Winter’s Awakening

by Shelley Shepard Gray

“I’ll pull on my gloves and help you.” Belatedly, Joshua looked Lilly’s way. “Unless there’s something you were needin’ first?”

  Looking bemused, she shook her head. “No. I mean, I have time. Charlie’s on his way in, too.”

  “All right, then.”

  Sure enough, in came Charlie just as Joshua slipped on his gloves and followed Ben outside. “Do you need any help with that?” Charlie asked.

  “No. It’s my job, not yours. You go on in out from the cold.”

  After Charlie disappeared through the door with another clink of bells, Joshua clambered inside the truck’s spacious bed and pulled out a wooden crate.

  Its weight momentarily took his breath away before he steadied himself. “I always forget how heavy these trays of milk are,” he grumbled to Ben as he followed Ben’s footsteps on the snowy walkway.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be remembering soon enough,” the burly thirty-year-old said with a grin.

  Five turns later, Joshua was signing the receipt and waving Ben on his way.

  He slipped in the back door and hastily went to the wash room and wiped off his brow. Even in the snowy weather, he’d managed to work up a sweat.

  After that, he looked for Lilly and Charlie, and found them next to the baked goods. “Are you needin’ some bread or rolls?”

  Lilly nodded. “We do. And some fresh cheese and yogurt too, if you have it.”

  Charlie stood to one side while Joshua retrieved the items for her. “Anything else?”

  “No, this is it.” Looking at her brother, she nibbled on her bottom lip a bit uncertainly. “We’ve got to get on home. The streets are really getting bad. Since the storm came up so quickly, I don’t know if the salt trucks have been out yet.”

  “I best be letting ya get on your way, then.” Carefully, he punched in each item on the cash register. “Eighteen dollars and seventy-six cents.”

  She handed him a twenty. “When will you leave?”

  “Soon. You two are my last customers.”

  When Charlie joined them at the counter he whistled low. “I’ve never seen your store so quiet. Where’s everyone else?”

  “The snow scared the rest of the customers away, I’m thinking.”

  Lilly waved a hand. “Your family, too?”

  “I sent my daed and sister on home. The roads were getting icy. I didn’t want to worry about Jim slipping.”

  Charlie tilted his head. “Jim?”

  “He’s our—”

  “Horse,” Lilly finished with a smile. “I met him the day Mom sent over that cake.”

  Joshua handed Lilly her sack. “Well, here’s your things. Thank you for comin’ in.”

  “Thank you.” Turning to her brother, Lilly wrapped her gray wool muffler around her neck. “Charlie? You ready?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Charlie pushed off from the wall, then took the sack from Lilly. “Hey, Josh, if your horse and buggy is gone, how are you getting home?”

  “I’ll be walking.”

  Lilly’s eyes widened. “It’s quite a ways.”

  “It is,” Joshua agreed. “But I’ll be fine. I’ve walked farther in worse weather before.”

  “We can give you a ride, if you want,” Charlie blurted. “That is, if you ever ride in cars and trucks.”

  “We do. We can ride in vehicles, just not own them.”

  “Well, you want a ride with us? It’s no trouble.”

  Joshua made a sudden decision though there really wasn’t much of a choice to make. He could either spend the next hour or so walking through snow or ride home in the truck’s relative comfort. “Danke. I’d be mighty grateful. I just have to go lock up.”

  Lilly smiled at her brother. “No hurry. Take your time.”

  Lilly was aware of every single move that Joshua Graber made. From the contemplative way he studied them, to the easy movement of his body, lifting those heavy packages from the truck without much more than a small grimace.

  She caught him smiling in appreciation when they climbed in the cab of Charlie’s black truck, taking a moment to run a finger over the hood before getting in on the other side of her.

  When he noticed that she noticed, his cheeks reddened. “I was just thinkin’ about how much my brother Caleb would like to be in my shoes. He likes this truck very much.”

  Before Lilly could say anything, Charlie spoke up. “Hey, anytime he wants a ride, just let me know. I’ll give him one.”

  “I’ll tell Caleb. That will make him happy, indeed.”

  “Good.”

  Lilly turned to her brother in surprise. What was going on with him? Usually he never put himself out for anyone. And, last she’d heard, he hadn’t been in any hurry to be friends with their Amish neighbors either. Was he trying to make friends…or simply just trying to do the right thing?

  They bumped along the snowy road that had been recently salted. With each mile gained, the group of stores behind them began to fade behind the thick curtain of snow.

  Joshua seemed content to ride in silence, merely looking out the window. For his part, Charlie seemed relaxed, too. Usually he blared his music or complained about something. Now, though, whether it was because of the poor road conditions or Joshua’s presence, he drove without saying much.

  As they turned a corner and entered Old Ranch Trail, the broad street which both their homes branched off of, Lilly decided to speak. She was too curious about Josh to pass up the opportunity to learn more about him. “So I guess your family has lived here a long time.”

  “Oh, yes. Four generations now.”

  “And you’ve always had the store?”

  “No. We were farmers for most of that time. Things changed when farmland got expensive, though. My grandfather was always a master planner, and terribly shrewd, too. He started thinking that maybe our community didn’t need another set of struggling farmers as much as a store to see to our needs. Until we built this store, most folks had to drive to Berlin to get most of their necessities.”

  “And so you built that big building?” Lilly asked.

  “Oh, no. My grandfather built a smallish building at first. When business got good, he added on. My father added on, too.”

  Charlie turned Joshua’s way. “So…do you like working there?”

  “Well enough. It’s all I’ve known, and it’s what’s been expected of me.” Looking over Lilly to Charlie, Joshua said, “I hear you go to college.”

  “Yep. Well, I was in college before we moved. I’m working over at the dry cleaners in order to save up some money to pay for room and board.”

  “He wants to live in the dorm at Bowling Green,” Lilly added, thinking she was both literally and figuratively in the middle of the conversation.

  Drumming his hand on the steering wheel, Charlie nodded. “I went to a community college this fall, but had to stop when we moved here.”

  “Now that’s a shame.”

  Though Joshua didn’t say anything more, Lilly felt awkward. She didn’t like being reminded about how she was the reason for Charlie’s college break and she really didn’t want her brother mentioning her pregnancy.

  “Next fall Charlie will be off at college again,” she said quickly.

  “And you?”

  Now that was the hundred-dollar question! She sure didn’t know what she wanted to do. “I’m not sure what I’ll be doing in the fall.”

  “Ah.”

  Thankfully, for once Charlie didn’t add his feelings about the whole subject. Instead he said nothing, just continued driving.

  After a moment, Joshua looked at her again. “What else would you do besides go to college? You want to work? Do you have a sweetheart?”

  Charlie scoffed under his breath.

  Lilly attempted not to smile at Josh’s quaint phrase. “A sweetheart? Um, no I don’t. Well, I don’t anymore.”

  Looking increasingly interested, Josh continued to gaze at her. “But you did?”

  “Yeah. I guess I did. He’s back in Cleveland, t
hough. And we’re over.”

  “Why?”

  She wanted to chide him for being so nosey, but she didn’t feel as if she could. After all, she was the one who’d pushed for conversation. She was the one who’d brought up Alec, too.

  And, as she looked into his eyes, Lilly realized Josh wasn’t being all that prying at all. More like…direct. Actually, it just seemed like asking those kinds of questions were commonplace for him.

  Lilly recalled how her mom said she’d learned that most Amish didn’t speak in meaningless half-truths. They asked meaningful questions and expected direct answers.

  Well, she could go with that. “Things happened. We, um, decided to have different futures.”

  “You don’t think you could have worked things out?”

  “No.”

  “Did neither of you want to?”

  Now she felt tongue-tied. Josh was forcing her to say out loud all of the confusing feelings she’d been experiencing for the last four months.

  She didn’t know if she could.

  “We’re here,” Charlie said abruptly. “I think it would be best if you got right out so we could get home, too.”

  “Oh. Yes. Thank you for the ride,” he murmured as he climbed out of the cab. “It would have been a long walk home.”

  Because Charlie didn’t say a word, Lilly smiled enough for both of them. “You’re welcome, Josh.”

  As soon as Josh turned away Charlie pulled the truck into gear and made his way down the Grabers’ driveway. Rocks crunched under the wheels as he exited.

  “That guy’s such a piece of work. Here I was, trying to do the right thing and give him a ride home and he repaid us by asking a dozen questions.”

  “I don’t think he was being rude. We asked him questions, too.”

  “His were a lot more personal,” Charlie said as he turned left out of the Grabers’ driveway then almost immediately turned into their own yard.

  “They weren’t that bad.”

  After placing the truck in park, Charlie turned to her. “Bad enough. Lilly, he’s probably got his eye on you.”

  “I doubt that. I bet he already has a girlfriend, anyway.”

  As Charlie opened his door and hopped out of the cab onto a cushion of packed snow, he said, “I sure hope he does. I hope he’s got a great girlfriend who he’s in love with. Because the last thing you need, Lilly, is to be involved with another guy.”

  Curving her arms protectively around her stomach, Lilly said, “Don’t worry. I won’t be. Not any time soon.”

  But she sure wouldn’t mind a friend. That, she could use. Of course Lilly had an idea that a guy like Joshua Graber would never be friends with a girl who got pregnant out of wedlock. No, if he knew the truth about her, why, he probably would never have said a word to her.

  Picking up the grocery sack that Charlie had forgotten, she slowly made her way into the house, being careful not to slip on a patch of ice. How much her life had changed. Sometimes she couldn’t help but long for the days when she was just plain old Lilly Allen, no secrets to shame her.

  Chapter 8

  The afternoon before, Gretta had done her best to brush aside the questions her mother tossed her way about why Roland had brought her home. It had almost been easy because things were so out of sorts at their house.

  Margaret was home with a fever. Because of that, their mother had left the quilt shop early in order to tend to her needs. But her mother still had sewing to do. She’d promised a customer that she’d piece together a miniature star quilt by the next day.

  As soon as Gretta walked inside, she’d been asked to make dinner. All afternoon her mother had been running back and forth from Margaret’s room to the kitchen table, doing her best to tend to Margaret and piece together the bright yellow, orange, blue, and red triangles of cloth.

  To help out, Gretta had made chicken and dumplings, served it to her parents when it was ready, then washed all the dishes and wiped down the table while her mother went back to her project and her father went outside to shovel snow.

  Later, she’d had to attend to her usual chore of laundry.

  All the activity had been a blessing. Her mother had been too busy taking care of her sister and sewing to do much more than ask Gretta a few questions about Joshua’s sudden absence from their door. Gretta had been able to produce a few vague answers to the whole question of Roland.

  Today she wasn’t faring so well. Margaret was back at school, her father was at work, and neither she nor her mother had work scheduled. They’d been alone together for most of the day.

  It had felt endless.

  “So why is it again that Roland came to be dropping you home, Gretta? I still don’t understand why he offered such a thing,” her mother asked as together they oiled the kitchen cabinets with thick rags.

  Though they’d already discussed this, and Gretta was feeling frustrated with her mother’s constant questioning, Gretta took care to keep her voice slow and even. “He came to the restaurant and asked,” she said simply. “Since it was snowing, I accepted.”

  “You make this development sound easy and spontaneous, but I’m afraid it’s not. This Roland coming by means something, I fear.”

  “I don’t think it’s something to fear, Mamm. It was only a buggy ride home.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” After dabbing another amount of oil on her cloth, her mamm leveled another probing glance her way. “Now, tell me about Joshua. Why hasn’t he come calling?”

  “He took me skating two weeks ago.”

  “But nothing since. That’s not like him.” She rubbed hard at a scuff mark on the bottom of a cabinet. “What happened, do you think?”

  Well, that was an easy thing to tell the truth about—even if it was embarrassing. “I don’t know.”

  “I think you do. Please talk to me, daughter.”

  Oh, her mother had an iron will! Gretta felt like she could no more escape her mother’s questions than she could leave the house with her hair down around her back. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Gretta, until recently, things were much different between you and Joshua. He was attentive and you seemed happier. Now you seem sad and Joshua hasn’t stopped by. Most certainly nothing is going right. What has happened?”

  “Things…things have changed between us.”

  “Changed? How? What did you do?”

  Gretta closed her eyes, miserable. In her heart, she knew that her mother didn’t mean to sound so harsh, so judgmental. But that’s how her words felt. “I didn’t do anything.”

  “Were you not respectful and thoughtful?”

  “I was.”

  She paused. “Perhaps you haven’t spent enough time with his family. An Amish man likes to know that his wife will get along well with his family.”

  Honestly, her mother was acting as if the Grabers were practically strangers, not folks who they’d known all their lives. “I don’t think our differences had anything to do with my lack of time with his family.”

  With a little moan, her mother stood straight and rubbed her back. “Bending over to polish the wood seems to get harder every year.” After she massaged the small of her back, her mother brightened. “I know! Perhaps you could make him a pie. We know how Joshua does have a sweet tooth.”

  Remembering how strained their conversation had been the last time he’d come over, Gretta shook her head. “Pie won’t help.”

  “Then what will? You need to do something to get back Joshua’s regard.”

  “He wants to take a break, and only time will help with that.” Desperate to move the subject to something more positive, Gretta said, “Why are you upset with Roland bringing me home, anyway? Do you not think much of Roland? I thought you enjoyed his mother’s company.”

  Outside the kitchen door, Gretta heard her father’s low, musical voice as he talked to Stormy, their horse. In no time, he’d be walking into the house.

  For a moment, Gretta glanced her mother’s way, sure and hopef
ul that she’d leave their discussion for another time and go see to her husband’s needs.

  But this time, she did not. This time, she kept talking, just as if Gretta wasn’t miserable enough and if her father wasn’t just on the other side of the door.

  “His mother is a gut friend, that is true. But I don’t think he is your chosen man. Tell me what you and Joshua have been talking about. We need to decide what went wrong and what you can do to catch his attention.”

  Oh, but her mother would have made a terribly good police officer…she certainly knew how to obtain a confession! Already exhausted with the questions, trying to keep her mother at arm’s length, Gretta gave in. “We talked the other day and decided that perhaps we’d been too hasty with our courting.”

  “Too hasty? You’ve known him for years. That doesn’t make a bit of sense to me.”

  “I know it doesn’t.” Oh, but her mother never knew when to be quiet. She’d never seen the need to keep her opinions to herself. It was both a pleasing quality of hers and a frustrating one. Gretta had a feeling her father had felt frustrated quite often, too.

  “Daughter, explain things now.”

  “There’s nothing to explain to you,” Gretta snapped, her patience at an end. “I know you want me to be happy with Joshua, but he and I may not be happy together, after all.”

  “Then you should—”

  “No. Don’t tell me what you think I should do about Joshua and me. It is not any of your concern.”

  Face florid, her mother stood up just as her father entered the room, his expression alarmed. “Of course it is,” her mother said matter-of-factly. “You’re my daughter. I have every right to know what you and Joshua say to each other.”

  “No, you don’t. It’s my life. I have a right to make my way. I have a right to make decisions about it.”

  “Not if you make a mess of it.”

  “You can’t know that is what I’m doing.”

  True anger flashed in mother’s eyes. “I’ve never been more disappointed in you, Gretta. I promise, if you continue with that disrespectful tone—”

  Her father finally entered the argument. “Katherine, you must stop this now.”