Stories for Amanda

by Amanda Todd Foundation

  Derek drove me back to Sawyer House to get my car after I borrowed his toothbrush, cleaned up, and had a light breakfast. We were silent on our way there, me still angry at him, and him still angry at me.

  He let me off right by my car, and said, “Why don’t you take today off? You were here way late last night, you shouldn’t have to come in today, too.”

  “When are you coming in?” I asked.

  “After my exams are done by this afternoon. I’ll be in tonight.” He licked his lips and looked at mine. “I want to see you tonight.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “You just said I should take the day off.”

  “You should, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see you tonight under different circumstances. How about having dinner with me? We can go see a movie.”

  “Don’t you have to work tonight?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

  “For a few hours, then I’m free,” Derek said.

  “I don’t want to give you the idea I’m easy,” I said.

  “I know you’re not,” Derek said. “In fact you’re the opposite of that.”

  “Let’s keep it at that then,” I said.

  Derek’s face fell. “You’re not even going to give me a chance, Sam?”

  I took a deep breath and said, “Derek, I would, but I have some issues of my own I have to get through. I hate to admit this to your cocky self, but you’re right. I probably do need a little saving here and there, so getting involved with you romantically and sexually is going to complicate a lot of things for me.” I took his hands. “I hope you understand. You are right. Something happened last night that shook me to the core, and I realized that until I get some help with it, I will probably always have those issues.”

  Derek sighed. “Alright, Sam. There isn’t anything I can say about that except I will do anything I can to help and support you.”

  “Then do me a favor?” I asked Derek.

  “What?” he asked, lightly tapping my nose with his finger affectionately.

  “If you get a caller who goes by the name Trudi, can you let me know that she called. I just want to make sure she followed up… that she’s okay.”

  Derek raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Sure.”

  “Because,” I added, “She was the reason why I was on a call for over five hours.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Do you want me to text you if I do get her call?”

  “Yes,” I said. “If she calls, I want to be the one she talks to.”

  “Okay,” Derek said. “I’ll try.”

  With that, I reached out and hugged him briefly, startling him, before I headed into my car and drove off.

  I was going to take the day off today, like Derek had suggested. It just so happened I had someone very important to see. What timing.

  He was the one who called when I was in Derek’s room. The irony of it all. It was as though he knew he had to remind me he was there. Collins. My dear Collins, whom I had tried so hard to resist, but ended up falling hard for. My troubled perfectly flawed billionaire bad boy.

  I played back the voicemail he left me as I took the highway along the beach heading for his magnificent home by the beach.

  “Sam,” his velvety warm voice caressed my name affectionately. “This is Collins. I’ll come out and say it. I miss you. I want you. I need you. Done. I’m done. Please see me today at my place. It hasn’t been the same without you. I’m going crazy. Please help me.”

  Saving Snowflakes

  I remember my mother once told me that each child is unique like a snowflake. Every person born into this world have an unique purpose to fulfill, and while snowflakes look as delicate as can be, their formation is so strong that they are able to withstand the elements.

  I couldn’t believe my eyes as I drove up PCH towards Collins McGregor’s beautiful home in Newport Coast’s most exclusive area, higher up in the canyons. The sky had turned dark and the clouds looked like it was threatening to burst. When I reached the intricately-carved heavy iron gates leading to Collin’s home, I could feel the air suddenly turn chilly.

  The gates opened right when my small white car reach the front as though it knew I was coming. Then there was Collins, dressed in sweat pants that hung low on his hips, accentuating his hard abs and sexy v. He was wearing a loose long-sleeve grey shirt that hugged his biceps and outlined his broad muscular chest. His icy blue eyes were already raw with hunger as he took me all in from head to toe in my jeans and t-shirt. I felt a little self-conscious, not having had a change of clothing since working at Sawyer House last night.

  As soon as I pulled past the gates, Collins was already besides my car. He opened the driver’s side, gestured for me to scoot over to the passenger side while he slipped in and took the wheels. “Hurry,” he said. “It looks like we may have a storm brewing, and I don’t want you caught in the middle of it.” At over six foot, he seemed like a giant in my compact car, maneuvering through his long windy driveway up the canyon to his Italian-style villa of a house. I giggled at the picture of him crouched down over my small steering wheel making his way up.

  “A bit cramped?” I asked, trying to reach over him to the side of the seat where he could adjust the length. My fingers accidentally brushed against his crotch as I did so, and he let out a painful groan. He looked down and then at me, his eyes piercing through mine with his intensity. “You did not just do that to torture me, Sam?” he growled. “I’m already as hard as a rock that just one touch from you… Heck, just one demure look from you licking your lips can send me over the edge.”

  I had to suppress a smile, but the look of sheer agony on his face, made me want to laugh in delight. I haven’t seen him in days, and he was still intrigued by me. It made me happy to see how I affected him. I needed this… I needed this man who made me feel so wanted, it blew my mind and pushed out all rational thoughts. I wanted this man with a fierce passion.

  “What are you almost laughing at?” Collins asked, his blue eyes glancing over at me.

  I bit my lips to try from laughing. Collins let out a deep breath and said, “God, that almost did it. Do you realize how damn sexy that looked just now? You biting your lips like that, your eyes looking so demure but mischievous. I want to take you over my lap right now and sit you down…”

  I couldn’t stand it any longer myself. As soon as he parked my car in his gigantic garage, I reached over to kiss him, but he beat me to it. He pushed the seat all the way back, grabbed me and pulled me over his lap where his hungry mouth crushed against mine, kissing me with the passion of a starving man. His kisses weren’t guarded like Derek’s. They were raw animal hunger. I thought Derek could get through my barrier of intimacy, but no one except Collins could get me to the point of abandon that came from raw hunger. I felt fearless when I was with him like this, fearless to explore my own feelings, to let my pent up desires and passion come through. Collins was such a man who made me want more, who made me feel incredibly beautiful and sexy… not at all dirty or slutty for having desires of my own.

  Tall, gorgeous, suave and a golden boy god, with icy blue eyes that could make me heat up just from one glance, Collins made me forget all of my inhibitions when I was with him. All of my fears, even my suppressed subconscious ones… up to a certain point.

  His hands had reached behind me to unclasp my bra, and he was already kneading the sides of my breasts when I stopped him.

  “Baby, what is it?” he asked, pulling back and looking at me tenderly. “Did I scare you? Did I do anything wrong?”

  “No, Collins,” I said gently. “I just had a very rough day yesterday, and…”

  Collins took a deep breath and ran is long tapered fingers through his full head of hair… hair I wanted to run my fingers through. “It’s alright, baby. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for. I don’t want you running away scared just because I don’t know how to control my need for you.” His hungry eyes swept over my entire body again, making me instantly hot for him. His
glance felt like a tongue sweeping across me. I shivered with desire and swallowed.

  God why does he have that effect on me?

  “Okay, then, let’s get out of this tin can of a car and go inside,” he said, opening the passenger door and getting out to open the door for me. He grabbed me from the waist, lifted me up in the air, and just when I thought he was going to set me down, he wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed me up against the garage wall until I slid down to where I could feel his hardness pressed against my crotch. Even through my jeans and his pants, I could feel the heat between us, and it made me arch my back more, pushing my breasts forward toward him.

  He took both of my hands and lifted it into the air, grasping them with his hands where he held me up against the wall. I thought he would kiss me passionately then, but all he did was stared into my eyes for a while, his eyes wide with wonder, love, and tenderness. “Ah, baby, having you in my arms here like this… it’s a feeling I never ever want to forget.” He kissed me, first softly and gently and then hard, while I kissed him back matching his passion with mine. How long have we been kissing in the garage like this, I had no idea, but when we finally walked into the house, holding hands to a startled cook in the kitchen who immediately retired into her room as she took one look at us and realized we probably needed privacy; it had already turned dark outside. Drops of rain pelted the windows with a fierceness of a tropical storm.

  “I thought we only have perfect sunny weather in California,” I said staring outside the window as the thunder clouds above unleashed a fury of rain.

  “Only in most people’s memories,” Collins said. “We tend to block out the storms and remember only the good weather.”

  “Selective memory,” I said. “It’s what keeps us happy and sane… like having sunny days, rainbows, and lollipops.”

  “Lollipops?” Collins asked raising his elegant eyebrows. Even his eyebrows were sexy. “I know which lollipops I want to lick,” he said, his eyes narrowing deliciously as he came close to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled my butt against him, and knew he was definitely still in the mood. Rainclouds or not, the storm did not dampen the heat between us.

  He was nibbling my neck and swaying his hips against mine when I heard my phone go off. Someday soon, I will remember to put my phone on vibrator mode. The thought sent shivers down my spine, as everything Collins-related or being around Collins, made my mind turn to mush, and my body in heat mode.

  The phone kept going and going, until Collins lifted his head from where he was kissing my shoulders and said, “I think you should answer it. It could be your mother wondering where you are in this storm.”

  “Alright,” I said. I gave Collins a disappointed pout, and he immediately pulled me in for a quick kiss.

  “Adorable and sexy,” he whispered. “No wonder I can’t get enough of you. Now go get your phone call. I don’t want your mom sending a search and rescue team out to find you.” He gave my butt a small slap. I wanted to turn my other cheek for him to give it the same treatment, but I heard the phone go off again.

  I went and grabbed my phone from my purse and started walking towards Collins’ office where he indicated I could go to have some privacy while I was on the phone. I looked at the caller id, and saw it was from Derek.

  “Hi Derek,” I said. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m fine,” he said. “I know it’s storming outside so I’m at least glad I’m in here. How’s your day off?”

  “I, uh, am enjoying myself. Glad I’m inside, too. So, what’s up?”

  “You know that caller you said you wanted to know if she’d call?”

  “Yes, Trudi’s her name. Did she call?” I asked excitedly.

  “She’s on the line. She wants to talk to Susan. No one else.”

  “I’ll try to be there in half an hour or so…”

  “No, it’s raining too hard. Stay where you are. I think we may be able to get you to connect up so you can talk to her from your phone.”

  “Can you do that?” I asked.

  “I can do many things,” Derek said. “Some you would be begging for me to do again and again.”

  “Derek…” I said, almost smiling. I bet he would be good at those things.

  “Okay, back to business… patching your line with hers… in just a few minutes, you will be on the phone with Trudi… okay now…”

  I heard a click and then instead of talking to Derek, I was on the line with a familiar girly voice… a voice that kept me riveted for over five hours the other night.

  “Hello?” the little girl voice said. “Is Susan there?”

  “Hi,” I said. “I’m Susan. Who am I talking to?” I wanted to make sure I was talking to Trudi and not Derek. I had already felt a connection with Trudi, and knowing if Derek was on the line might scare Trudi off.

  “Trudi,” she said. “The girl you were talking to the other night…”

  “I remember you,” I said. “Of course I remember you.” I smiled.

  “Oh,” she said. “I didn’t think you would, but anyways, I wanted to talk to you again to let you know what happened.”

  “What?” I asked, as excited to find out as though she was a close girlfriend telling me her latest news.

  “Fred is in jail now… the man who raped me is in jail. He tried raping another girl, but she turned him in… and with my testimony this morning, we were able to send him to jail.” She drew in a deep breath. “I wanted to say, ‘thank you’. Thank you for listening and for giving me the time of day. That night when I called, I was seriously thinking of ending it all. No one cared whether I lived or died. It seemed anyone who knew anything about what was going on with me, thought I deserved being raped, deserved being humiliated by Fred just because I made the mistake of being ‘promiscuous’ and going to his house, flirting with him online and such. No one understood what I was going through… no one until you, Susan. You listened to me, and even though you didn’t say a whole lot, I got the sense you were going through the exact emotions and feelings I was going through. You were with me the entire way, holding my hand, letting me grieve through the process. When he raped me, I felt as though he took a good chunk of me with him, and left an empty shell of a person behind. I felt dirty and humiliated, shameful when all along; he was the one who did the criminal act. He was the one who should be blamed. Not the victim. Not me and countless other women. So, again, Susan, thank you from the bottom of my heart. That night when you picked up the phone and sat with me through the night, you saved my life. And this morning when I helped testify against Fred, we helped saved another.” She paused. “That’s all I wanted to tell you, Susan.”

  Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I tried to compose myself enough to talk to her. “No Susan, I want to thank you for coming to me. Your bravery in opening up to me, helped me deal with some darkness of my own. I’m still dealing with it, but in time, I know I’ll overcome it. Your story has started me on the way to being saved, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, too.”

  I heard tears roll down Trudi’s cheeks then, and heard her wipe them off. “If I can be of help to you or anyone, just let me know.”

  “I will,” I said, and I meant it as I hung up and walked out to see Collins… my beautiful Collins standing outside in his patio by the pool. He looked so beautiful standing out there with a white blanket around him. Angelic, yet naughty at the same time, when I caught his mischievous smile.

  “What are you doing?” I asked. “It’s freezing out here.”

  “I know,” Collins said, coming to me with the thick wool blanket he had wrapped around me. He unwrapped the blanket and enveloped me inside with him, snuggled together, looking out to the ocean below. It was surreal seeing what we saw on a Spring day in California.

  The beach was lined with snow, and looking up, I saw snowflakes drifting down towards us. Collins reached out a hand and caught a few before he brought them over for me to touch. “Aren’t these
beautiful?” he asked. “So strong and delicate at the same time. Each unique in its own way.”

  “Beautiful,” I said.

  He reached out and let a few more drift down onto his palms.

  “What are you doing?” I asked again, laughing at the delight I saw in his face. He looked like a sweet angelic boy playing in the snow on a Christmas day.

  “I’m trying to save each of these snowflakes,” he said. “You never know what each one might grow up to be?”

  Again I had tears in my eyes, but this time of happiness. “You never know, Collins, but I have a feeling, snowflakes may one day bring a lot of love and peace into this world.”

  He came over and wrapped the blanket around us again. “No doubt.” Then he kissed me before he handed me one perfectly-formed snowflake. “I’m putting this one in the freezer. I want to keep this one as long as possible. Love is a lot like snowflakes, Sam. It never dies. It just develops into another form.”

  As we stared into each other’s eyes, I could see snowflakes having an effect on people like that. For now, all I wanted to do was snuggle into Collin and enjoy each snowflake as it fell.

  THE END

  About the Author

  Kailin Gow

  Kailin Gow is the author of over 100 books for young adult, new adult, and adult. She started the Saving You Saving Me Project as an online crisis advice site to help provide resources for teens, young adults, and women. Kailin Gow is also the author of the international bestselling Frost Series, Loving Summer Series, and You & Me Trilogy, which contained themes related to bullying and self-esteem, along with the non-fiction book, The Shy Girls Social Club Handbook Dealing with Bullies and Other Meanies, published by Sparklesoup Inc.

  For more information about Kailin Gow and her books, you can visit: http://www.KailinGow.com

  Defying the Dust