A White Rose

by Bekah Ferguson

  They went through the house where the ladies paused to gather their belongings, and then made their way out onto the lighted front porch and down to the driveway. After saying all their good-byes, Bonnie and Jaelynn climbed into their car and drove away; headlights disappearing into the foliage of the winding driveway.

  Dakota hugged her arms around her tummy, though she wasn't cold beneath the sweater. An invisible weight pressed down on her shoulders. Who was she kidding? Jason wasn't going to indulge her in a one-night-stand.

  Yet that wasn't what troubled her.

  What troubled her was that she no longer wanted a fling. She wanted Jason.

  But she had nothing to offer him; nothing beyond her body to attract him. She was nothing—just as she'd always secretly feared.

  “I guess I should get going too,” she said quietly, willing herself to smile. “I'll just go grab my purse.”

  ***

  Jason waited outside while Dakota went indoors to retrieve her shoulder bag. He didn't want to seem rude by not suggesting she stay longer, but he felt it was best that they not be alone together this late in the evening. His mother had whispered as such to him in the back yard; warning him to be wise. His first response had been resentment, being that he was nearly thirty, but he understood her fear. She knew he was lonely; particularly since losing Lyndsay. It was easy enough to take a vow of purity as a teenager, especially when expecting to be married by his early twenties, but the last several years had not been so easy. Difficulty did not lessen his resolve though: life in general was not easy. All that mattered in the long run was whether he could face himself in the mirror each morning—whether he could kneel at the throne of God each night without shame.

  It was most unexpected, but somehow in the past three hours, he'd grown to like Dakota; had felt a distinct camaraderie. Under all that makeup and glamor was a regular woman who was afraid to be real. Perhaps she would never change. Yet he'd never know unless he took the plunge. No—he wasn't going to date her. But a friendship, on the other hand, was beginning to seem worthwhile.

  Though it was Jaelynn who had forced him to invite Dakota to dinner, call it a hunch—somehow, deep down, he had a feeling he was doing the right thing. Maybe all she needed was to know that people could care for her simply for who she was—a unique individual—a person. Not a sex toy to be used and then tossed aside for the next pretty face in line.

  ***

  Dakota headed back outside, leaving the warmth of the two storey cabin. She descended the porch steps and trailed across the grass toward Jason. He was standing near her SUV, his hands in his pockets and Bear leaning up against him. The lantern light from the porch lit his profile. She was cold in her light shirt, having left the sweatshirt behind, and goosebumps rose on her arms beneath the cotton. The autumn air was chilly.

  Jason's smile was easy-going. She liked that about him. Even when he held back, there was no pretentiousness. If there had been any in him, she would've sniffed it out in a second.

  “Thanks for inviting me over tonight,” she said as she reached him. “It was a pleasure to meet your mom, and to see Jaelynn—who, by the way, is doing an excellent job at the shop.” She glanced back toward the house and pointed. “You have such a gorgeous home—I've never seen anything like it! It ought to be in a magazine… ” She forced a cheery smile. It had been a pleasant and interesting evening, but so utterly different than what she was used to.

  Jason just watched her as she spoke, portraying no emotion. Nevertheless, she had the distinct impression that he was on the verge of making some profound decision. But what a ridiculous presumption; he was simply waiting for her to leave!

  “How have you been… doing?” he asked. “Since… since the death of your mother.” He searched her face for an answer, genuine concern filling his eyes.

  “I'm fine,” she snapped, looking away. She drew in a quick breath to steady her nerves and met his eyes again with a polite smile. “Thanks for asking.”

  He pulled his hands from his pockets, stepped forward and looked down at her. She tilted her head back and held his gaze. They stood only a foot apart. If this was any other man, she would naturally have assumed he was going to kiss her. But this was Jason and there was no way he was going to do that. Unless he'd been abducted by aliens who'd switched his body with an impostor.

  As she tried to comprehend, he reached out and folded her into a brotherly hug.

  The heat of his arms around her back sent shivers tripping through her body. She tucked her face against his chest and he held her loosely; the embrace warm, safe and comforting. The rhythmic nature sounds of the forest at night seemed to fade around them and all she could hear was the soft in and out of his breathing—the beating of his heart.

  When he released her only seconds later, a tender smile curved his closed lips as he took several steps backward, sticking his hands in his pockets and putting his weight on one foot. “I don't want to confuse you,” he said. “I just… thought you could use a hug.”

  She blinked at him.

  What had happened? She wasn't dreaming—this was real: Jason had willingly held her in his arms of his own initiative. But why? Who does that kind of thing anymore? She couldn't remember ever being held like that. Any embrace she'd ever received from a man had been sexual.

  “I—uh—” she stuttered, somehow more shocked than if he had kissed her. “Right. Yes—” She nodded. It wasn't like her to feel awkward with a man.

  Bear, who was sitting between them now, was looking from her to Jason and back again, his black doggy eyes showing he was just as confused as she. Jason held her gaze quite casually, perhaps just waiting for her to leave.

  Not knowing what else to do, she opened the door of her vehicle and stepped up to the driver's seat. She rolled down the window and Jason stepped forward, pulling his hands from his pockets.

  “Would you like to go fishing next weekend?” he said.

  “Fishing? As in—impaling a worm and tossing a line out to sea?” She knew her look was incredulous.

  He chuckled. “I'm really throwing you for a loop, aren't I?” His features eased into a relaxed grin. “I have a bit of a hiking trail out back,” he explained, gesturing the general direction with a flick of his thumb. “It leads to a brook.” A shrug. “You said you've never gone fishing before, so I thought you might like to give it a try.”

  Chapter 20

  Jaelynn was now putting in full days for Dakota every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. She did her work enthusiastically and Dakota enjoyed her company. When she wasn't working in one of the greenhouses, she joined Jaelynn in the shop for an hour or so and the two of them would gab while putting together various orders for weddings, funerals and parties. Their conversations were far more stimulating than any she'd ever shared with Tiffany.

  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Dakota ran the shop on her own, and when the growing season was over, the greenhouses would be winterized until Spring. Before, she'd always enjoyed the solitude of her flower shop days, but now that she was getting to know Jaelynn, she was beginning to prefer the days when Jaelynn was manning the shop with her. Her previous employee, though an efficient, skilled worker, was a garrulous woman who complained about everything in her life.

  Friday afternoon, Dakota stopped into the shop just after one-thirty to do some filing; planning to assist Jaelynn with some of the current projects if needed.

  Sunlight streamed in through the front windows, giving the shop a misty warm aura. She liked to imagine that the tiny flecks floating in the sunbeams were puffs of golden fairy dust, anointing her flowers.

  Jaelynn was sitting on a wooden stool at a work station behind the counter, putting together a series of corsages and boutonnières. She looked up when Dakota entered and flashed her a smile. They exchanged pleasantries and Dakota went to work paying bills on her laptop while sorting through a stack of mail.

  “So, Jay tells me you're going fishing with him tomorrow,” Jaelynn said after a while, gri
nning at Dakota with a mischievous expression.

  Dakota raised an eyebrow. “Yes… apparently.” She pulled up a stool next to the young woman and began assembling a corsage. “I'm not sure what to expect with that brother of yours,” she said. “At first I think he wants nothing to do with me, then I think just maybe he likes me. And now I'm thinking… well, I don't know what to think.” She let out a bewildered laugh. “He's your brother—maybe you can give me some insight.”

  Jaelynn shook her head, laughing. “I'd like to help you with that but I really have no clue what his intentions are—though believe me, I've tried to pry it out of him. But to be honest, I really think he just wants to teach you how to fish.” She laughed again. “Probably a disappointing answer for ya, but even though Jason might come across as being complicated, he's really not. Like, what you see is what you get. He's too honest. What he says is what he means… basically.”

  Dakota nodded. “If that's the case, then he's even more complicated than I thought. Why on earth does he want to teach me how to fish?”

  Jaelynn shrugged, picking up a boutonnière with her small, slender fingers and studying her handiwork. “Maybe he thinks you need it.”

  She jerked a sideways glance at the girl and held back a guffaw.

  “Oh, I have something for you,” Jaelynn said, slipping a hand into her pocket. She pulled out a business card and handed it over. “Josie Clark is a friend of mine,” she explained, referring to the name on the card. “I hope I'm not offending you by giving you her card—I just thought, if you ever feel like talking to someone about… your mother… well, Josie is a great therapist. When I lost my leg, I don't know how I could've survived if it weren't for Josie's help.”

  Dakota read the card, noting Josie's credentials. “She's a Christian grief therapist?”

  Jaelynn smiled. “Mm-hm. But don't worry, she's not going to be pushing God down your throat. She's not like that.”

  Dakota stood and stretched, slipping the card into one of the deep front pockets of her coveralls. “Thanks. I'll think about it.” With a brittle smile, she made her way to the front of the shop and grabbed a broom. “I'm going to sweep the front porch,” she explained on her way out the door.

  She swept the floorboards with swift strokes, irritated that Jaelynn had brought up the topic of her mother. For the past two weeks, she'd been ignoring her mother's death diligently, desperate to rid herself of the horrid memories.

  It wasn't working.

  She finished sweeping and went back inside. Perhaps a couple sessions with a therapist wasn't such a bad idea, come to think of it. Maybe it would help her move on. She didn't miss her mother or anything like that, but finding Mona's body was taking a definite toll on her mental well-being. Having someone to vent to might be a relief. She hadn't wanted to burden Clarice with it, and though she was developing a good friendship with Jaelynn, she didn't want to be a downer by talking to her about it either. And of course, Tiffany was the last person on earth she wanted to discuss it with.

  ***

  Early Saturday afternoon, having donned a pair of boot cut jeans and a pink cashmere sweater, Dakota swept her hair back into a French braid and applied some makeup. With a growing sense that Jason wasn't the type to be swayed by revealing clothes and heavy paint, she decided to go easy on the eye shadow and eye liner. That done, she fashioned her chakra necklace—a talisman she'd been wearing for ten years now. Its onyx center was encircled by six stones: garnet, amber, tiger eye, malachite, turquoise, amethyst, and moonstone. The colors maintained physical energy centers; making for a healthy body, mind and soul.

  It was a good day for outdoor activity. The sky was blue and sunny and the air was cool but not chilly. She took her time driving to Shanty Bay down the curvy wooded roads, singing along to pop tunes. The leaves were turning; filling the landscape and field backdrops with generous sprays of red, orange and gold.

  It was weird to think that she was meeting up with a man to trek through the woods and go fishing. And a Christian man, to boot. What was she thinking? Drinking and dancing aside, the only recreational sports she'd participated in included a trip down an abandoned highway gripping the waist of a daredevil on the back of his tripped-out motorcycle—the occasional goofy water fight at the beach; a hot summer day and a bikini barely there—and many flirtatious volleyball games. But fishing? What was sexy about that? Should she have worn a baseball cap and khakis? The thought made her laugh aloud.

  She reached Jason's sun-dappled driveway and parked her vehicle in front of his makeshift carport, squinting up at the cabin as she climbed out of the Explorer. Sunlight shimmered on the red tin roof causing a rippling effect. She grabbed her backpack and started toward the porch.

  Jason had evidently heard her vehicle, because he stepped into view from behind the house and called out her name in greeting, motioning for her to join him. Bear bounced up and down in his kennel at the sight of a visitor, begging her to pet him through the chain-link fence. Jason waved her over to the deck where fishing equipment was already set out and waiting. Two fishing rods leaned against the railing.

  She approached and he gave her a warm smile, asking how she was doing. He was wearing jeans and a red hoodie; copper highlights glinting in his hair. She answered with a bright smile, flashing her straight white teeth and giving him a discreet once-over. What a gorgeous man he was.

  She sidled up to him, perusing the equipment. “Looks like you're all ready and set to go.”

  “You bet,” he said with a grin. “So, d'you wanna head out now or can I offer you a drink first?”

  “What kind of drink?” She winked.

  He gave her a withering look.

  “We can head out now,” she said with a chuckle, patting the shoulder strap of her backpack. “I brought a couple bottles of water for us.”

  “Oh, perfect.” He handed her a fishing rod.

  After unlatching the kennel gate and setting Bear free, he retrieved the second fishing rod and took off toward the trees, Dakota following after him. Much to her pleasure, the hiking trail proved to be wide enough for them to walk side by side.

  Bear bounded up ahead of them, disappearing in and out of the forest. The first few times he pounced out in front of them, Dakota had to remind herself that he wasn't a real bear. Jason laughed when she nearly jumped out of her skin. She swatted him playfully and focused on regaining a normal heartbeat.

  It didn't take long at all to reach the clearing where the wide brook wound its way through Jason's property. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight.

  On the far side of the creek, maples blazed red and yellow between slanted birch trees and the various evergreens which filled the gaps. The water was calm and translucent in the shallow areas, revealing the smooth rocks and grainy sand beneath.

  True to his word, Jason spent the next hour teaching Dakota how to fish. They chatted casually, he not in the least bit shy or reserved, and by the time an hour had passed, they'd already caught two good-sized trout.

  She caught herself studying Jason any time he wasn't watching, wondering at his motives. He hadn't touched her at all today; if anything, he'd been treating her like a sister. And unlike all the weeks prior when he'd been polite but aloof, today he was open and warm, as though he was finally willing to engage a friendship.

  Chapter 21

  Having tired from all the ecstatic romping he'd been doing, Bear sprawled out on a sunny patch of dead leaves and pine needles near the water's edge. At Dakota's suggestion, Jason set down his fishing rod and took the granola bar she offered from her backpack.

  They ate silently, gazing at their surroundings, and when they were done munching, she tossed Jason a water bottle and opened one for herself; studying him as he guzzled it back in one long pull. They sat on flat, mossy boulders, a fifteen foot gap between them. With no trees directly above, the sun beamed down, warming their backs. Jason's sandy hair glinted every time he moved.

  Never one to hold back, she decide
d it was time for some candor. She was puzzled by his intentions and wanted some answers.

  It wasn't every day she let a man call the shots.

  “So, Jason—” she began, pivoting on the boulder and pulling her legs up into a cross-legged position beneath her. “I have some questions for you and I want honest answers.” She stared him down, squaring her shoulders.

  He twisted the cap back onto his water bottle and set it down. “Ask away,” he said. He turned to face her, draping his forearms over his thighs and squinting at her in the sunlight.

  “Why did you ask me here today? And last weekend? Why are you trying to 'be friends' with me. I don't get it.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Is this how Christians do it?”

  He straightened, gripping his knees with his palms. “Do what? I'm not sure I follow.”

  She laughed at his quizzical look and dipped her head to one side. “Maybe it's like this. Because of your religion—your morals—you could never justify going out for drinks with me and then getting it on just for the sake of it. No—I'm guessing you Christian guys have to take it real slow until you can find a way to make it 'feel right.' ”

  “O-o-oh… I get it now.” He leaned forward again, looking amused. “You think my long-term objective is to be wooed into your bed in a way that doesn't seem promiscuous.”

  She nodded. “That's exactly what I'm thinking.”

  “I'm glad we're being candid,” he said with a laugh, “because I don't know how to politely refute that.” He straightened. “Dakota, I've said this before and I'll say it again. You're a beautiful woman—very attractive. Really. But I know what you've wanted from day one and I'm not interested.” He paused. “If I did that—slept with you—just for the heck of it, I'd be going against everything I believe in.” He picked up a stick, rotating it in his hands as he met her eyes. “How could I possibly enjoy that?”