HDU

by India Lee

  “Okay. I’ll tell you my story,” Amanda sighed, downing the rest of her Dark N’ Stormy. Ian quickly signaled for another. “It’s not as interesting as yours though because – ”

  “Oh, shut up. It is.”

  “Alright then,” Amanda laughed. “Well, basically I have a Natalie too.”

  “Don’t tell me. You used to date Liam Brody.”

  Amanda snorted. “Yeah, no. Never.” Ian laughed and she continued. “My Natalie is named Megan. She was my best friend since I was eleven and we moved to St. Louis together in January because we always swore we’d both get out of Merit.” Amanda took a long pause to gulp down her drink. “Long story short, I met a boy and after seven months, he cheated on me with her. She kicked me out of our apartment in October, probably so they could live together, and I haven’t seen her since. Not counting on TV, but even then I can’t stand it.”

  Ian slapped his forehead. “She’s an actress too?”

  “She wishes. She’s a St. Louis Rams cheerleader… which is still pretty awesome, actually.”

  “No it’s not,” Ian said quickly. “They get paid nothing and they’re not allowed to talk to players.”

  “She never said that. What do you mean they get paid nothing?”

  “They get paid like sixty bucks a game, sometimes less if they’re new,” Ian answered, waving down the bartender for another beer. “I’ll open up a tab,” he said, handing over a shiny platinum American Express. Amanda couldn’t help gazing at the card for a few moments. She averted her eyes quickly when Ian caught her. “So, yeah,” he cleared his throat. “That’s not the best job to have. No income, no status.”

  “Still would be nice to be on TV once in awhile,” Amanda said, staring into her drink. “Just to show the world you’ve made it and shut them all up.”

  “Very true.” Ian nodded. He glanced up at her from his own drink, prodding her elbow with his. “But you could be something even better than that. Something where you don’t have to pay for your own required manicures, which by the way, they do.”

  Amanda guffawed. “Okay, how do you know all this?”

  “I don’t know. I like to know a little bit of everything. Every filmmaker should.”

  Amanda nodded, unsure if she was supposed to have known that he was a filmmaker, or what kind. She always assumed “FilmFreak” meant that he was simply a movie buff, but perhaps he had once told her otherwise and she’d forgotten. “What kind of filmmaker are you again?” she dared to ask.

  “Mostly shorts right now, but I’ve been developing a feature for awhile, and I’d love to get into documentaries at some point in the future,” he answered quickly, as if he had rehearsed it in his head. “Right now, I’m working on getting some of my shorts around the festival circuit.”

  Amanda didn’t know what any of that meant, but she nodded anyway. She had a feeling she didn’t want to hear him explain, mostly because there were other conversation topics that she wanted to get to. It had quickly begun to feel as if they had known each other for awhile – which technically, they did – but Amanda still had dozens of getting-to-know-you questions at the tip of her tongue.

  “So what do you do when you’re not moderating HDU with me?” she asked with a laugh.

  “You mean besides randomly flying to Missouri on my parents’ dime?”

  “Uh, yes.”

  “I don’t know. Make movies. Go to bars.” He snorted. “Pick up my friends’ tabs because they’re a bunch of moochers.”

  Amanda nodded and reminded herself to find another form of response besides nodding. But she had to mask the fact that she was thinking. And realizing. He was a total rich kid. She hadn’t known that, but it suddenly made sense to her why he never cared to ask for a raise from the owners of HDU. The two other moderators had already made huge fusses about it, and they hadn’t even been around a year. Ian was on his third year of moderating and content with $150 a month because he didn’t even need it. The fact fascinated Amanda more than it annoyed her.

  “What do you do here?” he asked.

  She laughed. “God, there’s nothing to do here. There aren’t even jobs, which really sucks. I’m just… hanging around too. Hiding from the world until I get over being burned,” she joked.

  “You’re saying that jokingly, but you mean it.”

  Amanda glared but quickly stopped herself. She didn’t mean to. Her big eyes were more expressive than she ever wanted them to be.

  “Sorry,” Ian said, flicking a peanut onto the ground.

  “No, you’re right. It’s been kind of a rough few days because the whole town’s on my back for… I guess snapping at a nosy PTA mom. They all think I’m pregnant and on meth now.”

  “Really? That’s kind of a random assumption.”

  “Not in Merit. You do one thing out of the ordinary and suddenly the whole town knows it and wants to figure out why. Except they don’t really want to figure it out, they just want to make up a story that’ll fulfill their own boring lives.”

  “Sounds like what we do on HDU.”

  “It’s not,” Amanda said, surprised by her own defensiveness. She forced a short laugh to cover up her prickly tone. “It’s different because when you become a celebrity… you’re asking for that kind of exposure. No one actually asks for it in Merit, they just get it.”

  “Kind of sounds like fun though,” Ian mused, scratching his clean shaven chin. “I’ve always wanted to be famous. No one in New York even knows I exist. Well, besides bouncers and bartenders.”

  Amanda laughed. “Right. What about your family?” When Ian didn’t respond, she bit her lip awkwardly. She watched him take a long drink in silence. “Well, trust me, Merit’s not fun,” she insisted. “It’s like every pitfall of celebrity life without the glamour or perks. Actual celebrities – they have exciting lives and don’t have to bother with people’s stupidity. It’s not like they’re actually affected by the dumb things we say on HDU.”

  “That’s not true, and you know it.”

  Amanda blinked. She did know it. It had sounded right coming out of her mouth, but then she remembered Liam Brody. A big part of her wanted to tell Ian about his video, but she was somewhat afraid of what he might do with the information. She had no idea what it would be, but she imagined that it would be something extreme, something that she didn’t have the energy for.

  “You’re right,” was all she said. “But believe me when I say that it’s not fun being famous in a small town. It only is if you’re Megan, and most people aren’t.”

  Ian crinkled his nose. “She doesn’t sound all that great,” he said. “I’m sure you have better talents. I mean you can only be a cheerleader for so long before you’re just… an old cheerleader.”

  Amanda laughed. “I’m fine as long as I never see her again.”

  “Good. Just pray that she doesn’t become famous like Natalie.”

  “Natalie’s barely famous. Not even a B-Lister.”

  Ian laughed. “That’s my only comfort right now. I’ll probably do something drastic if she ever gets there.”

  NATALIE BELL TO STAR IN FOX PILOT

  Sat. January 9 2:21AM

  Posted by derpityderp

  HDU via The Pop Source

  Reality darling to sitcom star in a little over a year – this is the meteoric rise of former “Nat & Kat in NY” star, Natalie Bell. The bubbly blonde beat out a handful of other young actresses for the role of Ziann in an upcoming pilot set to air on Fox this March. Producers of the untitled project announced Bell as their choice Friday afternoon, saying, “Natalie is a gifted actress who we wanted to feature before others caught on to her talents. You’ll be seeing a lot of her from here on out!”

  TOP COMMENTS:

  Honeybee423

  thank god she beat out that skank desiree silver for the part! liking her by default

  so_effin_cute

  ughhh love her so much and not even ashamed. guess I don’t have to be now! :D

  Ian had r
ented a hotel room just a little outside of Columbia, making him just a half hour drive away from Merit. After waiting out her tipsiness, Amanda drove him back to his hotel. It didn’t take long since she had only had two Dark N’ Stormy’s that were heavy on ginger ale. He, on the other hand, had tossed back four beers and a glass of Bushmills. Amanda couldn’t help but worry about what kind of drunk he was. She hoped he wasn’t the kind to Internet stalk his exes – that certainly wouldn’t lead to good things.

  “Are you gonna be okay?” she asked as she pulled over in front of the entrance. “Should I help you up to your room?” Ian laughed but gave her an appreciative smile.

  “I’ll be fine, but it’s nice of you to offer. My friends at home just stick me on the sidewalk and hope I find a cab.”

  “Well, that’s not nice. If you’re really drunk.”

  Ian laughed. “I’m always drunk, and they’re never nice,” he muttered as he unbuckled his seat belt.

  “Well, be safe. And… don’t do anything drastic,” she chuckled nervously.

  “Ha. I have too much I want to get done to even think about offing myself or anything.”

  Amanda winced at the suggestion. She managed a smile through it. “Good! That’s really good,” she said encouragingly. “Tell me one of the things.”

  His answer came quickly again, despite his drunkenness. “Win an Oscar for Best Director, maybe also Best Original Screenplay. Be famous. Have recognition.” He shrugged, pulling his hoodie sleeves up over his hands. “It all sounds stupid and childish, but I can’t help wanting it.”

  Amanda smiled. “Better than having no idea.”

  “You don’t know what you want to be?”

  She shrugged. “I went to school for Communications and I still don’t know what that really means, or if I even learned anything,” she answered ruefully. “I’ve always wanted to be famous too, just ‘cause it seems awesome. But I wouldn’t know for what.”

  “You don’t need to! You can just be famous for being famous,” Ian said brightly, though he lowered his voice halfway through the sentence as if suddenly embarrassed. His eyes darted around sheepishly and landed out the window before continuing. “I always figured if my film career didn’t pan out, I’d settle for being that. Famous for being famous. Maybe do a reality show or… I don’t know. Just so someone would still want my life.” He peered up at Amanda from beneath his long eyelashes. “Judging me, yet?” he joked.

  Amanda smiled. “Not at all. I’ve felt that way before too. Because of Megan.”

  “You just want to do better than her.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Same. But don’t worry,” Ian said, vibrant again. He pushed his sleeves back up and shook the hair from his face to look her in the eye. “All we have to do is find our own success and just avoid them while we’re doing it. Because they’re our poison.”

  Amanda laughed. “Okay. I’ve got the second part down.”

  “Good. Well I’ll see you tomorrow, then. B.J’s Diner?”

  “L.J’s Diner. You can look up the address and how to get there online,” Amanda said. She had offered to pick him up, but he insisted on calling a car.

  “I’ll look it up tomorrow. I’m passing out once I get to my room.”

  “I’ll remind you,” Amanda laughed, zipping up his backpack before he stumbled out the passenger side. She watched him promptly trip on nothing. The silhouette of his wobbly long legs looked cartoonish as he returned to his feet. “Maybe you should text me once you get up to your room, so I know that you made it,” she called after him, immediately cringing at herself. Her father still made her notify him whenever she arrived at a given destination.

  “You’re funny,” Ian said. “But I will. For you, Pretty.”

  “Ha. Thanks, bud.”

  Amanda waited in the car until her phone vibrated in her hand with Ian’s text. She laughed at his drunken typos, giggling to herself intermittently throughout her car ride home.

  ~

  It wasn’t until the next morning that Amanda saw the article on HDU about Natalie Bell. She couldn’t even delete the post because it had already garnered over a hundred fifty comments. She could only hope that she might be able to talk some sense into Ian.

  “Amanda Bree Nathan,” her mother snapped from the kitchen as she headed for the door. “I need a word.”

  Amanda’s shoulders slumped as she turned around, feeling like a kid again. “I lost track of time last night. I said I was sorry.”

  “I don’t remember hearing about this Ian before.”

  “I told you about him,” Amanda lied. “We were friends in St. Louis. Before he moved back to New York.”

  “New York?” her mother wrinkled her nose. Amanda nodded. “You’re dating.”

  “Mom, no.”

  “The neighbors heard the car pulling in at 3AM. You’re giving them more fuel for the fire.”

  Amanda sighed and glanced at the clock on the microwave. “I don’t care.”

  “Well maybe you’re not just embarrassing yourself. Did you care to think of that?”

  Amanda sighed. “Actually, no. I’m running too late to think about that.”

  “Then go,” her mother huffed, turning her back. “I just had some good news for you, but I guess you don’t care.”

  Amanda paused in front of the doorway again, exasperated. “What?”

  “It was supposed to be a surprise for everyone, but Alice couldn’t resist telling me. I think she needed a location for the welcome back shindig. Her house is just too small.”

  “Mom. What are you talking about.”

  “I thought it’d give you a boost, Mandy. Bring you out of your funk,” her mother explained, brightening. “Megan’s coming home tomorrow. She’ll be here until Tuesday.”

  - Chapter 3 -

  Amanda sat in her car outside of L.J’s Diner, waiting for confirmation that Ian was inside before she dared to enter. Also, she needed a moment to dry her tears of panic. She felt stupid for crying over Megan, but the news of her return made her feel suddenly mortified. She had hoped that by the next time she saw Megan, she would have done something with her life. Something good, so that she would feel confident carrying a conversation with her, to prove just how perfectly fine she was. If anything, having a mere job would help.

  But she had nothing. Three months later, she was still mourning over their friendship and the fact that she couldn’t live in her own town anymore. Even her own mother seemed to be on Megan’s side, too tickled by her upcoming visit to pay attention to the one truth among the rumors – that the girl had stolen her daughter’s boyfriend. But perhaps that aspect of the story hadn’t even made it out. Tandy Mueller would never spin anything against Megan.

  Finally, Amanda’s phone vibrated. Ian’s text had arrived to free her of her own thoughts.

  i’m inside. back booth against the window.

  Amanda dried her eyes as best as she could before exiting the car. It was supposed to have been a fun day, a day for her to parade around town with her New Yorker friend, confusing everybody half to death. But now she was full of gloom and she knew Ian would be too, for his own separate reasons.

  Ding-ding-ding-ding! She ignored the eyes that bore into her upon walking in, though she cursed the stupid chime that rang every time the door opened. A Merit diner would install an obnoxious device to announce every person’s arrival. Quickly, Amanda spotted Ian in the back booth. It was clear that before their eyes had gone to her, the entire diner had been staring at Ian. He sat shrunken against the wall while drinking a black coffee, his hood up over his head and his eyes shaded by Ray Bans.

  “Hey,” she said breathlessly upon sitting down. Ian sat up straight when he saw her.

  “Are you okay?” he frowned.

  Amanda wiped hastily at her face, drying her cheeks of remaining tears. “I’m okay, are you okay?”

  He shook his head “no,” peering over his shoulder at their spectators before tightening the drawstrings on his h
ood. “And I’m starting to understand why it might suck to be famous in a place like this.”

  “What, the staring? This is them being polite.”

  Ian clucked disapprovingly. “Here. Don’t let them see you like that.” He took off his sunglasses and handed them over. Amanda’s eyes widened at the sight of his.

  “Were you crying?” she blurted.

  He rubbed his face with both hands. “Just take the glasses, Amanda.”

  “Okay,” she obliged, taking them from him and putting them on. She glanced into the mirrored wall and managed a true smile. She had seen the same wayfarer frames on many a celebrity, and she couldn’t help but feel slightly glamorous while wearing them.

  “They look good on you,” Ian said. “You should keep them.”

  Amanda laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  “I’m also serious. They’re yours.”

  Amanda grinned, taking off the tortoise shell shades to admire them. But suddenly, her smile dropped and she looked up at Ian with fear. “Why are you giving me these?” she asked warily. She had once read that when a person was suicidal, they started giving away personal belongings. To her embarrassment, Ian read her mind immediately.

  “I told you I wouldn’t off myself, you nut,” he actually laughed.

  “You said you’d do something drastic if she became a B-lister and now – “

  “I know,” he cut her off. “Now I just have to get my shit together even faster than I thought. That’s all.”

  “Well, good, you have a plan. No need to be upset then,” Amanda said, trying to stay positive. He snorted.

  “I wouldn’t call it a plan, just a realization. Here.” He pushed his coffee towards her along with the cream that he hadn’t used. “Drink some so we can both wake up and try to be functioning human beings.”

  Amanda shook her head. “I don’t really drink coffee,” she said. “And I don’t see myself functioning anytime soon. Megan's coming to town tomorrow. She’s staying till Tuesday. I just found out this morning.”