Nerd and the Marine

by Grady, D. R.

  I'm assuming Will is one of your brothers? The one with the pea-sized brain (according to you). He looked vaguely familiar, so I think I have a picture or more of him, plunging into the lake. Would that be correct?

  It's a tough job, trying to keep your 800 rellys straight.

  Off to view more of these Morrison Family Treasuries. Tell your brother I'm enjoying them. He's welcome to send me more. Actually, scratch that. I'll tell him myself, since I doubt you'll “remember” to pass that info on.

  Yours,

  Mitch

  Before he hit the send button, though, Al poked his head around the doorframe. “Yo, cookie boy, we got another job. Leave at 1100 hours.”

  “Thanks, Al,” Mitch muttered as his friend’s head disappeared and he fought the urge to hurl something. He wanted to see the rest of his videos. Having them and not being able to watch them was like owning a pirate’s chest of gold but lacking the key to open the latch.

  Sighing, he added a quick line about being called out on another job before he shut down the computer and threw a few things into a bag. Otherwise, the world might not be safe and he couldn't bear the thought of Lainy in danger.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lainy booted up her computer with reluctance. Her head in a fog, and she'd forgotten to make coffee the night before so it'd taken her close to fifteen minutes to figure out a procedure that should have taken two. Bentley trailed after her, looking droopy and half asleep and she wondered what caffeine did to animals? Dogs specifically.

  Disturbances during the night had kept her awake. Or at least the feeling of being watched hadn’t aided her slumber. Laser beams or some unfamiliar light had played over her ceiling and bedroom walls. With the hunted feeling, her night had not proved restful.

  Bentley hadn’t barked, yet she’d still managed a fretful night. Plus, when she’d signed onto her computer yesterday, someone had tried to hack into her system. A nasty virus, designed to fry a hacker’s computer, took care of the problem, but now she’d need to update the firewall.

  Lainy plunked into her desk chair but couldn't think, so she leaned her head against the monitor until Bentley barked. Surging to her feet, she searched for the fire but then noticed Bentley waiting by the door. Well, propped against the door. “We have to go to bed earlier, buddy,” she muttered to him and he sent her a disgusted dog look.

  She pried the door open after remembering to unlock it and then trailed into the kitchen where she finally smelled brewing coffee. With a lustful sigh, Lainy poured a cup and even enjoyed the burning smell as the coffee continued to drip onto the hot base. She shoved the carafe back under the flow and sipped with delight. It was hot, and good. So very good.

  She floated back to the computer and saw the icon for her e-mail. Bending over the keyboard, Lainy found her mouse and clicked. Might as well check for messages. When the server sent her messages and she saw one from Mitch, she was aware enough to feel terror skitter down her spine.

  Oh no.

  Family videos.

  He'd probably seen them all by now and she was certain she hadn't bothered to brush her hair. It didn't matter on video whether she'd brushed her teeth, but brushing ones hair now seemed important with insane brothers running around with camcorders. Wondering if she should change her priorities while at the lake, she clicked on Mitch's message.

  She smiled. Ed had filmed her detouring kids and animals into the closet with Laurie and Greg. Not good to have on video, because now her deeds would be undeniable, with the recorded evidence. So far no one had been able to prove she was the culprit, but at least Ed hadn't sent videos of ducks pooping.

  Biting her lip, Lainy wondered how ducks pooped, and then shook her head. Who cared? At least Mitch had gotten a laugh out of the video, which was nice. He hadn't commented on her unbrushed hair, so maybe it hadn't been all that bad. Or maybe her sister's adage that most men never noticed a woman's hair really did hold some truth.

  She finished her coffee, then hit the reply button.

  To: m_monahan@yahoo.com

  From: l_morrison@gmail.com

  Subject: re: Lainy's Detour Routine

  Hello Mitch,

  I'm relieved to hear my brother didn't send anything too terrible. This time. Of course, he could have and you haven’t had time to view all the videos yet. I'd still brace myself if I were you. There's really no telling what you'll see.

  He's nuts. This may or may not come from trying to keep 800 relly's straight. Although the rest of us seem fairly sane, so he could have inherited all the insane genes. One never knows. ☺

  I've been doing the detour thing for as long as Laurie and Greg have been together, which has been close to forever, I think. They conceived my niece, Destiny, in that closet (when they were practically babies) well twenty and seventeen, and haven't looked back. I always - and will continue to - deny I've played any part in the detours. Most of the family suspects and blames me, but none of them has ever been able to prove my guilt. Until Ed, but since he's my insane brother, he’s never been credible. Now he’s got proof on a family DVD, that’s bad!

  Unfortunately, there are also eye witnesses, since you saw my grandparents, and yes, they are grandparents. My folks weren't there that weekend.

  My grandmother, in case you didn't notice, is a lot like me. Or, I suppose I should say I'm a lot like her. She's pretty good with electronics and would have earned her electrical engineering degree, too, had that been an option in her time. Instead she went into teaching and did quite well. I do favor her in my looks and mannerisms. (Everyone says because of this I'm Granddad's favorite, but I seriously doubt that.)

  The man in the kitchen with me is my brother, Will. He's the oldest. A fact he likes to spout frequently. (The rest of us pay no attention to him when he does.) There’s lots of eye rolling and then someone tosses him into the lake. Now that we've got Bentley, this isn't nearly as difficult these days. Will weighs in at about two thirty, and most of it isn't baby fat. (We have this family joke that when the men need to lose weight, they claim it's baby fat, since my sisters, cousins, aunts, and various other female rellys claim they get a grace period after having a baby to lose weight. Since it is baby fat, they figure the fat will eventually melt off. The men have picked up on this “excuse” and use it to extremes.) ☺ More eye rolling.

  My family birth order is as follows: Will, Ed, Melly, Laurie, Max, Me, Tom, Dory. We're all close, and we've more first cousins than I care to admit. Most of them are part of at least four kid families. The largest is ten. Yes, an aunt beat my parents. Of course, the two sets of twins threw their numbers. Or so they claim. Eight pregnancies, ten kids.

  Bentley's at the door wanting back in and I need at least another two cups of coffee. Forgot to make it last night. Thought I'd never figure out how to start the machine this morning.

  I might forgo work and go back to bed. Isn't that a perk of being self-employed? So what if my brother's company needs this software, right? I'm ahead of schedule anyway. There, see, I talked myself into going back to bed, and Bentley will like that idea. He's dragging, too. We're a winning pair, I'll tell you.

  Yours,

  Lainy - who needs more sleep for some reason. Three hours don’t seem to work anymore.

  P.S. Please return safely.

  Lainy clicked the send button and watched her message disappear. She sent her computer into sleep mode after fixing the firewall and yawning, trudged to the door to allow Bentley-the-tired-squirrel-chaser through. He sent her the most pathetic look she'd seen yet and Lainy patted his head, locked the door, set the alarm, and then they padded up the stairs together.

  *****

  After finally returning to the base a week later, Mitch had to pass the post office on his way to report to his boss. On the way, he dropped in.

  A package awaited him.

  This one bore Lainy's return address, and eager to see what she'd sent, he wanted to finish this report business with his superior officer fast. As usual, whe
n he wanted speed and efficiency, his boss had eighty lengthy questions for him. Mitch answered each and hardly thought any disparaging comments about the man.

  The package taunted him as it sat in mysterious glory beside his chair. He caught an occasional glimpse of the white, red, and blue postal service box and his heart tripped. Mitch worked hard not to fantasize about what was inside this particular carton.

  With Lainy's return address, the contents were even more tantalizing than cookies. The box itself was heavier than a bunch of pictures but not heavy enough to be more cookies. Besides the carton was rectangular shaped and thin. Not at all the container to mail treats.

  By the time he'd concluded the debriefing, feeling confident about this newest project, Mitch’s patience was stretched. He hadn't reached his limit yet, but felt some strain on his former limitless reserves. Since meeting Lainy, his priorities appeared to have changed.

  Striding across the base, the package tucked under his arm, Mitch couldn't help but wish he had Lainy so securely against him, rather than this package. For that matter, he wanted both her and Bentley. But since he was half-way across the world from her, his little dream wasn't going to happen any time soon.

  Their newest project would take a few weeks to begin and then another few months to complete. At best. Sighing, Mitch pushed his way into the tent assigned to him and ripped tape off the package.Opening the drawer with his cookie stash, he selected one to munch on while he discovered the contents of this newest mailing. Bubble wrap greeted him, as did packing peanuts. After he'd dug through those, he also encountered Styrofoam ends and then held a dark metallic and plastic rectangle in his hands. With a niggling suspicion, he opened the lid and encountered a keyboard and blank screen.

  She'd sent him a computer.

  Granted, this laptop was like none he'd ever encountered before. He'd seen a few heavy duty models, but this one topped those. Not wanting to contemplate the cost of this machine, he instead inspected every inch, fascinated by the construction. Still a bit rough in some areas, the computer had been designed with blowing sand and heat in mind. The materials used were tough and durable and sturdy sliding doors covered all ports and outlets and other means of entering the computer.

  He checked inside the box and discovered a letter. Or what looked more like a hastily scrawled note.

  Dear Mitch,

  Don't worry, I didn't have to sell my body or any of the rellys to acquire this computer for you. Actually I built it, so no worries about cost or my stealing secrets or anything. This was actually a lot easier than I'd suspected, and even more fun than I'd anticipated.

  The building proved every bit as challenging as I'd hoped, and the solutions I arrived at will be useful for a few other projects I'm working on. I didn't even need to order any parts. I had them all on hand.

  Please don't ask - you may not want to know why. A smiley face followed the sentence. Grinning, he kept reading.

  I'd love to know how this performs in an actual desert, or whatever where you're living is called. This computer is designed to withstand high temperatures and sand. I'm not certain if it will still work if you get it wet, so avoid water. I'll have to think about that...

  Anyway, I hope you enjoy the computer and I look forward to hearing what you think. Please be honest. I can't make adjustments if I don't have some feedback. You're my guinea pig with this machine. Thanks. Another smiley face.

  It should be ready to go. You might need to charge the battery, but the computer should be functional. (BTW - the battery is being assigned a patent number, too, so this gave me an additional application. They integrated well, and now I have another market to sell my newest battery to, yay!)

  I'll appreciate any opinions, advice, and concerns you have as to what will make this laptop better, easier to use, lighter, etc. Anything!

  Yours,

  Lainy

  Mitch sat for a few moments and stared at this new laptop in awe. She hadn't purchased this computer, she built it. Using a battery she'd already designed. This woman went beyond phenomenal. She was almost downright scary.

  Eagerly, he hit the power button and wondered if she sent an instruction booklet. Peering into the box, he discovered more baseball cards, comic books and the like, but no instruction manual. He watched mutely as the laptop powered up in a scant amount of time. This little machine already made his previous one look bad.

  In only a few moments, the icons all appeared and the arrow blinked in readiness for him to begin. He tapped into programs with enthusiasm and found an icon that said, Help. Clicking it, he discovered the owner’s manual, if it could be called that.

  She included frequently asked questions, and wondered how on earth she'd designed, built, and sent him the laptop in such a short time. Beginning to wonder exactly what Lainy Morrison did all day, Mitch closed the program and selected a few more.

  Wondering if this was the first computer she'd ever built, but doubting it as he glanced at her note, he reached for another cookie. She said she'd had all the materials on hand, which meant she had a keyboard and the mouse components in her inventory. He doubted an electronics expert would have such items on hand if she didn't plan to produce a computer, or had indeed produced one or ten. Course, he could be wrong, since he liked using electronics, but didn’t know much about their composition.

  He cleared the computer with security and added the necessary base software and was soon back at his quarters. Mitch located the e-mail icon and clicked. When the program downloaded, he found Lainy in the address book, as well as most of her relatives. He'd transfer the other addresses he'd need later but for now selected her’s. He needed to thank her.

  To: L_Morrison@gmail.com

  From: M_Monahan@yahoo.com

  Subject: I got the computer!

  Dear Lainy,

  I found a very unexpected, but very welcome package in the mail from you today. This computer is amazing! How you managed to build one so quickly and what appears to be effortlessly, is beyond me. I suspect you have built others? I'm using it now to send you this message, so you'll have to let me know if you had any trouble downloading it.

  I've never seen any computer this durable. (We have some here meant for tough environments.) I've seen some built to resist less than favorable conditions but nothing this sturdy. I'm impressed, and relieved that I won't lose contact with you. Plus, now I've got a lot more storage for pictures. My old computer is ancient and was threatening to die before I brought it here. Now I've got plenty of space to file any pictures you can send. (hint, hint)

  And, I won't have to resort to using one of the base computers, which relieves me, too. Finding one that isn't in use is just about impossible. They've taken to where you have to sign up and then you only receive an allotted amount of time.

  Thanks for the computer. I'm going to enjoy it. I didn't get an opportunity to see the other videos, so perhaps now I can on my new machine. I'll let you know what I think about this laptop and the videos. Ah, and I notice you added a DVD drive, so you can't be too worried about the videos your brother sent.

  I hope this finds you well. And Bentley behaving. Do you folks have another trip planned for the lake?

  Yours,

  Mitch

  Mitch sent his thank you and then leaned back and watched as his new computer effortlessly retrieved his messages. He found one from Lainy dated just after he'd left a week ago but didn't see any others from her. Odd. She didn't mind if he didn't send a response every day, but she often sent a quick note with pictures, if nothing else.

  He clicked on the message and while he enjoyed her writing about her family and his reaction to the video he'd watched, he still wondered why Lainy hadn't written since. Until he reached the bottom of the e-mail. She was tired and needed at least two more cups of coffee. With his heart in his mouth, he wondered if she’d picked up a virus? In the back of his mind, a masculine voice yelled about him becoming a complete wuss and to stop acting like a twelve-year-old girl.
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  He scanned the rest of his messages until he saw one that mentioned Lainy. He thought the address was from Laurie.

  To: M_Monahan@yahoo.com

  From: GnLColson@aol.com

  Subject: Lainy

  Hello Mitch,

  Just a quick note to let you know Lainy is fine, but she's very much under the weather, so if you haven't heard from her as often as you have in the past, that's why. She came down with a nasty cold (summer colds are the worst!) about a week ago and refused to go to the doctor. Now, she's paying the consequences, and has bronchitis. She didn't actually consent to go to the doctor, I just had Max pick her up and carry her there.

  Fortunately, she was too sick to give us much grief and did cooperate. Bentley doesn't seem like he's been feeling so well, either, so he's hanging low, too. His vet, another cousin, says he'll be okay. He's been having a lot of fun, she, the vet, was with us at the lake, so she saw all he got up to. He seems upset Lainy is feeling so horrible.

  Whenever she gets sick like this, she stops eating, so one of us is with her at all times and we're taking care of her. Since Grandmom doesn't have any trouble with her, we let her take on the bulk of Lainy's care. Which, being Lainy, is minimal at best. But someone is on hand to feed Bentley and let him out and make certain Lainy is okay.

  She's improving fast, and would be fine now if she'd gone to the doctor sooner. But alas, that's not Lainy. She pretty much has to be forced. In her world, she comes last. Always. (Useful information for you to know, by the way.)

  Oh, and Steve isn't missing his Game Boy much. I’m glad he doesn't have it this summer because it's forced him to go outside and play. Which has done wonders for him. He's a bit solitary.

  He's found some cousins and a kid who just moved into the area and they're all fast friends. They've discovered building tree houses gives them an even better opportunity to dump various non-flammable liquids, small rodents, and many species of the reptile, amphibian, and insect families on their sisters. This has given no end of amusement to them and more gray hair to me.