Irresistible Fear

by A. Meredith Walters

  Still nothing. Emily felt the reality set in. He wasn’t there and she knew he wasn’t coming. Something deep inside her knew this was true. Emily finally stopped her endless searching and sat down on a tree stump. Her breathing was quick and ragged and she was filled with a sorrow that was deep and painful. He was gone, really gone. Emily had dreaded this day, feared it even as she knew it would happen eventually.

  For once Emily couldn't cry. She only felt numb. Tavin was gone. She would never see him again. The truth crashed into her with startling clarity.

  She was so lost in her miserable thoughts that she was unaware of the new presence. She finally felt it, something different. Something…wrong. Emily held herself silent, listening. It was then that she felt the terror. This fear was all too familiar and one that she used to feel every night.

  Emily felt hot breath on her cheek and smelled something akin to rotten garbage. A nauseating, sickening smell. One that sent her stomach rolling. Her entire body prickled and she began to tremble. It was happening again. With a quick movement, she jumped up and turned to face the beast that stood behind her. She screamed, this time in mortal dread.

  What stood behind her was no monster. It was a demon…her demon. It was Tavin. His eyes were gone, gaping black holes in his face. His once beautiful black hair was now bedraggled and coarse around his shoulders. The smell over took her again and she leaned over and her body heaved.

  Standing up, Emily began to move away from him. Now her fear was mixed with something else; betrayal. She felt fatigue take over and the deadening of her limbs as all control was taken from her. Emily’s feet felt weighted to the ground beneath her and she tried desperately to move them. Nothing was happening. She looked at his horrible face and felt her heart break all over again. How could he do this to her?

  Emily shook her head, refusing to believe what was standing in front of her. He had promised her and she had believed that he could never hurt her again. Emily felt like an idiot. He was a demon. What did she expect to happen?

  But as Emily looked at his warped face, she felt something else wedged between her anger and her fear. She felt…uncertainty. Tavin loved her. She knew that, she felt that deep inside her. She couldn’t believe that he would feed from her again.

  But that is exactly what the demon was doing…he was feeding. Now that she was aware of what was happening she could isolate the sickening feeling associated with it. It felt like her entire soul was being wrenched out of her body. It wasn’t a slow process, it was violent one.

  He began to move towards her and she suddenly found herself able to move. So she ran. Ran as fast as she could. She was petrified and knew with a deep buried instinct that she couldn’t let him catch her. If he did, she was dead.

  She heard the heavy footfalls behind her and knew that he ran after her. Emily knew he could have easily caught her but was enjoying the chase. The malicious glee she felt emanating from him was horrible. He was enjoying her fear, delighting in it.

  Branches ripped at her skin, scratching her face. Rocks dug into her feet as she ran and ran. She refused to scream, though they were so close to erupting from her lips. Emily saw an outcrop of rocks ahead and quickly dodged and weaved through the trees, hoping to throw him off of her trail. She made her way to the rocks and scrambled over them.

  She hid behind them, trying to control the erratic pace of her breathing. She had never felt so scared in her entire life. Again, she berated herself for her foolishness. Tavin was what he was and he lived how he lived. It was destined to end like this. He had marked her; she belonged to him and he had said that it would either end in her death or his.

  After all of the months together, she couldn’t understand what had changed for him. After he had just saved her from a certain death, here he was handing death to her personally. It just didn’t seem right. And for the second time she felt a twinge in her gut. Something about this, besides the obvious, just didn’t make sense.

  She peered cautiously over the rock and looked into the thick forest. She didn’t see him. Emily breathed deeply, not smelling the decay that was indicative of his demonic form. She sat back down and pressed her back into the rock.

  Then the crunch of feet on the undergrowth. “Come out, come out, where ever you are.” Tavin's distorted voice called, moving slowly toward her hiding place. Emily tried to make herself as small as she could, hunching down behind the huge bolder.

  “I know you're there Emily. I can smell your fear.” His voice sounded odd. The tone and cadence were all wrong. “I promise not to hurt you...I only want to talk...” The voice changed again and Emily's blood turned to ice. Because it was definitely not Tavin. No, that voice was female.

  Emily didn't move. She was frozen in place by this change of events. Part of her was relieved that it wasn't Tavin hunting her. But then this could only be one person...one thing. Lilith.

  Tavin had warned her that his mother was after her. But seeing her here, in her dreams, terrified her in a way that meant death. So she stayed where she was. There was no way she could face the demon.

  Lilith chuckled. “That's fine, you want to act like a child, so be it. But Tavin is gone little girl. You'll never see him again.” Emily's stomach slammed into her feet. He was gone. Forever. She hadn't even gotten to say goodbye. The numbness took over, the tears gone. Now it was about survival.

  But Lilith's next words shocked her, eroding the grief that threatened to eat her whole and left her with something strangely akin to hope. “Oh he's not dead silly thing, he's safe...for now. You'd think I'd allow my boy...my first born...to die over something as pathetic as a human?” Her laugh was maniacal. Damn, she was scary.

  Finally not able to stand it anymore, Emily stood up and faced Lilith. She looked the same way she had done the last time she had seen her, in the gift shop at the caverns. Because she had seen Tavin's mother several times. Oh, yeah, she had been watched alright.

  “Where is he?” Emily was pleased to hear that her voice didn't tremble. No, she sounded strong and determined. She was proud of herself. Lilith's purple eyes snapped with an evil energy. “You think I'd tell you that? You are an idiot. Just know that you're dealing with me now. And I won't be swayed by a pretty face.” Lilith stepped toward her, quick sudden movements until she had a hold of Emily's arm. Her fingers were like hot pokers into her flesh.

  “You are going to die Emily and I'm so happy to be able to do it myself.” Lilith leaned forward until her face was mere inches from hers. “Now, run!” She whispered and suddenly morphed into a decaying creature, with sharp teeth; blood and spittle dripping down its chin. It roared at her and snapped at her arm. Its tooth caught her skin and she felt the searing pain.

  Emily didn't want to give Lilith the satisfaction of seeing her scared. But faced with a thing right out of her worst nightmares, instinct took over. And she ran. Ran and ran until her dream ended and she finally woke up.

  Chapter 36

  He was trapped. He had come to the Abyss after possessing that old man in a drastic attempt to save Emily. He had used too much energy and he had been tired. He hadn’t known how much longer he could hang on, feeling his very essence seeping out of him. So he had blinked through and arrived here; only to find that he was unable to leave.

  The portals were suddenly closed to him, and it had nothing to do with how weak he was. This was something else entirely. Then he had felt it. He felt Emily’s terror. He tasted her fear and he fought the intense craving for more it set off inside of him.

  Through their bond, he absorbed the terror she was experiencing and felt it sating his hunger. No! This couldn’t be happening! Emily shouldn’t be having any nightmares. He was here, she was there. It was impossible!

  He fought desperately to leave. But every time he tried to leave through the portals, he felt as if he were walking into a brick wall. He was being prevented by a force greater than his power. And there was only one being who was capable of this.

  Tavin’s fury bec
ame unstoppable. He viciously ripped trees up by their roots and smashed the stones at his feet with his bare hands. Lilith was responsible for this! Emily was suffering. He could only imagine what Lilith was showing her. Emily’s fright was a heady thing and it invoked feelings he had wanted to bury and forget. His instinct was to drink and drink deeply. He felt some of his weakness ebb and strength course through his body.

  His anger finally abated and he collapsed on the ground. With every scream, every sense of terror, he was becoming stronger and with it he knew that Emily would be left thinking it was him doing these things. He couldn’t bear to picture the look of betrayal on her face.

  When it was finally over and he could no longer feel Emily’s fear through their bond, he sat up and again tried the portals, desperate to be free of this place that had become his prison. He needed to get back to her, to explain. He didn’t know if she would hear him, if she would even want to see him.

  He slammed over and over again into the portals, feeling the thickness of the air wrap around him in their denial of his entry. “You’re looking refreshed Masteema.” Tavin turned around to see his brother, Rameel, standing there, watching his efforts to leave. Tavin, full of strength he didn’t want and anger that threatened to eat him alive, launched himself at his brother.

  He slammed Rameel’s face into the rock below them. Rameel’s black blood coated Tavin’s hands as he smashed his face over and over into the unyielding ground. Tavin continued in this fashion for several minutes, expending his rage on Rameel in the most violent way. Finally, he calmed down and threw Rameel to the side, finding his energy depleted again.

  Rameel’s face was a ruin. His nose was broken and black sluggish liquid oozed from abrasions all over his face. His eyes were swollen and almost closed. It was then that Tavin realized that Rameel hadn’t made a noise. He had taken the abuse and didn’t even try to retaliate.

  Tavin stared at his bleeding brother, waiting for the attack. It never came. “Do you feel better brother?” Rameel’s voice was thick and he spat black, slimy blood from his mouth as he spoke. Tavin simply stared at him. What was this? He had just beaten Rameel within an inch of his life and there was no defense? He hadn't seen his brother in a hundred years, but he was very aware that this wasn't Rameel's typical response to an attack. Rameel was in many ways as brutal and vicious as Tavin had ever been.

  But here there he was, sitting quietly, acting as if they had just engaged in a friendly wrestling match in which he lost good naturedly.

  Tavin stood up and backed away. “Why are you here Rameel?”

  “Did you drink your fill? You were looking pretty pathetic there for a while, we were wondering whether you would make it.” Rameel wiped blood from mouth. Tavin looked at the demon, feeling only rage at his flippant words.

  “So what’s happening Rameel? What do you know about the fact that I am suddenly unable to leave?” Tavin moved away from Rameel, not wanting to show how desperate he felt. Rameel laughed, a sickening sound through the opaque black blood that dripped down his face. He just laughed and laughed. Tavin’s impatience grew and he was tempted to punch him again.

  There was a time when no one would ever treat him this way. Tavin was always the most feared, the most respected of the Incubi. Now he felt as if he was being treated like a joke…and it infuriated him.

  “Damn it Rameel. Explain yourself. What is going on?” Tavin’s anger was thick in his voice and the need for violence was barely concealed. Rameel smirked, obviously enjoying having the upper hand.

  Tavin stood up and began to walk away. Hell if he was going to sit here and allow Rameel to hold all of the cards. He would find another way out of here if he had to. “Wait, wait Masteema. You are so touchy. I’m sure I can answer your questions.” Rameel taunted. Tavin hesitated. Part of him didn’t want to give Rameel the satisfaction. He knew that if he walked back to Rameel, he was conceding defeat.

  But…there was Emily. Tavin didn’t know what was going on with her and he didn’t think he could take not knowing. The feelings of raw fear that had come through their bond terrified even him.

  So he made the decision. He made it for her. He turned around and faced his brother again. Waiting for his explanation, regardless of the weakness this exchange revealed.

  Rameel’s smile deepened and the cocky confidence was almost too much to swallow. God he wanted to rip Rameel's face from his pathetic body. Tavin’s fists clenched in response. “Well brother, it would seem you are well and truly stuck here. I don’t think our Mother has any plans of letting you out until your little human is dead.” Tavin gritted his teeth.

  Tavin quickly remembered what he was trying to find out. There was a shift in power going on and for the first time Tavin was aware that his status in the demon world was severely tarnished. When he looked at Rameel, he no longer saw the naked fear mixed with grudging respect. Instead, there was something else. Tavin hated to admit what he saw on his brother’s face was closer to disgust.

  “Why is it you know so much about this?” Tavin asked through clenched teeth. Rameel lounged on the dead grass and twirled a brown leaf between his fingers. “Well, it seems that the little favorite isn’t the favorite anymore. This time Lilith trusts me, confides in me.” Rameel’s jealousy played across his face. Tavin knew that his demon brothers had always envied his place by Lilith. Rameel, like all of the demons, craved their mother’s attention. They flocked to her like flies to rotting garbage.

  Tavin ignored this and got right to the point. “How do I get out of here Rameel?” Rameel shrugged. “I really don’t know how Lilith did it. All I know is that she plans to keep you here until your human dies. She said that if you can’t do it yourself, she’d do it for you. I’ve been entrusted with making sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

  Tavin closed his eyes, feeling bile in the back of his throat. He felt sick. Not from the weakness, but from the dawning realization. Emily would die if he didn’t do something.

  Tavin suppressed any signs of the almost overwhelming emotions that coursed through him. He had to play this just right. As he stood there, squaring off with Rameel, a plan began to formulate in the back of his mind. He could beat Lilith at her own game.

  Tavin understood that he was no longer expected to be able to fight for himself, to alter what was already set in motion. His connection with Emily, as much as it had strengthened his heart had in turn weakened his standing. Well, he wasn’t weak and he wasn’t down for the count. He knew that they didn’t think him capable of standing up to Lilith; no one would have ever risked her wrath or her retaliation.

  A thought came to him, unbidden, but it was there nonetheless. Sanvi’s confident voice rang through his head. And with it, he felt a plan forming.

  “The Redeeming occurs when a demon, like you, puts aside their very nature and sacrifices themselves for the greater good. When this happens, a being of the dark can ascend from hell to become…’redeemed.’”

  The angel’s words danced around in his head. Tavin felt his chest tighten and the breath leave him. Could he do it? Would he dare? He stared at his overly confident brother, hating him, but hating his mother more. He was no longer the mindless lackey Lilith had created. He had changed. Emily had changed him. He wasn't entirely demonic. He had already become something else.

  He thought of what this would mean for not only himself, but for Emily, for Lilith, for the very balance that existed. No one expected anything of him, they had already dismissed him, figuring he would fall in line and all would be as before.

  They were all about to be very surprised.

  Chapter 37

  It had been a week now. The nightmares had become more intense and frightening than they had ever been before and Lilith was a constant, horrible presence. Sometimes she would show up as Tavin, sometimes as a hideous creature that hunted her all night long. Emily was feeling weak and sick. She knew she was dying, though her physical state was nothing compared to her emotional one.

&n
bsp; She was a wreck. Constantly scared and jittery. She hadn’t gotten out of bed in days. Only laying there, struggling to stay awake, away from the horrendous experience of sleep. Emily was very aware of the precarious mental state she again found herself in. If she were stronger she would be pissed. She was beyond sick of it. She longed to fight back, to take control, but the truth was she had just didn’t know how.

  The only thing that stopped her from falling completely apart was the knowledge that Tavin was out there...somewhere. He hadn't died. He was being kept by Lilith. But Emily hadn't a clue as to how she could even hope to find him. Every time she fell asleep now, Lilith was the only presence she felt. Her persistent terrorizing was swiftly erasing all the pleasant memories of her time with Tavin.

  She had to figure out a way to find him. But how? Her brain was too fuzzy with exhaustion to think clearly. How could she even hope to make a plan when she couldn't function?

  Emily stared at the ceiling of her room, glossy pictures held limply in her hands. She looked down at the photographs that lay scattered across her comforter. They were the pictures she had taken at Pinnacle Rock. There was nothing there that would have captured Mrs. Au’s interest. They were mostly meaningless shots of foliage and the random mushroom. Emily picked up a single photograph that showed a boy’s face with eyes that seemed to see straight to her soul.

  Chris Riffey’s face with Tavin’s impenetrable gaze. Her one reminder of him; validation that he was real. Seeing those eyes made the ache in her chest deepen. She rolled on her side, holding the picture to her chest as if it could somehow keep her together.

  Emily could hear her mother bustling around downstairs. Her mom had been in and out all day, bringing her soup, trying to make her drink something. Emily was beginning to feel that her entire life was spent underneath these covers.