Amy and I sat outside the booth, where we could listen and watch the boys.

  “Shit, these boys are going to explode,” Amy said, popping a handful of Skittles in her mouth.