Angels & Whiskey

by Kimberly Knight

  “Thirty-one.”

  “What?”

  “Thirty-one. I just turned thirty-one before we came back.” I sighed.

  “How did I not know about your birthday?”

  “No one knew when my birthday was but Cochran.”

  We stared at each other. “All right. Well, just give it a chance.”

  I’d thought about Jackson’s proposition for a few hours while he begged me to go with him to meet Bobby. I was still laughing at the name of the company while I contemplated Jackson’s employment venture. Finally, I gave in. What could be the harm in getting paid to go on dates? After talking it over with Bobby, I finally became a “stud” at Saddles & Racks Escort Company. I was a fucking male escort!

  How does a United States Army Captain become a male escort? Well, it’s simple really. Losing the love of my life in my arms changed me. The amount of whiskey I consumed should have gotten me kicked out of the army before my tour ended. I was lost, broken, and had a hole the size of Texas in my heart …

  Texas was where Alyssa was from.

  In the twenty-six years before I met and fell in love with her, I was a horny motherfucker. I’d fucked a lot of women before I’d signed up for the army, and then I’d fucked a hell of a lot of women in supply closets. But Alyssa had changed me. I never wanted to be with anyone else but her, and it took me over a year to finally be able to have sex with someone else. And I did it while getting paid. But I couldn’t just go in there with my dick out. I was nervous as fuck on my first date.

  “What do I wear?”

  “You sound like a girl.” Jackson laughed.

  “You realize I haven’t been on a date in … well, since high school.” I shrugged.

  Even though I had dated Alyssa, we’d never officially went out on a date. Sure, we’d hang out together on our days off, but we were never alone unless we were sneaking off to be together. I could never take her to dinner, hold her hand in public, or kiss her in front of people.

  “It’s Valentine’s Day, so wear jeans and a nice shirt. Something simple, but dressy. It’s not rocket science, Cap.”

  I exhaled. “I know, man. I’m just nervous to pull the trigger.”

  “You only pull the trigger if you feel a connection. She’s not paying for sex.”

  “Right.” I nodded. I didn’t know why Jackson was acting as if the date wouldn’t end in sex. All his dates ended that way. When you think of an escort, you think of sex.

  I pulled a pair of dark denim blue jeans, a long-sleeved solid black T-shirt and a bluish-grey and white striped scarf out of my closet.

  “Don’t you have something red?”

  I stared at Jackson as if he’d lost his mind. “I should wear red because it’s Valentine’s Day?”

  He grinned. “Yeah.”

  “No, I don’t have anything red.” I walked into the bathroom to change since Jackson was obviously not leaving my bedroom. Red reminded me of blood—Alyssa’s blood.

  After I’d changed, I stared at myself in the mirror. “You can do this. Cochran would want you to be happy.” People had been telling me that since she died. “Cochran would want you to be happy.” But how did they know? Sure she’d want me to be happy, but did that mean she’d want me to date someone else?

  “Cap, you gotta go before you’re late. You don’t want to be late on your first day and have Bobby pissed at you,” Jackson called from the other side of the door.

  I took a deep breath. “You can do this.”

  I was nervous. Bobby said that Christine, my date for the evening, wanted the whole boyfriend experience. I was to pick her up with flowers, open doors for her, pay for the meal (even though I really wasn’t paying), drive her home and then kiss her goodnight.

  Simple.

  After knocking, I fidgeted with the scarf that was draped around my neck with one hand as I held the roses in the other. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was on my very first date—ever. “Get it together, man,” I whispered to myself as the door opened.

  “Hi,” I greeted Christine with a smile, holding out the red roses. “Happy Valentine’s Day … sweetheart.” I threw in sweetheart for the whole boyfriend experience.

  She reached out, taking them from me and smelled them before speaking. “Thank you, handsome.”

  I smiled again, trying to calm my nerves. “Ready?”

  “Just let me put these in water first.”

  I followed her inside and finally noticed that she was wearing a bright red dress that matched the roses and her lipstick. My eyes continued down the curves of her ass—she had a nice ass—and to her legs. Damn, they looked good too. It had been a long time since I’d seen a woman in heels, and these made her legs seem as if they went on for days. I had a flash of them draped over my shoulders as my face was buried between her thighs. A year without sex was wearing on me for sure.

  I shook my head, trying to clear the image as I looked around her living room while I waited. I was looking at her pictures on the fireplace mantel when she came out of the kitchen. “Okay, now I’m ready.”

  “Great.” I smiled, gesturing for her to walk in front of me. I placed my hand on the small of her back, trying the best I could to fake that I was her boyfriend. Her long, chestnut-brown hair brushed across the back of my hand and I had to fight the urge not to remove it.

  After she’d locked her front door, I led her to my white GMC Yukon. Opening the door for her, she climbed in and I went around to the driver’s side. I already knew where we were going. I wasn’t supposed to ask. She’d planned the entire date and told Bobby. I was just supposed to act as if it was my idea.

  “I hope you like Thai.” I started my SUV.

  She grinned. “I love it.”

  I wanted to tell her that I was nervous. That this was my first time, but she didn’t seem nervous and I didn’t want to make her.

  “Thank you for picking me up. I’ve gone on a couple of these and I was always extremely nervous that I met them at the restaurant.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. It was natural for me to feel nervous, but I still wasn’t going to tell her that this was my first time. “Of course. It’s Valentine’s Day and I wouldn’t feel right having you meet me at the restaurant.”

  “That’s sweet of you. I’ve never dated an army captain before.”

  I started to ask how she knew I used to be a captain in the army, but then remembered that Bobby had added it to my online profile. He’d said that the women would be enticed by a military man. He even asked if I had my uniform in case some wanted to role-play. Of course, I did, but it brought back too many bad memories.

  “You haven’t?” I asked, not having anything else to say.

  “Nope. When did you get out?” she asked, looking over at me as I drove toward the restaurant.

  “It’s been about a month … ten months since I left Afghanistan.”

  “Wow. I bet Malibu is so different from Afghanistan.”

  I laughed sarcastically. Of course it was. “You have no idea.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  I looked over at her. I knew she was just trying to make small talk and get to know me. After all, we were on a date, but I had too many wounds and talking about it brought them all back.

  I heard the voices in my head, “Cochran would want you to be happy.”

  I took a deep breath before I spoke, “To be honest, it fucking sucked.” I laughed, trying to act as if everything was okay. I wasn’t going to tell her about Alyssa. “Sand, wind, the fucking sun was hot as hell. And you know,” I shrugged, “gunfire.”

  “I can’t imagine risking my life like that. It’s very brave of you. Thank you for your service.” She patted my knee and I looked down at it as if it were burning my skin through my jeans.

  She’s just a woman. An attractive one at that. You can do this. Have fun. Who knows, sex might be good for you.

  “You’re welcome.” I took her hand in mine, brushing the back side with my lips before li
nking our fingers—boyfriend shit.

  I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye, not removing her hand from mine. I had to admit, it felt nice to hold a soft hand again.

  After dinner, we walked along the beach. The air was cold as the wind blew through my light long-sleeved T-shirt, but since I wanted to give Christine a good experience, I acted as if it didn’t bother me at all.

  Over dinner, I’d loosened up. It really was as if we were on a date. I’m sure it helped that she’d gone on a few dates with other escorts before me. She told me that it was easier to date an escort because she was too busy trying to run a million dollar PR firm. She didn’t really have the time, but she still needed a hard body once in a while. Who was I to judge what she did with her free time?

  We walked hand in hand along the cool sand, the moonlight casting a path for us. “I’ve had a very nice time,” she beamed.

  I smiled. “Me, too.”

  “Would you …” She paused, kicking the sand with her bare foot. “Would you like to come in for coffee when you drop me off?”

  Coffee after a date was the universal code for sex. I heard the voices again. “Cochran would want you to be happy.” I knew Christine was just a client, but it had been too long since I’d had sex. This was a stepping-stone into moving on. I’d never forget Alyssa. I never wanted to love another, but I had needs and Jackson was right; I couldn’t use my hand forever.

  “Yeah, let’s go. I bet you’re cold in your dress.”

  As I sat at my dining room table, drinking my morning coffee, I realized I’d come a long way since my first date three years ago. Christine was a regular for me, but I still hadn’t been able to fulfill any requests to put my uniform on. Every time I saw it folded in my bottom drawer in my dresser, flashes of Alyssa ran through my head. I just couldn’t do it yet—maybe not ever.

  Taking a sip of my coffee, my phone dinged with a text from Bobby.

  Bobby: I need you to come have a chat with me when you pick up your paycheck.

  His text threw me. He never wanted to talk to me unless it was about a date, and that was done through our online profile on the computer. If it were a date for the same day, he’d text to make sure I checked the back-office on the computer—not face to face like he was now.

  I decided to get it over with. The women never seemed to complain, especially the ones I fucked, so I couldn’t imagine what he wanted to talk to me about.

  “Hey, Kylee, how’s your day going?” I asked the receptionist when I arrived at Saddles & Racks.

  “Hey, Gabe, it’s going well. How about yours?”

  “Well, I’ve never been called into the principal’s office before.” I laughed.

  “He’s in a good mood. I don’t think it’s anything bad.”

  “Good to hear. Can you let him know I’m here?”

  “He said to send you back when you stopped by.”

  “Awesome. Thank you.” I started to walk away, but then stopped. “By the way, are you still upset the Giants kicked the Royals ass?” I tried not to laugh as I waited for her answer.

  “Low blow, Gabe. Low blow.”

  “I couldn’t help it.” I roared with laughter. “It’s not every day I get to see your smiling face.”

  “Bye, Gabe!” Kylee huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

  I waved goodbye, still laughing as I made my way down the long hall toward Bobby’s office. The door was closed, so I knocked.

  “Come in,” he called out, so I opened the door.

  “Hey,” I greeted. “You rang.”

  “Yeah, come sit down, Gabe.” Bobby gestured to a chair in front of his desk.

  I stared at him for a beat. This wasn’t going to be good. “Am I in trouble?” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood as I sat in a chair in front of his desk.

  “Should you be?” he asked, smiling back.

  I raised an eyebrow. “No, don’t think so.”

  “Relax.” He leaned back in his black leather office chair, his hands folded in his lap. “I have a proposition for you.”

  “You know I only do threesomes with chicks, right?” I grinned.

  He laughed. “It’s nothing sexual.”

  “All right. Well, let’s get to it then,” I teased, crossing my arms over my chest as I sat back in the chair.

  “How do you feel about Vegas?”

  “Like for a vacation destination?”

  “No, like to live.”

  “What?” I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and leaned forward.

  “Hear me out.” He put his hands up as if to calm me. “Our Vegas office needs two guys. While I don’t want to lose you, I think you and Paul would fit in perfectly.”

  “You want me and Jackson to move to Vegas?”

  “Yeah. The clientele is in high demand there and I think you two would work out well in the desert.”

  I stared at him for a beat. Vegas wasn’t like Afghanistan, but hearing the word “desert” didn’t sit right. “Have you asked him?”

  “Not yet. You came in first.”

  At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Bobby said for the person to come in and it was Jackson.

  “Speak of the devil. Sit next to Gabe,” Bobby instructed.

  Jackson gave me a “what the fuck?” look. I just smiled. I didn’t know my answer for Bobby, but if Jackson were on board, I’d do it. He was my best friend. My lieutenant. My brother. I wouldn’t survive the desert without him.

  “As I was saying to Gabe,” Bobby started to say as Jackson sat down next to me, “our Vegas location is in high demand and we want you two to join that office.”

  Jackson gave me a shocked look, probably the same one I had on my face when Bobby told me the same thing. “You want us to move to Vegas?” he asked.

  “Yes. It can be—”

  “Hell yes!” Jackson shouted, jumping out of his chair and giving the air a fist bump. “Vegas, dude.” He turned to me, grinning from ear to ear.

  I chuckled. Guess we’re moving to Vegas.

  Chapter Three

  Autumn

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, seeing the bruises that marked both of my biceps. You’d think that after two and a half years of being told what to do, I’d learn when I needed to shut-up.

  “Did I ask for your opinion?” he snarled, shaking me as if I were a rag doll.

  “I just—”

  “You what? Thought you’d know what I liked?” His hands clamped down harder against my skin. I swallowed hard, trying not to show that it hurt.

  I stared at him for a minute. I thought I had good taste. I had picked out several outfits for him before. “I just like the blue one. It matches your eyes.”

  He let go of my arms. They burned and throbbed where he’d grabbed me as the blood started to flow again.

  “I don’t need you to tell me how to dress,” he hissed and walked back to his closet.

  I wasn’t going to tell him how to dress. I just wanted him to know I liked the blue tie—my mistake. Before he could see the tears that wanted to spill over my bottom lids, I turned and left the room. If he saw me cry, the wrath would be ten times worse.

  We had been married for almost three years. I heard about men that changed as soon as they got married, but I never thought Rich was going to be that way. When we were dating and engaged, he never so much as raised his voice. I should have known he was too good to be true. Now I’m married to a controlling asshole and I can’t leave him because I have no money, let alone the fact that he’d send his thugs after me.

  Yep, Rich has thugs on his payroll.

  After he’d proposed, he convinced me to quit working. “Princess, I have plenty of money. You don’t need to work anymore. I want you to stay home and get ready to have my babies.”

  It took me a few months before I finally caved and quit my job at the bank. Rich was persistent, promising he’d always take care of me, and while he had, he’s also controlled my every move since we’d been married.
/>   We dated for six months, got engaged and married three months later. My parents loved him. My friends loved him. My family loved him—I loved him. Everything was perfect …

  Or so I thought.

  I never thought I was a weak person, but I was. I didn’t have the courage to leave him. I felt stuck, alone, used—worthless. He’s never hit me, not really, but he’s grabbed me, pushed me … screamed at me. I felt as if I were an adolescent child trying to learn how the world worked, not someone turning thirty.

  After he would yell at me and grab me, he’d be the sweetest person … like the man I fell in love with.

  “Is this the blue tie you were talking about?” he asked, coming into the kitchen where I stood.

  I couldn’t hesitate before answering him because he’d get mad again. I’d done that too many times and I was slowly learning. “Yes,” I whispered.

  “Good. Are you going to the coffee shop to meet Brandi?”

  “Yes.” I swallowed hard. I was scared the storm hadn’t fully passed and the slightest raise of my voice might set him off again.

  “Good. I’ll see you after work and then we can see about getting you pregnant.” He leaned down and kissed me on the lips before walking toward the bedroom.

  I watched as he turned the corner, my heart continuing its heavy beat.

  As I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, getting ready for my coffee date with Brandi, I realized the bruises on my arms were already starting to show. Rich knew I bruised easily, so he’d never lay a hand on me where someone could see. He was too smart for that. No one knew what went on behind closed doors; he scared me enough not to tell.

  Or run.

  It was as if Rich planned his attacks—as if he waited for me to make one wrong move so he could show me who was boss. Maybe he saw me as weak. I knew I felt as if I were at times, but things needed to change. I was tired of lying to everyone and pretending he was the perfect man. Things needed to change starting today. I was strong before Rich. I was independent before Rich. And I’d be damned if I were going to let him continue to control my life. This wasn’t love. This wasn’t how a marriage should be. I had too much going for me to let a man run my life.