by Mia Archer
She could sense my hesitation, but I was too embarrassed to tell her exactly why I was so hesitant. So I stood there rooted to the spot until she marched over and started pushing me back to the hallway.
I let myself be pushed. Maybe there was a part of me that was reluctant to go back there with her because it felt like I was taking a big step, but if I’m being perfectly honest there was another part of me that was screaming to just go for it.
Besides, it’s not like it could be that bad. We were just trying on swimsuits. That was all. It was nice and innocent and it’s not like anything else was going to happen.
It was a good thing Sarah was behind me. Otherwise she would’ve seen that there was one hell of a blush moving across my face and creeping down to my chest. A blush that was turning to a strange heat that I’d come to recognize whenever I got close with Sarah.
A heat that I liked. A heat that I was just a little afraid of.
Once we were out of the big living room I started walking with Sarah instead of letting her push me along. I figured if I was going to listen to that voice telling me to go for it, a voice that had been getting stronger and stronger ever since I joined the drama club and got with Sarah I might add, then I might as well go for it.
We walked past a couple of empty rooms and then finally to one at the very back of the house. Stepping inside I found myself inside something I never would’ve expected when Sarah flipped the light on.
“This… is Courtney’s room?” I asked.
“Yup,” Sarah said. “Surprised?”
“Just a little,” I said.
“Just a little” didn’t even begin to cover it. Courtney had this whole dark and brooding thing going for her and I’d always figured her personal decor would follow that same motif. I figured her walls would be lined with posters from bands headlined by people who had issues with their parents. That sort of thing.
I wasn’t expecting a room filled with so much pink and glitter that it looked like a unicorn had gotten food poisoning in here and had rainbows and sparkles coming out of both ends.
“She’s never really redecorated even when she got into her goth phase,” Sarah said with a shrug. “She says it’s because she doesn’t have the time, but I think there’s a part of her that still likes all this old stuff.”
I could identify with that. I wouldn’t say anything to Sarah, but I still had some of my favorite old stuffed animals on my bed in my room, and there may or may not have been a poster hanging on my wall of everyone’s favorite boy band when I was in middle school who totally wasn’t as popular to like these days.
Yeah, I wasn’t going to breathe a word of that to anyone who didn’t see my room, but I also wasn’t going to fault Courtney for wanting a place that made her feel comfortable.
Even if I did feel bad for the poor unicorn who got food poisoning and found itself puking sparkles and crapping out rainbows all over the place.
“Right,” Sarah said, suddenly all business. “We need to find you a suit and we need to get out there.”
Oh crap. I’d been so surprised by all the pink and the rainbows and the sparkles and everything that I’d totally forgotten why we were back here. Only now here it was and it was staring me in the face and I was freaking out again.
It’s not that I didn’t want to try on suits. I’d done it before with friends. It’s just that it felt totally different doing something like that in front of Sarah.
It was totally different doing something like that in front of Sarah. What we had was different. That made it feel wrong somehow.
That it felt wrong also made it feel even more dangerous and fun.
In short I was just confused and I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I didn’t feel ready for something like this and yet at the same time my body was acting like it was something I wanted and I didn’t know what to think, darn it.
I had no idea that wasn’t even the beginning of my embarrassment. No, Sarah pulled out something that looked more like string than a suit and held it up.
The thing was bright pink which seemed appropriate given the color of everything in the room, but it didn’t look like any swimsuit I’d ever worn.
“Um. What is that?” I asked.
I shouldn’t have asked. I knew what it was. I just couldn’t believe Sarah would pull something like that out and try to get me to wear it.
She looked at me like I was an idiot. That was something that had happened a lot when we were first getting to know each other and it seemed like the things I didn’t know about life in high school could fill a couple of textbooks. This was the first time she’d hit me with a look like that since things started to get a little more serious between us though.
“It’s a swimsuit,” she said. “Duh.”
“But it’s just some string!” I protested.
Sarah held it up and inspected it. Looked down at everything else in the drawer. Shrugged.
“It’s a bikini. I’d hardly say it’s just a bunch of string. It covers everything,” she said. “Besides. You’re not going to find anything more modest than this one in here.”
I looked at the drawer. Looking closely it did seem like there was an awful lot of string and not much in the way of actual patches of cloth in there. My cheeks colored as I thought of wearing something like that.
“I can’t… I mean I…”
“What do you usually wear when you go to the pool or a beach?” Sarah asked.
“Well I usually have a suit on that covers everything,” I said. “I mean I’ve seen other people wearing stuff like that, but I’ve never…”
Sarah looked down at the strip of cloth. Then back up to me. She grinned as she seemed to realize exactly what was going on here.
“Well there’s a first time for everything,” she said. “Besides. It covers everything and no one else is going to be wearing a one piece out there. It’s not like we’re at swim practice.”
She tossed it to me and I reached out and grabbed the thing more out of instinct than anything else.
I looked down at the bikini. This would be another first for me. I’d never worn anything this scandalous before, but honestly that “go for it” part of my brain was saying that it wasn’t really that bad to wear something like that.
It was just a swimsuit, after all. Sure it was a lot more revealing than anything I’d ever worn before, but it covered everything.
I looked back to Sarah. Saw the way she was smiling at me. Like she was looking forward to seeing me in something like this.
That more than anything decided me. It might be crazy, it might feel a little wrong, but next to everything else I’d already done it’s not like it was that crazy.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll give it a try, but…”
I stopped. We were back to the same problem as before. I was nervous about changing in front of Sarah. There was something about it that felt more wrong than any of the other stuff we’d done.
“Bathroom is on the other side of the hall,” Sarah said before she went back to rummaging in the drawer.
Once again I found myself rooted to the spot. The bathroom was on the other side of the hall. She didn’t expect me to change in here. In front of her.
I should’ve been relieved. It was the perfect solution to the predicament I found myself in.
So why was I just a little disappointed?
She looked up at me again and grinned. “What, did you think I expected you to change here in front of me or something?”
“I… um… well…”
My brain was short circuiting. I wasn’t thinking straight. Literally. I needed to get out of here.
So I turned and fled from the room before I could say or do something that I might seriously regret later, even if it seemed like it would be a lot of fun in the here and now.
I had a scandalous swimsuit to try on right now. That was enough stupid newness to last me the night without adding doing something stupid with Sarah in Courtney’s room.
21
Sarah
I dipped a toe in the water and kicked it back and forth letting the cool water flow around me. Then I looked up at Chloe and smiled.
She didn’t smile back. She kept looking around at everyone else, but I was the only one in the whole place looking at her.
I only had eyes for her. She was beautiful. Sure it was true that Courtney didn’t exactly have anything other than bikinis, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was looking forward to seeing Chloe trying one out.
I even picked one of the more modest ones. It’s not like I was perving out on my girlfriend or anything.
“You okay?” I asked.
She wrapped her arms around herself and finished looking around. “I guess.”
It came out as a mutter. It was clear she wasn’t comfortable, but she hit me with a smile that was nothing short of dazzling.
It wasn’t fair that she could make my stomach twist into knots and set my hair on edge just by smiling at me like that.
“Y’know if you’re uncomfortable we could go into the house and get changes back,” I said. “I don’t want you to feel weird all night long.”
“No, it’s okay,” she said. “It’s just taking some getting used to, is all.”
I grinned. “Like you’re still getting used to the water?”
“Something like that,” she muttered.
She’d been “getting used to” the cold pool water for about fifteen minutes now. Which I was pretty sure meant she didn’t want to get in there. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to swim.
I loved the water. Loved feeling weightless. Not that I weighed all that much, thank you very much, but it was still nice floating along like I was on a cloud of air.
Even if I was in the middle of the water.
Yeah, I was starting to think she wasn’t going to get into the water at all. Then I got a wicked idea.
“Y’know I’ve probably hung out here around this pool more times than I can count over the years,” I said. “It was always one of our favorite things to do growing up.”
“Uh-huh,” Chloe said.
I frowned slightly. There was something off about her voice. She sounded almost like she didn’t care for the idea of me and Courtney hanging out here by the pool.
I suppose it was true I hadn’t really talked much about me and Courtney. There wasn’t much to tell. I had my girl crush on her when we were in middle school and then it turned out she didn’t feel the same about me that I felt about her.
Which sucked for a little while, but eventually I got over it and moved on. We were friends now and I tried not to think about my feelings.
I guess I could see where Chloe might be upset about the idea of us having a past together though. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about me and Courtney all that much.
Not until I had a chance to explain to Chloe that she didn’t have anything to worry about, at least.
“Anyway, we figured out the best way to make sure you got used to the water really fast,” I said.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” she asked.
I grinned. She couldn’t have set me up better if I’d asked her to. Sure it also meant I was about to do something that might make her mad, but I couldn’t resist.
“You just jump in!” I said, and pushed her forward.
There was a strange mix of looks on Chloe’s face as my hand made contact with her back and gave her a good shove. A bit of anger. A touch of betrayal. Beneath all of it was something else that surprised me though: fear.
Huh. Why on earth would she be afraid of getting in the water? It’s not like it was that deep at this end of the pool. Only about three feet so she could stand up and she’d be well out of the water.
Heck, even the deep end on this pool wasn’t all that deep. Only five feet so I could keep my head above water if I stood on my tiptoes. I was pretty sure Chloe could do the same.
Oh well. It was done now. Might as well enjoy what I’d started.
Chloe hit the water and I jumped in after her. She came up spluttering and I wrapped my arms around her. I figured this would finally be my moment. I’d spent so many jealous hours watching the heteros in the drama club, and the people pretending they were hetero even if they weren’t fooling anyone, splashing around and getting up close and personal.
I’ll be honest. I’d always looked at those people and I’d always looked forward to the day when I could enjoy some of that up close and personal time myself. I also never thought anything like that would happen.
I really didn’t think anything like that would happen with a “good girl” like Chloe, but here we were and now it was happening.
“What the heck are you doing? Are you stupid?” Chloe shrieked as soon as she finished her spluttering.
Okay. Or maybe this wasn’t happening. Maybe I’d completely read the situation wrong. Oops. Chloe sounded mad. Madder than I’d ever seen her acting before.
Okay then. Not good.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I didn’t want to get in the water,” she said.
I noticed that she might sound mad, she might be spluttering and hissing at me, but she also wasn’t pulling away. And it felt good having her against me, feeling the heat of her as a counterpoint to the cool water all around us, so I didn’t exactly move to pull away from her even if she did seem really pissed off.
What can I say? Maybe I was willing to perv out on my girlfriend. Just a little bit. After all, if I was going to perv out on anyone it should be with the girl I was dating, right?
“What’s wrong with a little water?” I asked. “It’s not going to hurt you or anything. Look at everyone else having a good time!”
“It’s not that,” she said. “I’m supposed to be out here rehearsing for the play. I’m not supposed to be in the water splashing around! My mom’s going to ask why my hair’s wet and smells like chlorine and I’m not going to have a good answer!”
“Oh.”
Well crap. I hadn’t thought of it like that. I was so excited to have Chloe out here in the first place that I hadn’t really stopped to think about how stupid it might be to leave proof that she was doing something other than the rehearsal excuse she used when she lied to her mom to get out here in the first place.
Big oops.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I guess I wasn’t thinking and…”
She wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Smiled. Okay then. She was going from pissed off to mischievous in no time at all, but I wasn’t going to complain if she was on the hot end of blowing hot and cold.
“Then again now that I’m in here…”
She leaned in closer. Close enough that I could smell the chlorine on her lips. Close enough that I could almost taste it.
Well then. I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t looked forward to doing something like this in this pool for years. Sure most of that time I was thinking about a different girl. A girl who it turns out wasn’t into girls at all.
Now here I was with a girl who came completely out of left field A girl I shouldn’t even be with given her background. And we were about to kiss.
“Yeah! That’s so fucking hot!”
I rolled my eyes. Okay, we were about to kiss. I turned and saw Travis Earls standing at the edge of the pool looking at us pumping his fists in the air.
Of course it would be a guy like Travis. One of those aforementioned people who spent time splashing around in the pool with the opposite sex even though the only person he was fooling was himself.
Well himself and the poor girls he convinced to splash around in the pool with him.
“Projecting much Travis?” I shouted.
“Don’t be a bitch Sarah! Kiss her! Girl on girl!”
Other people were turning and looking now. Mostly they were looking at travis and giving him the stinkeye, but a couple of guys were looking at me and Chloe with interest too.
Well then. Most people in the club had stopped treating me like a curiosity becaus
e I’d been out and honest about it long enough that it wasn’t a big deal anymore. Only now it looked like actually having a love life was enough to make me interesting again.
“Stop lying to yourself and go kiss a guy,” I shouted to Travis.
Maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing to shout at him. He blushed and looked around like he was making sure no one who heard that believed me. There were some snickers though. Like I said, the only person he was fooling was himself.
Maybe I should’ve been nicer. Maybe there should be some homo solidarity or something like that, but I figured an asshole was an asshole and I was going to give as good as I got if he was going to try and act like my sexuality was something “hot” that was nothing more than a performance for his enjoyment.
I turned to Chloe. And realized that maybe Travis’s words had done more damage than I could’ve possibly imagined. She was blushing and doing the looking down thing. She’d also drawn in on herself like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was being the center of attention.
I thought she’d mostly gotten over that what with all the time she’d been spending up on the stage getting used to the idea of a bunch of people watching her perform, but there was also a big difference between being up on the stage and getting singled out.
“Come on,” I said. “I know a place we can go for a little privacy and we can work on getting your hair dried out before your mom comes out here to pick you up.”
“Okay,” she said, her voice quiet.
I had to remember that I was walking a fine line here. This was the first party she’d ever been to, after all, and it was all probably a little overwhelming for her even if it was a lame drama kid party where there was no drinking or wild stuff like at the “popular” parties the football and cheerleader types put on.
Although right now a drink might’ve done her some good. Gotten her to loosen up a little. I chased the thought away even as it occurred to me. It wasn’t the right way to think.
