Alpha Goddess

by Amalie Howard

  I’m dreaming. I have to be. I passed out, and I am dreaming.

  But Beth’s hand squeezing her fingers tightly was too real to be imagined. Sera pulled herself to her feet and weakly stumbled to the mirror. Strangely enough, the pain had receded, the only indication she’d been in sheer agony seconds before was the odd heaviness settling across her back … and a feeling that she was wearing some kind of thick cloak. She stared at her reflection.

  Only it wasn’t her.

  It was that girl again—the one with the clear eyes and the titian hair, the one from her drawing. Sera raised her arm and the girl in the mirror followed. Phantom arms moved in the flames in the mirrored reflection. Sera blinked and watched as the girl in the mirror did the same, half expecting her to disappear as she had the last time. But she didn’t.

  Beth moved to stand beside her, and Sera felt the world start to tilt beneath her feet as Beth’s reflection appeared in the mirror. The realization was slow, sticky, even as her knees buckled and she fell back against Beth.

  She was the girl.

  A familiar voice broke through the charged silence. “Open the door, Beth. It’s Sophia.”

  “It’s OK, Sera. Your mom’s here,” Beth said, brushing a strand of hair out of Sera’s face before leaning her against the wall. She opened the door and Sophia closed it quickly behind her before rushing to Sera’s side. Beth’s mother also squatted beside them. Sera barely heard their fuzzy voices.

  “How long has her shade been off? What happened exactly? Was anyone here?” she heard her mother interrogate Beth. What they were saying made no sense at all. Her shade?

  “No, I tried to tell her about the boy and she lost it. I didn’t know what to do. That’s when I called.” Beth wrung her hands. “Nothing happened until we were alone in here.”

  “She’s getting stronger,” Sophia said, her hand cool against her daughter’s forehead. “Sam was right. My shade won’t work for much longer. She’s the only one who can do it now. We have to tell her.”

  “You haven’t told her?” Beth’s mother said.

  Told me what?

  Her mother’s beautiful face swam into her clouded vision. “No, not yet,” she murmured.

  “Because of Azrath and whatever he’s plotting?”

  Her mother’s voice held a warning. “Not here, Eleanor, but yes. Can you tell Sam to get the car?”

  Sophia pulled Sera into her arms, pressing her forehead to her daughter’s. Sera felt a warm sensation envelop her body as strength flowed into her. A sense of clarity chased away her haziness, and suddenly her mind no longer felt like it was full of fiery spiderwebs.

  “Honey, wake up. I’ll take you home, but you have to wake up.” Sera felt heat against her head where her skin met her mother’s. She took a deep breath into her lungs as her mother’s lips pressed into her cheek. “Come on, darling. Let’s go home.”

  By the time they’d reached the car, Sera was starting to feel more like herself, even though her mind was still reeling from what she’d just experienced—and seen. It couldn’t possibly have been real.

  “I have questions,” Sera whispered to her mother as she was helped into the car.

  “And it’s time you heard the answers.”

  As they drove off, Sera saw a lone figure leaning on the hood of his car. Their eyes met and Sera felt the rest of her fear dissipate as if by magic. His eyes were full, once more communicating without words. But this time Sera knew exactly what he was saying.

  Be still. You’re going to be all right.

  Sera nodded automatically, and Dev’s answering smile brightened. He blew her a kiss, and Sera swore she could feel the barest shimmer of it across her cheek as they drove past.

  DISCLOSURE

  Sera’s father enveloped Sera into a bear hug once home. “Ser-bear, you OK?”

  “Hanging in there, Dad.” Her father’s face was lined with worry, just like her mother’s. They sat in the kitchen in silence as her mother busied herself making three cups of tea. Sera sipped hers as her parents sat at the breakfast island facing her. No one spoke for several minutes.

  “So, what am I?” Sera joked weakly after a while. “Some kind of ancient angel princess?”

  Her father’s face was expressionless, but his voice was tender. “Sort of.”

  “I was joking!” Sera nearly spat a mouthful of tea across the counter and instead started choking as it went down the wrong way. “What do you mean ‘sort of’?”

  Sera’s gaze rocketed between her parents. Her mother reached across to grasp her ice-cold hand. “You’re not an angel, Sera. You’re far more than that.” Sera remained silent, her lips clamped together. “You’re a … deity,” she said gently. “A Sanrak. A type of guardian.”

  “A what? Did you just say a deity? Like a god?” Sera’s voice came out shrill.

  Her mother nodded. Sera wanted to shout, “Where are the cameras? I know this is some skewed reality television show!” But it wasn’t a prank. She stared at her parents’ sincere faces, struggling to hold on to her tenuous grip on reality. “So, the girl in the mirror at school, the one with the clear eyes and red hair, that’s who I am?”

  “Yes,” her father answered.

  Sera looked at her mother. “Show me. Take off the … shade,” she told her, remembering what Beth had called it. With an anxious glance in her father’s direction, her mother complied.

  A bright glow filled the room. Sera stared down at her hands—the luminescent shimmer beneath the skin was mesmerizing. A lock of hair curled over her shoulder and she held it between her fingers, the reddish gold strands impossibly soft.

  “What exactly is a shade? Is it some kind of disguise?” Sera was proud that her voice didn’t waver as she spoke.

  Her father had turned away against her light but her mother continued staring at her. “It’s a muted version of yourself. Your energy and your light are too blinding for human eyes. Most of us only reduce the light. In your case, I had to change other things.”

  “Why?”

  “I didn’t want to draw attention. People are naturally drawn to us. I mean look at you,” her mother said sadly. “You’re radiant.”

  “So you made me ugl … different.”

  “It was a mistake,” her mother said softly. “I see that now. I only wanted to make you inconspicuous, and instead I made you more noticeable. I’m sorry for that.”

  “But it accomplished what we wanted it to do,” her father added, squeezing her mother’s shoulder. “You’ve been well-protected all these years.”

  Sera flinched at his words. If by “well protected” they meant friendless and ridiculed, then they had succeeded. She’d spent years feeling less than ordinary and invisible when the truth was she was anything but ordinary. The same odd heat she’d experienced earlier in the girls’ bathroom engulfed her back and shoulders once again. Was it because her entire life had been a lie?

  Were gods supposed to get this worked up? Weren’t they supposed to be serene and composed and, well, godlike?

  There was no way she could express or explain the firestorm of feelings inside her. And if what her parents said was true, then it was all real—the dreams, the drawings, the voices. All of it. Which meant that not only were the gods real, but the monsters were real, too.

  “You OK, honey?” her mother asked, after a while. “I know it’s a lot to take in.”

  Sera nodded. As much as she didn’t want to know what made her so special that she had to be protected from everyone, she knew she had to. She took a deep breath, going for the least overwhelming question. “So, what’s with the lotus flower flame thing?” she asked, her tone shaky. She turned to peer over her shoulder.

  A tiny smile graced her mother’s lips. “Deifyre.”

  “Deifyre?” Sera echoed, with a panicky glance at her mother.

  “Yes. It’s not really fire; it just looks like it. It’s part of you … part of your aura, if that makes sense. Sam?” Her mother glanced at her father
and he stepped out of the room.

  Sera watched agape as her mother dropped her own shade, the sudden white light glowing from every part of her. Sera blinked as her own nonhuman eyes quickly adjusted.

  “Ready?” Sophia asked, and Sera nodded, half excited, half scared out of her mind.

  Spellbound, she saw a liquid white-gold shower spiral from her mother’s shoulders down to the floor and flutter into something made entirely of a white fiery substance that covered her arms, torso, and back. Sera gasped.

  Shimmering silks made of the same deifyre covered her mother’s entire body. Gold mehndi adorned her arms and face, and a gold circlet rested upon her forehead. Every part of her was incandescent—so bright that Sera had to look away for a moment, awed.

  As the light dimmed and her mother returned to normal, Sera felt herself release the breath she’d been holding.

  “And I’m like that? Like you?” she exhaled.

  “Similar.”

  Her father stepped back into the room, and Sera stared from one to the other as if what she’d just seen had been some magical illusion. If she was like that, no wonder they’d had to hide her.

  “It’s OK, Ser-bear,” her father said. “We understand it’s a lot to take in, but it’s important that you know. We’re just sorry that it had to happen like this, so abruptly. We waited too long. I think we were hoping that we could keep you little forever.” A sad wistful smile curved his lips, and Sera fought the urge to fling herself into his arms and have him whisper soothingly into her ear that everything was going to be all right.

  There was so much more she wanted to ask, but the thoughts jumbled together in her head, rendering her speechless. She’d just witnessed her mother shimmer into an immortal being and she could still hardly believe it.

  “What about Beth? The Davenports?” Sera asked shakily, recalling that both Beth and Eleanor had been in the bathroom to witness her metamorphosis. “Are they like us, too?”

  “No, they are Ne’feri. Mortal protectors, fighters. Beth was only recently initiated. Ryan will become Ne’feri, but only after he turns eighteen. They are guardians of the portals between this dimension and the others.”

  Sera opened her mouth and then shut it. Other people knew. Kids she saw in school knew about all of this: about her parents, about her.

  “No wonder Beth got all weird at school. She said she had to protect me.” Sera shook her head and stared at her father. “So, are you like mom, too?” Her parents exchanged a look.

  “Perhaps we should start closer to the beginning, Sophia,” her father suggested.

  “Think back to everything you know about heaven and hell,” Sophia told Sera. “What do you think they are?”

  Sera frowned, thinking back to her days of religious education. “Some people believe they are both places you go after you die. If you live a good life, you go to heaven. If you don’t, you go to hell.” She glanced at her parents, remembering what her mother had said about the realms of existence and hell being plural. “But I guess you’re going to tell me that isn’t true, right?”

  “You’re on the right track. It’s true and not true at the same time.”

  “How is that possible? It either is or it isn’t.”

  Her mother smiled. “Things aren’t always that black and white, Sera. In this world—the Mortal Realm—humans have many versions of heaven and hell, many different beliefs and teachings. All of them are, to some degree true, the truth. But what exists beyond this realm is an amalgamation of all religious teachings, not just one. Our heaven is called Illysia, and our hell, Xibalba. There are hundreds of different gods and goddesses walking among us, all incarnations of one Supreme Being, but meant for different purposes.”

  “So, do these gods live in Illysia?” Sera couldn’t keep the disbelief from her voice despite all that she’d just seen.

  “Most of them do, like the Sanrak and the Yoddha, although the Daeva, as lower level deities, are sent to the Mortal Realm as guardians to watch over people here.”

  “I thought you said you were Sanrak,” Sera said. “How come you’re here, then?”

  “For you,” her mother responded. Sera saw her parents link hands and the realization hit her. They lived here because of her. “This was the only realm where we could exist together as a family. Your father could not come to Illysia, but I could come here. The Trimurtas allowed it.”

  The strange name struck a memory chord. Nate had said something about it, about the mysterious “try murders.” Obviously, he’d meant Trimurtas. Sera nodded, trying to get her mind around what her mother was telling her. “So, are the Trimurtas some kind of tribunal? Like the gods of Olympus?” she asked, trying to make some connection in her mind.

  Her father smiled, looking at her with approval. “Yes, you’re exactly right. The Trimurtas are the three Lords of Illysia—the Creator, the Protector, and the Destroyer. The Sanrak, like your mother, protect the Trimurtas. Beneath them are the Yoddha, the warrior gods of Illysia. Lastly, the Daeva are the ones who live here on Earth, in the Mortal Realm, to guide and protect humanity.”

  “Wait, why couldn’t you go to Illysia?” Sera asked her father. “Aren’t you Sanrak, too?”

  “No,” her mother said. “Your father is—was—Azura.”

  The sanity she’d held together by a thin thread started to unravel. Her Internet search from the other night hit her with the force of a freight train. Sera felt herself starting to sway.

  Azura—a being demonic in nature.

  “A what?” she whispered.

  “As much as the Daeva are the guardians of humanity, the Azura are its enemy.” Her mother’s words were flat.

  “Enemy,” Sera repeated dumbly, her gaze twisting from her father to her mother like a pendulum. Demonic.

  “Yes,” her father said, moving to stand behind her and squeezing her shoulders with reassuring hands. “And not anymore. Seventeen years ago, Azrath, another Azura, summoned a terrible demon to wreak havoc on Earth, and the Trimurtas sent your mother here to defeat it.”

  Sera gasped, unable to conceal the shock on her face.

  “Azrath was crazed, consumed with power,” her father continued. “The demon wounded and trapped your mother, and I—” He broke off as the thought of it consumed him, his fingers gripping Sera so tightly that she winced.

  “It’s OK, Sam,” her mother interjected, turning to Sera. “The short version is that your father saved me, sacrificing himself in the process. He defeated Azrath to free me from the rakshasa demon’s hold. For his sacrifice, the Trimurtas granted him one wish—his desire to remain in this realm as a human.” Sophia raised her eyes to her husband and the unmistakable love in them made Sera’s heart wrench. “And I chose to be here with him, and you.”

  “A rakshasa?” Sera gulped. “Like Ravana from the play?”

  “Yes,” her mother said.

  “So, are those stories all real?” Sera’s voice rose. “Ravana? Rama and Sita?”

  “Yes, my darling.” Her mother brushed Sera’s face gently. “Lord Vishnu is one of the Trimurtas, and the goddess Lakshmi is his wife. The Ramayana is about them, you know that.”

  Sera’s head was spinning—all of her mother’s stories had been true. And their whole family was part of it. “What about Nate? Is he like us?” she asked her mother.

  “No.” Her mother leaned forward to grasp Sera’s face in her palms. “Nate came after Sam was human.” She glanced at her husband. “I loved your father from the moment we met, even when he was an Azura lord. You were born of that, but Nate was not.”

  “So, he’s human?” Sera said slowly.

  “Half human, half Sanrak. Nate, like you, is very special. He’s probably the only human who can visit Illysia in mortal form.”

  “But what does that make me?” Her parents exchanged a long glance. “And don’t say ‘very special.’”

  “But you are, Sera. Born of my blood and your mother’s blood, it is the reason you can enter all the realms o
f existence,” her father said gently. “All of them, including Illysia and Xibalba. Even the Trimurtas cannot venture into Xibalba.”

  “Xibalba,” Sera repeated. “What’s that?”

  “The hells,” her father said simply. “Seven of them. Each one worse than the last.”

  Sera blanched. “And why would I want to go there?”

  Her father laughed. “Not that you would, darling, but that you could, because you could take anyone with you between the realms. There are many who covet such an ability, none more so than Azrath.”

  “The guy you mentioned before?” Sera asked. “But why?”

  An odd expression, almost of pain, slashed across her father’s face. “Like me, Azrath was an Azura Lord,” he said quietly. “He was known as the Azura Lord of Death, claiming the souls of those mortals destined to pass through the Portal of Xibalba. When the Trimurtas cast the demon he’d summoned back to its demon world, Azrath was banished from the Mortal Realm into exile. Ever since, he has been plotting to return. He is consumed by a lust for power, not just for Xibalba, but for all the realms of existence.”

  “You mean Illysia too?”

  “Yes.”

  “But demons can’t go there, right?”

  “They can, with you,” her mother said gently. “And Azrath is not a demon. He is an Azura Lord—an immortal—and one of the strongest of his kind.”

  “Oh.” Sera’s gaze spun slowly from her father to her mother, her mind whirling.

  Her father hugged her, his arms reassuring and strong. “Don’t worry, we will protect you. But it would probably be best for you to remain at home for a few days, at least until we can get some information from the Ne’Feri. We don’t know if anyone saw what happened with you, and we don’t want to expose you to unnecessary risk, especially from Azrath.”

  “But how do you know for sure he’ll come after me?”

  “Because I would if I were him,” her father said rather calmly. “Azrath was my blood-brother. When the Trimurtas made me human, they cleansed me of all my Azura blood, but occasionally I have been able to sense him even though he no longer senses me. He will stop at nothing if he knows what and where you are.”