Naughty 2: My Way or the Highway

by Brenda Hampton

  “You just get back to work and don’t be slacking on me like you’ve been doing lately. With you not being in the office on Mondays anymore, and taking half days, it’s slightly hurting the business.” He put his hand on my shoulder and gripped it. “Just between you and me, Roy cannot do what you can do. So, tell me, is it the money? Do I have to dish out more money to keep you around? Tell me, what do I need to do to keep my number-one producer excited?”

  “I’m excited, Mr. Schmidt, and I have plenty of money. It’s just my personal life has changed so drastically over the past few years. I have another daughter and a son now. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about retiring. Thinking about moving far, far away with my kids. And don’t let me forget about my nanny. She’d definitely have to come too.”

  “Don’t you go getting any ideas,” he yelled and pointed his finger at me. “Retirement at thirtythree is out of the question. You have too much to offer this company, and I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again. Let’s just talk about how much more I can offer you to stay.”

  “I don’t know, Mr. Schmidt. Money is not the priority here. Besides, retirement is just a thought. I’ll give you notice if I decide to do so, all right?”

  “No, it’s not all right. I will hear no such thing. Now, get out of my office, and get back to work before I fire you.” We both laughed. I thanked Schmidt again and jetted.

  Stephon, Shane, Ray Ray, and me kicked up a serious poker game in Stephon’s basement and listened to the song that was made for me: “Pimp Juice,” by Nelly.

  “I don’t care how old that song is, it’s the motherfucking cut. Man, turn that shit up!” I said to Stephon. He picked up the remote and blasted it as we all sung the lyrics out loud. When Ray Ray started putting his own lyrics into it, Stephon turned it down and we all looked at Ray Ray like he was crazy.

  “Now, that’s ridiculous,” I said. “If I can’t sit here and enjoy listening to Nelly the right way, you gotta go.”

  Shane and Stephon gave me five.

  “Screw you, man,” Ray Ray said. “Hip-Hop wouldn’t be nothing without me. I invented the shit.”

  I huffed, “Whatever, fool. Quit imagining shit and get back to the game so I can win some of my money back.”

  I was two grand in the hole and Ray Ray was taking everybody else’s money too.

  “I’m out,” Shane yelled and slammed his cards on the table.

  “Me too,” Stephon said. “Motherfucker took all of my money.”

  “Well, I might have a little somethin’ somethin’ here,” I said, flickering through a hand of three kings and two queens.

  “Negro, whatever you got, ain’t gon’ touch what I got.” Ray Ray put up five hundred dollars more. I met his bet and laid my cards on the table.

  “Pow-dow, playa, what’s up? Give me my damn money!” I stood and got ready to grab the money. Shane and Stephon laughed and patted my back.

  “Hold up, Pimp Daddy. You brothas know I ain’t going out like Thelma and Louise, Bonnie and Clyde, Mighty Joe Young, or Kunta Kinte. Put that shit back down and take a look at this.” Ray Ray laid a hand with four aces on the table and slid all the money back his way.

  “Bullshit,” I yelled. “You be cheating, man. Ain’t no way you got four aces.” I looked at Shane and Stephon. “Y’all let’s search this fool.” They laughed and we picked up Ray Ray’s two-hundred-sixtypound body, shook him, and carried him over to the couch. No cards fell, so on the count of three, we tossed him.

  “Now what?” he panted. “No cards anywhere, you sorry bunch of sore fucking losers.” He picked up a plastic cup and threw it at me. I ducked and plopped down on the leather sofa next to him completely out of breath. Shane and Stephon sat down on the other side huffing and puffing as well.

  “You robbed us, man. What are you gonna do with all that money?” I asked.

  “Buy me some booty and pay some bills.”

  “So, you paying for your shit these days, huh?” Stephon said. “If that’s the case, you should have stayed married and gotten it for free.”

  “I know you fellas ain’t up in here talking shit like y’all don’t pay for no booty. Ladies rolling around in Corvette’s and shit ...living up in Condo’s and wearing Rolexes. Bitches ain’t gotta work a day in their lives unless they want to. So, touchy subject, my brothas. Y’all fools paid up and paid out.”

  “That’s Jay,” Stephon said. “I ain’t giving nobody shit but this fat, long piece of goodness hanging between my legs.”

  “Stephon, please,” I said. “Now, you know better. I can recall several times you told me you spent money for . . . Let’s see, a cruise, a Movado watch, some bikes for this chick’s kids, and what about that treadmill you paid almost a grand for? Told me the woman needed to tone it up and you bought her a treadmill.”

  Shane and Ray Ray busted out laughing. They both fell on the floor laughing so hard.

  “Ha-ha, silly motherfuckers,” Stephon said, cutting his eyes at them. “Get y’all asses up! Shane, I know you ain’t laughing. Felicia told me about all the shit you did for her, so get your ass off the floor before I start talking. And if I can recall, back in the day, you were breaking the bank for some sistas.

  I remember you scraping up money to buy what’s her name... uh, uh, Vizette, that’s it . . . a dog. She had to have a cocker spaniel, or you weren’t getting no booty.”

  “Yeah, I remember that shit,” I said, giggling. “We talked about your ass bad.”

  “Fuck y’all,” Shane said, getting off the floor. “Personally, I was in love with the woman and wanted to do something nice. I don’t mind spending money on a woman, especially if she’s worth it. If I had nearly as much money as Jay got, I probably would be spending money like that too. Who knows, I can’t really say.”

  “Right . . . right.” I shook my head and bumped knuckles with Shane. “Hey, if she’s worth it then why not?”

  “Question is, what do you consider worth it?” Stephon asked. “I guess my idea of being worthy might be different from y’alls because I’m straight up a tightwad. Ain’t too many women getting into my pockets. That’s why I don’t fuck with Felicia no more. First, because the bitch lied about the baby, but then she was trying to get into my pockets. The only thing in my pockets is a pair of Scorpio’s panties that I have as evidence after I boned her.”

  When Stephon pulled Scorpio’s panties from his pocket, I sat up. My heart raced when he gave them to me. “Nigga, don’t play.”

  “Who in the hell’s playing?” He gave me a serious look. “After her shaking a brotha down, I collected those just the other night.”

  Relieved, I knew Stephon was lying because Scorpio was in Denver. That still didn’t explain how he’d gotten her panties, and I knew they were hers because I’d bought them. For the hell of it, I wanted to see how far he’d push me. “Yep, these are most certainly her panties. I bought them myself and I can even smell her scent. Question is, though, how did you get them?”

  He looked at me, then turned his eyes to Shane. “This fool about to have a heart attack, man. Should I break it down for him before he pass out?”

  “Go ahead,” Shane said not cracking a smile. “You should tell him how much fun we both had tapping that ass and watching his name jiggle while we hit it.”

  “It’s like that, huh? And both of y’all—damn. Why didn’t nobody invite me to the party?”

  “Cause we figured you was busy,” Stephon said. “Busy shaking down that white gal you’ve been messing with.”

  “Ah, okay. But I’m never too busy to fuck Scorpio, though. Not only that,” I said, standing up, “but I’d better be going before somebody gets hurt.”

  Stephon and Shane started laughing. “Man, sit down. You know we just playing with your ass.”

  “Playing? Naw, brothas,” I said, jumping on Stephon and playfully choking him. “You don’t play with no shit like that.”

  We all laughed, and after I choked him, he pretended like he was out
of breath and gagged for air.

  “Whew,” he said. “I’m glad I was joking. You should have seen the look on your face when I told you I had sex with her. That picture could be worth a million dollars.”

  “Stephon, I knew you was lying, fool. Well, at first I didn’t know, but after you said the other day, that’s when you fucked up.”

  “Whenever or whatever,” Ray Ray joked. “You straight up looked like you saw three ghosts when you thought he tapped that ass. That was some funny shit there. I’d pay a million to see that look again my damn self.”

  “Fuck y’all. So, he caught me off guard. And the only reason he did that was because Scorpio and me been having some problems lately.” I looked down at her panties again and moved them around in my hands. “Without a doubt, these are the panties I bought. Now, how in the hell did you get them?”

  Shane reached over and snatched them from me. “Thank you very much,” he said. “But, uh, these belong to me. If memories are all I can have, I’d like to keep them.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “You damn right that’s all you’re going to have. All these fine-ass women in St. Louis and you brothas all up on my shit. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again—she’s mine and mine only. Find somebody else to fuck y’all broke-down asses.”

  “Broke-down?” Stephon looked offended and cleared his throat. “That’s pretty bad, Jay. Not trying to go there but, uh, Felicia, Nokea, Sandra, Leslie, Gina, Angela, Chris, Stephanie ...and all of the other women that we’ve shared didn’t seem to think a brotha was so broke-down.”

  “It’s obvious that you want everything that I had, or should I say, have. It’s in your nature to go behind me, and I don’t care to know or understand why. Now, can we please change the subject before I have to go off on your ass for trying to be like me.”

  “Negro, please. I just have to let you know that you ain’t the only good brotha in St. Louis shaking the sistas down correctly.”

  “Never said I was, and sounds like your insecurities are messing with you. But as I was saying before we got off into this other bullshit, my idea of being worth it is if she takes care of me, I take care of her. That can only mean one thing because financially, no woman can assist me with that. If she can take care of my physical needs, meaning pop that thang how I like it, she can have just about anything she wants.”

  “See, my views are slightly different,” Shane said. “First, I must be in love with a woman before I even start to invest my money. I’m not talking about spending money at the movies, or shit like that, I’m talking about serious money. If she’s intelligent, beautiful both inside and out, and can make love to me for at least an hour, I’m hooked and eventually I will fall for her. Thing is, they must come in that order. Lately, I’ve been finding women who give me one or the other—never the full package. So, I’m chilling. The last time I had sex was roughly over, uh . . . maybe, five months ago.”

  “Shiiit,” I said. “Feel that nigga head Stephon and make sure he all right. And even though his dick ain’t been in action, we for damn sure know his mouth has.”

  Stephon laughed, reached over to Shane, and touched his head. “He seems to feel okay, but I would rather die than go without having sex for five months. Are you fucking gay or something?”

  Shane laughed. “Man, please. Now, I love me some pussy. You brothas know that, but if it ain’t right, I’d rather do without. It took me a long time to start seeing shit that way, and I got tired of throwing my dick on the table for any and every woman. Most of them be treating they shit like a piece of gold, and making a brotha go over and beyond, so what’s wrong with me being particular?”

  “Ain’t nothing wrong with it at all. And by all means,” I said, grabbing myself. “This motherfucker here worth more than fifty pots of gold. However, I got some serious fucking needs that have to be met. Need to be met quite often, I might say. So, I’m not depriving myself for nothing.”

  “I’m gonna have to side with Jay on that one,” Ray Ray said. “You talk a good game, Shane, but ain’t too many fellas looking at it like that these days. You’re for damn sure a better man than me ’cause if she wants it, and I got a condom, she can have it.”

  Stephon reached over to Ray Ray and slapped his hand. “Now, that’s my fucking motto. And since you brothas sitting around here talking about all this booty, I’d say it’s time to shake some brothas down. Time to get some ladies in the house to entertain. Mona got some bootilicious-ass friends and they’re at her house right now having a lingerie party.”

  “Well, what you waiting on?” I asked. “You didn’t expect me to sit up here all night with no hard legs, did you?”

  Stephon got up to call Mona. “Shane, are you cool with this? When I say bootilicious, I mean these ladies are bootilicious.”

  “Hey, don’t let me ruin the party. Y’all brothas go ahead and knock yourselves out. I’m chilling,” Shane said.

  Before Stephon left the room to call Mona, he pulled me aside to make sure everything was cool. I let him know I wasn’t tripping off his comments, and more than anything I realized how much he and I were alike. We both always spoke our minds and wanted to have the final word. When he came back he pumped up, “Right Thurr,” by Chingy and said the ladies would be over in about an hour.

  Shane and I went behind the bar and started making some drinks, while Ray Ray went to the bathroom.

  “Jay,” Shane said, handing me some glasses. “You mentioned things weren’t going so well with you and Scorpio. What’s up with that?”

  I dropped a few ice cubes in the glasses and looked at him. “She jetted. She left me and said she needed time to sort through shit. So, I’m giving her all the time away she needs.”

  “I see. But, uh, I thought you might want to know that she called me the night we met up at Freddy’s. She apologized for leading me on and for not telling me the truth about her feelings for you. She also told me you put her up to calling me.”

  “Yes, I did. I had to know who or what she really wanted.”

  “Now that you know, don’t blow it, man,” he said, reaching into his pocket and giving me her panties. “Stephon knew I had those from my previous encounter with her, and asked me to bring them tonight to play a joke on you. Don’t take it personal, okay? If anything, I knew all along she loved you. I could see it in her eyes every time your name came up. She’s a special type of woman, Jay, and you’re lucky to still have her.”

  I tossed Scorpio’s panties in the trashcan behind the bar, and told Shane how much I appreciated him for not interfering. We continued making drinks, and when I looked up, Ray Ray and Stephon were firing up a joint. I walked over by to the couch and set the tray of drinks on the table.

  “What the fuck is up with this shit? Naw, fellas, we don’t do drugs up in here.” I snatched the bag of weed from Stephon’s hand. He took a hit from his joint and blew the smoke in my face.

  “Quit tripping, fool. Brotha need a little herb every once in a while to settle the mind,” he said.

  “Settle my ass. Don’t disappoint me, cuz,” I said, sternly. “We ain’t going out like that. And you of all people should know better.”

  “Jay, why you tripping?” Ray Ray said. “It ain’t nothing but a lil’ weed. Cool out, all right?”

  “Man, you cool out.” I raised my voice. “Messing around with drugs has fucked up too many people in my family. I ain’t about to sit around and watch nobody I care about do that shit. Smoking weed leads to other things, and you and Stephon need to put that shit out. Now!”

  “I’m with Jay this time,” Shane said. “We got too much going on for ourselves to be sitting here tripping like that. Drugs are drugs. I don’t care what shape, form, or fashion they come in, they all can damage the mind.”

  “What a terrible thing to waste,” Stephon said, putting out the fire on the joint. He fanned the smoke with his hand and Ray Ray helped. “Y’all fellas up in my house trying to tell me what to do. Luckily, I have respect for y’
all.”

  Shane and me were sitting on the couch playing video games when the doorbell rang. He was kicking my butt at boxing and we were acting a bit silly from drinking so much. When the ladies came down the steps, I nudged Ray Ray because he had fallen asleep on the couch and was snoring loudly. He quickly straightened up and rubbed his waves back.

  Mona and her lady friends came around the couch and stood next to us. Since Stephon’s leather couch circled half the basement, there was plenty of room for everybody to sit down.

  “Shane, Ray, Jaylin,” Mona said. “These are my girlfriends Amber, Jeanette, Daisha, and Kennedy.” They spoke to us and we spoke back. I leaned back on the couch and smiled. I looked at Shane, who gave me a devious grin.

  “Five months without no ass, bro,” I whispered. “Are you pushing for six after seeing what we just saw?”

  He snickered and whispered back. “It’s five of them and four of us. I at least need two since it’s been such a long time. Which two is the question?”

  We took another glance at the ladies on the couch. I already had scoped the sista I wanted. Daisha. In my eyes, she was bad and was the best looking of the bunch. Had on a gray leather jacket that was unbuttoned in the front and showed her hourglass figure. Her black sheer camisole underneath revealed the healthiness in her breasts and was just enough to arouse me. Most of all, I was excited by the way her leather pants hugged her hips, and showed a gap between her legs that was, without a doubt, waiting to be filled. I glimpsed over to get a second look, and dug the shit out of her short, neatly trimmed curly haircut. Kind of reminded me a little of Halle Berry, but not quite.

  “So, what are you thinking, Jay?” Shane whispered.

  “I think I’m about to celebrate Christmas a little early. How about you?”

  “Right, but, uh, with which one?”

  “Daisha, man. That’s who.”

  “Damn, that’s who I was feeling. If not her, then Jeanette.” Just then, Amber laughed at Stephon’s joke and crossed her leg. Her dress slid over and showed her dark coffee brown legs. Shane had confirmation. “Okay, Amber. Amber and Jeanette. You can have Daisha.”