Loving Lily

by Pamela Ann

  If her intentions were to punish me, hitting below the belt through hunger wasn’t taken lightly. Famished people didn’t take kindly to poor treatment.

  I wasn’t particularly angry with her when I had to make two turkey sandwiches to barely fill my stomach, but had she told me beforehand that she didn’t feel like eating, I could have at least ordered something for us to eat. Better yet, I could have done the cooking. However, since I had arrived home sometime around ten p.m., ordering out or cooking were not feasible options.

  Even after the dinner debacle, when I tried to join her in watching her shows, she immediately jumped off the couch, excusing herself to do something like folding laundry, clean the kitchen, or wash the dishes. The house was so clean I didn’t believe the crap she was shoving at me. Instead of calling her on her bullshit, though, I told myself I should let her be and take the crap she was giving me. Besides, it wasn’t as if I didn’t deserve her treatment.

  Maybe she knew me too well. Well enough to know I was lying through my teeth.

  However, whatever it was she was concocting, she knew me better than to believe I would be a cheater. I deserved far more than that. I’d had my fair share of promiscuity, but I took my marriage vows seriously.

  Had she put more faith and trust in me, maybe it wouldn’t even be an issue. Then again, it went to show just how much she trusted me, which wasn’t much if she was already punishing me for something that was out of my hands.

  If my patience wasn’t already tested by the previous day’s events, when I got home that night, Lily had ultimately cut off all eye contact with me. Even when I wanted to kiss her goodnight on the cheek, she cocked her head to the side to avoid my lips. What’s more, when I asked her if there was something wrong, she simply answered with a cold “nothing.”

  How could it be nothing when there was something that was obviously bothering her?

  When I pressed to discuss what was going on with her, she shut down all of my attempts. Therefore, when she kept on rejecting my efforts, I thought it best to give her some time to come to terms with whatever she was feeling. Maybe, hopefully, after that she would open up to me. As of this moment, though, she obviously wasn’t ready to talk.

  I let her be, not particularly avoiding her, per se, but mostly giving her space. It seemed that, whenever I was around, her mood would immediately darken, and I didn’t want to be the culprit of that. I doubted her mood swings were good for the baby; therefore, I made myself scarce around the house by burning through work so I would be on top of my game. And I was, much to my father’s happiness and mine.

  The satisfaction only lasted until I reached home, and then the whole process of remorse and feeling utterly desolate from my own wife began once more.

  In the beginning, the process became painful as the days dragged on, but when those days turned into weeks, the pain became a dull, stinging ache.

  As for Shannon, she bored me to tears with her endless chatter. I usually gave her an hour to yap her mouth away while I drank myself to tears or worked through it. Once the time was up, I would dash out of there as if Satan was chasing after me.

  The only thing that was consistent in my life was work, and as much as I hated to admit it, it was the only thing that gave me comfort these days.

  My wife, my pride and happiness, was all but ignoring me. I felt like she was going through the pregnancy all on her own. She immediately made me feel like an outsider—an intruder—when I asked her if I could see the sonogram photos or asked what were the new stages she was experiencing in her body, which was blatantly forming, stretching to accommodate the growing life inside of her. All those mild inquiries and sentiments were brushed off as if I was wasting my time trying to even talk to her.

  I wasn’t sure what had gotten into her, but it had been almost six weeks, and she still wasn’t ready to fess up. I wasn’t sure what to do, because she sure as hell didn’t look like she thawing anytime soon.

  Chapter 13

  Lily

  “How’s the baby today, sweetie?” my mother’s soft voice enthusiastically asked me. I was driving with my Bluetooth on, feeling beyond overwhelmed after my doctor’s visit.

  “The baby is great, Mom! Ah!” I drawled, almost screaming with this endless joy that was running through me. “The doctor said everything’s fine, and whenever I feel the cramps about to start again, I should take a breather and rest. He still doesn’t recommended that I work full-time since I’m mostly on my feet all day, so he suggests that I should do a few hours in the morning and do another shift in the afternoon. And, since we already have Sara—the new addition to our humble business—I think this could all work out if I do decide to do that.” I was a jumbled mess, too excited for words.

  My mother was jovially laughing on the other end, just as animated as I was. “Sara. Right, of course. I’m sure it’ll work out fine so long as you let Masie know what needs to be done. So, how is Drake taking all of this? I’m sure he’s over the moon.”

  I was sure he was.

  “I think everyone’s waiting for this baby as much as we are. It truly is a miracle that I conceived this quickly again. I’m so grateful. You have no idea.” Drake was, too, in the very beginning, but he and I hadn’t really been discussing much of anything. Not if I could help it.

  My mother and Drake's parents had no idea what was going on in our marriage. For six weeks, we had managed to avoid them as a couple. We had visited them, dined and socialized, but only seeing them separately. The pain that was throbbing inside me had evolved into something larger, something much more profound that was threatening to hold me down. It was also something that dominated my thoughts whenever they weren’t preoccupied with anything baby or work-related.

  Jealousy was eating me alive. I was too furious to even dare speak to him. Not to mention the fact that I was too much of a coward to even ask him the very question that had been nagging me since the night he had lied to me. We hadn’t been the same since.

  Although I had racked my brain for answers as to how and why he would be unfaithful to me, it always came to the answer that maybe he and I hadn't been together for long before committing to marriage.

  A side of me wanted to follow him, most particularly on Wednesdays when he would come home right before or after midnight, and always belligerent, making me all the more suspicious that he was doing something behind my back. I had done the normal investigation most women did in those unfortunate circumstances. I had tried sniffing his soiled clothes for traces of perfume or any tinge of lipstick, etc., but nothing had surfaced. I had checked his call logs, and nothing suspicious had surfaced there, either. His text messaging inbox remained empty, as if he instantly deleted whatever came through, which was normal for some that I knew; as a result, it hadn’t raised a mighty red flag yet.

  For days, I had wept, wondering what the hell was going on with him. I couldn’t fathom how often I had been tempted to go to his office and simply figure this out. Each and every time, there was always something stopping me from doing so. Therefore, the invisible block between us kept growing, piling as the time went on, making us grow farther apart.

  The tension was so palpable I would sometimes wonder who would break first. I had hoped he would continue trying to talk to me, but in the end, he had merely become indifferent. Then, when he did come home, I become a chicken-shit. I was afraid to confront him because, if he happened to say yes, that he was having an affair, I would be faced with questions and important decisions that I wasn’t capable of acting on just yet.

  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk to him, not per se. I thought it was more of the fact that I had a hard time expressing myself. I also had an immense fear that I would appear weak in his eyes because of my insecurities. Therefore, the wall kept growing between us, setting us apart to a point that I couldn’t even celebrate anything with him, most especially the improvements with the baby, like when the bump started appearing. Though it was still small and barely noticeable, I w
as so ecstatic my eyes welled with tears. Instead of sharing the amazing piece of news with him, I celebrated it all by myself.

  It was sad; however, my mind couldn’t forget that he was indeed at fault. He should be the one trying to breach the momentary separation between. Each day, I would anticipate it, that he would try again, but his lack of effort would only anger me more. In the very beginning, he was too eager to be with me. Around that time, though, I wasn’t prepared. I still wasn’t. Regardless, I was ready for him to reach out just a little at least.

  Our once happy and contented marriage had become a shadow of what it had been, turning it into a sham of what I used to cherish most and held close to my heart.

  After hanging up the call with my mom, I silently drove towards the shop with my mind racing, thinking about my marriage and what would come out of it in a few months’ time. I wasn’t due at work for two more hours, but I couldn’t go home and face the loneliness that was tearing me in two.

  The moment I got inside the shop, I was immediately bombarded by a frenzied Masie.

  “Hey, look!” she declared, almost running into me before shoving a half-folded magazine in my hands. “Drake looks so gorgeous with that new haircut, doesn’t he? How come you aren’t in here?” She gave me a wide-eyed, questioning look, waiting for me to say a valid reason for why I wasn’t a part of the big celebratory dinner.

  Well, truth be told, I hadn’t actually been aware that there was one. My husband had forgotten to disclose the important, hotshot dinner he was having.

  “I wasn’t really feeling all that well, so I skipped it.” I felt parched as my heart pounded wildly against my chest.

  Drake along with the new director, Martin Lombardo, Katie Thompson, Bass, and Emma, all looked cheerfully cozy as they posed to have their picture taken. Why hadn’t he invited me? Was our relationship deteriorating so quickly he couldn’t even give me the courtesy of a dinner invitation? Granted, I would have most likely declined it, but it would have been nice if he had asked me and given me a choice to think about it at least.

  “Where’s Sara?” I immediately asked, not wanting Masie to sniff my bullshit excuse or for her to witness my internal meltdown that was slowly escalating deep inside.

  “She’s in the back. There’s this three-tiered fondant birthday cake she’s working on. Maybe you would want to see how that’s going?”

  Making a small smile, I gave her a grateful look before immediately striding towards the back, heading inside the kitchen where all the magic of baking happened. Just as she had stated, Sara was busy rolling fondant icing and getting the exact colors to match the Disney Frozen theme. It was a beautiful set of colors to work with. A meticulous piece to be sure, but worth it. I supposed the only people who could truly appreciate the hard work were the ones who were passionate about the rigorous detail and attention of how much effort was put into one amazingly magnificent birthday cake.

  “You’re doing a great job, Sara!” Though I was proud we had hired a skilled assistant, deep inside, I was still reeling from the magazine photo that had my husband looking like he had not a care in the world, and with Katie Thompson sitting so cozily next to him.

  With the magazine still in my hand, I excused myself to use the restroom. Securing the lock in place, I then scrutinized the damn thing, noting every detail between the two. Much to my horror, Drake’s arm was slung across her shoulder, as if they were there as a couple.

  Could it be? I swallowed the dry lump in the back of my throat while the back of my eye sockets started to burn with tears. Could it be her? It was plausible. I mean, they did work together day in and day out, five times a week, and on special occasions, they worked over the weekends, too.

  “No,” I whispered shakily as I turned through the damn photos. “He wouldn’t … Drake would never hurt me like this.” Maybe I was still in the self-denial phase therapists talked about, but I wasn’t ready to go there yet. If I did, how in the world would I comprehend the fact that he was sleeping with one of his interns? Not only was the thought raunchy, but could Drake really stoop that low?

  The exhilaration I had felt when I had seen my baby on that tiny screen almost an hour before seemed to ebb away, replaced by the horror of a revelation that was threatening to ruin everything I held dear to my heart.

  I guessed it was a blessed thing I hadn’t sold my townhouse. I might have a use for it soon.

  The depressing idea dampened my mood for the entire day. As much as I wanted to pretend everything was fine, I was starting to realize my life was about to change, and I had better toughen up.

  Chapter 14

  Drake

  “Your father and I are on our way to your house. How long will it be until you arrive? Please tell me Lily’s already there.”

  My parents were on their way over? Why hadn’t they told me beforehand? Fuck.

  “I’m just leaving the office. Is Lily expecting you guys?”

  “Do we need an appointment to see you both now?” my dad’s voice interrupted, just as my mom was about to respond to my question.

  Damn speakerphones. It would be nice if the caller would warn beforehand. I hated being caught off guard.

  “No, Dad, of course not. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m feelin’ better, son. That’s why I have this amazing idea I want to share with you two. Tell me you’re on your way home, ‘cause I’d hate to wait when I have a surprise to tell.”

  “Yeah, I am. Guess I’ll be seeing you two in a bit. I’ll talk to you guys then.” After cutting off the call, I had to make another to cancel dinner and drinks with Katie and her friend Nina. The invitation was a spur of the moment kind of thing, and knowing there wasn’t much waiting for me at home, I had thought a night of laid back fun amongst friends would be a good thing to end a taxing day. Then my father had decided to pop up with other plans.

  I hoped whatever the surprise was didn’t involve Lily and I interacting much. She had been rather cold and unfeeling lately. With the kind of stress I was having at work, I would rather avoid that altogether.

  Less than forty minutes later, I found out what the “surprise” was.

  “Mexico? You want to go to Mexico?”

  “Yes, and your mom and I would love for you both to join us,” my father calmly responded. If he was shocked from my odd reaction, he didn’t show it.

  “Hugh—” Lily was about to say something, but I cut her off.

  “We have a busy schedule, Dad. Besides, I don’t think the doctor will allow you to go out of the country just yet.”

  My father gave me an impatient look. “Do you honestly think your mother would agree to this if we hadn’t gotten a clear from the doc? You know how your mother is; the second I barely thought of it, she made an appointment to see the physician.”

  Lily was giving me a look that said I should stop trying to intervene when she was trying to say something. That was the thing, though, I wasn’t sure what she would say to my parents. That was why I didn’t want her to speak up.

  The moment I had entered the house, Lily had given me a scathing look as she congratulated me for making it into a magazine spread before snapping a snide remark about how Katie and I looked perfect together. I wasn’t sure where she was going with that, but the discussion was far from over.

  Back to my parents’ ordeal, I sure as hell didn’t want to go on a vacation with a wife who kept giving me accusing looks and making untruthful remarks about me.

  “Is that okay with you, Patricia? Do you think Hugh should travel?” Lily gently asked my mother, genuinely appearing to be concerned about my father’s health. She had always been so close to them I sometimes wondered if they preferred her as their child compared to me back when we had been growing up. I was the opposite of her perfect manners and stellar grades. I knew my parents doted on me, but I had occasionally considered if they wished she was their spawn. I guessed it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together and discover they wanted me to end up with her.
To them, she was already the daughter they had never had, and by marrying her, it made it official.

  Well, good on them. I was happy they all got along. However, Lily and I had been on the outs for weeks on end. It was about to hit the two month mark of continuous spite and cold treatments.

  My mom responded to Lily’s question with a familiar, loving gaze. “I was worried at first, but then I thought that you’d be giving birth in a few months’ time, and God knows when you and Drake will be able to get away after that. Being parents is a wonderful thing to experience, but little luxuries such as spontaneous vacations will be a thing of the past. I think it’ll be marvelous for us to all go. I think we all need it, don’t you agree?”

  “I suppose so,” Lily murmured, clearly understanding my mother’s good intentions yet ignoring the glaring protest of my eyes for her to hold her tongue. “Well, I think it’d be a lovely thing to go somewhere, don’t you think so, Drake?” She gave me a saccharine smile, taunting me further.

  Hell to the no. “It’s a brilliant idea. I mean, who doesn’t love a vacation, right? But, as I said before, I’m busy with work and can’t fancy going on a last minute trip just because it’s a ‘good idea.’ Maybe you should join them, Lil. I’ll stay here and hold down the fort while you guys enjoy the sun and sand of the Mexican Riviera.”

  There was a sudden shift to her demeanor before she gave me a fake loving smile. “Awe, come on, babe; you know you’d love to go! Besides, I’m sure you can find another person to handle the workload. What do you think, Hugh?” She directed a pleading look at my father. “Can’t you guys find another person to help out? I’m sure there’s someone…”