The Whale Song Translation: A Voyage of Discovery To Neptune and Beyond

by Howard Steven Pines

  “It’s called gravitas,” Greg responded.

  “That’s the Swami McPinsky challenge stare.” Dmitri laughed. “To the notion his out-of-the-box essence can be confined to a CNN-boxed Microverse.”

  “Our headline guest expert is Ivy Tech Professor Theodosius McPinsky,” announced Reyes as McPinsky’s image filled the screen. “He is the architect of a controversial cosmological theory and an impassioned proponent for interspecies communication research. We’ve also invited Reverend Warren Ricks of Christ Church in Denver, Colorado, and a leading advocate of the theory of intelligent design. Also, from Washington, D.C., Captain Thomas Abrams, the founder and president of the controversial Sea Guardian Conservation Society. And last but not least, Mr. Christopher Gorman, the director of the Pacific Institute for Cetacean Educational Studies.”

  Like a crazed sports fan, Dmitri stood and cheered along with the rest of the team.

  “Chris is looking great,” exclaimed Lila, “more rested and relaxed than I’ve seen him in a long, long time.”

  “It’s the guava eye shadow,” Andrew grinned.

  “Mr. Gorman,” continued Reyes, “thank you for joining us all the way from the island paradise of Maui. Since there are so many conflicting rumors, here is your chance to clarify your organization’s role in this controversial experiment.”

  Gorman’s life-sized portrait extinguished all of the individual boxes.

  “Thank you, Cristina.” Gorman’s military training was evident. He appeared to be in total command, sounding like a general describing the tactical details of a field operation. In laymen’s terms, he summarized SoCalSci’s discovery of the game-like pattern of symbols in the whale vocalizations, and then he outlined the goals of the experiment.

  “Reverend Ricks,” said Reyes, “do you wish to comment?”

  The silver-haired Ricks’s perfectly coifed televangelist image replaced Gorman’s. “Why should taxpayer funds be used to, and I quote, ‘engage in an advanced intellectual exercise’ with animals swimming in the sea? Mr. Gorman just mentioned that the justification for this experiment is based upon the expert analysis of whale vocalizations by two esteemed mathematicians. Let me remind the audience of a similar so-called breakthrough by two esteemed chemists, over twenty years ago, promising limitless free energy in a test tube by the process of cold fusion. Needless to say, their results could never be confirmed, and they were both discredited.”

  “Ahh,” interjected McPinsky.

  “Yes, Professor McPinsky,” said Reyes. “We’d like to hear your reaction to the Reverend’s comments.

  As McPinsky cleared his throat, the camera zoomed in. “The Reverend is referring to the infamous 1989 announcement of room-temperature nuclear fusion by the Utah electrochemists Fleischmann and Pons. Unfortunately for humanity, their findings could never be replicated. However, the scientific method did indeed triumph in that matter because rigorous follow-up studies failed to confirm their initial discovery. This is precisely why PICES is pursuing experimental verification of SoCalSci’s claims.”

  “Mr. Gorman,” said Reyes. “Do you also wish to respond to the Reverend’s objections? Are public funds being used frivolously?”

  “Our funding agency, the University of Hawaii, awards grants based upon their scientific merit and their potential benefits to society. We’re proud that PICES is on the cutting edge of marine mammal research. Our educational programs are designed to share that knowledge with the public. As Professor McPinsky stated, the proposed experiment is an exercise of the scientific method, irrespective of the controversial implications. This is what academic freedom is all about. In that spirit, I’d also like to remind the public about a new lethal threat to our local humpback population—”

  Reyes interrupted. “You’re referring to the cluster of beached whales rumored to be linked to the Navy’s sonar experiments. That’s a very timely comment, Mr. Gorman, because it looks like the Greenpeace protest rallies at Pearl Harbor have shifted to Maui. We’ve received breaking news of an intensification of public demonstrations close to PICES headquarters. Let’s go live to our affiliate in Maui.”

  A new image appeared on the TV. The microphone and camera captured the escalating booing and jostling of an unruly crowd. “That’s what I saw,” said Lila, pointing at the screen, “but it’s gotten much worse. You can see the policemen protecting the news crew.”

  The middle-aged, African-American man in the center of the picture looked like any of the other tourists in a flowery shirt, white shorts, and maroon sports cap. However, he was the only person speaking into a hand-held microphone. “Thank you, Cristina. We’re here at the boat dock in Kihei Harbor on the beautiful island of Maui. This is the spot where tourists gather each day to board the PICES whale watch tour boats. There are no tourists here today because, as you can see, they’ve been scared off by this vociferous mob of protestors. Nearly everyone here is clutching some sort of rally sign or wearing something espousing their cause. Here’s a fellow holding a sign that says FREE SPEECH FOR WHALES. Sir, can whales really speak?”

  “Dude, I’m a college student here in Kahului.” The tanned youth stroked the blond bangs which intermittently covered his right eye. “As a surfer, I’ve shared the waters with the humpbacks my entire life. For sure, they’re a unique species. If someone proves they can communicate, it’s our duty to hear them out. The Constitution should be amended to guarantee free speech for all species.”

  “That’s a pretty innovative take on the situation,” said the correspondent. “You wouldn’t by any chance be a pro-ACLU law student? You’re also wearing an anti-Navy T-shirt.”

  “That’s right. I was at Pearl Harbor last month to protest the sonar experiments destroying our humpbacks.” The surfer’s comment triggered an angry outburst behind the police barrier.

  “Okay, let’s get another opinion,” said the broadcaster, pointing his microphone into the crowd. “You ma’am, please step forward.” He motioned to a police officer who escorted a sweet-faced, young woman toward the camera. “You’re holding a sign that says GENESIS 1:16.”

  “I’m a Christian Scientist here in Maui.” Her voice was hoarse, as if she’d been shouting for a long time. “Genesis 1:16: ‘And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and let him have dominion over the fish in the sea.’”

  “What significance does that verse hold for you here today?”

  “Not just for me, but for all God-fearing individuals,” she answered. “I heard about some researchers trying to talk to the whales. They’re saying the whales are smart like humans, but that’s not possible, according to the Bible.” The camera captured her expression of dismay.

  “How would you feel if it were proven other creatures had intelligence comparable to humans?”

  “How can you ask that? Have you been to the zoo lately?”

  “The whales are created in God’s image,” howled someone nearby.

  “Who said that?” The newscaster pointed at the grizzled man who raised his hand. “You sir, step forward please and explain how whales are created in God’s image.”

  The Willie Nelson lookalike with stringy, shoulder-length, gray hair shuffled into view. His frail frame was stooped under the weight of a sandwich board placard strapped to his chest. The sign was sprinkled with Biblical verses. “I witnessed the Holy Spirit enter the body of a beached humpback whale,” he said. “It waved its fin in the sign of the cross just seconds before its last breath. Like this.” He motioned with his right arm.

  “Praise the Lord,” howled Greg. “We stood on holy ground, Brother Dmitri.”

  The PICES conference room rocked with laughter.

  The CNN broadcaster hesitated. His face strained with the effort to suppress a chuckle. “And you’re sure you’re not misinterpreting a random event?”

  “If you don’t believe me, check it out on YouTube. It’s a miracle, like Lourdes. It’s inspiring a new wave of eco-Christianity. Churches of the Whale are poppi
ng up across the country.”

  “There you have it, folks, a CNN exclusive. Eco-Christianity is alive and well, thanks to the Miracle of Maui. Thank you, sir. Do you have any final thoughts for our audience?”

  “I’m a retired fisherman, and the whales never bothered me. We should treat them the same way and respect their territory. We native Hawaiians believe the humpbacks are one of the sacred spirits of our Islands. Too many tourist boats chase them down and shove microphones into their faces. If they want to communicate with us, then let them first come to us and—”

  “Thank you so much, sir, but it’s time that we return to our program in Washington. This is Michael Johnson, reporting from Kihei, Maui.”

  “Thank you, Michael,” replied Reyes. “Okay. Let’s get back to the members of our panel. Mr. Gorman, you’ve just heard a request from a native Hawaiian to respect the whales and his community’s cultural values by leaving them alone. Your organization engages in tourist excursions, and now you’ve planned this experiment. What do you have to say to these people?”

  “Cristina, we share the same values as the members of our local community. In our entire whale watch and research activities, we are prohibited by the Marine Mammal Protection Act from approaching closer than one hundred yards to any species of whale. What’s fascinating is the humpbacks approach us for close encounters. I’ve occasionally been the object of a forty-foot humpback’s scrutiny when diving off shore. It’s mind-boggling.”

  “So according to you, your organization is exercising reasonable precautions,” replied Reyes.

  “We do, but the gentleman makes a valid point. Some privately owned boats and wildcat tour operators violate the one-hundred-yard limit and the spirit of the prohibition. We report such instances whenever we observe them, but it’s a drop in the bucket compared to the number of abuses.”

  “By the way, the description of your underwater close encounter sounds exciting. It does suggest these creatures are curious and possibly intelligent. Thank you, Mr. Gorman.”

  “Thank you, Ms. Reyes. The next time you’re in Maui, please join the PICES team for a guided dive with the humpbacks. Feeling the vibrations of their songs coursing through your body is an indescribable experience.”

  “That sounds like the makings of a very interesting segment,” laughed Reyes. “Don’t be surprised if I take you up on your offer.”

  “Brilliant move, Chris.” Dmitri pumped his fist into the air.

  “Let’s get back to Professor McPinsky,” said Reyes.

  The Research in Paradise team’s cheers, whistles, and hoots greeted McPinsky’s reappearance.

  “Professor, your ideas have been a lightning rod for controversy,” Reyes said. “Three years ago, you incurred the wrath of fundamentalists when you challenged the scientific community for a communications breakthrough with other big-brained creatures. Now your alleged association with this experiment is quite a déjà vu.”

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Reyes, but despite all the rumors, I’m not a participant in this experiment.”

  “Your admirers have anointed you the leading exponent of the Radical Ultra-Secular Humanist organization, also known as RUSH. Because of their aggressive protest tactics, critics have characterized RUSH members as eco-anarchists.” She paused for an instant. “According to RUSH’s published mission statement, mankind urgently requires new scientific paradigms to address its existential crises. Can you briefly describe the core ideas of the RUSH movement?”

  “You just introduced me using some erroneous labels. I’m not associated with any philosophical movements. I’m a man of science,” chided McPinsky.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt you, Professor,” Reyes replied, her tone somewhat defensive, “but those so-called labels were assigned to you by others, not by me.”

  “Then let’s just make it plain and simple.” McPinsky’s tone expressed impatience. “The chaotic scene in Maui is the very reason we need to engage other intelligent species. Science has failed to address the existential afflictions of the human race: our crippling isolation and our breach with nature. In desperation, humanity has resorted to palliative theological and philosophical belief systems. The foundation of all faith-based religions, such as the Church of the Whales we just heard about, is based upon a belief in miraculous events. To quote Joseph Campbell: ‘If you want to change the world, you have to change the metaphor.’ To my mind, that means we need a new, reality-based paradigm resulting from scientific breakthroughs and communications with other species.”

  “Hey, boss, your Professor acts like he exists on another level from us mere mortals, and I’m beginning to think he does. Cristina Reyes may have met her match.”

  Although Dmitri pretended to ignore Andrew’s remark, he was brimming with pride to see his mentor dispensing his startling wisdom on such a grand stage.

  “Thank you, Professor,” replied Reyes, “but that sounds pretty convoluted to me and probably to most of our viewers. Can you please explain how the proposed whale communication experiment addresses humanity’s existential crisis?”

  “I certainly can,” McPinsky responded. “Without feedback from other intelligent species, the human race is isolated and terribly alone. Any psychologist will tell you that a healthy, balanced individual needs a variety of peer, mentor, and family relationships to promote intellectual growth and emotional intelligence. Parental and mentor relationships provide guidance during development and provide us with the moral compass and ethical laws to live by. The same psychological analysis applies to our species consciousness. Our species needs an external support structure amongst the family of peer species. In the absence of external stimuli, we compensate with delusions. To some people, God is the supreme parent and the creator of the universe, and religion is the ultimate law-giver. To others, ETs are the intellectual peers we crave. And yet to others, paranormal spirits provide the emotional comfort we lack or are the daemons of the id that we fear.”

  “I challenge Professor McPinsky’s wild assertions,” interrupted Reverend Ricks. “Religion is universally embraced by all races and cultures. It is not just an aberration of group psychology. All of these systems share the same value: that mankind is related to the Creator and is cast in His image. I don’t see any evidence to the contrary on our planet.”

  “No evidence has been found because we’ve not asked the right questions,” said McPinsky. “Maybe because it strokes our egos to be the earth’s top dog, we don’t bother to ask these tough questions in the search for other intellects.”

  “Where is the evidence of other advanced intellects?” asked Ricks. “We’ve lived on the earth for thousands of years, and there’s no sign of civilization other than our own. As far as most of us are concerned, Professor McPinsky notwithstanding, we are the guardians of the planet with dominion over all creatures.”

  “Ah-hah.” Thomas Abrams, with his ruddy complexion and bushy, salt-and-pepper beard, projected the iconic image of a sea captain. “Yes, we are the guardians, but that doesn’t justify planetary and species exploitation. The mission of our organization is to end the slaughter of wildlife in the world’s oceans. Not to mention the disruption of their habitats caused by anthropogenic, meaning human-produced, noise. The list is long: underwater explosions used in seismic surveys, seabed drilling by oil companies, military and commercial sonars, and ship traffic. It’s an unending onslaught upon their health, and it interferes with their normal behavior. I’m urging all of your viewers to log onto the CetaceanRights.org website and sign the ‘Cetacean Bill of Rights.’ Our fellow big-brained creatures should be entitled to the same rights we humans cherish: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

  Reyes smiled. “Is there really such a website?”

  “Absolutely,” roared Abrams.

  Reyes didn’t appear intimidated. “The Sea Guardians’ tactics are extremely controversial,” she said. “Your attempts to damage Japanese whaling vessels have been condemned by Greenpeace and recently by His Holi
ness, Lama Dawa Cham.”

  “We need to fight fire with fire,” replied Abrams. “Our actions are intended to incapacitate equipment, not to endanger people. Greenpeace’s limited protest activities have not deterred the whaling nations from butchering whales.”

  “But Lama Dawa Cham said—”

  “Just to set the record straight,” interrupted Abrams, “His Holiness has consistently supported our organization’s goal of preventing whalers from harming the giant sea mammals. His Holiness’s recent quote about our nonviolent, anti-whaling protests was a politically correct attempt to appease his hosts during a recent tour of Japan.”

  “I’ll take your word for it,” replied Reyes, whose peevish tone was directed at the guest who’d interrupted her. “So what’s your organization’s position on the PICES communication experiment?”

  Captain Thomas Abrams was not easily intimidated. His voice energized by passion, he declared, “Your broadcast of the protests in Maui confirms that this is a controversial subject, even amongst members of the ecology community. However, we all agree that the whales should be protected from mistreatment by commercial interests. To some of us, therefore, this also includes the potentially intrusive consequences of experimentation.”

  “We aren’t ever going to know if there are other intellectual civilizations unless we break the codes of their language,” countered McPinsky. “It’s our species’ responsibility to try for a breakthrough, and I cheer the PICES organization for attempting it. Anything less is an abrogation of our obligation as the dominant species on earth. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain if we discover other intelligent companions.”

  “Reverend Ricks,” interjected Cristina Reyes, “you’re known as a leading advocate of the theory of intelligent design. How would the members of your congregation react to a significant communication breakthrough with creatures on our own planet?”

  “We of the faith believe the Grand Designer of intelligent creatures is the God of Christianity. Since humans are created in God’s image, we should therefore assume our rightful role in the scheme of things.”