Becoming Faith

by Joy Eileen

  “Faith, are you okay?” Catcher asked, his face full of concern.

  “I’m fine. I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

  I moved quickly to the employee bathroom in the back of the store. My knees banged on the tile floor as I leaned over the toilet and vomited the little breakfast I’d eaten. When I was done, I ran cold water on my shaky wrists and brushed my teeth, thankful I had thrown a toothbrush in my purse.

  The stress of the signing had been wearing on me. Every morning, I rushed to the bathroom to purge my breakfast. I was stupidly optimistic my nerves would go away after I got my first one under my belt.

  My confidence that the signing would calm me went up in flames the first thirty minutes. Tilly managed to knock a bottle of water on a reader and ran into a stack of books, toppling them on me. The red mark on my shoulder showed it was going to leave a nice bruise. In three hours it was apparent Tilly was a hot mess and my luck had not turned around with her arrival.

  I read an excerpt from Hope’s Journey before the signing portion started. Tilly’s face was crimson red by the time I was finished. I wondered if she was having second thoughts. Reading the mistakes of my past out loud was gut-wrenching. But seeing the hope in the readers’ eyes hardened my resolve. If I could help one woman escape from an unhealthy relationship, it would all be worth it. The thoughts of the man confronting me at Kill’s concert flitted through my head. Kill’s PI was still searching for him. I hoped his sister would be one of the ones I helped.

  A woman in the back corner watched the signing with sad eyes. Something about her drew me to her. I was disappointed when she didn’t make a move to come and talk to me. I lost track of her when a very excited reader hugged me, squeezing me into her ginormous bosom.

  When we were packing up, I pulled Catcher aside. “Did you see the woman in the pink shirt in the back?”

  His eyes sought the place she’d been sitting. “I did. She was beautiful. I wish she had got a book signed so I could talk to her.” The tips of his ears turned pink with embarrassment.

  My mouth dropped open. I was shocked my linebacker sized bodyguard was blushing and talking about a woman. When we worked at Ray’s, Ryan and I would watch women try to get his attention. We would giggle evilly when he wouldn’t pay notice them. This was new, and it intrigued me. It appeared a woman had finally caught his attention. “Huh, I would’ve never guessed you to have the hots for the petite blond sad type.”

  His face grew even redder, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Leave me alone. I never expected you to be a bully.” He pushed my shoulder, grinning at me.

  A box jabbed my side and Catcher’s face hardened.

  “Ouch.”

  “Sorry, Faith. I didn’t see you there. These books are really heavy.” Tilly struggled not to fall over from their weight.

  Catcher rolled his eyes and grabbed the box from her. “I’ll load this. Why don’t you go talk to the manager and make sure they don’t need anything.”

  “Tilly, did you get a total on the books we signed and sold today? I think it would be good to report those numbers to the publisher, and maybe the next store, so they can estimate how many people and books to expect.”

  “I have it all here,” she said, patting her bag, and headed to the back room, her phone to her ear.

  With a moment of silence I pulled my phone out to read the missed text messages Kill been sending me all day.

  Good Luck,

  Slick.

  A woman flashed Jet and

  wanted him to sign her boobs.

  He panicked and searched for Amy

  to get the okay. You should have

  seen his face.

  I know you’re busy, but I feel like

  a stalker. I wouldn’t want to

  stalk anyone else. Talk to you

  after the meet and greet.

  Love you.

  Be careful.

  I checked the time and knew it would be a while before he would call. The meet and greets were getting longer with every concert. Everyone wanted to meet the boys.

  “Ready to go when you are, Faith.” Catcher gazed around to make sure everything was packed up.

  “Thank you, Miss Annabelle,” the store manager I’d met earlier said. She stood with a couple of her employees, all of them smiling widely.

  “You’re welcome. I’m so glad the publishing company chose your store to start the tour. You were amazing. Thank you for everything.”

  “Anytime. We can’t wait until the next book comes out. Is it okay if we get a picture with you?” She looked as embarrassed as I felt.

  “Of course.”

  Catcher took her phone, and they crowded around me. They thanked me again before leaving to close the store.

  “Sorry, my boyfriend wanted to check on me,” Tilly said, fiddling with her sweater sleeve.

  “That’s okay. I think we’re done here. This is Andrea's number. She said to call her tonight so she can make you official. That is if you still want to be my PA."

  "Of course I do. I'll call her when I get back to my hotel." Tilly snatched the card away from me and shoved it in her back pocket.

  I stretched my neck from side to side. My head felt fuzzy, my body depleted from the amount of energy I’d expended. “I didn't even think of that. Do you want me to get Andrea to move you to the same hotel? I'm sure they gave drunken Jennifer a room that you can have.”

  Tilly's eyes widened and some of the color drained from her face. It was an odd reaction to my question, but I figured Tilly was just an odd girl.

  “Uhm, no. It will be fine for tonight. Let me talk to Andrea.”

  Confusion clouded my already groggy mind. “Are you sure? It’s silly to have my personal assistant away from me.”

  “No!” Tilly shouted, startling me. “No, don’t bother. I don't want to cause any trouble. I'll figure it out with Andrea tonight. Go home and get some rest.” Tilly pushed at her glasses, her face becoming paler by the second.

  Not wanting to put her in any more distress, I placed my hand on her shoulder. She jerked back and knocked into a display of books behind her.

  “All right. Let me know if you have any questions. You have my number.”

  “I will. I really need to go. Here's my number.” She thrust a card with her number carelessly scrawled on it in my hand. “Call me or text me if you need anything. I sent the books to the next store. I’ll see you in two days unless you need me sooner.” Tilly backed away, talking quickly. “My boyfriend’s here to pick me up.” She twirled around, narrowly missing another bookshelf.

  “That’s one weird little duck. Are you sure it was smart to hire her?” Catcher asked, watching Tilly as she sprinted out of the store ping-ponging off of every table and shelf she passed.

  “She does seem a little...high-strung,” I finished, not sure how to describe her. "But she helped me out of a tight spot. I'm sure she’s just nervous and it will get better. I can't fire her so I can only hope she calms down."

  My stomach growled, demanding food. Catcher frowned. I knew what he was going to say before it left his mouth. “Why haven’t you been eating? You turned down all the snacks and the lunch the bookstore tried to give you.”

  “I was nervous. This was my first signing and my stomach wasn’t cooperating.”

  “Are your ulcers back?” His eyes went to my stomach, the creases in his forehead becoming more prominent.

  I tried to keep my face blank, not wanting to reveal anything. “I don’t think it’s ulcers, Catch. I honestly think it’s just nerves.”

  When he opened his mouth to release a lecture, I stopped him.

  “I’ll pay more attention, though, and I’ll let you know if I need to go see a doctor. You can trust me when I say I don’t want it to get bad like last time.”

  He stared at me for a couple seconds and sighed, his forehead smoothing out. “I’m going to trust you, but if I notice anything off, I’m picking you up and carrying you to th
e doctor’s. I promised Kill I’d look after you, and I’m not getting on his bad side.”

  “Ouch, so all you’re worried about is not making Kill mad?” I teased him.

  He slung his arm over my shoulder and walked me toward the back entrance. “You know I think of you as the annoying little sister I never had. Now come on. Let’s get some food.”

  “Damn, that woman’s fast,” Catcher grumbled, plopping down on a chair after the bookstore closed.

  The publishing company was ecstatic at how well the first signing went. They ended up adding five more signings in the same area. With obligations to other stores already set, they had to cram them in. It seemed all the bookstores were clamoring to have me, Killian Taylor’s girlfriend, in their stores.

  It bothered me when the publishers used Kill as an incentive for more signings. But seeing the readers and their genuine interest in my story, the annoyance dimmed. Let the bookstores and the publishing company promote how they wanted. In the end, Hope’s Journey would hold its own.

  The mystery woman who’d caught Catcher’s eye at the first signing had been to every one after. She’d also eluded him every time he went to talk to her.

  “She’s a quick one. I’m sure you’ll catch her at the next one.” I giggled at my play on his name.

  Catcher rolled his eyes at me. “I have to. We only have two more in this area, and then we’re moving on.” Frustration heated his voice.

  “We’ll get her tomorrow. I promise. Even if we have to send Tilly to grab her.”

  “Where is the walking tornado?” Catcher asked, wincing at the mention of my assistant.

  In the days after the first signing I’d come to realize it wasn’t nerves that made Tilly clumsy, it was just Tilly. My head throbbed just thinking of the next screw-up she’d make.

  She was also a worrier, and every chance she got, she tried to convince me to leave the book tour. I explained my reasons to her, but she was adamant it wasn’t worth it. She refused to think anyone with a clear head would put themselves purposely in danger. Her constant worry for me helped ease the pain she caused when she messed something up.

  “She's trying her best. I can't be mad she came onto this project completely blind and helped us out of a bind. Besides, it wasn’t really her fault,” I defended her, making Catcher blow out an amused breath. “In her defense she didn’t know the publishers were going to add more bookstores. So sending the books to the wrong store shouldn’t be blamed all on her.”

  “Even if they hadn’t added new stores, she still would have sent them to the wrong store.”

  My stomach lurched, and I steadied my face so it wouldn’t show. He was right, Tilly was a stumbling catastrophe. She was making this experience more work and added to my stress daily, but she was loyal and I wasn't giving up on her. So far every signing I was nauseous, puking before I could get dressed. My new morning routine was to force food down after dry heaving and hope for the best. These nerves were going to be the death of me.

  I knew Catcher was going to snitch on me to Kill, so I beat him to it. I confessed my pre-signing jitters to him after the second signing. Kill wanted me to go to the doctor right away, but I convinced him to wait until I was in Portland. I wanted to see my own doctor. He didn’t like it, so I had to use my secret weapon. When I asked him if he trusted me, he knew he was beat.

  “Faith, the owner has everything done. I confirmed the next signing for tomorrow.” Tilly came into the room. She pushed her glasses up with her ridiculously long sweater covering her hand.

  “Thank you, Tilly. We were about to go get something to eat. Do you want to come with us?”

  “No, my boyfriend’s waiting for me. I’ll see you tomorrow, and then we have one more before we’re off to another area. Unless you want to call it off.” Her eyes were eager.

  I shook my head and her face fell. And like the disaster she was, Tilly turned around, narrowly missing the wall, and scrambled out of the room.

  Catcher heaved himself out of the chair. I wiggled my swollen feet before putting them back in my heels.

  “I’m going to make sure everything’s in order and Tilly didn’t send your stuff to Timbuktu.” Catcher must have noticed my weariness because his face softened. “Why don’t we go back to the hotel? You can order room service. Take a bath and get to bed early. Kill and the boys are playing a late show, so you could take a nap before he calls you.”

  I was nodding to his idea, liking it more with every suggestion. “That sounds amazing.”

  Catcher patted me on the shoulder before going off to see what Tilly had messed up.

  Chapter 16

  “I miss you so fucking much, Slick.”

  I pressed my eyes together to stop the tears from falling. Why didn’t I wait to do my makeup? He sounded just as tired as I felt. I wasn’t sure if it was from all the shows, or from being apart from me.

  When I signed onto the book tour, I’d never imagined more stores would have been added. Our matching tour schedules were becoming a thing of the past.

  “I miss you too, Killer.” My voice was borderline whiny and I couldn’t hide it. I rolled over in bed, unable to stop the little moan that escaped.

  “Is it your stomach?” Kill asked, panic in his voice.

  “No, I think I’m coming down with something. My body’s super achy. I almost want to make every one of my readers use hand sanitizer before I take pictures with them.” It was a joke, but the way I felt it didn’t sound like a bad idea.

  “I didn’t realize how weak of an immune system you had, Slick,” he teased.

  “That’s the thing. Besides my ulcers, I really never got sick. Sure, a cold here and there. Lately I can’t seem to get over it. I started taking more vitamins. I hope it helps.”

  “It’s because you’re not getting enough vitamin K.”

  “What?”

  “You know, vitamin Kill.”

  Laughter burst out of me and we giggled until Catcher knocked on my door to tell me it was time to go.

  “I’ve got to go, Killer.” My voice went back to whiny again.

  “I’ve got to get going too, Slick. I’ll see you soon. Good luck on finding Catcher’s mystery girl.”

  “Thanks. You should see how smitten he is. I hope she realizes what a good guy he is.”

  “If she has half a brain, she will. Don’t let Tilly send you across seas.”

  I groaned thinking of my assistant and the potential debacle she could be getting into at that very moment. “Very funny. Love you, Killer.”

  “Love you more, Slick.”

  “Uhm, Faith?”

  The tap on my shoulder and the hesitant sound in Tilly’s voice put me on edge. I wasn’t ready for a disaster. I spied Catcher before turning around to see what Tilly needed. He must have seen the fear on my face because he was next to me in seconds.

  The room was already filling up. I didn’t have time to clean up a mess. People whispered to each other and pointed at me as I glanced around, trying to see what was wrong. What the hell could she have done this time?

  “What is it, Tilly?” I asked with a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever she was about to say.

  She nibbled on her bottom lip. Her eyes were even bigger than normal. She held her tablet against her chest, as if she was afraid to turn it around.

  I glanced behind me to ensure everything was where it was supposed to be. Copies of my book were neatly stacked behind the table, and my swag was in abundance. Nothing was out of place.

  “Uhmm.” Tilly peered behind her at the antsy crowd.

  “Tilly, it’s okay. If you did something that needs to be fixed, you should tell me now so we can get it all worked out.” I tried to reassure her, but the way she was acting made alarm bells sound off.

  Catcher moved closer, giving me silent support. Shit, I missed Kill.

  “Here.” Tilly thrust her tablet in my hands.

  Shock registered and then relief. Relief was an odd emotion to feel when you
r personal assistant shoves a picture of your boyfriend kissing another girl in your face. Especially when the caption reads, ‘has Kill moved on already?’.

  But pure relief was the emotion zinging through me. When Tilly approached me, I feared she’d messed something up with the signing. And by her hesitation I assumed it would have been hell to fix.

  “Why are you showing me this?” I asked, pushing the tablet back to her, not wanting to see it anymore.

  Murmuring started in the crowd. I looked over Tilly’s shoulder and noticed many of my readers had their phones out. They were probably looking at the same picture.

  “Well.” Tilly fidgeted with her tablet, unable to make eye contact. “It’s just I didn’t want one of the readers to blindside you with it. I wanted to tell you first so you could compose yourself when people asked you if you two broke up. He’s gorgeous, and I don’t blame you for trying to keep him. But he’s a rockstar, and they can’t be trusted.”

  The anger wanting to rise up was harder for me to push down than it should have been. I understood Tilly wanted to help, but I still wanted to scream at her. It was incredibly inappropriate the way she’d approached me. The piteous looks on my readers’ faces pissed me off even more.

  “Tilly, I appreciate your concern. I promise you this is all a misunderstanding. Kill isn’t cheating on me, and I’m sure there’s an explanation for it.”

  Tilly’s eyes went wide and red flooded her cheeks. The women in their seats murmured even louder. They sounded like a swarm of bees, making my temples throb. I waited for Tilly to respond, but she stood in front of me, mouth gaping open.

  Another tap on my shoulder made me jump. Giving Tilly one last second to say something, I turned. I expected to see the bookstore manager or one of the employees.

  I was not expecting to see Kill on one knee wearing a huge smile.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice breathless.

  “I missed you, Slick.”