I only had two classes today, so I thought getting through school should be pretty easy.
Today I had Warrior Class and Human Gym Class.
Warrior Class was pretty easy, because they needed stand ins for the Zombies that the warriors had to battle.
So I volunteered and pretended to be a Zombie for the whole class.
The kids gave me a lot of high fives, because they said I was really realistic.
The teacher looked at me with a weird, worried look on his face for some reason, though.
After lunch, we had Human Gym Class.
It was a lot like Mob Gym Class.
They had a gym teacher, a court, and they played Dodge Ball.
The only difference was that the gym teacher here had a lot of extra meat on him… Especially around his mid-section.
After gym class, they said we had to go the LOKKER ROOM, to get cleaned up.
It was the most horrifying place I had ever been.
Seeing so many human kids without their clothes on really creeped me out.
I just wasn’t used to seeing so much flesh, without it being rotten.
What really creeped me out was when they started twirling their towels and snapping them at each other.
All the kids started turning bright red, and swelling up like balloons.
Woooooooh. So disturbing…
At the end of Human Gym class, I was so happy because I finally made it through one full day of school.
I ran into Alex as I was walking on my way home.
“You’re not the real Steve, are you?” She said.
“What do you mean…He, he…Of course I’m Steve. Steve the warrior!”
“Nope. You’re a Zombie, and you switched bodies with Steve, and you’re just acting like him for a few weeks until the full moon, so you can visit the Swamp Witch, and she can turn you back.” She said.
“Wha…How did you know?”
“Steve called me and told me.” She said. “He thought you might need a friend to show you the ropes on how to fit in around here.”
Good Ole’ Steve, I thought.
“Plus, I could tell you weren’t Steve. Steve is one of the coolest kids at school. You act like it’s your first day in middle school.” She said.
What! Steve is one the coolest kids at school? He never told me that, I thought.
Man, I can only imagine what kind of trouble he’s getting me into at my mob school…
Friday
Oh, man! I just remembered that my ghoulfriend Sally gets back from Spring break this Sunday!
I’ve been so preoccupied with fitting in at human school that I forgot about her.
What am I going to tell her? Should I tell her the truth that Steve and I switched bodies? What if it scares her away?
And, what am I going to say when I see her? “Hi, Sally. My name is Steve. I’m your new human boyfriend. And I’m a warrior, and one of the coolest kids at my school.”
Who knows, maybe she might like me more.
Anyway, today at school, they announced that they were going to have a PVP Hunger Games Death Match Tournament in a few weeks.
PVP Death Match! What’s that?!! I thought.
I asked one of the kids in class what it was.
“It’s when all of the kids at school play each other in a game to the death. Kinda like Hunger Games but in middle school.” He said.
Hunger Games? Battle to the death? Man, what did I get myself into?
“Yeah, all of the kids at school are talking about it. It’s the biggest event of the year.” He said.
Man, he talks about it like if he’s going to a party to beat piñatas or something.
Wow, human kids are so weird…
Saturday
Today, I went to go meet Steve at our usual place, but he wasn’t there.
Alex came instead.
“Hey Zombie.” She said. “Steve said he was sorry he couldn’t make it, but he went on a camping trip with your Mom, Dad and little brother to the Swamp Biome. He sounded really excited too. Steve really loves camping.”
Oh brother, I thought. Now my family is going to totally love Steve.
“Yeah, Steve told me that he’s having a really great time being a Zombie. He said he’s made a ton of Mob friends, and the Principal of your school even made him the president of the Event Committee at school.”
“Wha…?!!!”
“I think it’s because he convinced them to have a big Dance Party in a few weeks. They really liked that idea.”
Mobs dancing? I didn’t even know that mobs knew how to dance. I know I can’t.
“Steve wanted me to give you a message, too.” She said. “He said, your friend Sally was attacked by a Snow Golem. He said when they found her, all that was left of her were her tonsils.”
“What?!!!!”
“Naw, just kidding. Steve said Sally’s not coming home for a few more weeks because she and her family got snowed in at the Snow Biome.”
“Wow. That’s just cold.” I said.
Since I couldn’t ask Steve about the PVP tournament, I decided to ask Alex about it.
“Alex, I was going to ask Steve about the PVP Hunger Games Death Match Tournament.” I said. “What in the world is that?”
“Oh, that. Yeah, that’s a tournament where all the kids at school fight to the death. We have it every year.” She said.
“Huh?!!”
“Yeah, we start out with the entire group of kids at school, from 6th grade to 8th grade. Then we start killing each other off one by one. The person who survives is the winner.” She said.
“What?!!”
“Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. I can’t wait for it to be here in a few weeks.” She said.
I couldn’t believe my new ears. These kids are just going to pick each other off, one by one, and she says it’s fun.
Man, I need to be careful around these humans.
I thought about asking Alex what kind of attendance problems they have at school after the tournament. But I didn’t want to cause any trouble.
Wow, human middle school is serious hostile territory…
Sunday
I finally got a chance to talk to Steve, after he got back from camping with my family.
But I was still feeling weird that my Mom and Dad asked him to go on a camping trip to the Swamp Biome.
“How was your camping trip? I asked Steve sarcastically.
“Whoa, what’s gotten under your skin?”
“Nothing! I’m human now, remember!” I said.
“Zombie, what’s bothering you?” Steve asked.
“I’m just mad that all of a sudden my Mom and Dad, my little brother, all my friends, and everyone at school thinks you’re awesome, while I’m having such a hard time trying to fit in with all these crazy kids at school!”
“Actually, everybody at your mob school thinks YOU’RE awesome.” Steve said.
“Oh…Yeah…That’s right.” I said, as I thought about what Steve just said.
“But how did you get them to like you so quick? I was a Zombie for twelve years and I couldn’t even get the neighbor’s cat to like me.”
“I think it’s because I didn’t go out to try to get them to like me. I just went out to really get to know them. As I got to know them better, it was easy to find something that we had in common.” He said.
“Oh…”
“And the kids in my middle school are just scared little kids who really want everyone else to like them.” He said. “I actually feel sorry for them sometimes.”
“Really?” I said.
“Yeah. I think what most kids in school are looking for is a friend that will like them no matter what.” He said. “So, I try to be a friend like that to everybody at school. After doing it for a while, I ended up with a lot of friends.”
“Wow, I feel like a real dummy.” I said.
“Don’t worry about it. Next time, just don’t beat your brains out trying to figure it out.” Steve said.
Wow, I thought only Zombies did that.
“Thanks Steve.” I said.
“Anytime bro…” He said as he hobbled away.
Monday
Today I found a box under Steve’s bed.
It looked like he was trying to hide it from the villagers he lived with.
It was really far back under the bed, but I was finally able to pull it out.
When I got it out and opened it, it was full of magazines.
But, these were the weirdest magazines I had ever seen.
The magazines were about magical ponies that liked to sing and dance.
The ponies were the best of friends, and as long as they were friends, they could overcome anything.
I’m kinda weirded out that Steve has these.
I’ve got to ask him about them when I see him next time.
Tuesday
Today, one of the villagers I live with said that my breath was really bad.
I told him how happy I was for him to say that.
He just looked at me…Confused.
Then I remembered how everything in Steve’s world was different from my world.
So I went to my room to brush my teeth.
I’ve only used a toothbrush once, when I wanted to get back at my Mom for making me dirty my room.
But man, this time I had to brush ten times as many teeth!
By the time I finished, I was exhausted.
I had fun picking my nose and getting all of the boogers out, though.
I think noses are awesome. Especially the hairy things that grow out of them.
I like them because it’s easier to reach the boogers that get stuck in there.
Zombies normally have to dig real deep to get boogers out. And it’s a lot of work.
Kinda like mining for diamonds.
I tried to start a booger collection here, like the one I have at home.
But I think the villagers thought it was gross and threw them away.
I was really bummed too. Those come in real handy when I need a midnight snack.
I’m still having a hard time with the SHA-WUR, though.
I just can’t figure out what to do when I’m in there.
It’s really weird being wet. Zombies aren’t supposed to get wet.
It’s also really weird having to walk around in wet clothes all day.
I went downstairs and the villagers were eating the weirdest food.
I think they called it OLD-MEAL.
Kinda grossed me out because it reminded me of brains.
“What do you want for lunch today, Steve?” The villager lady asked me.
“Do you have any spider eyes and cake? They’re my favorite!” I said.
The villager lady just looked at me…Confused.
Then she showed me what she made for me for lunch.
It was in a weird container that was separated in sections. I think she called it a BEN-TOE lunch.
Kind of weird since it didn’t have any toes in it.
“Looks kind of weird. Can I fix it up a bit?” I asked.
“Sure.” She said.
Then I rearranged everything so that it would look a bit more edible.
“Now that’s better!” I said.
The villager lady just looked at me…Confused.
Wednesday
Today I had a class that was supposed to teach you everything about mining.
I always wanted to know what Steve does all day in these caves.
As a Zombie, I like going into the caves to go exploring, bother some cave spiders or even ride some minecarts.
But all these humans ever do is bang at the wall with a funny tool called a pickaxe.
And all they talk about is, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS.
I did learn a few things in Mining class, though.
I learned why some people mine at night.
The teacher said, that some people mine at night so they can have a better chance at finding diamonds, and so that they can keep all the diamonds to themselves.
“Why don’t they just share their diamonds with everyone else?” I asked the teacher. “There’s plenty of diamonds in the caves to go around.”
The teacher just looked at me…Confused.
For some reason, people keep looking at me with that confused look on their faces. Maybe that’s just one of the weird things about being human.
It’s really starting to creep me out, though.
In the middle of Mining class, we heard a sound.
“Uuuurrrggghhh!”
“Quick, everyone! Get out of the caves! There’s a Zombie coming!” The teacher said.
After everyone left, I stuck around to see who it was.
“Uuuurrrggghhh!”
“Steve!”
“Hey, Zombie. Whatcha up to? Uuuurrrrggghhhh!”
“I was just in Mining class when you came by.” I said.
“Yeah, that class is really boring.” He said. “You know, I can’t understand why people don’t just share all the diamonds they find with everyone else.”
“So what are you doing here?” I said.
“I’m really loving scaring villagers and miners and stuff.” He said. “I like seeing the look on their faces. And they usually drop really cool stuff. The other day, some lady dropped a whole cake. It was the best day ever!” He said.
“You seem to be liking Zombie life a lot.” I said.
“Being a Zombie is like the most fun I’ve had in a long time!” Steve said.
“I don’t have to take a bath; I don’t have to brush my teeth; I can pick my nose and eat my boogers without anyone calling me gross, and I can leave my room as dirty as I want it.”
I thought, Wow. I never thought I had it so good.
“So when are we going to switch back?” He asked.
“Wha..? You still want to switch back?” I said. “I thought you were having so much fun?”
“Yeah, it’s fun and all. But it’s like going on vacation. It’s fun to take a break and do something fun once in a while, but eventually you’ve got to go home and get back to work.” He said.
Wow. Steve is so deep. No wonder everybody likes him.
“Well, the Swamp Witch doesn’t appear for a few more weeks. So we need to keep acting like each other until then.” I said.
All of a sudden, we heard the Mining class teacher and the class coming our way.
“Well, I’ll see you later bro.” Steve said, as he disappeared into the caves.
Wow. I guess being a Zombie isn’t so bad after all.
Thursday
After class, me and Alex met by the lake so she could help me practice being more human.
“So, Zombie. I want you to repeat after me.” She said.
“Hi, My name is Steve.” And then she stuck her hand out.
“Hi, My name is Steve.” I said, and I stuck my hand out.
“No, Zombie, use the other hand.” She said.
“No, Zombie, use the other hand.” I said.
“No, No, just the hand.” She said.
“No, No, just the hand.” I said.
“Uuuurrrgghhh!” She said.
“That’s one’s easy!” I said. “Uuuurrrgghhh!”
I don’t know why, but she started turning red. Maybe it was something she ate.
“Let’s try something different.” She said. “Where are you from?” She asked me.
“You know that’s a great question.” I said. “I’ve been asking my Mom that question for a long time now and she doesn’t seem to give me a straight answer. My friend Skelee thinks Zombies come from eggs, but I…”
“No, No, No. You’re supposed to be Steve, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Sorry. But wait a minute. Where is Steve from anyway? He said he just appeared one day in a villager’s bed.”
Alex, just looked at me…Confused.
Again, with the confused look! I just thought, if a fly passes by her face, her face is going to get stuck like that forever.
Well, we practiced all afternoon until the sun started setting.
As I walked home, all I could think about was where Steve actually came from.
It must be really hard not knowing who your parents are, or where you came from, I thought.
Man, I really miss my Mom and Dad right now.
I even miss my little brat brother.
Wow. I hope me and Steve can switch back soon…
Friday
Today I decided to try to be a friend to one of the kids at school.
But boy, it was a lot harder than I thought.
The hardest part was just getting someone to talk to me.
As soon as I walked up to them, they kept doing that eye rolling thing, and walking away.
I thought I would try to make friends with one of the kids on the FOOT-BALL team.
They were easy to find because they were really big and tall.
So I walked up to a group of them hanging out in the hallway.
“Hi, My name is Steve.” I said. “What’s yours?”
My name is “Nunnayorbizness.” One of them said.
That’s a weird name, I thought.
“So…Nunnayorbizness? How’s it going?
“Whatsitooya?” Another kid said.
Wow, these kids have got some strange names.
“What grade are you in, Whatsittooya?
“Whyyaaskin.” Another boy said.
Man, do all the kids in this school have weird names?
So, are you part of any cool clubs, Whyyaaskin?
“Whydooyoocare?” The last kid said.
Man, whatever happened to simple names like Steve?
So…Whydooyoocare. What do you like to do for fun?
“Nunnayorbizness.” They all said. Then they walked away laughing.
Minecraft: Diary of a Minecraft Zombie Book 4: Zombie Swap (An Unofficial Minecraft Book) (Minecraft, Minecraft Books, Minecraft Books for Kids, Minecraft Diary, Minecraft Handbook, Herobrine) Page 2
