Conrad's Last Campaign

by Leo A. Frankowski

  The carts were left on the track. The Big People towing them released themselves, and went out looking for food, over two hundred pounds of it per Big Person per night. Those Big People being ridden were unsaddled, although they too could release their saddles. There was a leather strap between their front legs that pulled a large pin out of the cinch strap. Then the ridden Big People also went out foraging, and guarding the camp. The men set up a sixty mile long camp on both sides of the track.

  Setting up camp only took a few minutes, and most of that was spent finding firewood. We weren’t cooking anything, but people still like to sit around a fire and talk for a bit before going to bed.

  The army used green, oiled cotton, six-man dome tents, with floors, zippers, and window screens. They were tall enough to stand in, they set up quickly, and they were a good design.

  I, however, had picked up an Arabian tent when I was in Timbuktu. It was quite large, made of royal blue silk, and had a lot of real gold embroidery on it. Call it vanity if you want to, but I liked it, so I brought it along.

  I also had a large camp table, plenty of camp stools, and a few other amenities, like wall-to-wall carpeting, a liquor cabinet, and a large, recently acquired air mattress. I told myself that this tent let me conduct meetings, and to be a proper host to visiting dignitaries, but mostly, I just like to be comfortable.

  I’d also brought along a sufficient supply of brandy and cigars. I’d promised my men that I’d be eating the same food that they would, and I did, but rank has a few privileges!

  I had a lance of men whose job was to do the camp work, as well as a lance of messengers who usually were able to help out. Personally, I had other things to do.

  After another can of mystery stew, labeled dinner, I was working under a kerosene lamp, figuring out our order of march. Outside, some of my bodyguards were singing and some of the others were taking turns dancing, being cheered on my warriors. I continued working. Rank also has its responsibilities.

  Ahmed walked in, having been permitted to do this by the three bodyguards on duty.

  “My lord, forgive me for disobeying you by coming to you tonight, but there are matters that must be discussed immediately!”

  “Very well,” I said, laying down my felt tip pen. “Sit down and tell me about it.”

  I didn’t offer him a drink of brandy. Ahmed struck me as a person who took his religion seriously. I did offer him a cigar, which he declined.

  He sat awkwardly on a three-legged camp stool. Sitting on a stool just wasn’t an Arabian thing to do.

  “My lord, I must tell you that I believe your proposed route to Mongolia is ill-advised. The usual route would have taken us east out of Jerusalem. We then would have gone north along the Jordan River.”

  I said, “But that would have been impossible for us. For one thing, we have not yet conquered the land along that route. It is heavily populated, and we would have had to fight our way the whole trip north. Then again, many of the men and supplies we needed were located along this railroad we’ve just built along the Mediterranean coast. It would have taken us days longer to wait for them to all get to Jerusalem. And there is the fact of the railroad itself, which again saved us a lot of time.”

  “But, your grace, by going through the mountains of Lesser Armenia, we will lose much time. This is a rarely traveled route. Neither I nor any of my men have ever taken it. Well, the father of one of my men went through here once, and he described the route to his son, but that is not the same thing as actually having traveled through it one’s self.”

  “I see. Well then, there’s nothing for it but to hire some more guides,” I said. “Don’t look so frightened. You are not being dismissed. But as soon as we get to Antioch tomorrow, I want you to take a lance of your better men, and another lance of your instructors, and, if you can find one, someone who has been in the town before. I’ll write you a note to take to one of the radio operators, instructing them to send out a message to everyone with us, requesting a guide to the city. Ride into town, and try to find us someone who knows the route that we must take. Offer to pay him well. But be quick about it. It should only take us a few hours to get our order of march squared away, near Osmaniye, and I don’t want to lose any time. Also, have the man who has heard of this route lead a party of our advanced guards and engineers up the trail immediately.”

  “Very well, your grace. It shall be done as you say.”

  Ahmed got gratefully off of the unfamiliar stool, bowed, and left my tent.

  I got back to my paperwork.

  It was very late at night before I had the radio operators send out the marching orders to the entire column. I began to think that maybe I should have brought some staff people along.

  Thinking about it, the radio operators were a literate bunch. The next time that I have to do something like this, I will draft two of them to help me. I wished I’d thought of that earlier.

  I was getting ready to turn in when Terry and Shauna came in.

  Terry said, “Your grace, was there anything else that you wanted?”

  “Well, yes, thinking about it. Some sex would be very nice.” Rank has other privileges, too.

  “We were hoping that you would say that,” Shauna said.

  My bodyguards’ body temperature was higher than that of an ordinary human. It gave the expression bed warmer a whole new meaning. This might be very useful, going through a Russian winter without an overcoat!

  A Prince Among Men

  Francine’s Diary

  It has been a very peaceful year since Lord Conrad, my true love, my master, and my soul mate was lost at sea. Now the bastard is sending some more of his whores home for me to baby-sit. At least we all get along. When you have all been screwed by the same man, in more ways than one, you have something in common. I have heard that there is a woman in Cracow that my husband has not bedded, but if so, she must be over sixty, under sixteen, or grossly ugly.

  The meeting of the executive council went well today, considering that the hetman is back in business. King Henryk has gotten used to being his own man again and is starting to make firmer decisions – and he is firm in bed for a man his age.

  Henryk has been under Conrad’s thumb virtually since his coronation. Now Henryk and the crown prince are showing their impatience. Conrad claims that his fortune is modest compared to the crown, but as long as he is Hetman of the Christian Army, he commands more wealth than Midas. His fleet is a hundred times the size of the Polish fleet; he effectively controls all of the railroads and most of the factories, and the crown is increasingly jealous.

  Sir Piotr will continue to be a problem. He has an unfortunate amount of influence among the officers paired with unwavering loyalty to my bastard of a husband.

  On Campaign with Conrad

  The next morning, I discovered that my boots had been polished, my weapons had been attended to, and my clothes had been cleaned. It seems that my lovely bodyguards, who didn’t have to sleep any more than the Big People did, and had decided to make themselves useful. My messengers, the radio operators, and the camp workers had gotten similar services.

  “Thank you, ladies,” I said. “But, if you have time tomorrow night, try to do something for my senior officers as well. It is important for morale that they look decent.”

  I gave Silver a decent currying down. This is something that every warrior always does himself, every morning, no matter what his rank is. She is your partner, after all.

  At midmorning, we got the word that the head of the column had reached the cut off point near Osmaniye and things started slowing down.

  I rode on ahead, to see how the resorting was going on.

  The army had rented a large, recently harvested wheat field for the operation. Yesterday, our engineers had added a pair of switch tracks to the railroad, and our carts were being pulled into the field. As they went in, they were being sorted into some two hundred separate lines. Ammunition of various sorts were in some lines, food in others, a
nd other things each in their own lines. Things had been well planned, and were going smoothly.

  With the steel rims that let the carts run on the railroads still on their wheels, they were making a mess out of the field. Or perhaps, they were just giving it an early, free plowing.

  Once they were in line, crews of men were jacking the carts up, removing the rims, and then setting the carts down on their pneumatic, off-road rubber tires. And repairing a few flats.

  Someone was supposed to come by later and collect up the steel rims. We wouldn’t need them for the rest of this mission. We’d be going far beyond where the Tracks of Civilization ran.

  In the distance, I could hear the engineers, backed up by twice their numbers of mounted infantry. They were improving the road ahead with shovels, star drills, and dynamite. When they were through, the carts would be able to go through without hindrance.

  Dynamite is easy enough to make, once you know the formula. Nitroglycerine is first made by treating refined animal fat with concentrated nitric acid and concentrated sulfuric acid, in a five-to-six ratio. It is then added to wood powder, compressed into sticks, and dried. The less wood powder you use, the stronger it becomes, but also the more dangerous.

  As I watched the cart sorting operation, one of my captains rode up to me.

  “Sir, there is a Prince David here who wants to speak to you. He says that he is the son of the King of Lesser Armenia.”

  “Then by all means, bring him to me, captain. Will I need a translator?”

  “No sir. He speaks excellent Polish!”

  The man who the captain brought was well dressed in a conservative fashion, rather short, and in his mid-thirties. He had dark hair, he was physically fit, and he had the bearing of a warrior. He had six armed and armored men with him, but he motioned for them to stay back. I returned the courtesy by sending my standard-bearer, both of my bodyguards, and my three runners away.

  “Welcome,” I said. “I am told that you are Prince David, the son of Hethum, the Most Christian King of Lesser Armenia.”

  “This is true, my Lord Conrad,” he said in perfect Polish.

  “I hope that you don’t mind meeting like this, on horseback, but my tents are packed in carts, many miles behind us. I am surprised that you speak excellent Polish, and that you have the bearing of a true warrior.”

  “You wouldn’t be, your grace, if you knew my story. After your victory against the Mongols, over twenty years ago, my father thought it would be best if one of his sons went to Poland to see the manner with which you accomplished this great deed. Being the youngest of three brothers, I was the one he sent. After studying for a year in Cracow, I determined to join your army. My companions here were sent with me to Poland. We each ended up joining a different branch of your army, and we wrote to each other often. We each enlisted and served the usual twelve years. I left with the rank of captain.”

  “I assume that as a nobleman, you joined the Wolves,” I said.

  “My companion, Sir Jan did, your grace. I could have, but as a young man, I was more attracted to the Eagles. I wanted to fly! I applied there, and was accepted.”

  “Few noblemen are intelligent and learned enough to pass the entrance examinations for that elite group, and their physical fitness requirements are very high.”

  “I come from an old and honorable blood line, your grace.”

  “And doubtless a very competent one. I am impressed. But what can I do for you, Prince David? Or do you prefer to be called captain?”

  “In truth, I am prouder of being a captain in your army than I am of being a prince, which is a mere accident of birth. And I am prouder yet of having been a qualified pilot. Leaving the skies, in obedience to my father’s wishes, was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. As to your first question, my father has bid me to ask you why you seem to think that you can take an army through his kingdom without so much as asking for his permission.”

  “Your father is right to ask this of me. There are two reasons. The first is that only three days ago, I learned that the Mongols were planning to attack Europe again. I have quickly gathered up this force to see what can be done about slowing them down, somewhat.”

  “Yes, your grace. We have received information about a new Mongol offensive, although we have not been informed as to who will be the victims of this new war. And what was your second reason?”

  “My second reason was that although your father, and your people, are Christians, you are in fact subordinate to the great khan! As soon as the Mongols came anywhere near this part of the world, your father immediately sent his submission to Genghis Khan! This makes you my enemy, and it is not customary to ask permission to enter an opponent’s lands! I am not happy about having a Christian kingdom for an enemy!”

  “All of what you say is true, your grace. I make no apologies for my father’s actions. But consider that Lesser Armenia does not have any great mass of fighting men available to it. We have neither Poland’s weapons nor its wealth. If my father had not done what he did, the Mongol Horde would have killed our people and burned our cities, as it did to those of so many other nations. We now must pay a yearly tribute to the Mongols, but my people are still alive.”

  “I can understand that,” I said. “But now, the Christian Army is here. We could equip and train your men, if you would join with us. We could provide your men with Big People. We could even provide you with a squadron of our newest aircraft. I think that you would be impressed by them. The landing gear is retractable, they are well armed with machine guns, and they are made entirely of metal, you know.”

  “No, I didn’t know that, your grace. I don’t even know what some of the things that you mention are! Considerable progress has apparently been made since I was forced to leave your army. Then, the aircraft were made of wood that had been covered with painted cloth. I helped build many of them. They were not armed at all! I would love to see one of these new planes! I will convey your very tempting offer to my father. But for now, I must tell you that it is impossible for you to take your forces, with all of these carts, through our kingdom.”

  “You are refusing us permission to go through your lands? I am in a hurry, sir, and rebuffing me is not a safe thing to do!”

  “It is not a question of refusing you, your grace! I meant that it is physically impossible for you to get these carts through! About a hundred miles north of here, there was a major bridge that collapsed during last winter’s heavy rains. Paying our tribute to the Mongols has kept this kingdom impoverished! We have not been able to afford to re-build it. There is a place that can be forded by horsemen at this time of year, but your carts could never make it!”

  “I see. Well then, in that case, besides the repairs we are making to your road, we’ll be building your father a new bridge as well.”

  “The last bridge was two years in the building. It had a span of over a hundred yards!”

  “Then if that’s all, the next one will be built in about a day!”

  “This is something that I would have to see!”

  “You are welcome to watch, Captain David. You can even lend a hand, if you want.”

  “I might do just that, your grace.”

  “Good. I invite you and your men to join me at my camp, tonight. We have a few spare tents in our carts. The food will be cold, but there is plenty of it. I have a very good brandy along that we liberated from a city in Africa that we called Shangri-La. You might like it, as well as some of my own twelve-year-old whiskey.”

  “I’ve heard stories about your excellent whiskey, your grace. I look forward to trying it.”

  The prince rejoined his men, while I sent one of my runners out to let the komander of engineers know that a bridge would be needed tomorrow.

  Another runner went to tell the people who were putting the column into order that my personal carts were to be put not in the middle, the way I’d originally set it up, but near the front. I’d be after the advance guard of Wolves, the six companies of
engineers and twelve companies of their pick, shovel, and axe men from the mounted infantry, and after two of our breach-loading artillery pieces, one large and one small, that were needed in case we ran into something that needed blowing away.

  This rearrangement was so that Prince David could be close to the bridge that we’d be building tomorrow. We needed to impress him and his people.

  Of course each company would have its own carts of food, ammunition, and camping equipment traveling near it. The advance guard of Wolves would carry a three-day supply of stuff on their Big People, and be replaced every few days by another group brought up from the rear.

  The engineers had a lot of equipment with them, but still, I would only be a few miles from the head of the column. Only a few minutes when riding a Big Person.

  I sent another runner to scrounge up seven Big People, with saddles, for Prince David and his men. We’d had more than that number of warriors sick or injured so far, but Big People were far more durable than the men riding them. On normal horses, our guests would never be able to keep up with the rest of us.

  I rode ahead to watch the road repairs in progress. The trail went generally north, up a rugged, medium-sized mountain river valley. Some sections were fairly flat, while others needed work, if we were to get the carts through.

  The land about us was fertile, irrigated, and intensively farmed, with many small villages scattered through it. Very few people were to be seen, however. They had apparently gone into hiding when they saw us coming. We meant them no harm, but there was no way to tell them that.

  Maybe they would figure it out for themselves, when they saw that we’d done them no damage, and left them with a decent road behind us.

  The more technical work, such as surveying, mapping, drilling, and blasting, was done by the engineers themselves, with some help from the mounted infantry, sledge hammering on the star drills. Sometimes, as many as six men were beating on a single star drill, while a single engineer kept turning it, and keeping it going in straight.