by Mia Archer
Chloe bit her lip and I figured she was trying her best not to say something that would get us both in trouble. Probably a good thing she kept her mouth shut, but I’d have to ask her what she was thinking when we were done for the day.
She moved back to her spot at the edge of the stage. I took up my spot by a big X marked in the middle of the stage with white duct tape.
We didn’t have much in the way of furniture yet. It was too much of a pain to move it around for rehearsals. What we did have was the big couch Mr. Thompson had set up for rehearsals.
It was something, at least.
“Is this a bad time?”
I waited for a beat. Just long enough that the audience would get a sense that I was interested, but also wanted to play hard to get.
At least that’s what waiting a moment meant in my head. Who knew what the people watching this thing would think.
I wheeled around. Took a step back against the imaginary desk. I even mimed putting my hands out on it to steady myself. I wanted to look like I was off balance.
I wasn’t expecting Violet to be here, after all.
“Violet,” I asked, then cleared my throat. “No, of course it’s not a bad time… Not for you. How can I help you?”
“Well I was thinking about what happened last night at the dance,” she said.
I frowned just a bit. We’d changed this around to make it more contemporary. Instead of a wealthy socialite I was the owner of a club in some as yet unnamed big city.
Which made Violet calling what we did in the previous scene “the dance” seem a little out of place. I’d have to make a note to have Mr. Thompson look at that line for a change.
“I don’t think we need to talk about anything,” I said.
“But we do,” she said, stepping into the room. Right up to the mark. She even looked down to make sure she was at the right spot.
I almost thought Mr. Thompson might stop us right there, but he stayed silent. He was usually more forgiving about people looking at their marks early in the rehearsal process.
“What happened last night was…”
“It was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me,” Chloe as Violet said. “I didn’t know it could feel like that.”
She had her hands clasped in front of her and once more I was struck with the thought that she might not be talking about how wonderful it was to dance with me in a scene we hadn’t even blocked yet.
I know I was thinking about that kiss we’d shared a couple of weeks back. That also brought to mind all the frustration as there was nothing more to that kiss in the weeks since, but that was neither here nor there.
“Listen,” I said, pausing again as though I was trying to gather my words. “I dance with a lot of people at those things. It’s what I do. I’m a social person.”
I had to play this just right. I had to get the tone down just right. I was supposed to be intensely interested in Violet, after all, but I was also supposed to sound like I was afraid of getting too involved with her.
Typical dude with commitment issues. The sort of thing that happened again and again in plays like this. Only now I was a chick with commitment issues.
I’d met a couple of those since I came out. Short dates that never went much of anywhere. Dates that always happened in the city a good hour away because they were always terrified of someone from their small town seeing them out with a girl.
I took that frustration. Harnessed it. Good acting was all about finding some emotion you could use and then releasing it on the stage, after all.
“You can’t tell me that what we did out there last night meant nothing,” she said. “I felt the way you pressed against me. I saw the way you looked at me. No one can fake being that interested in someone.”
I swallowed. Looked down and away. That was something I’d picked up from Chloe.
“Violet, you must understand…”
“Cut! Stop!”
I looked over to the seats. Mr. Thompson was down there with his head in his hand shaking it back and forth. He didn’t look happy about whatever we were doing up here.
“Okay. I think we need to take a ten minute break or something. The two of you aren’t showing me what you showed me at the audition. You aren’t showing me the passion! Where are the girls who blew me away at auditions?”
I bit back a couple of words that came to mind. Again, it wasn’t a good idea to piss off the guy who controlled whether or not I was going to continue being onstage in a leading role.
He could always give one of our parts to Courtney, after all. She’d been making noise to anyone who would listen that she’d never consider playing “Ms. Farnsworth,” but I had a feeling if the opportunity came along she’d snap it up in a heartbeat.
I sighed and threw myself down on the couch. Mr. Thompson got up and made his way to the back of the auditorium.
“I’m going to go talk to the lighting people. You two need to figure out what you’re doing with this,” he said. “Come on Mike.”
Mike reluctantly stood and followed him to the back of the auditorium. I almost felt bad for the guy. Almost. Everyone knew what it meant to get involved in directing one of these plays, after all.
Chloe collapsed onto the couch next to me. It felt good having her right there next to me. I liked having her around. Sure she might be a goody-two-shoes a lot of the time, but there was something I liked about that.
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to take much more of this,” she said.
“I know how you feel. I don’t know what the man wants.”
Chloe was silent for a moment. For a long moment. Finally I heard her sigh and I glanced over to her, wondering what was running through her head.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked.
“I think Mr. Thompson is wrong,” she said.
“Well yeah. He could be a little nicer at this stage, but he’s always been like this when we’re blocking. Says it builds character or some crap like that.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. He just said it himself. He wants the girls who were up on the stage in the drama room at the audition. He doesn’t want the two of us walking around awkwardly stopping on taped down X marks on the stage.”
“Huh,” I said. “Y’know you almost might be onto something there.”
“There’s something else too,” Chloe said.
Her voice had gone quiet. Like she was almost afraid of what she was about to say. I didn’t know what she could possibly say that she’d be afraid of, but the more she looked at me the more I had a pretty good idea of where this was going.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Well you’re the one who’s always telling me I need to use some of my feelings and put it out there on the stage, right?”
“Well yeah,” I said. I wasn’t sure if that was really an acting thing or if it was just something one of the seniors told me my freshman year to help me out, but it had worked for me so I figured it would work for Chloe when I started teaching her.
“I was using some of my feelings that day up on the stage,” she said. “But I’ve been afraid to use them since.”
I thought about that for a moment. I was starting to feel a little lightheaded. I had a feeling this was going someplace very interesting, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
Excited? Sure. A little scared? That always came with the territory. Worried that she might decide to blow hot and cold again like she’d been doing ever since we met? Most definitely.
That part more than anything was frustrating. Infuriating. But at the same time it was also kinda hot. It sort of made the whole “going for the good girl thing” even more fun.
I bit my lip. Chewed on it for a long moment while I thought about what she was saying.
“So have you thought about maybe trying to use that again?” I finally asked.
“Maybe I have,” she said. “But maybe I’m afraid. Afraid of what it means. Afraid of…”
I quieted her by putting a finger to her lips. She went a little cross-eyed looking down at my finger which was worth a giggle, but otherwise she shut up which is what I was going for.
“I know what you’re afraid of,” I said. “But did you ever stop to think that maybe life isn’t worth living if you’re constantly living in fear?”
It was pretty clear from the wide-eyed stare she gave me that she’d never really thought of that before. Then again if my experience with the whole church experience was anything to go by it’s not like they ever stopped to give their people time to think about that sort of thing.
At least not the sort of church that would put a zap on Chloe’s head like the one she was dealing with.
“How about this?” I asked. “We have a little while before Mr. Thompson is going to come back in here and ask us to go over the scene again. Why don’t we make use of that time to go ahead and get it figured out? Work through this block?”
Chloe locked eyes with me and licked her lips. She glanced to the door Mr. Thompson and Mike had disappeared out of and then back to me.
There was something about that look that excited me. Something about it that seemed slightly worrying too, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I should be worried by a look that intense.
“I think I’ve got a better idea of how to work through my block,” she growled.
Then she did something that was very not like the Chloe I’d come to know over the past month or so. She launched herself across the couch at me and then we were doing the kind of method acting I thought I could only dream of with her.
Not that I was complaining, mind you. Turns out I suddenly understood what Daniel Day Lewis was always going on about. If this is what went into method acting then it was a method I could really get behind!
15
Chloe
Okay, so this wasn’t anything like anything I’d ever done before. I couldn’t believe I was doing it, but I couldn’t not do it.
Kissing Sarah felt natural. Kissing Sarah felt right. It felt as good as it had a couple of days ago in the hall outside the drama room.
Maybe it felt even better this time around because I knew we were the only two people in the room. Heck, as far as I was concerned in that moment we were the only two people in the world and it felt fucking wonderful.
Yes. That’s right. I said the f word. I said it and I don’t care who heard me. That’s how good this was.
The only thing that brought me back to reality, and reminded me where I was and what I was doing, was the sound of the auditorium doors swinging open.
It was a good thing this place was old. It was a good thing there were squeaky doors at the entrance. Otherwise we might’ve been caught in a really embarrassing situation.
Though I’m not sure how embarrassing it really could’ve been. I mean honestly. From what I’d learned about the drama club so far it seemed like this sort of thing might happen a lot even if I hadn’t seen it firsthand.
It was all so different. It was all so crazy. It all seemed so wrong and I think that’s what made it the most fun.
I pulled away from Sarah and quickly moved to the other side of the couch. Not that it was a very big couch, but maybe they’d think we were rehearsing or something.
I mean in a way we were. The reason I’d been so good at tryouts was because I was able to channel all these strange new feelings I had for Sarah.
So why not make use of those again?
“Okay then,” Mr. Thompson said. “I think we’re ready to start again, and you had a good twenty minutes to think about the scene so…”
He paused. Looked between the two of us. I realized that Sarah looked like she was embarrassed about something. Her face was bright red. Almost as bright as my face got when I was really upset or embarrassed about something.
Except no. She wasn’t embarrassed. For a moment I thought she might be ashamed of what she’d just done with me, but that couldn’t be it either.
That was her looking all hot and bothered. Because of me. Which made me feel all hot and bothered in a way I never did with Craig.
Oh Lord above give me strength to avoid temptation.
Well, maybe not the strength to avoid temptation. That had been pretty fun after all. Give me the strength not to look like I just gave into temptation in front of the drama teacher who could get so upset that he booted us out of our roles.
Yeah, that’d be nice.
“Are you two okay?” Mr. Thompson asked.
“Just fine,” Sarah said, sounding perfectly normal even if her face did give everything away.
I decided to keep quiet. Something told me I wasn’t going to have nearly as good a poker face as Sarah did. Something told me she had a lot more experience with getting away with stuff than I did.
“Okay then,” Mr. Thompson said. “If that’s the case then I think we can go ahead and start running the scene again.”
“What about Mike?” I asked.
Stupid. Here I was trying not to draw the wrong kind of attention and I was asking about Mike of all things? Who cared if Mike was in here or not?
“Mike’s busy dealing with something with the lighting people,” Mr. Thompson said, clearing his throat. “They were all busy up there planning how they were going to aim things on the stage.”
If anything Sarah got even more red at that. Her eyes darted up to somewhere in the darkness.
I followed her gaze and I knew I wasn’t going to like what I saw up there. Sure enough there in the darkness was a dark window that looked down on the auditorium.
It hit me exactly what they must’ve saw when they were up there planning out how they were going to aim the lights, and my face immediately turned a bright red and I looked down and away from the lighting room.
Oh my God. Lord above. They’d seen the whole thing. The two of us had been sitting there on the couch making out like it was nothing and someone saw us.
Panic, my old friend, came back with a vengeance in that moment. If they saw then they could say something. What if word got back to Ashley? Sure I hadn’t talked to her much since that first day of class, but still.
What if word got back to my mom? What if word got back to someone at the church and they blabbed to Pastor Dave?
I’d never hear the end of it.
Only something was different now. That was the second time I’d kissed Sarah and nothing really bad had actually happened. Sure some people had seen it this time, but it’s not like the clouds opened up and a lightning bolt came down from the sky to let me know just what God thought of me kissing a girl.
I was starting to think that maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe Pastor Dave was full of it. That sort of thought would’ve terrified me a couple of weeks ago, but I was getting used to it.
Maybe this was what temptation felt like. Maybe I didn’t care.
“Right,” Mr. Thompson said. “So if we don’t have to worry about any more distractions I believe I’m ready to get on with the scene if that’s all right with the two of you.”
I didn’t think I could blush any more, but here I was. He’d seen everything too. He knew what we’d been doing and he was being nice enough to dance around it.
“Fine,” I said.
I stood and made my way to the other side of the stage. To the spot where I was supposed to start. I looked down at the tape on the floor. We were supposed to be blocking everything and it was supposed to be precise.
But I didn’t want to do precise. I’d just gone with how I felt when I was auditioning and Mr. Thompson liked it enough that he gave me the part.
Maybe it was time that I started to just go with it and forget about whether or not he’d approve of what I was doing.
Whatever. I was going to try something. I was feeling more confident after that kiss with Sarah and if he didn’t like it the worst that could happen was he told me to stuff it.
So instead of stepping up to my mark I acted like I was stepping through the
door. I heard a shuffling of papers but otherwise Mr. Thompson didn’t say anything.
So far so good.
“Is this a bad time?” I asked.
I tried to put a small quaver into my voice. It’s not like I had to try all that hard what with everything that had just happened.
Sarah whirled around and she seemed genuinely surprised to see me standing so close to her. Her discomfort looked totally real, and I was pretty sure it had a lot to do with wondering whether or not Mr. Thompson was about to tell us to cut and try it all over again because I was messing up my blocking.
“Violet,” she said. She cleared her throat but she still looked nervous. Huh. Maybe having a bunch of lighting people looking at us making out finally got through that cool calm she liked to project all the time. “No, of course it’s not a bad time… Not for you. How can I help you?”
Okay. It was time to go for broke. I was a silly girl with a crush who was dealing with new feelings for the first time in her life. Feelings she didn’t know how to deal with but feelings she couldn’t deny either.
How had I dealt with those feelings? By acting shy but also giving into them whenever they got to be too much.
I took a step forward. Paused. Turned to look over my shoulder as though I was seriously considering turning around and getting the heck out of here. Then I took a deep breath. Turned to face Sarah. To face Ms. Farnsworth.
“Well I was thinking about what happened last night at the dance,” I said.
Sarah’s cheeks colored. As though Ms. Farnsworth was thinking of something and the thought was embarrassing. I had a pretty good idea what she was thinking about and it caused me to blush too.
I thought of all those people up in the lighting room. Thought of what they’d seen. Maybe that had been a thrill for some of the guys up there, wasn’t that what they were always going on about?
The thought of them watching us was still enough to make me want to melt into the stage though.
“I don’t think we need to talk about anything,” Sarah said after a long pause.
Shy but assertive. Violet was shy but assertive. She was afraid of going for what she wanted but she still knew what she wanted.
