by Paris Rose
It was Thursday, and I hurried to get my work done so that I could go to the lake and decompress. I got everything done by 4:30 P.M., but I hung around listlessly checking my email for a half hour, pretending to be busy. I left at 5:00 P.M., and I was delighted to step out into the low-hanging evening sun. I stopped to pick up a smoothie on my way to the lake front trail. My power smoothie and the gentle late summer breeze relaxed and refreshed me. I did a slow, leisurely lap around the lake, before settling down on my favorite bench.
I sat in awe of the brilliance of the Chicago skyline and the vastness of Lake Michigan, as if I were seeing it for the first time. I could never get enough of Chicago summers. I leaned back on my bench and enjoyed the feeling of the lake effect wind tousling my hair. I felt at peace. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a tall and brawny man, walking across the grass toward my bench. I turned over my shoulder and stole a glance. He was too far away for me to make out his features, but he looked attractive. I turned back toward the lake so he wouldn’t catch me staring. There was something about his presence that drew me. I got lost in my own thoughts as I watched the runners circle the lake front trail. A few minutes later I heard my name. It was a familiar, unmistakable voice. My heart skipped a beat.
“Gia.”
“Christoff?” I looked up at him as he towered above me in all of his alpha male magnificence. He had buzzed his hair, military style, and it really brought out his nicely chiseled features. In his dark short-sleeve fitted shirt, and his perfectly snug black pants, his body looked more stunning than ever.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s Thursday evening. I knew you would be here. I came to say goodbye.”
“Haven’t we done that already? A couple of times actually,” I said awkwardly as I shifted my weight.
“Yes, I know, but this time I’m going far away. The North American leg of the tour is over, so we’re going back to do a few encore shows in Europe, and then I’m going back to Germany. I’ve been on the road for more than a year, and it’s time to go back home to stay now.” Christoff sat down beside me. “I wanted to be able to look you in the eye when I asked you one last time if you’d come back with me.”
I paused before drawing a breath. “You know I can’t Christoff. Besides, I’m still not comfortable with the Bianca thing.”
“Gia, there is no Bianca thing.”
I let out a deep sigh. “Christoff, I don’t want you to think I’m just being difficult. Besides being extremely hurt, I want to explain to you why I’m so hung up over Bianca.”
“Okay, I’m all ears. Do tell.”
“Remember how I told you that I used to live out in L.A. and I was doing all of the big stories, and I was really close to getting a TV gig before I basically got blacklisted… Remember that?”
“Yeah, you’ve mentioned it before a couple of times, but it seemed like a painful memory, so I didn’t want to pry.”
“It was a painful memory, still is, but now I’m ready to tell you what happened.”
“Go ahead.” He affectionately brushed my hair behind my ear.
“Back in L.A., I was working really hard and landing lots of hot stories. I really was on my way to the top. But sometimes I let fun get in the way of work. I partied and dated around a lot.” I blushed and averted my eyes, embarrassed by my own admission.
“There is nothing wrong with having fun Gia. Go on.”
“Well, I was dating lots of really cool guys, and I had my fun with them, but I never really got too attached to any of them. None of them really did it for me.” I saw a knowing look in Christoff’s eyes.
“Yes, I’ve been through that phase too.” Christoff nodded reassuringly.
I flashed him a grateful smile. “Well, I never got too attached, that is until one of the hottest up-and-coming actors in Hollywood took notice of me. He really went out of his way to win me over.”
“Who wouldn’t?”
“Well, the thing about it was, he was engaged to the daughter of the biggest television producer in the industry. I’m not going to tell you any names. Actually I signed a non-disclosure agreement, so I can’t tell you any names, but this producer has been one of the most prominent producers for the last twenty years. And his daughter was engaged to the actor that was after me.”
“Sounds kind of messy.”
“Right. Now I would never knowingly be the other woman, but this guy told me that he and his fiancé had actually been broken up for a long time. He insisted that they just chose to keep reporting to the media that they were still engaged because it was better for both their careers. The public loved their relationship. He said they had an understanding, and both of them considered themselves to be single.”
“His story sounds legitimate, typical Hollywood.”
“Exactly, so I totally believed him and I really had feelings for him. One day we were alone at his place hanging out. Well, we weren’t just hanging out we were doing what young couples love to do when they get time alone.” Christoff’s eyes lit up at the mere hint of sex. “But the thing was, we weren’t really alone. His fiancée had keys to his place, and she and her father walked right in on us.” Christoff unsuccessfully tried to stifle a gasp as I told him my story.
“No!”
“Yes. And that guy told every excuse under the sun to cover his own ass. He said what he and I were doing didn’t really mean anything and it was just a misunderstanding. Or a mistake, as he called it. But the father wasn’t buying it. He threatened me with the ‘you’ll never work in this town again’ line, only he really meant it. He said that for the record, anything that happened between me and that actor never happened. And he said if I didn’t sign a non disclosure agreement he was going to blacklist me from the industry.”
“Ouch.”
“I did end up signing the agreement, but he blacklisted me anyway. Publicists stopped pitching stories to me. And news outlets stopped taking the stories I submitted. All of my work dried up, as did a lot of my social life, so I packed up and moved here to Chicago where no one really knew me. I moved to work for the music magazine I work for now. It was a great fit because I love the music scene, and here in the Midwest I’m a big fish in a small pond, as opposed to the other way around. So I guess it kind of worked out. But I do miss the big leagues.”
“Gia, I have no doubt that you will get back to where you were.”
“Not if I keep crossing the wrong people. That’s part of why I don’t want to get in the way of you and Bianca. Bianca’s family controls the entire world. If I cross her, my life will be over.”
“First, Bianca’s family does not control the entire world. They are doing well in a few industries, nothing more. And are you really going to let Bianca Hathaway get between us?”
“I don’t want to step on her toes, and I surely don’t want to take her leftovers either.”
“Gia, I am in the public eye so girls are going to like me. But what I’ve been trying to tell you the whole time is that you’re the one I like back…a lot.”
“Well, if you like me so much, then why were you at the Awards show with Bianca and not me?”
“Are we really going to have this conversation?”
“It’s a legitimate question.”
Christoff paused. “Fair enough. I don’t really like talking about my feelings more than I have to, but I don’t want to leave you with all of these questions, so I will try to explain myself the best that I can.”
“I appreciate it.” I placed a supportive hand on his thigh.
“I got really angry about some of the things you said to me on Skype last time we talked, because a lot of what you said was true. For most of my life I’ve felt empty and alone. I’ve had many relationships, but none of them have really fulfilled me, so I’ve always ended up hurting the person I was with, in the process of trying to make my own pain go away. Every time I started to feel empty, I’d end up doing something to sabotage the relationship. It k
ept happening over and over again. It was the worst self-fulfilling prophecy. I kept ending up with the wrong people, and handling it the wrong way.”
I felt a pang of sympathy for Christoff, and I’m sure that he could see it in my eyes. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“But then I met you and everything changed, and I didn’t even see it coming. I usually keep myself pretty guarded, because I don’t want to go through the pain again. But there was just something about you that made me let my guard down, and forced me to be myself. It was the most amazing and the most horrifying thing I’d ever experienced in my adult life. I really put everything on the line with you, but when I realized you weren’t going to come back to Germany with me and we weren’t going to have a life together, I kind of lost it. I couldn’t bear the thought of taking you to the Awards show, and being with you for another week, only to have to let you go. I didn’t want you to see me break down, so I just left, and I did everything I could to cut my feelings off. You’re probably going to think I’m an asshole for what I did, and I probably am, but I only asked out Bianca to forget about you. But the problem is, I can’t forget about you. Every time I’m with somebody else, it just makes me miss you more. So that’s all the explanation I have, if it even makes sense.”
I looked down in silence as I digested everything Christoff had said. “It does make sense. I just really wish it didn’t have to be this way, Christoff.”
“Yeah, me too, but I can’t wait to see you leave your mark on the entertainment industry. You’re going to be amazing.” Christoff leaned in and hugged me.
“I’m still going to buy all of your albums.”
“Who knows, maybe the next one will be about you.” Christoff’s tone was light, but I could tell he was probably being serious.
“Right.” I let go of his embrace as he stood to leave.
“Du bist wunderschön.” Christoff leaned down and kissed me gently on the forehead.
“Du bist supergeil.” I smiled and caressed his arm.
“I need to get out of here before you get me into trouble.”
“Me get you in trouble? Never,” I teased.
Christoff grabbed both of my hips and leaned in and gave me a long, passionate kiss that made my heart flutter. “Goodbye, Gia.”
“Bye, Christoff.”
I stared after him as he walked across the grass under the overpass, and out toward the street. I was happy that things with Christoff ended on a high note and that I finally got closure, but I really needed to be with my friends right now. I decided to take Amber up on her suggestion to go visit L.A. I was going to put in a request for vacation time at work first thing tomorrow morning.
Chapter 9
Autumn had arrived, and so had my two-week vacation to Los Angeles. Three months had passed since Christoff and I had officially said goodbye to each other at Lake Michigan. I was taking this time to decompress and really start over. I decided to catch up with Amber and some of my other friends in the industry. Tonight I was out with Amber’s circle. Amber’s life was even busier than mine, so it was nothing short of a miracle that we were able to sync up our schedules and get some face time together. It was October, and I was glad to be able to take a break, escape to somewhere warm, and catch up with those close to me. I was excited to make some new connections as well.
I had such a busy summer, including my big interview with Christoff. Despite everything that happened between us, I was still quite pleased that my article got chosen by my editor as a cover story. I also had several other career-related home runs throughout the summer. Score! I was moving up in the world.
But I knew better than anyone that in this industry, regardless of your work ethic and talent, one misstep can rob you of your status almost overnight. I’ll be forever humbled by the memory of how I almost destroyed my career, back when I was seeing that B-list actor. I hate to relive that incident, but every time I come back to L.A. I get chills thinking about the way he threw me under the bus to avoid the wrath of his hotshot producer father-in-law-to-be. Sometimes I feel like I still have a scarlet letter engraved on my chest from that indiscretion long ago. I’ve done a pretty decent job rebuilding my reputation and getting closer to my goal of having my own entertainment news show, or at least landing a music industry correspondent gig, but deep inside, I’m still haunted by my family’s incessant accusations that I’m just a starstruck groupie, and not a real journalist.
Although I try to stay professional, I’ve somehow seemed to prove them right on multiple occasions in the past. But all I can do is move forward. It’s very true what they say, it’s not always what you know, but who you know. Well, that’s partially true. I know some big names and I also have talent, but it takes a special stroke of luck to really make it in entertainment journalism. And sometimes luck is just simply not on my side.
I promised myself I wouldn’t worry about work while on vacation. My big goal while I was here was simply to enjoy being in one of my favorite places, Los Angeles, California, with my favorite people — Amber and her on-again-off-again boyfriend Peyton, who was a successful producer. And as a welcomed bonus, a few of their reality show friends, Clarissa, Brandon and Andre, were there too. I’d hung out with all three of them a few times before, but it had been a long time since I’d seen them.
It was nice to get reacquainted. Clarissa was really high-energy, and both Brandon and Andre were ridiculously good-looking. Brandon had long, wavy blond hair, sparkling hazel eyes, a California tan, and dimples. Andre was extremely fit and he always wore flattering clothes. He had a gorgeous smile and perfectly manicured dreads that he wore pulled back. I could tell both guys were attracted to me, and whenever I hung out with them I would flirt back, but neither of them really did it for me. Working in the entertainment industry for so long kind of jaded me. I wasn’t as impressed with good looks as I had been back in college. Throughout my career, I’ve encountered so many flawless men, I’ve been somewhat desensitized. I love eye candy, and I’m naturally pretty flirty, but it takes a lot more than good looks to get me excited when it comes to men.
We were on the outdoor patio at The Standard in West Hollywood. The sun had just gone down, and we were a few drinks and several courses into the night. Amber knew the chef, so he was sending over an endless stream of complimentary appetizers and desserts. We were having a good time, but I was feeling a bit lonely because I hadn’t heard from Christoff in a long time. After he went back home to Germany, we managed to keep in touch via text message and Skype for awhile. But we gradually lost touch, and it was probably for the best. Continuing to stay friends was probably holding both of us back from fully moving on. No matter how much time passes, I’ll never forget the life-changing experience with him the night I interviewed him. We formed such a deep connection that night his jet almost went down. I have a pretty cool life, but being intimate with Christoff at forty thousand feet was an experience I have yet to trump.
I believed Christoff when he said I was the first woman who was ever able to fully satisfy him. We had quite the unique chemistry, but there was no way we could maintain a relationship with the distance. He spent most of his time in Germany, and whenever I wasn’t home in Chicago, I was out in L.A., so no matter how bad we both wanted it to work, it just wasn’t practical. I hadn’t heard from him at all in several weeks. I wondered if he was okay. I figured that maybe he was writing lyrics for a new album. He always withdrew from society when he was heavy into the creative process. He warned me of that when we were getting to know each other. It didn’t matter anyway. At this point, my career takes precedence over my personal life, and it was high time for me to move on. I made a conscious decision not to put any more energy into missing Christoff.
I took the last sip of my martini and excused myself to go to the restroom. I walked inside, and the indoor bar was packed. I snaked through the crowd and toward the bar to ask for a glass of water on my way to the ladies’ room. As I was trying to get the bartender’s attent
ion, I caught a glance of a really handsome guy out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t see his features that well, but I could see he had dark shaggy hair and clear ivory skin. I tried to get a better look without staring. He was looking down, playing with his smart phone. He must have felt me looking at him, because he suddenly looked up and glanced in my direction. I abruptly turned away and started awkwardly looking behind me. I was never great at being inconspicuous.
My heart began to race. I was drawn to this guy like a magnet. I could not take my eyes off of him. I didn’t want him to catch me looking at him again, so I took a series of quick glances, rather than staring at him directly. Was that Trevor Dunaway, the billionaire music mogul from Alpha Deity? No, it couldn’t be. That would be too unreal.
Trevor Dunaway was a self-made billionaire. He started out playing the drums for a garage band in Cleveland, Ohio, then he went on to take the music industry by storm. Trevor owned multiple record labels, and a rock music television network as well. To most people who weren’t in the industry, he was most well-known as the face of Alpha Deity. Trevor wasn’t just a billionaire business man, he was also a very talented creative artist.
Alpha Deity is an amazing industrial rock band. They only come out with an album once every five years or so, but every album they released went platinum. Trevor was the producer, lyricist and lead vocalist, and the rest of the band members rotated and changed over the years. The band members were known for their turbulent relationships with each other, and they could never keep a steady line-up for more than two years. Despite their interpersonal turmoil, they made good music. I owned a couple of their albums. Their music was perfect when I was in a deep, introspective mood. And I always appreciated Trevor’s lyrics; they were so aggressive yet intelligent.
