If Truth Be Told: A Monk's Memoir

by Om Swami

  I wanted to work more than twenty hours though, but without violating my visa. I approached Greg and Joe.

  'It’s fine if you pay me for only twenty hours but I would really like to learn more. Can I work here for forty hours a week or longer? I don’t have my own computer at home as yet.'

  'That’s fine,' Greg said. 'We’ll give you the office keys and you can leave late if you like.'

  I had to work harder, learn quicker and earn more because this was the only way I would ever be able to fulfil the dream I had of studying at university one day. I knew it was a wild dream for it was beyond my range of affordability. My current worry was my college fee because the next instalment—$5,000—would be due in seven months, and I had no clue how I was going to save that sum. I was already working as hard as I reasonably could.

  My day usually started at 5 a.m. so that I could take a bath before everyone else. This was to avoid disturbing them later as there was only one bathroom in Arun’s house. Once I was ready, I would have a cup of tea with two slices of bread and pack my lunch. This generally consisted of food I had saved up from the night before, or another four slices of bread with jam.

  I used to leave home around 6 a.m. and walk 2 km to the station. It was a hilly area and would take me exactly eighteen minutes of brisk walking to reach the train station. Occasionally, Anju gave me a lift to the station when she left early or I left late. It was a forty-five-minute ride to the city and a fifteen-minute walk before I reached the TTA office. I started work at 7:30 a.m. and coded till just after 5 p.m.

  From work, it was a twenty-minute train ride to my college, where I would study till 9 p.m. By the time I got back home, it would be nearly 11 p.m. After entering the house quietly since everyone was asleep at that time, I would freshen up and change. Sometimes, I wanted to step into the shower but eschewed it as the sound could wake everyone up. There were times when I even avoided using the toilet at night because flushing was noisy.

  Anju would keep dinner for me. I usually heated the plate of food in the microwave; at other times, I ate the food cold because turning on the microwave could be a loud affair at night. Anju and Arun had hectic schedules and little kids, and I didn’t want to disturb them. I wasn't going to repay their kindness with inconsideration. Once in a while, Anju and Arun would be watching ‘Law and Order’ on TV when I got back, and Anju would serve me a hot dinner.

  By the time I was finished with dinner, it would be nearly midnight. I would prepare the sofa bed and then study for two hours, after which I would sleep. Sometimes, Arun would walk into the room while I was studying and, in the loving tones of an elder brother, ask me to get some sleep. There was no doubt that the couple loved me deeply. They didn’t charge any rent from me or have me pay for groceries or utilities. I was always a part of their weekend outings and they never intruded into my personal space. Arun always encouraged me and Anju always supported me.

  I had been staying at Arun and Anju’s for nearly five months. I was earning now and it was time to look for accommodation of my own. Shared accommodation was my only choice as I didn't make enough to afford an independent place. In the first week of December, I saw an advertisement in the local newspaper. It was from someone who lived near my college and was looking for a flatmate. He turned out to be an Australian man of Croatian descent. When I called him up, he introduced himself as Anthony. Then he said, ‘It will be $100 per week plus utilities on actual.’ I took the offer in a jiffy.

  Life was easier now that I was living a couple of blocks away from my college. Saving nearly two hours of commuting time every day, work was only a twenty-minute train ride away. It gave me more time to study, read and, sometimes, to rest and dream. With a room to myself, I also resumed my meditation.

  Anthony and I didn’t communicate much. Employed in the construction industry, he’d leave early in the morning and be back by mid-afternoon. I didn't know anything about the construction industry and he didn’t know anything about computers. While I was a devout Hindu, he was a staunch Protestant. I was unfamiliar with Croatian culture and knew only a little about Australian culture while Anthony had simply no idea about India. We did have one thing in common though: we were both the ‘quiet’ type. And this was enough to strengthen our human bond because, through our silence, we accepted each other and respected each other's personal space. Unexpectedly, we became good friends when I helped him buy a second-hand computer.

  One lazy weekend, two months after I'd moved in, he started talking about some person called Elvis Presley. Apparently, he was a rock star. Only, I had never heard of him.

  'What? You’ve never heard of Elvis?' He didn't close his mouth after completing the question.

  'No.'

  'You are joking.'

  'No.'

  'Mate! You must be the first man on the planet who hasn’t heard of Elvis.'

  'Maybe!'

  He threw his head back and cackled with laughter. Later that day, I happened to speak to my brother in India, and told him about this little incident.

  'Ask him if he’s heard of Lata Mangeshkar,' he said. 'Tell him she holds the Guinness world record for singing the most number of songs. Over 26,000!'

  We both had a good laugh over the phone. No matter what, my brother Rajan supported me unconditionally.

  For survival in Australia, however, I needed funds more than I needed laughter and comfort. At work, post-tax, I was making $254 per week. After the rent, utilities, train pass and groceries, I was left with roughly $50 but still partied once a week. Every Friday, I treated myself. In the morning, I bought a cappuccino, my favourite beverage. In the afternoon, I had orange juice; and, in the evening, I went to Hungry Jacks, a fast-food chain, for a Veggie Meal. It came with a delicious vegetarian burger, French fries and a soft drink.

  There were three people at my party: I, me and myself. Never four, never two. There was no time, no thought of other friends, girlfriends or socializing. Every week, I also treated myself to a new book. I had realized that even if I could save $50 per week, it wouldn't suffice to pay for my college fees. Investing in books and building my knowledge base seemed a better option than building my bank balance.

  Even though I never spoke about it, Greg could sense my concerns and the challenges that I was faced with. He once invited me to have lunch at his home with his wife and two boys. His wife, Linda, was a lovely lady, and took the trouble to make lentils for me since she knew I was a vegetarian. Greg was kind to me and suggested I stay with them to save rent. I was touched at his generosity. Free accommodation would really help me save money. But I had always been a somewhat private person. I cherished my space in the quiet apartment I was in.

  Besides, a free stay was not the long-term solution anyway. I had to be making more money. I continued to train and enhance my skills, and improve myself by constantly reading more books and learning new technologies. And I coded day and night. When I wasn't coding or studying, I meditated. You could wake me at midnight and ask me about the specs of a programming language. I would give you the correct answer. You could give me buggy software and I would look at it and point out precisely the error in it before even compiling and running it. It was almost like developing programming intuition. I couldn’t afford a tutor, I had no mentor in programming and college teachers were too basic for my needs. I needed God to help me with my programming but he was busy restoring chaos in a twisted world. I had to rely on my own skills and, of course, books.

  In my efforts to educate myself further, I decided to get Microsoft certification in systems engineering, and bought a set of books to study for this certification program. Manpower, a recruitment company, allowed candidates to come and take the online test on their premises. The day I went there, I met two wonderful people: Kieran Hawthorn and David Soo. Kieran was a Caucasian and looked every bit Australian, while David was of Chinese descent but born and raised in Australia.

  After we chatted for a while, Kieran surprised me by saying he wanted to intervie
w me for potential job opportunities with his clients. We sat down in one of the meeting rooms to talk.

  'What other programming languages do you know?' he said.

  Instead of answering his question, I said, ‘Kieran, you'll leave Manpower real soon and start your own company.

  'Excuse me?'

  'Yes. And I'll be the first candidate you'll place with a client.'

  He quickly closed the door, sat down beside me and murmured, ‘How do you know? Are you psychic? I just started thinking about leaving last week.'

  'When my intuition talks, I listen. I listen to my inner voice, Kieran, and it tells me what I just told you.'

  'Will I do well in my business?'

  'Yes. I have no doubt.'

  Four weeks later, Kieran called me. From his own recruitment firm. He said there was an opportunity for a web programmer with Pure Commerce, a start-up based in the Australian Technology Park (ATP). The CEO was a twenty-six year-old called Daniel Lavecky. Kieran put me in touch with him.

  Daniel ended up interviewing me three times in two weeks, and grilled me at every interview. During one of our conversations, I asked him how big the company was. Without giving me a direct answer, he told me that there were many stakeholders and contractors. After the interviews were done, I was told that someone would get back to me soon.

  It was a Thursday and I was at work at TTA when my phone rang.

  'Congratulations! You’ve got it,' Kieran said.

  My heart skipped a beat.

  'I have?'

  'Yep. $40,000 package.'

  Now we were talking. University seemed within reach. 'When do I start?'

  'Daniel wants you to start asap. Monday.'

  'But I have to give two weeks’ notice.'

  'I strongly recommend that you start on Monday because we don’t want to lose this opportunity. I have already talked about your visa situation and Daniel says he will have the contract drawn out accordingly. I doubt we’ll get a chance like this again.'

  It was true; I didn’t want to lose this chance. Pure Commerce specialized in building payment gateway systems, one of the first companies in Australia to do multi-currency payment processing online.

  Right after this call, I broke the news to Greg and Joe, telling them that I was leaving their company.

  Greg took me in the meeting room, closing the door a little harder than usual.

  'Tell me now,' he said with a neutral expression. 'What's the matter?'

  'I want to leave TTA.'

  'But I even offered you a free stay at my home!'

  'I know, Greg. I’m sorry. I have to go because I need to pay for my uni education.'

  After some more discussion, where he tried to convince me to stay on, we arrived at the subject of the notice period rather abruptly.

  'Well, you do some thinking and let us know on Monday.'

  'Actually, I won’t be coming to work on Monday.'

  'What? You have to give us two weeks’ notice.'

  'I’m sorry, Greg, I can't because the new employer wants me to start on Monday. Rest assured, my code is fully documented.'

  'This is insane.' His voice was a little raised now. I sensed that he was more angry than sad.

  'I’m sorry.'

  'You think it over properly, mate,' Greg said tersely as we finished the meeting.

  This was April 1999 and I had worked at TTA for over six months. I left that afternoon and didn’t go back the following Monday. The green bean that I was, I didn’t value my relationship with Greg and Joe. What was even worse was that I knew this was not the way to quit, but was unable to resist the new job opportunity. I felt I couldn’t afford to let it go as I needed the funds to pay for my education. Still, leaving as unprofessionally and ungratefully as I did was a mistake. A moral error. Professionally, I had done more than my fair share since I was only being paid for twenty hours whereas I had worked twice as many hours. Personally, I had thoroughly failed in repaying Greg’s kindness. I owed both Greg and Joe an apology, something I never got around to doing.

  I started at Pure Commerce with great enthusiasm. Other than me, there was just one more person working there: Daniel. I searched for other employees but there weren't any. I was his first and only employee and it would remain like that till the last day of my employment there. It didn't bother me though. I was being paid a good salary, the work was interesting, I had a personal phone on my desk and my computer had Internet access.

  While I was working at Pure Commerce, I also managed to complete my two-year college diploma. In fast-track mode in a year’s time. But this diploma was merely a milestone and not my destination. After finishing the course I had struggled so hard for, I realized that I had actually not learned much in the past year. My work experience had been far more rewarding. If I could, I would have dropped out of this course but that was not a possibility for it would mean a violation of my student visa and subsequent deportation from Australia. My heart was set on a university education and I wanted a proper degree, at least a bachelor’s. At the same time, giving another three years to a bachelor's degree was not something I was prepared to do. I wanted to do it as fast as possible and get it out of the way so that I could focus on my career.

  Meanwhile, there was a small issue with my diploma. I had scored well and was qualified to receive the diploma but it turned out that if I wanted to receive my certificate, I would have to pay the full fee for the second year too. This wasn't unreasonable but I just didn't have the $5,000 to pay for it. Not losing hope, I took my transcript and went to meet the course coordinator at the University of Western Sydney. He looked at my application and then examined my transcript, resume and the sample printouts of my software coding, all of which were neatly pinned to the application form.

  'Why do you want to study at UWS?' he said.

  'Because it’s one of the best universities here, and offers just the course I want to do.'

  'But you are already employed in the industry.'

  'Yes, Mr Hosey, but I want to learn more about software modelling and business systems.'

  He interviewed me for about fifteen minutes and subsequently marked on the application form: 'Exempted from the first year core subjects’.

  'I’ve given you the maximum permissible exemption. Welcome to UWS,’ he said.

  Mr. Hosey also approved my request to pay the tuition fees in instalments. My efforts at the business college weren't a waste after all. Not only did I save a year of my three-year degree, I also saved $14,000 in just tuition fees. I moved out of Anthony's place and into my own flat in a suburb called Parramatta as it was closer to the university. Suddenly, I felt there were no problems in my life. Everything had worked out.

  During my daily commute on the train, I started writing articles for publications so I could better utilize my time. These were largely technical journals and magazines based in the US. I was paid US $500 for every article. I stopped writing after a couple of months, however, due to the lack of time. You had to pitch the idea, write the article and supply sample code. None of this was hard, but it was time-consuming and time was something I didn’t have to spare. I began using my commuting time to do my university assignments instead.

  At Pure Commerce, pleased with my work and the revenue my applications were generating, Daniel gave me a $30,000 raise, spread over four months. While this was highly motivating, I was no longer excited about the company. There were two primary reasons for this. First, being the only employee here, there was no sharing of knowledge with teammates, no one to bounce ideas off. My spirit of competition was suffering because there was no one to compete against.

  Secondly, I had already finished building the core software. It was the mango I had sucked dry and there was no juice in it now. Maintenance of systems was hardly a challenge for me. I wanted to build because building was the real deal. A software developer working on system maintenance is like an architect who, after erecting a world-class building, switches to the work of a janitor in
the same building.

  What next? I was itching to work on a larger and far more complex system, wanting to solve deeper and bigger problems. I rather enjoyed coding because it gave me an experience of complete absorption, almost like meditation. Just when I was contemplating moving from Pure Commerce, David Soo from Manpower contacted me. It was as if the Universe had been listening, and said, 'Granted.'

  We met over a coffee and, as we chatted, he said, 'Someone like you should be working for a large corporate.’

  'But who will hire me?' I asked.

  'Why do you say that?'

  I opened up to David and shared with him the work restrictions on my visa. Any public limited company would never take that chance, no matter how skilled I was. David, however, had a different view. He told me about an opportunity with a large company who would go the extra mile for me. 'But how will we resolve the visa issue?' I asked.

  'Leave that to me.'

  'There's another problem, David.'

  Without waiting for him to respond, I told him that in the upcoming semester at university, there were two subjects that were only offered on a certain weekday, which meant taking a day off every week.

  'Don't worry, we'll work this out.'

  'Really?'

  'Yep,' he said. 'Just don't mention any of this to the client in your interview. I'll handle it.'

  Three days later, I was called for an interview with News Interactive, a division of News Corporation, the media giant. After a series of interviews, David struck a hard deal.

  'I've some good news for you, Amit,' he said over the phone.

  'Shoot!' I was so excited.

  'Nah. Let's meet for dinner after work today.'