Jordan

by Lindsay Paige

  Eric finally releases me and takes a step back. “Lovely.”

  Really? I find it disgusting and I want to throw up now.

  “Here’s my card. Call me.” He winks. “For anything.”

  It’s not going to be that I think and wipe my mouth when he turns his back from me. I chug the rest of the water and feel as if I need a shower. It’s then I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I turn toward the pool tables and see a pair of eyes on me, Colby’s.

  He’s with a group of Memphis Angels players. I know them from the TV. I search for Jordan, but I don’t see him. Colby looks mad. It’s then I see their significant others standing in the corner.

  One of them, I think it’s Hector, calls for their attention and the team focuses on him. Except for Colby. He stares at me for a moment before coming over to me.

  “Colby.” I know Blake Foster’s voice anywhere from all the interviews, but Colby ignores him.

  “It’s none of my business, but Jordan’s a great guy and an even better friend. He loves you more than the air he breathes. You’re royally fucking up here.”

  My stomach drops to my feet and my heart races. I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what it is.

  “Colby.” Blake slaps his shoulder. “Let’s go back to the game. She seems to be busy.” He cuts me a quick look and it causes me to hang my head. He must know who I am because I’m sure he overheard Colby.

  “Jordan’s my friend, Heidi. You’re making a mistake, and you know I’m right.” Those are Colby’s last words before he walks away from me.

  I can’t look up and the tears are on the verge of falling. I rush out the side door and race to my car. Once I’m locked inside, all the tears fall. Each one for the hurt I feel, for the pain at not having Jordan anymore, and the shame I feel. Those are his teammates, his friends, his family, and I just embarrassed him in front of at least two of them.

  My throat hurts from the tears and sobbing and I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t drive and I can’t call anyone. I’m definitely not going back inside. I put my heads in my hands, only to sob harder.

  Suddenly, there’s a knock on my window. I jump thinking it’s Eric, but I’m shocked when Jordan’s brown eyes are staring back at me. My legs react before I can think and I’m opening the car door and hugging his neck.

  “Um…hi, Heidi,” he says.

  “Hi,” I mutter into his neck. Did Colby call him? If he did, Jordan made it here fast. I drop my arms and step back. “Why…why are you here?”

  “I’m meeting the team. I just finished dinner up with your parents. They’re back at your place, by the way.” He looks me up and down. “Why are you here?”

  “Oh, I had the convention today and some owners invited me.” Then one of them molested my mouth with his gritty lips.

  “So, why are you out here crying? Are you okay?”

  The alcohol begins to do the talking for me. “I don’t have anyone to call. I’m half lit from all those damn pink shots they were feeding me and I can’t drive because I don’t want to wreck or worse. I can’t call my parents because they have no way to get me. I can’t call the girls because I’m a shitty boss and left them to clean up from the convention instead of helping them. I’m not going back in there because it’s all ruined in there. I’m just going to have to sleep here until I’m sober.”

  “You could’ve called me; I can take you home.” He frowns. “What do you mean it’s ruined in there?”

  I sob again. “He kissed me. I swear I didn’t want him to, but he did and Colby saw, so I ruined everything. Just like always, because I’m the ruiner.” I lean up against my car and sob, looking at the ground.

  Jordan is silent for what seems to be forever and then when I think he’ll reach for me, he stops. “You don’t ruin everything.” He searches my face. “Who kissed you? How did someone kiss you if you didn’t want him to?”

  “He’s no one. Well, he’s someone but not important. He said he was okay with being my rebound guy. Jerk. Then I said no and he kissed me. I clamped my mouth shut, but Colby and all of them are in there. Want to know what makes it worse? Colby tells me how much you love me and you’re his friend…and…I just ruin everything.” The tears and sobs return, and Jordan hugs me this time.

  “No, you don’t. How can I make you feel better? Do you want me to take you home or…?”

  “Take me home. Just get me out of here.”

  “Get in the car, and I’ll grab Colby to follow us.”

  “He hates me,” I inform him.

  Jordan shakes his head. “Colby can’t hate anyone. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t hate you.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” I mumble as I walk over to the passenger side and fall into the seat. Jordan walks in to the bar, and a couple of moments later, he comes out with Colby. I keep my eyes fixed straight to avoid eye contact with Colby or Jordan. Once we were moving, I continue the same path of vision.

  Jordan doesn’t talk to me, and I want to ask him what Colby said, but I remain quiet all the way to my apartment.

  “Do you need help up?” Jordan asks as we get out of the car.

  “I’m fine. Thank you.” I want to tell him how sorry I am for everything, but instead, I take my keys from his hands, grazing my fingertips on his palm and walk as fast as I can into the building. I blow past my parents to get into the bathroom to throw up all the contents in my stomach.

  “Heidi.” My mother is in the bathroom with me. “Oh, dear.” I hear the water running, and then a cool washcloth is pressed to the back of my neck. “What happened?”

  “Everything bad happened,” I say into the toilet bowl.

  Mom flushes, and I lift my head up. “Well, you are a sight.”

  I push until my back is on the tub and I stretch my legs out. Mom sits with her back to the bathroom sink and cabinet.

  “Talk to me.”

  That short sentence sends me into a fury of words. I tell her everything that happened from the night Jordan was drunk until he just brought me home. Every feeling, emotion, and screw up comes flooding out of my mouth.

  “Heidi.” Her tone isn’t full of disappointment as I thought it would be. Instead, she comes over to me and kisses my temple. “You have never ruined everything. You are smart, beautiful, and a strong independent woman.”

  I laugh. “I guess.”

  “Listen.” She sighs. “If you love Jordan as much as you say you do, then why do you want this divorce? Your father and I can see how much you both love each other.”

  “He wants something I can’t give him,” I tell her truthfully.

  “Kids? You’re talking about kids.”

  I nod.

  “I know you are still dealing with Eden’s death. Trust me, you’ll never get over that pain, but marriages isn’t about kids. Yes, they are a wonderful addition, but you can be with your soul mate and have no children.”

  “Jordan wants them.”

  “Jordan wants you.” She pokes my chest. “Jordan loves Eden and she is now our guardian angel, but at the end of the day, he wants you by his side.”

  I close my eyes and the tears come back. Damn, they should have dried up by now.

  “Your father and I are heading back to South Carolina tomorrow afternoon. I think you two need to work this out, and we need to go home.”

  I nod. “What do I do, Mom?”

  “Follow your heart.”

  ***

  “I’M GOING TO have to switch rooms with someone,” Colby says.

  “Why? What’s wrong with rooming with me?”

  “You snore louder than anyone I have ever heard.”

  I laugh. “It’s not that bad.”

  Colby glares at me, looking skeptical, before disappearing into the bathroom. We’re on a road trip and he was lucky enough to room with me this time. Heidi never complained about me snoring, so it can’t be too bad. As soon as I think about her, I try to stop so I don’t have to think about the last time I saw her. I still
don’t know what to make of it.

  “Let’s go. I’m hungry,” Colby says as he walks out of the bathroom.

  I stand and follow him to where we’re meeting the rest of the team for breakfast. We’re the last ones to arrive, and the moment Hector sees Colby, he shouts, “Sugar Daddy! So glad you could make it.”

  The table explodes into laughter as Colby snaps his head toward me. I hold up my hands, trying to control myself.

  “Don’t look at me; I didn’t tell him.”

  He turns to Spencer. “I’m going to kill you.” Then to Hector, he says, “Don’t even think about it.”

  “Why? Blake’s Grumpy. You can be Sugar Daddy. I’ll have nicknames for all of you eventually.”

  “No,” Colby tells him firmly.

  “I think it’s creepy,” Tanner speaks up.

  “Thank you!” Colby throws his hands up.

  Conversation gets lost as they debate Colby’s potential new nickname. He’s going to regret ever telling Spencer—that much is sure. Colby tries to turn the conversation around to the reason we were all at the bar the other day, because Hector dragged us all out there to celebrate the fact he’s now engaged, but it’s useless.

  Later, at the game, just as Colby is about to go bat, Hector cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, “You got this, Sugar Daddy!”

  We nearly die laughing. So do the nearby fans that hear him. Colby only shakes his head. I’m just glad Hector is calling him that and has forgotten about calling me JJ. Maybe Colby having the nickname Sugar Daddy is good for him because he hits the ball out into outfield, easily making it to second base.

  “Good job, Sugar Daddy!” Hector yells out.

  Colby is too busy looking pissed to make eye contact.

  “All right, cut it out,” Coach tells him while trying to suppress a smile.

  We quiet down as we watch Tanner up at bat. The kid has been on fire lately. His hit goes between two outfielders, not paying attention to one another because they collide and the ball falls about ten feet behind them. Colby is able to run into home and Tanner makes it to third by the time the ball is thrown in.

  If we could all play like Tanner, we’d be unstoppable. Unfortunately, it’s not happening for me today. My fly ball gets caught, giving us our third out. My play on the field is better though. It’s also good to tag a guy out or to throw the ball to home plate to Blake. Today, I’m most thankful that my mind stays on baseball.

  The fact that we win is good too.

  Felix, Roman, Tanner, Trent, Colby, and I are hanging out in the hotel bar, which is surprisingly busy. There are only three people on staff from the looks of it and the place is packed. There seems to be more women than men, and I wonder if there’s some sort of convention going on or something.

  Tanner’s eyes haven’t stopped scanning the room. Colby mentioned the other day how Tanner has started taking advantage when women come up to him. He’s young, and I can’t say I blame him.

  “I think we need to set Jordan up with someone tonight,” he suddenly says.

  “What? I—” I stop before I can say I’m married.

  “You’re practically single, right?” he asks, turning his attention on me.

  “I…I guess.”

  “It could be good for you,” Colby adds.

  Seriously? When did I turn into the guy who needs to be set up? I thought that was Colby’s title.

  “There are plenty of options,” Felix points out.

  “Like her,” Tanner slightly nods his head at a girl who is walking our way.

  The brunette is tall, busty, leggy, and I can’t deny that she’s not lacking one bit in the looks department. She’s smokin’ hot.

  But she isn’t Heidi.

  Tanner grins at her, and I think we’re all expecting her to go to him. He and I are both sitting on the outer edge of the circular booth. We’ve seen it happen plenty of times.

  Except this time, she stops to stand next to me. The woman rests her hand on my arm and flashes a smile that could make almost any man drop to his knees and beg for a night with her.

  “So, are you guys planning to stare at me all night without talking to me? I’m sure your mothers raised you better.”

  “Of course she did,” Tanner answers, trying to get her attention. “I’m Tanner. What’s your name?”

  “Too old for you. I’m not sure if you’re even of legal age.”

  We laugh while Tanner starts sulking, shaking his head.

  “So,” she looks to me. “Are you the leader of pack?”

  “No. What makes you think I am?”

  “Because it’s only you and the kid staring at me. In my world, that means you’re single and the alpha of the group since these pups look like they’re whipped or married. The kid is too young for me, so what do you say to buying me a drink?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I stand and walk with her to the bar, sending an uncertain glance to the guys. Half of them are grinning and the other half looks as uncertain as I am. When we reach the bar, I order us both a drink.

  “I’m Rosie. And you would be?”

  “Jordan. What brings you here?” I ask.

  “I’m here on business. I leave the day after tomorrow. What about you? Do you venture to hotel bars and stare at women often?”

  I chuckle. “Not often, no. I guess you can say I’m here on business since my job brought me here.”

  “What do you do? I’m a computer programmer and before you say anything, not all programmers live in their mother’s basement and worship Star Trek.”

  I smile and answer, “I’m a baseball player. Are you a fan?”

  “A fan of sports? God, no,” she says as if that’s the most disgusting idea she’s ever heard. “I don’t understand any of it and it’s all so boring. I mean, some of that shit puts me right to sleep.”

  “Oh, okay.” She could’ve just said she wasn’t a fan and left it at that.

  “So, do you have like a million endorsements and enjoy women fawning over you?”

  “I don’t have a million of endorsements, and only sometimes do women fawn over me.” I grin. “They usually go for the kid though.”

  “I’m sure because he is totally easy to snatch up. But I prefer men who last longer than two minutes in bed and knows how to treat a women,” she says in a low, sultry tone.

  “And you figured I’m one of those men just because I was looking at you?”

  “Nope, but I’m willing to see how you do.” She gives me a sly smile.

  “I would exceed expectations. I’m an all-nighter kind of guy.” God, why would I say that? Would I allow this to go that far?

  “Color me impressed. So, tell me, Jordan, what exactly should I be expecting this evening? I’ll tell you upfront, I’m not shy in bed at all. I even like to take control at times, if you catch my drift.”

  “Somehow, I can easily believe that about you. You seem to be a bit on the wild side.”

  “You haven’t seen anything yet. However, I don’t think you’re the type to rush up to my room this instant. Why don’t we finish our drinks and chat? Where’s your baseball team from?”

  “Memphis, for the Angels. Where are you from?”

  “Washington. Near Seattle. How long have you been playing professionally? I mean, you are a professional, right? This isn’t one of those company tournaments? I worked at a place one time that did that dumb shit. It was just middle-aged men thinking their shit didn’t stink.” She rolls her eyes.

  “I’ve been pro for five years.”

  “That’s all? I thought sports started you out young?”

  “They can, but I didn’t immediately start that way. I played in some of the minor leagues first before I was able to make it as a pro.”

  “I had to start out at the bottom too. I bet you didn’t have to suck as much dick as I did to get where I am now.”

  I start at her for a moment, completely stunned. “Uh, no. I just worked hard for it.”

  She laughs and seriously
says, “Me too. Me too.” She downs her drink and slams the glass onto the bar. “So, you ready to go to my room? I have plenty of condoms there, so we don’t have to stop at your room and waste time.”

  Damn, this woman is forward. I clear my throat and hope I can easily walk away from her. “I should actually get back to my friends, Rosie.”

  “Can’t back up what you dished out, huh?” She shrugs. “No biggie. Good luck with your baseball stuff.” She pats my cheek and then walks away, finding another man to talk to.

  After a deep breath, I walk back to the table.

  “What happened?” Roman asks.

  “Not my type,” I answer simply. “I’m heading back to the room.”

  After paying my tab, I go up to the room. It’s been such a long day and I’m tired. It’s one of those types of tired that would ordinarily make me wish I were at home with a family I no longer have. It’s a type of exhaustion that makes my brain picture the what could have been’s when I lie down to go to bed.

  Eden could be alive. Heidi would be so happy and Eden would probably have a little brother or sister by now. I wonder if Heidi would have her salon if Eden were here, or if she would’ve wanted to stay at home with her. The pain is overwhelming because I can so easily imagine watching my wife with my daughter, playing, having fun, and teaching her about baseball. I’ve tried to imagine what her personality would be like, and I just see a mini Heidi.

  A child is supposed to change your life, bless it with so much joy, and more than anything, I wish we could’ve had that. I wish I could’ve taught Eden her first word. I wish I could’ve watched her grow. Hell, I wish I could hear her cry and throw a tantrum. The list goes on and on and soon, I’m heaving the covers to the side to get up. I grab the pen and paper on the desk and decide to get the thoughts out of my head.

  To my sweet, little girl,

  I miss you. I spent every second since we found out we were having you, waiting to meet you and hold you. I only had a small amount of time with you and I still miss you so much. Your mom and I were so excited to start our family. We had great plans for you. Well, really, only a few. We planned to love you, encourage you, watch you grow, and turn you into the biggest baseball fan around. We planned to make you happy.