Maggie's Five ...the first in a LOVE story

by Sandra Fitzgerald

  Naturally, my squirming causes him to laugh harder and hold on tighter. “You are such an arse,” I shriek, my giggles betraying me.

  I adjust the temperature until it’s comfortable for both of us. Then I wrap my arms around his neck and relax under the pressure of the water cascading from the wide showerhead. Burrowing my face into his neck, I sigh when Luke holds me just as securely. I close my eyes, and allow myself to enjoy the moment.

  “What do you feel like? Bacon, eggs?”

  “Ugh, no thanks. Umm... eggwhite omelette I think, and coffee please,” I reply, folding the laminated menu and sitting it in its holder with the salt and pepper shakers.

  “That is so boring. Go big, Maggie Mae.”

  “Oh, kay, umm… big... pancakes? Hmmm…” I pick the menu again and pretend to re-read it. “I think...” I begin, tapping my index finger on my bottom lip, “I’ll go with… the eggwhite omelette. And don’t be bossy,” I tell him, smirking. “I’m eating it.”

  “Half - at best,” Luke scoffs, feigning indignation. His eyes more blue than grey in the spring morning sun. “You could at least order something I like when I’m the one who ends up with your left overs.”

  I laugh at his attempt and pat the side of his face. “Nice try, honey. You could use a little less animal protein, you big carnivore.”

  “Oh hell no baby. Protein helps me build muscle, and you like my muscles,” he smirks, raising his eyebrows up and down.

  “Get over yourself,” I scoff, sinking back into my chair. He’s right, I do.

  “I know you do babe, it’s okay that you can’t admit it.” He’s coming across as blasé, but he is also biting on his bottom lip, trying to hold back his grin. God he is such a smartarse.

  Squinting, I shake my head at him. He’s incorrigible, and I’m about to tell him as much when a waitress comes to take our order.

  I smile as sweetly as I can and ask for the egg white omelette.

  LUKE’S WALKING ME through a beautifully manicured park, which happens to have a very large playground smack dab in the middle filled with excited children climbing the equipment, throwing balls, swinging on swings.

  I know what he’s doing, and I can’t decide whether to love him for it or be royally pissed at him. Guess we’ll find out soon enough. A shiver runs down my spine at the thought.

  “You cold, Maggie?” Luke asks, draping an arm over my shoulder to pull me closer and resting his thumb in the back pocket of my pants.

  It is cool, but far from cold. The weather’s perfect. “No, I’m good.”

  “You’re getting there baby, you’re getting there,” he replies absently, looking to the playground while we amble down a winding gravel path.

  Reaching the edge of the play area, I step up onto a treated pine sleeper and take in the surroundings, leaning into Luke’s front as his arms wrap around my waist.

  My back pocket starts vibrating.

  “That your phone again Maggie?” It’s one of those stating the obvious questions, so I don’t bother with a reply. “What, that’s like… the sixth time since breakfast?”

  I shrug, more interested in watching a young girl, maybe three or four years old, climb onto a springing pony. She’s cute with her pigtails swaying while she bobs back and forth, and there’s a dirty smudge down the front of her top.

  We’re quiet, both watching the children play and the scattering of parents, some interacting with their kids, others sipping coffee from take away cups chatting, keeping a close eye on their young families.

  I find the display endearing, not hurtful as I expected. I brush my cheek then look at my fingers to find them dry, and smile a real smile that crinkles at the corner of my eyes and feels kind of amazing.

  “What’s got you looking so happy?” Luke asks, enveloping me in a tight embrace, the side of his face pressed to mine.

  I turn around in his arms and kiss the corner of his mouth, a little surprised by my action but not sorry.

  “I’m not upset,” I explain. His concerned expression transforms into a gorgeous grin. I can’t help smiling bigger with him.

  Luke’s chuckling, pointing out a little boy dressed as a caped crusader, zooming around on the soft-fall like a possessed Superman, when my phone vibrates to signal a text.

  Luke tenses, all his humour vanishing. “I have to ask Maggie Mae, I don’t want to, but… is that…” he trails off, clenching his jaw around a few choice words, “… coke head still bothering you?”

  “It’s just Red. Don’t worry, I won’t answer. He’ll get the message eventually.” Red started calling and texting again about a week ago, after hearing nothing from me after the fight on my front lawn.

  “Maggie, you know he’s a serious drug addict right? You realise that’s the only reason why he’s wanted you all the time?” I don’t know what expression I’ve got on my face, but I guess there’s a whole lot of something there, because even with all the drinking and the pills – I still don’t want to believe that he would only want to be with me to help support his habit, our habit. I have to believe there’d been more to us.

  “Oh baby. Come here.” Luke turns me, balancing me so I stay standing on the sleeper and he can look me in my eyes. His face is sombre; he holds my cheeks in his large hands, “I’m so sorry Maggie Mae.”

  His apology takes me by surprise. “Why are you sorry?” Luke’s done nothing wrong.

  “Because you’re...”He shrugs a shoulder and drops his eyes shyly, “I don’t know Maggie. You’re just… one of an incredibly small minority, and I really like that about you. It kinda makes you perfect to me.”

  I step back, but entwine our fingers to keep him close. “I’m not perfect Luke. Far from it.” I duck my head so he’ll look back up at me. If he knew of all the disgusting things I’ve done, how badly I’ve disrespected my family, myself… he wouldn’t think me so perfect. “If you only knew the half of it.”

  “Hey, no Maggie Mae, don’t do that,” he frowns, shaking his head. “When I lost Sophie… it was so fucking hard, so I know. And I did some pretty stupid things, too, so you can just forget all that you’ve got going on in there,” he says, lightly tapping the side of my head with his index finger. After a pause he asks, “Do you think you are done with all of that, Maggie?”

  I don’t have to think on this. There’s not pondering, or hesitating. “Yeah Luke, I think I am.”

  “Then forgive yourself,” he says quietly with a soft closed mouth kiss over my top lip.

  Of course I kiss him back, ignoring the faint whisper of Brendan’s name, letting it fade into the background. How could I not kiss him back after that?

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, my face secured under his scratchy jaw, I hold him for the longest time.

  Forgive and forget. I don’t know if I can do either, but for Luke, I’ll try.

  “Hey, Maggie Mae, when’s your birthday?”

  “July 18th. Why?”

  “Perfect, I need to buy you a birthday present.”

  “What?” I cough out a laugh in disbelief, leaning back to see if he’s serious. “It was ages ago.”

  “I know. Perfect timing,” Luke chuckles. He takes my hands and pulls me in the direction of the outdoor mall.

  “JUST CHOOSE A colour babe, that’s all you have to do.”

  “You can’t buy me a new phone, Luke.”

  “It’s not really for you. I want one but I just got a new plan, so…” He shrugs in explanation, something he seems to do quite a bit when he doesn’t want to say what he’s really thinking.

  “You know my phone’s not that old either.”

  “Yeah, but it’s ugly, so choose.”

  “What? Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

  “You’re not going to choose? Fine, I’ll choose for you.” He sounds flippant, but I know I’m frustrating him. He turns back to the display and picks up one of the new iPhones that’re on display, asking a plethora of boy questions to the salesman.

  “Okay, fine.
I like the gold. Happy now?” I say, throwing my arms up in defeat. I cannot suffer through another of Luke’s phony indifferences any longer.

  His smile is dazzling when he turns back to me, eyes sparkling in excitement. Sheesh, boys and their toys.

  “We need a new number, too,” he tells the salesclerk, picking me up and crushing my bones in a wonderfully suffocating hug.

  “Happy much?”

  “So much,” he agrees, pressing a firm kiss to my lips, brushing his tongue over them before sucking in my fuller bottom one into his mouth, instantly melting me to mush.

  Good God the man can kiss.

  Luke all but leaps away, confusing the hell out of me. “Jesus, I’m sorry Maggie.”

  “Why?” I’m pouting, It’s a little embarrassing. My poor lips feel disappointed. They weren’t done with his lips yet.

  His blue eyes desperately search my face, “For kissing you... isn’t it... is it still too soon?”

  Is it too soon? I don’t know. What’s the rule on how long you should be alone before you can have feelings for someone else? Do I have feelings for Luke?

  Yeah. I think I might.

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly, smiling so he knows I’m not upset and hoping he’ll kiss me again.

  He doesn’t disappoint.

  Grinning like the proverbial cat that got the canary, Luke cups my face carefully and presses his full soft lips to mine. Holding our mouths captive, he sighs into me and runs his firm hands down my back to rest on my hips.

  When he sucks my lower lip into his mouth again, my heart soars and butterflies flutter. I have to repress the crazy idea of wrapping myself around him and squeezing him with everything I’ve got.

  Whimpering, I trickle my fingers lightly up from his shoulders to his neck, and through his hair, loving that he shivers under my touch. I pull him closer and open my mouth so Luke can deepen our kiss. And boy does he deepen our kiss.

  Luke’s chuckling interrupts the beginnings of a wonderful sensation overload. He presses a last kiss to my swelling lips before inching away to look at me with a smile in his eyes.

  “The sales guy’s tapping me on my back, Maggie Mae. I think we better take a break.”

  My widening eyes cause Luke to burst out laughing. I’m horrified, beyond embarrassed and he’s laughing.

  “You’re such an arse,” I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest to help cover my poking out high beamers.

  “What’s that baby?” Luke asks louder than necessary, still laughing his stupid pretty head off, “You like my arse? Aww, thanks babe, I like yours too,” Luke turns and nods his thanks to the very red-faced salesman, taking the offered bag with my new super-duper mobile phone in it.

  He then reaches his arm behind my back, takes a good handful of my butt and gives it a good squeeze, “Yep, you definitely have a great arse babe.” He laughs harder after I smack him on his chest, and walk off with cheeks glowing bright enough to light up a room at midnight.

  Luke catches up easily and threads his fingers with mine. “We need to find a café Maggie Mae, so we can set you up.”

  “You mean so you can sit and have a play with it,” I say, looking up to Luke’s face. He’s so darn happy. I crack up laughing, smiling so big it hurts my face. “Come on Captain America, let’s find some coffee.” I stand on the tips of my toes and give him a peck on his cheek.

  He stops abruptly, “Oh hell no baby,” then ducks down so we’re closer in height. “Now that I’m allowed to feel those lush lips of yours, they go straight to here,” he grins, pointing at his mouth. “Hit me.”

  I hit him.

  four

  Chapter 13

  LUKE: WHERE R u babe?

  Me: hiding

  Luke: u don’t need 2hide frm me maggie mae.

  Me: I know, not really hiding. upstairs

  I hear Luke’s bare feet smacking against the flooring as he searches for me.

  I’m in Mattie’s bedroom, having a bad day. They’re becoming less frequent as the weeks pass by, but I still have them.

  Today I’m missing my girls, especially Mattie because her birthday’s in a few days and it’s the first time we don’t get to celebrate. I don’t get to buy her a present or bake a cake or cuddle or kiss or hold her. The list could go on endlessly but wouldn’t do any good. Wouldn’t change anything.

  “Hey baby, having a sad day?”

  When Luke sees me curled up in a ball he instantly curls up around me, the way he’s done all the other times he’s found me this way. The expression on his face hurts my heart. He’s so sad for me and I love him for it. His unconditional affection is astounding, unwavering. Even when I’m pitching plates at him or throwing a tantrum he doesn’t judge me, never questions. Instead he picks me up when I’m done and holds me tight until I’m calm and can breathe again. It feels good to breathe.

  “A bad day,” I agree.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  Do I? This is the first time he’s asked me directly, normally waiting for me to offer the information. I do want to? I think I do, but it’s hard. It means that I trust him. For me to open up to Luke, means that I have complete and total faith in him.

  So the question is: do I? Do I trust in Luke?

  He misunderstands my hesitation.

  “It’s okay Maggie, you don’t have to. I just thought you might want to, is all.” His voice is gentle and the kiss to the back of my head is filled with affection.

  “It’s Mattie’s birthday on the fourth,” I explain flatly.

  I’m overwhelmed by the relief of being able to share something so personal with him. The way my muscles relax and the calm it brings feels like Luke’s lifted a hundred kilo weight off my shoulders.

  He doesn’t say anything. I mean, what is there to say after a comment like that? He does hold me tighter, though, and breathes warm breaths onto the back of my neck.

  “I’m sad because of all the things I’m going to miss out on. That’s all.”

  “No Maggie, it’s more. Sophie’s birthday was the worst. Everything changed, and I was an idiot because I wouldn’t let anyone in. So thank you for letting me in.”

  “How long has she been gone?” It’s out before I can catch myself. “Sorry, don’t answer, I shouldn’t have asked.” I curl further up around Mattie’s pillow to hide my shame.

  “That ski trip I met up with Jon on? The one in Canada, that was the six month mark, so what, that makes it… about a year and a half, give or take,” Luke replies quietly.

  Lost for words, I roll to face him and burrow into his large frame, close my eyes and wait for our melancholy to pass.

  Where quiet so long, I’m starting to doze off. Luke’s whisper barely carries, “She had a pretty bad headache one night so went to bed early. I had some work to catch up on so I stayed up until I was done. She was sound asleep when I got to bed, all warm and soft. We’d just decided try to have a baby, so I...” I hear him swallow, pausing to calm his heart pounding against my back. “It never gets easier.”

  I can’t tell if he means her death, or talking about it. He wipes his damp face on my shoulder.

  “When I woke up in the morning, she was… I called for help but… She never woke up again.”

  Rolling over, I move the pillow wedged between us and lie flat over his body, trying to cover as much of him as I can, kissing his neck and squeezing so tight because he’s different. Everything’s different with Luke.

  He shifts our hold so my legs fall to his sides, his hips flexing between my legs creating a heady friction. He presses his lips to the sensitive spot just under my ear and groans when I lean into him, kissing me again and again. I tangle my fingers in his hair, encouraging him for more as goose bumps flood my heating flesh.

  “Jesus Maggie.”

  Our chests are keeping pace when Luke attacks my mouth, kissing me like no other man has ever kissed me before. It’s all desperate tongues and teeth and hands everywhere. Hips grinding, clothing shiftin
g, bare flesh touching and it’s beautiful and honest and wonderful.

  Gasping, I turn my face from his as disgust starts raising its ugly head. He has to know the truth about me. “Luke-”

  He freezes and pulls back. “I’m sorry Maggie, I didn’t mean-” Poor guy, I keep doing this to him.

  “Luke,” I repeat, covering his swollen mouth with my hand and squeezing my thighs, “I have to tell you something.” My eyes drop to my chest, digesting my words “I… I slept with… but…” But what? “I never said ‘no’ Luke. All the times we…” My words lose voice. I don’t know how to tell him that I had cheap, angry sex more times than I can actually be sure of.

  “Maggie stop. I told you, after I lost Sophie.” He lifts my chin to study my face. If I only knew what he was looking for.

  “After she died, I went a little crazy. I’ve lost count with the number of women. I’m not proud of it and I can’t change it. But you have to know. You can see it, feel it, can’t you Maggie?”

  My brows cross in confusion. What can’t I see?

  “Maggie, I’m-” Luke cuts off abruptly, then after a moment’s pause, tries to untangle our limbs. So I tighten mine.

  “What, Luke. Tell me what I’m missing here.”

  He turns away and tries harder to leave.

  “God, you’re leaving me.”

  My body goes limp at the realisation, untangling our limbs to give him the release he wants. I’m not enough. After what I just told him, how could I be?

  “What? No Maggie. Christ no.” His eyes bore into mine, tasting his words before he gives them voice. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  His face pales, blue eyes widening, seconds before he dives for me, gripping on tight and pressing his face into my neck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you so soon. I know it’s too much, I’m too much. I’m sorry baby. Just please, don’t ask me to leave.”

  Don’t ask him to leave?

  I wrap my arms around him and tuck my chin in, his hair soft against my face. “I don’t want you to leave.” Ever. “That’s the problem.”