Remember Me

by Jennifer Foor

  Still when we were alone, with two sleeping babies in our arms, nothing seemed more perfect. It felt right being with him and even after that first week I knew I’d made the right decision by naming him as their father.

  Exactly seven days after we’d come home, Shayne went back to work. For the first forty minutes I felt like I was going to lose it. Beka had a diaper rash and I was starting to worry if my breast milk was giving her a reaction. Eli had been cranky since the night before and he wasn’t content unless I was holding him.

  When the doorbell rang, I considered not answering it. I mean, I had my hands full and wasn’t dressed appropriately for any deliveryman to see me. Except it kept ringing. With Eli in my arms, I walked around to the front door and peek out of the tiny peephole. I couldn’t believe who I saw waiting there on the other side.

  Not really sure what to say, I opened the door and was standing face to face with Lacey, Shayne’s ex. His sister, Peyton, was right beside her.

  In Lacey’s hand was a large bag with wrapped gifts.

  “Shayne isn’t here,” I blurted out, wondering why Peyton thought it was okay to bring someone by that hated my guts.

  She shook the bag. “That’s okay. We’re not really here for him. We came to see the twins.”

  Remembering that I was wearing only a t-shirt, I backed myself away from the door, embarrassed to turn around. “I wasn’t expectin’ anyone.”

  At the same time, Beka started to cry from her bassinet. Lacey tried to look past me, while Peyton was already barging in.

  I couldn’t be rude, because at that moment I had to tend to my daughter. “Just come in. I’ve got to get her.”

  There was no time to consider the reasoning for their visit, or if what I was wearing was inappropriate for even another female to see. Before I could pick up Beka I had to lay down Eli. He immediately started screaming and I didn’t know what I was going to do. Lacey came up behind me and dropped the bag. She reached down and picked up my son without saying a single word to me. I looked over to witness her rocking him in her arms and shooing him to settle down. Peyton sat down next to me and reached for Beka. “Here, I’ll take her.”

  “Today’s my first day without Shayne. I’m a bit overwhelmed,” I admitted while pulling the shirt down to cover more of my thighs.

  Lacey kept looking at Eli. “He’s so handsome.”

  I glanced at my daughter, trying to think of something to say to Lacey, without coming off the wrong way. Her closest friend was with my ex, Ford, and I was certain that she felt the same way that Sky did about me. “So, if you don’t mind me askin’, why are you here?”

  “It’s my fault,” Peyton interrupted. “I spent the night over at Joey’s with Jamey last night and Lacey asked if she could come with me when I said I wanted to see you today. Shayne said it would be fine.”

  “If this is too weird, I can go.” Lacey seemed like she could tell that coming may have been a mistake.

  I could sense that she felt as uncomfortable as I did. “I just – we need to all get past this. The men we love need to get over all of this animosity. There are two little children that never have to see these grown men acting like idiots.”

  I turned my attention to grabbing a diaper for Beka. “As you can see, I’m a little too preoccupied to worry about what the men are thinkin’ or doin’. As long as Shayne comes home to us, I don’t really care about Ford or Joey.” I grabbed Beka from Peyton and started to remove her wet diaper. “Look, I’m not tryin’ to be rude. I know Sky’s your best friend. I get that I’m the last person you’d want Shayne to be with, but we’re together now and we’re happy. We just want to be together without all the judgment.”

  Peyton interrupted again. “Ash, Lacey is tryin’ to mend fences. She’s not like you think.”

  I couldn’t look at Lacey, who was still rocking my son in her arms. It bothered me, picturing her with Shayne and him doing everything he could to get her back. I knew it was in the past, but I felt threatened and afraid that at any minute I could lose him. It was immature. I needed to get a grip.

  The problem was that I had too much at stake. With two little ones, I had to think of them first. Keeping their daddy with us was the key to that plan.

  “Look, I appreciate the effort. You’re obviously a very nice person. Maybe if I would have known you were comin’ ahead of time, I wouldn’t feel so reluctant about this visit.”

  Lacey looked over at me and smiled, which was not what I expected after being so frank with her. “Look, I care about Shayne. He’s my friend and I want him to be happy. It’s understandable that it’s going to take some time for us to get to know each other. I’m not asking to be your best friend, but I just wanted to put it out there that I have no issues with you. Obviously, you’ve changed and so has he. I just didn’t feel right talking to him as a friend without you being okay with it.”

  Then I felt the blow, as if she’d kicked me in the stomach. I hadn’t known that they talked to each other, and I think Peyton realized my shock. Her eyes enlarged and she turned when I caught her gaze.

  I clenched my jaw and bit down hard to prevent spatting out something I would regret later. The longer we sat there in silence, the more awkward things became. “I appreciate you tellin’ me that. I guess, in time, maybe we can all find common ground. I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now, ya know?”

  “Yeah, I can see how overwhelmed you are. We were just stopping by anyway. Peyton needs to start filling out applications, before her dad kicks her out.” Lacey smiled and placed my son down in his crib. I noticed that he had fallen asleep and was completely grateful for that. “We won’t stay. I just felt like letting you know how I felt.”

  I smiled, in my defense to the best of ability. There were limits to how much faking I could do. In that very moment I felt threatened. Shayne had a huge soft spot for Lacey and I didn’t see it ever going away. Him talking to her behind my back hurt me. I felt like he was hiding it because he still wanted a chance. She was still beautiful, while I had stretch marks and baggage. His family loved her and hated me. Why wouldn’t he want her back?

  I walked them to the door and sent them on their way without losing it. By the time that it clicked shut I fell to the floor crying. My emotions were crazy and I couldn’t control them. No matter how I tried to spin Shayne and Lacey, my mind continued to take it to places that I didn’t want to discover.

  I was panicked, breaking down without a real reason to stress so much. Knowing that two newborns were depending on me, I brought myself to my feet and went over to the couch to be closer to them.

  I decided to nap while they slept, and perhaps calm down enough to be sane. No matter how hard I tried, Lacey’s visit had only caused me more distress and I didn’t know how I was going to begin to approach Shayne with my concerns.

  Chapter 5

  Shayne

  Leaving Ash at home alone with the twins was hard enough, but listening to my father’s bullshit was the nail in the coffin. I’d no sooner walked into the shop before he started on me about my life and where it was going.

  What pissed me off the most was that he’d always promised me that I’d take over the business. Why was he going on and on about me finding my own way?

  His ridicule wasn’t even what rubbed me wrong. It was the fact that he kept pushing me for answers on what my intentions were with Ashley.

  I had this feeling that he was still communicating with her father, which was somewhat disturbing. Ashley’s dad was shady and he liked to be in control. The twins weren’t his business. I’d taken responsibility for them as my own children. As far as I was concerned, I was in charge of providing for my family, and not anyone else.

  Sure, they were all shocked that I’d settled down so quickly, but no more surprised than I was. Who could blame my family for assuming that I was making the worst decision of my life? Even my cousins thought I’d lost my mind.

  They didn’t understand what it was like for me to miss her.
They couldn’t know how having her in my arms made me feel happier than I could ever remember being, or how the twins being born had brought me more joy than I ever thought was possible.

  Since it was my first day back I should have prepared myself for him. I’d made it to the coffee machine before I heard his work boots scuffling in behind me. He cleared his throat before I cringed when words started coming out of his mouth. I turned to face my now gray-haired father. His aged appearance showed from years of smoking and drinking. Though it never affected his business, his actions had almost cost him my mother, several times. On each occasion he’d promised to be a better man. This last time, right before my aunt got clean and came home to her family, he was about to lose it all.

  Business had slowed and his determination to give a damn had gone out the door with it. My mother had packed her bags and called an attorney, simply having enough of him and his poor life choices. In one instant, that being my aunt coming home, everything changed.

  He got better.

  I guess we all did.

  Well, all except for Ford.

  This was all a direct effect of losing my cousin Harley the year before. Ford, her brother, had shut down, forcing everyone that cared about him to wonder about his well-being. I did what I could, being his friend and supporting him, while my heart ached for the loss of our family member.

  With everything going on, I don’t think that any of us took a second to think about the damage that had been dealt to the people around us. We’d never considered that maybe someone else was just as torn up on the inside and out.

  There was also someone else whose life had been destroyed. Ashley lost her boyfriend and her best friend. Ford had shut her out, forcing her to grieve alone.

  I don’t know if she ever told anyone, and at the time I never would have told Lacey, but I was there for her a few times. It all started when she would come to the beach and be so blitzed out of her mind, either stoned or drunk that she couldn’t be left alone. She found refuge at my family’s beach house where I lived.

  Each time she would sober up and beg me not to tell Ford she’d been there. To be honest, I don’t think he would have rushed to her rescue. He’d made his mind up that he wanted nothing to do with her. Though she still tried, he shot her down each and every attempt.

  We were finally at a good place being friends when she decided to get fucked up and sleep with my brother. I’m sure he didn’t have the balls or even desire to shut someone that looked like her down. Ashley was beyond beautiful. She always had been. Most people would assume she used that to her advantage to get what she wanted. I suppose she very well could have, I’d just never noticed it before.

  The rest of the story was history.

  Through a bunch of ridiculous events, and even poorer decision making, Ashley and I became best friends. I relied on that friendship to get me through my tough times, while she was still trying to cope with her latest actions.

  I can’t exactly pinpoint when it happened, but I was definitely in love with her, more than I’d ever felt for another woman before. Proving myself to my family had become the most difficult hurdle to make it over, since my dad seemingly assumed that my fickle past was going to catch up to me, and I’d be left paying child support and up Shit’s Creek with no paddle.

  “Did you hear me, boy?” My dad eyed me up, but I’d been so caught up in the expectant moment that I forgotten to pay attention.

  “Sorry, what did you say? I didn’t get much sleep last night.” That part was admittedly true.

  “I said are you ready to get to work?”

  After shaking my head, knowing he was going to assume I couldn’t do anything right, I finally answered. “I’m here, ain’t I?”

  Like always, he gave me that disapproving glare, expecting nothing other than sarcasm. “Boy, one day y’all will learn to respect me.”

  “Shit, maybe one day, old man. For now how about we get to work, so I can get home?”

  He did something that caught me off guard. With little facial expression he turned. “You won’t be sayin’ that for long.”

  My fists were already tightening up before his sentence ended. “What did you just say?”

  It was no secret that my dad and I didn’t get along. His lifelong friend, Rich, came up behind him, placing his hand on my dad’s shoulder. “Shayne just got back. Let’s give him a few hours to relax before riding his ass, ey?”

  My dad sighed, obviously pissed that he couldn’t ride me some more. “Whatever. Go get to work then.”

  I walked over toward my bay and started searching the work orders for the job I needed to complete first. Since we operated a custom auto shop, usually we had a wait for specialty parts to be ordered and delivered. I found a job that had the parts sitting in the backseat. This particular order was for a custom mounted speaker system. My dad must have ordered them when I was out.

  In the rear seat set two boxes with all of the mounting brackets next to it. This new mount would allow the speakers to be hidden underneath the back seats. With little effort all I had to do was remove the seats and attached the speakers, then reattach the seats. It was an easy job, and the perfect one to do first thing in the morning.

  I got right to work, ignoring the normal banter of all the other workers in the shop. After a while I took a break and pulled out my phone. Ash was probably already going crazy, but afraid to call and tell me.

  It rang twice before she picked up.

  “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey, how’s it goin’?”

  “It’s fine. We were all just takin’ a nap.”

  “I’m probably leavin’ here early. Dad’s already bein’ a dick.”

  “Well, did you expect anything different? He’s never goin’ to like me, Shayne.”

  “Don’t say that. I don’t care what he thinks. I don’t give a shit what any of them think. You’re my girl and we’ve got a family. What else do I need to do to make them believe that it’s real and it will last?”

  The line got quiet.

  “Ash, you there?”

  “Yeah. I’m here. Your sister stopped by earlier. I wasn’t going to say anything, but she brought Lacey with her.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to keep my cool. Knowing Lacey, she was probably trying to be friendly, but it came off wrong to Ash. She wasn’t used to people being openly nice to her. “So what happened?”

  “She brought a present for the twins and said that she wanted to be on good terms with me.”

  Ash was quiet again. “What’s wrong?”

  “How often do you talk to her, Shayne? How often do you call her?”

  I scratched my head and tried to come up with a good reason why I still talked to Lacey. We were friends and nothing more. She was happy with Joey and I’d never loved her the way I loved Ash.

  “It’s not like that, baby. We’re just friends.”

  “If that’s all it is, then why do you keep it a secret?” I heard her voice changing and could tell she was getting upset.

  “Calm down, Ash. I didn’t mean anything by not tellin’ you. We’re together and nobody is going to change that.”

  “I know,” she conceded. “I guess I wasn’t prepared for her to be at the door. I just wish your sister would have called first.”

  I hated being at work, where I couldn’t comfort her in person. She was upset with me, even though her claims were different. I could hear it in her voice that she was disappointed. “I’m sorry.” I waited a few seconds before saying anything. “If you want I can tell Lacey that we can’t be friends.”

  “No. I don’t want to tell you what you can and can’t do. I don’t want to be THAT girlfriend.”

  “Can we talk more when I get home? I don’t want to talk about any of this over the phone.”

  I heard a baby crying in the background. “I need to get Eli before he wakes his sister up. I’ll see you later.”

  “I love you, Ash. I mean it with all my heart.”

  She sniff
led before replying. “I love you, too, Shayne.”

  When we hung up I felt horrible. This was her first day alone with the twins and she was under even more stress after my sister’s visit.

  Before putting my phone back down I dialed my sister. It wasn’t very surprising that she didn’t answer. She probably knew I’d be pissed off.

  “Peyton, I know why you ain’t answerin’. Thanks a lot for gettin’ Ash upset. Next time call and talk to me first.” I hung up more pissed than before.

  After trying to calm down, I climbed out of the car and walked over to clock out. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my dad or any jobs that needed to get done. If he gave me shit, I’d drive back after dark and work by myself.

  I heard him calling my name right before I reached my car. Fortunately for me, I knew I wasn’t turning around.

  Halfway home I dialed Lacey. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but I couldn’t have her making any surprise visits to Ash. We were going to have to come up with a better way to be friends.

  “Hey, I was just at your house. Don’t tell me you’re calling because Ashley’s mad. I swear I didn’t say anything mean.”

  “Lace, you probably shouldn’t have done that. It’s too soon. Ash is stressed enough. Now she thinks I’m hidin’ some secret relationship with you.”

  “What? Oh my God. I didn’t mean to give her that impression. I just wanted to let her know that I was happy for you both.”

  “Yeah, she didn’t take it that way.”